|To Be Loved
Author: Antonia-x PM
Set during various scenes of series one. Told from the perspective of Kate, Jed, Molly & Ryan. Kate/Jed.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Kate B. & Jed H. - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,266 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 06-19-12 - Published: 05-22-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8139909
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The plan really wasn't for this to take so long to write, however, it did and after fighting with it for about a week you can have the last update. Though, the benefit of that was getting to read some lovely reviews before I posted this and it was nice to know people were enjoying and were interested. So yes, Callie, Meggi, ficmouse & CSI Encyclopedia , thank you for reviews - they did make me smile.
"We'll leave, but you need to tell me what happened,"
Since Jed's arrival he'd known of two deaths though if Jed was as certain as he declared about Zoe, he supposed, three, in the apartments or immediate area alone which actually made living there a little unsettling. However, he'd had plans to keep with Molly: one drink before she dashed off to catch the bus to the train station for her stay with Moon and whatever her best friend turned husband's name was for the night in order to be present at the christening of their baby girl the following morning. He'd watched her board the bus with the promise that she'd call when she got to the station, and once again when the husband of Moon had met her off the train. He'd received her call almost as soon as he stepped through the gates of the apartment, and with the knowledge that Molly was safe in a crowded train station, his thought process turned to Jed and how he'd possibly be coping following the death of not only someone who had become his friend but someone who he had tried to help.
As he let himself into the unusually darkened apartment he pondered momentarily about Jed's whereabouts, given that their home seemed deserted of all people. He considered that it was vaguely unusual for Kate to not be home by this time in the evening - unless of course she was being kept busy at work, but as the weeks progressed that had been becoming less and less frequent. He felt sorry for her, he'd probably never say that to her face, but she had Warren for a father and she seemed to spend the majority of working days determined to prove herself to him. When he thought about it, it was unsettling to watch someone who prided themselves on complete independence fight desperately for the attention of someone who seemed to have been there by her side for entire life but without really noticing her and anything she had achieved.
However even more unusual than the silence and darkness which was enveloping the entire apartment was the ajar door to Jed's room, a door which much like his own remained firmly closed purely due to the possibility of them leaving old hospital files lying around. Particularly with them both knowing that the last thing they needed was Kate realising that the were looking in the history of the building, it's patients and staff - her father and grandfather included. He could not deny that the girl desperately needed a friend and he considered that perhaps Jed had been the only one to fit that role in her life when Molly's family had emigrated. However as he stepped further towards Jed's room, in hope of spying it's usual occupant inside and he could then put his mind at rest over how he was handling the death of Mark.
He realised when he took in the sight in front of him, that he wasn't entirely what sort of state he would have found Jed in, or which he would have rather; however he was almost certain that he hadn't been expecting quite what he sighted. He found himself stepping to the side slightly, so that he was not quite in the centre of the doorway, though given that both occupants were seemingly sound asleep. He doubted very much they would have been aware of presence. He pondered momentarily the innocence of the situation, yet this thought was fleeting as he recalled the way that the duvet cover pulled up to Kate's chest and her head was rested gently on Jed's shoulder, her bare arm thrown across his bare chest. In spite of the way that Kate's hair covered the top of her shoulders and could actually be concealing the straps of any number of the skimpy garments Kate chose to sleep in, he couldn't help but recall a story a tipsy Molly had once told him not long after they'd made Bedlam Heights their home.
If he was correct in his memories he had been the one to ask Molly what Kate had been like as a child, after witnessing some sort of altercation between father and daughter which had seen the girl flee to her bedroom slamming the door, making it very clear that she was not in the mood to talk to anyone. At the time Molly had been of the opinion that their disagreement would have had something to do with a cousin of Kate's; recalling it now he could have been certain that she had been referring to Jed, who now it seemed to share a rather intimate connection with the girl. This same cousin Molly had continued had been the second person involved in a somewhat passionate encounter a newly returned from Canada, sixteen year old, Molly had once intruded on. Now, he realised, it all made sense, however it immediately dismissed any of his reason as to how the scene in front of him could have been innocent.
He knew that he'd have considered Jed holding Kate until she fell asleep not only potentially likely but fairly innocent as it seemed it was obvious to everyone barring, of course, Warren that Kate seemed constantly sleep deprived - even on days where they'd remained in the night previously and she'd slipped off for an early night - and troubled by something. In fact he'd have considered that Kate and Jed would have been a great source of comfort to the other, if she'd been able to get what was troubling her from her mind and he was able to explain how Mark's death and his so-called gift had made him feel.
He sighed deeply realising that he was more than likely wrong and stepped back towards the door briefly as the female seemed to stir slightly, almost immediately waking her sleeping companion as she raised her head from where she'd buried it in his neck and lifted herself upwards slightly so that she was looking straight at him, neither taking the time to realise or recall that they'd not bothered to close the door behind themselves earlier on. He found himself retreating slightly and from his position, just out of the view of the door way, when he heard a murmured voice that he was able to recognise as Kate's yet quite what she was saying to her male counterpart he was unable to tell. Yet the movement of Jed's lips indicated that he'd responded to her hushed words and it was only as their lips had once again locked in such a fervour, that should not have been considered given their apparent family connection he found himself creeping silently away.
