|A Bad Week For Dolores Umbridge
Author: E350 PM
Shortly after Umbridge becomes Headmaster of Hogwarts, she finds several exchange students dumped on her for a week. How bad can it be? You have no idea... HP/Nicktoons crossover.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Dolores U. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,189 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 05-27-12 - Published: 05-25-12 - id: 8148814
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Well, it only gets worse, so let's continue!
Gundamknight100: Yay hating Umbridge! :D Thanks for reading.
TweenisodeOrange: She does make it easy, doesn't she? Thanks for understanding, and thanks for reviewing!
Nausicaa of the Spirits: That's a distinct possibility. =P Thanks for the review!
Third Kind: Oh, I fell into that world a long time ago... :D It's a bizarre crossover, but that's kind of the point, really. XD Thanks very much!
Umbridge sat in the headmaster's chair in the Great Hall, eating a delicious breakfast of buttered toast dipped in caviar. Every so often, she would look up and smirk at the Gryffindor table, where Timmy Turner was occasionally wincing and rubbing his hand. She loved her blood quills.
Today was going to be a good day, she thought.
At that moment, a large, metal monstrosity burst through the window.
Umbridge leapt off her chair and dove under the table as the thing narrowly missed her head, crashing into the Slytherin table and sending Draco Malfoy's breakfast over Draco Malfoy's face.
"For the last time, Skulker! I'm trying to learn!"
Danny Phantom flew in the window, throwing a punch at Skulker. The force of said punch sent the ghost flying backwards, landing in a heap on top of Pansy Parkinson.
Giving his enemy no time to react, Danny pulled the thermos from his belt, quickly sucking the ghost hunter inside. He grinned, and put the cap back on.
"Have a think about it," he finished.
"HALF-BREED!" exclaimed Umbridge, making a very good impression of a gorilla.
Danny turned around. The headmistress had come out from under the table and was now standing in front of the hall, looking dishevelled and very, very upset.
"Oh, hey Principal Umbridge," nodded Danny, "Sorry, I just had to clean up this guy…"
"It's Professor Umbridge, you oaf!" bellowed Umbridge, "Detention! Detention in my office!"
"For saving your lives?" asked Danny, confused.
"For disturbing the Slytherin table and ruining my breakfast!" shouted Umbridge, "Now get out!"
"Fine, fine," shrugged Danny, walking out of the room, "See you in class!"
He trundled merrily out of the room.
"If anyone cheers him," growled Umbridge, "They will be in detention until their NEWTs are due."
Several seventh-years immediately cheered.
Umbridge sat in her office, trying to fix her hairdo after the morning's fiasco. It was being very stubborn; a fact the third-year Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff class had quietly tittered about for an hour. At that moment, there was a knock on her door.
"Yes, come in," she muttered.
A boy with a bizarre spike in his hair (Dib Membrane, wasn't it?) entered the room, carrying a large book.
"Hey Professor," he greeted, "Uh, I was just reading about some stuff, and since you're the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher…"
Here we go again, Umbridge thought, unhappily.
"Mr. Membrane, I can only teach what is on the Ministry-approved curriculum," she replied.
"That's okay, I found it in the textbook we were all supposed to get," replied Dib, brightly.
"It's about curses," continued Dib, "Are there any that work on aliens?"
"…pardon?" quizzed Umbridge.
"Aliens," replied Dib, "Y'know, from space?"
"Mr. Membrane, there are no such things as aliens," said Umbridge.
"Yes there are, I got proof!" exclaimed Dib, pulling a photograph from his robe, "Everyone says it's just skin conditions and pink, but I know the truth! He's an alien, and I need magic to catch him!"
Umbridge backed her seat away.
"Mr. Membrane, I'm going to have to ask you to leave…"
"But he's twisted!" implored Dib, "He even made a gun that shoots pizza toppings, see!"
He took the gun from his robe, unconsciously putting his finger on the trigger.
"Mr. Membrane!" snapped Umbridge, "Put that away or so help me…"
At that moment, Vincent Crabbe burst in the door, shouting about a student prank somewhere on the second floor. Dib jumped, and pulled the trigger…
Umbridge slouched in her chair, exhausted. Her hair and clothing were still covered in barbeque sauce and bits of baloney, even after an attempt to wash them before class began. If it had been possible, she'd have torn Dib alive with her bare hands – she had to give him detention instead.
Just her luck to have scheduled an inspection of Professor Snape's potion class at the next period, really.
Snape was drawling on about a draught she didn't care to remember, occasionally passing her dark looks (which might have been less to do with her unkempt state and more to do with the fact that he was pretty shady overall.) The Gryffindors tried to hide their snickers in her direction, while the Slytherins gave her pitiful glances.
She was in a bad mood, and needed to oppress something as soon as possible. She grinned nastily as her eyes fell on Spongebob, who was trying to mix his potion together.
Slowly, she skulked over.
"Hem-hem!" she coughed.
Spongebob looked up and shivered.
"Uh…hi Miss," he gulped, "Whatcha doing?"
"Just seeing how well you mix your potion, Mr. Squarepants," replied Umbridge in her sickly sweet tone.
"Uh…'kay," replied Spongebob.
He reached for his next ingredient, the left big toe of a mountain troll (some of the things in Snape's cupboard were pretty horrible, all things considered.) Umbridge shook her head.
"No, I don't think that's right," she sniffed, "Can't have students handling things like that, even if they are half-breeds."
She scanned the table.
"Ah!" she nodded, grabbing a leaf, "This looks much more correct!"
"…but it says in the book," Spongebob began.
"Oh, I highly doubt it does," replied Umbridge, condensingly, "You're probably reading it wrong. I'd expect as much from a half-breed."
"Uh…okay then," replied Spongebob, cautiously taking the leaf, "If you say so, Miss…"
Snape turned around. He narrowed his eyes at the poor sponge.
"Mr. Squarepants, that is a…"
Spongebob dropped the leaf into the cauldron. It immediately exploded.
Spongebob leapt out of the way, exposing Umbridge to the full brunt of the disgusting vomit-like liquid. She screeched as the gunk sprayed right into her face, causing rashes and boils to erupt all over.
"…Bolivian Exploding Poplar," finished Snape, dryly.
Umbridge wiped the gunk off her face. She would have turned red with rage, had she not already been red with rashes and boils.
"I think we should have used the toe," said Spongebob, brightly.
What to do next...^v^