|Dear God, Please Let Me Be A Bird
Author: Neversober7 PM
A powerful and breathtaking event between Dirk and Jake. Not a oneshot, non-con rape, m/m, a bit sick and twisted, rather personal. I do not know how to summerise this story, just read it at your own cost of tears. *Nobody dies.*Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Dirk S. & Jake E. - Chapters: 11 - Words: 23,082 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 10-23-12 - Published: 05-23-12 - id: 8142778
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
SADSTUCK, DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE RAPE. (does contain DirkxJake, but not sex between them.)
I tend to pour my heart and soul and thoughts into fanfictions and post them here.
I'm sorry guys, I can't keep this in my head any longer; it's killing me.
/iaintevenmad. I'm just a little sick.
Two years you and Dirk had been together now, and it was probably the best two years of your life so far.
At first, you'd never even think about being attracted to boys, let alone in a relationship with one; your best bro! But something snapped in you. You had both met eachother online, it being a random friend request over an online game, and began talking. He lived in Texas but lacked the common accent, actually, he lacked any common accent other than that monotone sounding-bored-out-of-my-skin voice when you first met him, well, his voice. A few weeks after battling with him over the internet, he said he was moving house and wouldn't be online for a few days.
You remember being sad about that, but you never figured out why at the time. Instead of complaining, you simply smiled to yourself rather than to him and joked around, saying you couldn't imagine your life without him. Your heart stopped when you heard him laugh over the mic and return the kind words of sarcasm, although his words had more emotion to them. During those days when he wasn't online, you didn't feel like playing on the computer, actually, you felt like you'd rather wrap yourself up into your bedsheets and never leave until you could hear his voice again. God you missed it.
Your mother would try to get you out of your room, to play with your real friends. "Well sorry mother, my 'real' friends probably don't want to hang out with a ladie's charmer like me." You'd always say. She was always trying to get into your life and change it, make you feel pathetic and silly just so she can see your online games and be introduced to your internet buddies. Jane and Roxy were simple to introduce; a drunk and an angel slice. Your mother was extremely surprised to find out that you were friends with girls, and when she almost backflipped when finding out that they lived about twenty minutes away in a shared apartment, because they were 'BESTIES FOR LYFFIES'.
You disctinctly remember it was Roxy who had known Dirk before you, they were childhood friends before he moved away with his dad and older brother for business purposes, it broke your heart a little when Roxy explained how much she cried and how sad she felt that her best friend moved away to another state. After a few conversations between all four of you, you all became best of friends. Of course, you took more interest in Dirk, him being your 'bro' and all.
After a few more days of your mother's nagging, a familiar name popped up on your screen, along with a message. Dirk had moved to Washington. Your eyes read over the words that he'd written, scanning them for any hint of a joke or sarcasm, there were none. He said that his dad needed to invest more so he'd moved to a busy state that was friendly and easy to invest. You then asked him where abouts in Washington he lived and you swore it was fate when he lived literally five or six minutes from your neighbourhood.
The first time you met him, you never guessed he would look so...casual. By the way he spoke and the things he said, you'd imagined him to be some sort of punk rebel, if anything, a mohawk and 'My Little Pony' shirt wouldn't have surprised you. He looked too casual to be the Dirk you had as a friend, but you pushed all those thoughts aside as you began to get to know him a little more; introducing him to your mother, having him over nearly every day after school: the place where the ground he walked on was kissed and you had become one of the most popular kids for even knowing the guy. Life was at it easiest.
But there was that one day that changed everything between you two; there's always one day that changes things. Dirk had been over, being a second player to your newest game, Marvel VS Capcom. You remember you had been acting strange, not on purpose, but you just had so many feelings about this boy that you were confused on what to do. It was official, you had a crush on your best bro, Dirk Strider.
