|LOTF Movie Parody:1963 Version
Author: Satan Abraham PM
Sucks to your ass-mar, Piggy. Roger, stop giving creepy looks to the camera and shirtless Simon. PARTYIN' PARTYIN' YEAH. Over sixty random children. -Warning: Immature humor. Rated T for language-Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Ralph & Jack M. - Chapters: 11 - Words: 17,815 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 08-08-12 - Published: 05-26-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8152618
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Piggy: We're children between about six and eleven. It's only natural I mention that they're acting like kids.
Piggy: *continues talking*
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Multiple small children: *are carrying a gigantic log*
Random child fifteen: THROW THE LOG!
Multiple small children: *throw the log, causing multiple sticks to fly up and stabs multiple children*
Ralph: Do we have matches?
Jack: We can steal the fat kid's glasses!
Crowd of people: *steal fat kid's glasses*
Jack: *tries to light fire*
Nightkill: I'm listening to what the kids are saying while Jack lights the fire... are some of them seriously discussing disguising themselves already?
Piggy: I'm depressed. Nobody likes me. And I can't see.
Ralph: *puts Piggy's glasses back on his face*
Slash fans: *get to work*
Nightkill: Personally, I prefer Ralph/Simon. AND ROGER/JACK.
Jack: Ralph! Ralph! For some reason I kind of like you right now, and am not totally being a jerk... maybe because I didn't mention I can sing C sharp? They probably would have picked me...
Roger: You're delusional. And also that made no sense.
Jack: STFU. Anyway, I'm going to split up my hunters. We'll TOTALLY keep the fire going. We won't steal everyone to catch a pig, and Samneric-
Sam and Eric: We're still Sam and Eric.
Jack: And Sam and Eric are apparently part of the hunters now.
Jack: We'll set the entire island on fire! :D
Ralph: Not until the end.
Jack: We'll set the mountain on fire?
Ralph: Works for me.
Jack: It will last the entire night.
Roger: *runs off to some unknown place. Seriously, the next thing you see is him running off*
AND THEN THERE WAS SMOKE
Jack: This is an entirely pointless scene in which I cut open a coconut or something and drink the milk. Probably a coconut. But, hey, it's funny when I spill it down my chest! :D
Random Choirboy: Taking care of the fire, taking care of the fire, la la la la...
Presumably Roger, seeing as he says the exact same thing to Samneric near the end of the film: A-TEN-TION!
Random Choirboy: Holy shit- oh, hi.
They then proceed to hit each other RHYTHMICALLY with spears. I will never understand this movie.
Random children: WE ARE BUILDING SHELTERS! :D
Ralph: I'm telling you what to do, because even though it says you're helping me, obviously you're just sitting over there in the corner, petting that branch.
Simon: I'M HELPING. LEAVE ME ALONE.
Simon fangirls: LEAVE HIM ALONE.
Piggy: Apparently just sitting here gets my hands all sweaty. I shall proceed to wipe them off.
Ralph: Does this branch bend?
Simon: *attempts to bend branch. Said branch just goes up* Nope.
Roger&other random choirboys: Let's just lay in the shade while they work.
Random children fifteen and sixteen: *proceed to beat each other with long branches that should go on the shelters*
Random child seventeen: *gets knocked over by said branches*
Most children: *decide that they'll go play in the water instead of help. Yay slacking!*
Random child eighteen: I SHALL WHIP THIS CHILD WITH A BRANCH. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Roger and... Harold: *are arguing*
Harold: *throws something that splats all over Roger's face*
Roger: Ooh. *proceeds to lick it off his face, making a face when he tastes it. Seriously, what is this stuff?*
Nightkill: Creepy look seven…
Random child nineteen: GO LITTLE CRAB GOOOOOO!
Crab one: Imma climb up the side here, and escape-
Random child nineteen: No. *grabs both crabs and sets them back at the starting line*
Crab two: But I was winning! :'(
Random child twenty: I DROWN YOU!
Random child twenty-one: Okay.
Simon: I love this little lizard so much that when he opens his mouth, I close it back up and then he gets used to that so I open it back again. :D
Simon fangirls: HE'S SO CUTE.
Simon: Okay Mr. Lizard, you can get off my finger now. *nudges Mr. Lizard* Seriously. Off the finger.
Mr. Lizard: *jumps onto Simon's shirt*
Simon: Okay. *pets Mr. Lizard*
Mr. Lizard: *attacks Simon's face*
Simon: Ah! At least Roger doesn't murder you in this one. I SHALL NOT TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED.
Pig: I'm just wandering around, being all pig-like and it's a lovely day, and doo doo doo...
Hunters: *are ominous*
Roger: Why do I still have my shirt and hat on? I can kind of understand the hat, I mean, it's cool. But the shirt? It's open anyway, why not just take it off?
Flies: WE CONTINUE TO BUZZ OMINOUSLY.
Random shot to a group of tall grass- oh, there's a kid in there
Jack: I stand in a tree. And my face is painted. They cut out Roger throwing rocks at kids because he started having too much fun with it.
Nightkill: Just kidding. I don't know why they cut that out. But I think that's probably a likely prediction.
Pig: I sense something is amiss. I MUST SNORT TO TELL THEM I AM COMING. SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT SNORT- ooh, food!
Jack: YOU'RE MINE! *throws spear*
Hunters: WE SCREAM WHILE ROGER IS GOING ahhh-AHHHH-ahhh! AND WE RUN. PRESUMABLY CHASING THE PIG.
Pig: I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
Sam and Eric: We're hunters! :D
Random child twenty-three: KILL KILL KILL!
Ralph and... Simon?: We are naked. Swimming.
Slash fans: MATERIAL! *switch from Ralph x Piggy to Ralph x Simon*
Nightkill: I love Ralph x Simon.
Random child twenty-four: NO THROWING SAND!
Plane noises: *are made*
Piggy: I don't get in the water because I'm insecure about my body- hey, is that a plane? It is! RALPH. GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE. THERE'S A PLANE.
Ralph: I was spending time swimming, and now I have water in my eyes- wait a minute, what?
Piggy: IT'S A FRIKKING PLANE. CAN'T YOU HEAR IT?
Ralph: No, actually, I have water in my ears.
Ralph and Simon: *super-speed dressing time!*
Ralph: Screw shirts, even though it'll give the fangirls what they want I'm going up topless!
Piggy: I can't see any smoke! WE'RE GOING TO DIE.
Ralph: I think the fire's out! I'm going to run up ahead, without Piggy's glasses, so that even if we have a small chance of starting it before the plane goes away, we won't anymore! Someone grab his glasses! BYE!
Nightkill: Yeah, that was really weird. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!
Jack: The plants are hardly innocent.
Jack: Military school? Is there a choir? And steal a car? Color-changing hair? Well, I already have that in the book, I was ginger at the beginning, and then it turned 'sandy.' Or something like that.
THE CONCH OF POWERRR: Of course.
Jack: :'( I don't take well to criticism
Nightkill: Ah, Lord of the Flies humor. :3
Simon: But I'm Jesus. I wouldn't murder anybody. *innocent look*
Roger: …you guys are a bunch of creeps.
Simon: :3 Thank you for your review. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.
Cx Once again, thanks for all the reviews.
And tomorrow, I will be posting the first chapter of a Lord of the Flies/Harry Potter crossover if any of you are interested. It's going to be awesome. Roger x Luna. YEAH.
/oh, and maurice x everybody
So, any Harry Potter fans, keep an eye out for that! :D