She found herself becoming very aware of Jed's presence by her side as she stirred, and instinctively pushed her hair from her face in order to look at a sleepy Jed properly. She found very quickly that she wasn't aware of quite how she'd be able to say words to him in order to enforce a conversation that she was completely certain that Jed would hate to have and if she was honest she wasn;t looking forward to it either, the difference remained that she knew it was a conversation that did have to happen. "That shouldn't have happened," she found herself beginning in hushed tones as she looked at his eyes which were showing no emotion yet she found that this didn't bother her, as Jed showing emotion was rare and more often than not was fear. "We should never have happened," she pressed on, regardless of the lack of reaction from her companion. "We aren't good for each other," she stated shortly, knowing the truth in her words despite how much that she hated it.
"I care about you," she almost jumped in fright when Jed spoke, not only had she not expected any indication that he'd been listening to her but she certainly hadn't expected him to say something quite so meaningful.
Unable to find suitable words to respond to what she believed were Jed's genuine feelings, she found herself unable to say the words in return, because deep down she knew she cared and that she'd always cared for Jed. Everything in her life that had included him had been much more special than anything else that she'd done without him; in some ways she knew she even included the child whose loss had caused her much physical and emotional pain, in that definition. She shook her head slightly, causing Jed to glance at her, one eyebrow raised in confusion, as she realised that she perhaps knew quite why she'd ended up in the situation, why she'd ended up trailing Jed into this situation and being fully aware that Jed was in fact that the only person who she could have ended up with on this particular night. She settled herself back against Jed's chest enjoying the feeling of his arms wrapping back around her again, as she realised that she had manipulated the situation quite well enough for her desired outcome to be occurring.
While she wasn't quite certain who had initiated the kiss they'd shared she knew that Jed had not objected nor had tried to prevent events from escalating further in fact he'd been the one to follow her from the room. She knew deep down what she'd wanted from this night and she'd understood completely that it could not have been, nor should it have been, with anyone other than Jed. Even she could feel the desperation in her actions; the overwhelming need that she'd felt in the previous weeks to be close to Jed again, to be loved by him, that she had deliberately, though not initially, only a few hours beforehand set out to recreate the bond she'd known they'd shared for a brief few weeks. "I wanted to have your baby," she admitted softly, though unsure whether she'd said the words aloud she knew that there was such truth in them that she found herself unable to care.
In someway she felt that it had been a desire since the day she'd learned that she had been; Jed had been gone for three weeks and unlike most in her predicament she found that the positive result had brought her the happiness that had been taken from her the moment Jed had been. In the three weeks which had followed her happiness had not faded until she'd been confronted by the searing pain which was quickly followed by blood, too much blood to let her believe that her only chance of happiness and all that she had left of the only person who had cared for her had not been lost. Despite the fact that she was hurting quite so badly, she was for the first time in her life relieved for her father's disinterest in her life and she locked herself away in the bathroom, letting the almost scalding water wash over her skin as she cried until she felt she could cry no more.
She'd always felt that she was sidelined from what had been occurring in her family, as a child, and after Molly left, she'd had no friends to speak of and as a result knew she'd clung to Jed. This act alone, which had triggered what her father had once described as her 'unhealthy fixation' on him, brought them closer together and over time it became obvious that the other was the only person they could trust. She found that in particular these past few days her behaviour had become similar to it had been then and despite knowing how much the man whose approval she'd always wanted disapproved she could bring herself to act any differently. "Is that what this was?" She'd heard Jed's quiet voice and she briefly considered his question, before realising if she'd responded negatively she'd be lying to both Jed and herself and made the conscious decision to nod softly. She expected anger from her companion, and when she felt him roll them both slightly, so they both lay on their side her eyes closed momentarily waiting for the outburst which was sure to follow. She tried to look away as he seemed to stare into her eyes for the longest time though making no acknowledgment of her sudden confession; she found herself unable to move, even when Jed had pulled her closer and moved his head so that her own was tucked securely under his chin and the sudden rush of unexpected tears began to fall freely down her face.
In spite of her overwhelming need to be loved, or perhaps even just cared for, she knew that it wasn't something which she'd be able to find in this building despite the presence of the one and only person who could give her what she desperately needed. She settled herself into the pillows wrapping a hand around Jed's upper arm as she let her head fall onto his shoulder feeling the gentle touch of his lips grazing her forehead. "Can I sleep here tonight?" She found herself questioning softly, hoping that he'd understand that she really couldn't face being alone at night anymore. His only response was to tilt her head upwards bring one hand to rest under her chin, the other tangled itself in her hair, as he pressed his lips to hers momentarily. After a few moments her hands seemed to find his hair as she found herself engaged in a kiss of much more kindness than she was used to. An act which didn't prevent her knowledge that for now she'd have to settle for this and this alone, at least until they'd carried through on their decision to leave; however for now as Jed pulled the bedclothes further up their bodies she found that this was a suitable enough a distraction to prevent her thinking of the horrors which had occurred within the building for much longer than she lived, she was certain.
One final thank you for reading,
As always reviews are appreciated because it's always fun to know what people like, and what they don't.