You were both in your room, the door was closed and your television was on the highest volume, the only thing that was heard from outside your door was the sound of men grunting and computer animated fists being thrown around. Dirk had beaten you four times now, you had beaten him zero. He kept rubbing it in your face that it was your game and he was kicking your ass at it; this had led to a wrestling match. Of course, you won by pinning the other to the wall by his forearms, he was always defenseless without the use of his hands. From that moment, you had looked into his sunglasses and tried so hard to see through the black glass-lenses of them, searching for some sort of buzz. It was quiet other than the battle music from your game in the background and you remember letting go of his arms, but you didn't step back and he didn't try to move you. You were so close when your hands gently removed his sunglasses and you can remember how you silently gasped at his fire-orange eyes staring into your own.
How great you felt when you leaned in, testing his lips with your own and feeling him push back gently. You had kissed for what felt like eternity, it hadn't been anything spectacular or sexual but you got one hell of a thrill from it. That kiss had left a warm sensation on your lips for hours after he left, it conbonkled your mind in various ways, you began wondering what this meant. You remember the conversation with him that night where you asked him about the event, the conversation had been a permenant image settled in your head for quite some time.
golgothasTerror [GT] to timaeusTestified [TT] at 22:31:
GT: Evening bro.
GT: Youre probably busy so ill make this quick.
TT: I'm not busy, in fact, I was waiting for you to talk to me.
TT: Yeah. Anyway, continue.
GT: Oh yeah...well, i was wondering what we were.
GT: You know...after *that thing* that happened. are we a *thing* ?
TT: It depends, do you want us to be a thing?
GT: Well...yes...i do.
TT: Then we're a thing.
GT: Youre not kidding around with me, are you?
You remember your heart beating in your chest by the way he used your first name instead of using 'English' or 'Adventure boy'.
TT: For a long time, I have been waiting for this to happen. I didn't say anything about how I felt to you because I didn't want to scare you away in case you didn't swing that way, but then you kissed me and...
TT: There's nothing else for me to say.
GT: Well im completely mindboggled
GT: But not in a bad way!
GT: I have also been battling with my own feelings about you for a while and only yesterday did i come to a conclusion.
GT: I think i love you dirk strider.
TT: I think I love you too, Jake English.
You also remember the way you smiled at that, how your heart just wouldn't stop thumping against your chest and how those butterflies wouldn't leave your stomach.
From then on, you'd began spending time with him more often than before, taking it one step at a time. It wasn't long before you were both holding hands in public, not taking a glance or care about people staring or muttering things under their breath. You didn't think Dirk cared either, the way his hand would just automatically find yours and link fingers.
Roxy and Jane were happy to find out, they started a group hug when you'd told them and had never seemed happier. After a few gay jokes from Roxy, everything settled normally. Your mother and Dirk's brother and dad never found out, he'd mentioned that he didn't want his sibling or parent knowing, when you'd asked why, he ignored the question and changed the subject completely. You had decided not to pry. Even though you knew Dirk, there were still things you wanted to ask him, things you didn't know about him. Sure, he would ask you many questions about your past and your mother, even your father who you didn't really know that well, but when you would ask him the same thing, he'd either ignore you and change the subject or answer with a quiet shrug.
May 23rd, 2014 was your two year anniversary, three days before you graduate and nine days after your mother's birthday; that's how you remember it, not that you would ever forget it. On the first year anniversary, you and Dirk had had a make out session in your bedroom, followed by an interruption from your mother. You then realised you really had to move out if you were going to get serious with Dirk.
You didn't know whether he minded not going any further, you had never wanted to ask, instead you made sure you gave him enough breathtaking kisses and touches that he would never think you don't love him anymore, because you love him too much for that.
Your two year anniversary was the best so far; Jane had baked a giant cake and planned a party at their apartment, followed by a romantic dinner with just you and Dirk, you could not have asked for a better anniversary.
Dirk had been nudging you for what seemed like forever while you relived your past with him, savouring every moment with him was like holding a precious gem stone.
"Jake, you're freaking me out." Dirk said, facing you on your bed. You shake your head and blink a few times, smiling at him gently afterwards,
"Terribly sorry, I was thinking."
