|Redwall: The complete abridged collection
Author: ferretWARLORD PM
From Mossflower to The Rogue Crew, this is the epic redwall parody! This is a parody on all of the redwall books in what will probably be the longest parody I've ever written! Please read and reveiw!Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Martin the Warrior & Tsramina - Chapters: 16 - Words: 16,108 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 04-04-13 - Published: 05-25-12 - id: 8149127
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
And now I give you the 4th- no wait, was it the... 3rd? Maybe it was the 4th... no, it was 3rd- But still... (shrugs) eh, heres the next chapter.
Gonff pranced through the woodlands, singing loudly to himself as skipper slowly started to simmer with rage, his temper bubbling as the mouse sang.
"Were all in this togeettheerrr! When we come we can fight we can do it! Weeree allll innn thiisss toogether!" The otter finally snapped, screaming at the mouse,
"For F(bleep) sake Gonff! DO NOT sing in front of me! And if you are, please sing the right lyrics!" The mouse stared blankly at the seething otter, then smiled, changing his song.
"Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around an-"
"RRRRRAAAAARRRGGG!" The skipper of otters roared as he slammed into the mouse, and the otter would of surely thrown Gonff like a foot ball (we all know we want to) if it weren't for Columbine smashing the skipper upside the head with a base ball bat, yelling,
"You leave him alone!" And continued to beat the otter, who could only roll on the ground, yelling curses with every hit the connected with his body.
"Aw god you son of a-"
"Please stop I-"
"No! no! Its not supposed to-"
"EEEEEEEEK! Its not supposed to bend that w-a-a-aaay!"
Finally Lady Amber and her squirrels were able to pry the mouse maid off the otter, who was frothing at the mouth, clawing the air towards skipper, who whimpered and cowered. The squirrels tossed the mouse into a reinforced steel cage, and there was a click as they locked the door. The mouse immediately switched personalities, turning back to her normal, passive, stalkerish ways.
"Lady Amber? Why am I locked up?" The squirrel simply ignored the squirrel, walking over to the otter, who had a dislocated shoulder. With a swift movement and a loud, audible SNAP the otter's shoulder was relocated, and the squirrel shook her head in disappointment at the otter as he whimpered on the ground.
"Wow skipper. It says a lot about some one when your a fully grown male otter who can't handle a mouse maid."
Lady Amber whirled around as she heard a jingling sound and saw Martin walking out of a Subway in the middle of the woods, munching on a foot long sub.
"Wha- what the f(bleep) is that?" She asked pointing at the building, and then her confused eyes fell on the mouse. "And who the f(bleep) is this?"
"Oh thats Martin the Warrior. Him and Gonff met in the Dungeons of Kotir." Columbine gleefully said from her cage, staring blissfully at Gonff, who was preoccupied with a butterfly at the moment. "I always keep a good eye on my hunking little stack of man cakes over there... oh if I only had some syrup..."
The entire group of woodlanders took a step away from the mouse maid, who was busy day dreaming about Gonff and her, well, lets face it, in bed. (I'm just a terrible person, aren't I?)
Martin looked around at Brock hall, The old fire place, the dirt floor, the wooden furniture roughly carved from oak, and frowned.
"Well this place is a dump." Every single beast there gasped as the mouse said that. Martin looked around, completely confused. "What? Was it something I-"
The mouse was cut off by a loud thumping sound of some large beast walking, coming from a room to his left. Then he heard a growling noise and the door handle was jiggled around, and then he heard some beast curse to itself. Then a large fist punched through the door, unlocking it and turning the handle.
Then the door was thrown open as the badger Bella came out, her fur soaking wet, a towel wrapped around her body. Her face didn't seem to happy.
"All right, who in the name of my father was talking sh(bleep) about are home?" Every beast pointed at Martin, who was wide eyed and shaking in fear. The badger walked up to him and punched him up into the ceiling, his legs sticking out, and then she walked back into the bathroom she came from. "Now will everyone please let me finish my shower?"
Every beast simply stared at Martin's legs as the mouse groaned in the ceiling, and Lady Amber adopted a cheerful additude, gleefully saying,
"Welcome to Brockhall!" The mouse simply groaned even louder.
Here is chapter 4! And I know it wasn't long, but I really wanted to update this one, so here you guys go. The next chapter will all be about the vermin of Kotir and Tsarmina and Brogg discussing battle plans over tea! :D
please read and reveiw!