"Must've been pretty intense, you've been staring at the wall for half an hour with a goofy grin on your face." He chuckled, linking his fingers in with yours.
"Yes, but also quite relaxing too. I was thinking about us, our two years together." You say freely, feeling happy that you can share your feelings with him so casually and not have to care. He smiles slightly and gently squeezes your hand, but before he can say anything, your mother knocks at your door, "Jakey, your friend needs to go home now, it's getting late." She says firmly.
You grimace at the thought of Dirk leaving, you never want him to leave. Sighing, you reply with an 'okay' and Dirk stands from the bed, stretching and looks around for his phone while you grab your shoes from beside the bed. You never realised just how firm Dirk's muscles looked when he was wearing clothes, come to think of it, you have never seen with shirtless, same as he has never seen you shirtless. Being the adventurous person you are, you reach out and loop your fingers into Dirk's back pockets of his skinny jeans and pull him back, he falls into your lap and immediately you laugh. He chuckles and turns himself around and kisses you, you kiss back.
Your tongue finds his and the kiss depends, you hear him moan quietly and your senses go wild, quickly as you can, you stand up and flip him over on to the bed, climbing on top and catching his lips again. By now, both of you are breathless and full of adrenaline. Suddenly, you hear you mother's voice from the bottom of the stairs, she's shouting now, "Jake, I will not tell you again!"
You sigh heavily and roll your eyes, sitting up and letting Dirk catch his breath. You can't wait until you move out. You look down at Dirk and suddenly, he's sitting up, catching your lips gently with his own, his hand on your chin and your heart flutters pathetically. When you open your eyes, he's smiling at you and you smile back, wishing you could just hold him forever.
You lift yourself from the bed and help Dirk up, "I'll walk you home." You offer, although to you it was more like a demand because you were not going to take no for an answer.
He shrugged and walked to the bedroom door, "cool." Sometimes, it's like he forgets the make out sessions you both have. You think that he just treats you so casually sometimes, like a friend rather than a boyfriend, but when he's a soppy git, he's a major soppy git.
Upon leaving the house with a quick goodbye and explanation to your mother, you walk through the neighbourhood under the dim setting sun-spread sky, holding hands with the one you love. Even though Dirk never lets you walk him to his actual house, being at the end of the road is enough to set your trust with him, you've never asked why he doesn't let you near, let alone in his house, but you don't like to question him on it.
When you finally reach his road, he turns to you and wraps his arms tightly around you. This is a strange gesture from him, but you don't ask, you just return it, nuzzling your nose into his neck and breathing in his scent. When he pulls away, you do the same, and when he kisses you so differently on the lips, you do the same. But it just doesn't feel the same. Something's off.
Just as you were about to question him, he walks off. You feel a little heartracked, thinking you've done something to him or said something you shouldn't have, Dirk's never the one to get upset over...well, anything! Instead of chasing after him, you watch him walk away. Sighing to yourself, you turn around and head home, it's getting quite dark so suddenly so you suggest to yourself that you should hurry home, before your mother starts to worry.
Not thinking like a genius at all, you take a shortcut down an alley, it's rather big and secluded, but you don't trouble yourself with silly thoughts at all. Suddenly you hear a footstep behind you and you whip your head around to see a very tall, very intimidating bloke smoking a cigarette. "What's a little man like you doing around here?" He asks. This was all very cliché for your liking.
"I-I'm heading-I'm heading home." You stutter, mentally kicking yourself for showing weakness in front of this guy. He wasn't that intimidating when you blink, because then you can't see him at all.
By now, it was dark and all that was seen in the alley was dim, apart from the lightened end of the cigarette. You see him grin, and it's not friendly either. You hear other voices and laughs surround you, accompanied by bodies, either really broad or really tall, some of them both. A pit of fire and worry is becoming unsettled in your stomach, you want to run. "Little boys shouldn't be out at this time of the evening. Especially not in places like this; anything could happen." You hear a voice behind you.
"I haven't got anything on me worth taking." You blurt out, in all honesty, you haven't; your pockets are empty. All of the bodies laugh and it surrounds your head like cotton, almost suffocating you.
Without going over any sort of plan in yor head, you move as fast as you can, your legs taking you in the opposite direction of the tall bloke and your body collides with another, you didn't know they were that close. "Tryin'a run away?" He chuckles and grabs your shoulders, slamming you into the wall in the alley.
The tall one steps forward again, cigarette in his mouth as he speaks. "I think you have something worth taking."
You think over what he just said, wondering what he meant. You gasp suddenly when you realise what he's talking about. How did he know something that personal? "Wh-what are you-" He cuts you off.
"Shut the fuck up, fag." One broad man shouts, an evil series of chuckles following after. Feeling slightly offended and overall scared shitless, you say nothing. You can't say anything, because in an instant, you're thrown on to the ground and your mouth is covered by a cloth that's soon wrapped around your head. You muffle pleas and struggle under the death grip of the heavier man on top of you, his stubble was sickening and dirty. You couldn't stop them when they ripped your trousers and boxers from your body, the first man to mount you slammed your head onto the ground and lifted your legs.
"Pass me the lube." He says with his raspy voice, you quiver. You hate this, you know what's going to happen to you and you hate it. You think of Dirk, you remember his smile and his laugh, you just want to hold him right now.
The lubricant is cold and when it's rubbed all over your entrance, you brace yourself when another man pins your arms down above your head and wraps thick rope around them. You can feel the tears in the corners of your eyes, why are you letting them do this?
A fierce and agonizing pain makes you cry out, it's more of a scream and it's so loud; your throat hurts. It's uncomfortable and painful, you feel violated and helpless. Warm liquid runs down from your entrance and it feels like blood. It's blood. The man is sweating and his hands keep slipping on your thighs from being so wet, it's disgusting; you're disgusting. He thrusts again and you scream but it's muffled by the cloth, you bite down on the material during the other thrusts, if you're not biting, your crying and scraming. You just want to turn into a bird so you can fly away from this, you want to fly to Dirk; you want Dirk.
You feel him dig his nails into your thighs and you almost black out, your vision is blurred by tears now and you feel numb. You wonder why you're still feeling pain. He grunts loudly and you feel something warm spill inside of you. You feel sick.
Just when you think it's all over, another man comes into view and thrusts in to you, it still hurts and you're still crying and screaming. Under the cloth you're telling them to stop, pleading them to just stop and let you go; you can't do this, you can't feel like this anymore. You feel pathetic and stupid and sick, this is your fault.
A series of men do the same thing to do and you can't help but cry outloud. You thank everything that's alive and moving when they're done, when they finally stop. Every man in the circle around you is grinning like the dirty old men they are, they mock you and one loops his fingers into your hair, ripping your head up from the cold ground and whispers in your ear. You don't quite hear what he says, but you get a hint even through your collided mind. Your vision is blurry again, and dark. You begin to slip into a numb state; you are numb. You're angry and numb, you're pathetic and stupid. You're disgusting.
You slip into darkness as you hear voices disperse. You just hope you're dead.
NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON.
Based on something I heard a few weeks ago, happened to one of my cousins who lives in South Africa now, he, yes, HE moved there with my aunt ten years ago, when he was only twelve. He's now twenty two and scared to even leave his own home. He hasn't seen his 'boyfriend' in just over three years, not the boyfriend's fault obviously.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that rape happens to any body, male or female, old or young, people are sick and twisted and don't know what 'NO' means, they never hear the 'STOP' and 'DON'T's, and 'PLEASE's. If you're raped, it's not your fault. It's never the victim's fault.
WHY DO I DO THIS? D': -cries forever- it's okay jakey, i'll give you a hug! 3: i'll just hold you forever and never let you go!