|In My Own Name
Author: Tigerdust PM
A Dave-centric story. What do you become when everything else is taken away? Yourself- or the person they want you to be?Rated: Fiction M - English - Spiritual/Hurt/Comfort - D. Karofsky - Chapters: 48 - Words: 83,876 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 09-16-12 - Published: 05-26-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8153911
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
It was a text message from Hunter.
Hunter: Broke my leg. Do you have your new phone yet?
Then a text message came in from Mel.
Mel: Did you get Hunter's text?
Suzy: Looks like you'll be playing John the Baptist for our last week.
A couple of deep breathes later.
Howe: I assume you have your phone now. Just remember to breathe.
Charlie: You're going to do fine.
Dave leaned onto the rail for support. He felt like collapsing into one of Kaz's deck chairs but instead he just looked at the phone in his hand. The messages faded into the darkness as the phone settled down. Such a small device, the thought burrowed in Dave's brain, to bring such bad news.
Bad news for the play more than for him. He couldn't do this. Who were they all kidding? He was an understudy, an untried understudy. His knees began to wobble and he was glad he did have the railing for support. He looked back into the apartment. Kaz was smiling to himself and it looked as though he might have been singing something. He was shirtless and making French toast.
This is the universe's way of telling me something. It has to be. Maybe nothing is free.
Dave looked back down at his phone. He wanted to call Kurt or to will Kurt to call him. He needed him now more than ever.
Dave's phone sprang to life again. This time not a text message. He opened the phone.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's me."
"It's so good to hear your voice. Are you okay?"
"I'm…I'm okay. Did you get my postcards?"
A moment's pause. "Yes. Thank you, thank you for keeping us in the loop."
"I didn't want you to worry."
"I'm still worried about you. We all are."
"Yeah, I..I'm sorry if you didn't want anyone else to know but some people from glee club were super worried when you disappeared after the hospital."
Dave nodded on his end of the phone. "It's okay. Thanks. Thanks for being a good friend."
"I made a promise, didn't I? Are you still in….where is that last postcard? Thanks, Blaine. Let's see, your last post card says California."
"You had to look for it?"
"We keep the cards in a shoe box. At least until I can get somewhere where I can get a map to track where you've gone. Sounds kind of interesting. At least I think so."
"The techie thing?"
"It's unexpected, David. Still worried about your education, but at least you're not alone now."
"No…no, I'm definitely not alone. Listen, Kurt…"
"….What? Sorry, Blaine was trying to flag my down. He says hi."
"Tell him I say hey back. And thank him. Thank him for…taking care of you."
A moment's pause. "I'll do that. David, Dave…are you okay? I'm stepping into my backyard so you can say whatever you need. We're alone."
"At six in the morning? Isn't it kinda cold?"
"It's a little after nine here. It's already 85 percent humidity. Bad for Blaine's hair."
"Time zone change. I forgot. Thank God. I feel like less of a heel for texting you now. And hey! There's virtually no humidity in California. And beaches. Did I mention the beaches?"
"I'm glad you're having a good time. You deserve it. And I'm grateful I have your number now. I was worried. Glad to know you at least have a phone now."
Kurt was worried about him. Dave's heart did a little flip. But then he looked at Kaz. He could almost smell the breakfast. He felt like he was cheating on Kurt again. But the feeling was more dim than before. "I'm not…I'm not really doing okay."
"What's going on? Do you need…could you come back if you had to? If we could find you a safe place to stay?"
"It's, it's nothing like that. Besides, I don't think I can come back just yet. I'm just getting the hang of this now. No, it's…you know how I said I was a techie for Godspell?"
"Well, they needed me to be an understudy too. And the guy I'm understudying for just broke his leg. Probably bikin' somewhere."
"Well David, that's great! Break a leg!"
"Wish I felt that way."
"When did you find out?"
Dave made a face that only he could see. "Right before you called."
"First to know. I'm honored."
"We'll see. Feel like I'm gonna screw it up."
"You're not. Finn told me about the Thriller mash-up you were a part of. Was in the audience but I couldn't see who was all on the field. It's, it's gonna be okay David. You've got so many people rooting for you."
"Oh God. Now I'm super nervous."
"Don't be. Hey Dave? Can I ask you something?"
"Anytime. You know that."
"We…ummm…Blaine and I went over to your house when you called from New Orleans."
Shit, Dave thought.
"Your grandmother was there."
Holy shit, Dave thought.
"Your family was…I'm so sorry, Dave."
Dave took a moment to collect himself. "I feel more sorry for you, dude. And I'm guessing you probably took Blaine or Mercedes? God, I don't think I could apologize enough for that. Guess Grandma Lillian wasn't a fan."
"To say the least."
"Well, I was wondering if you'd be okay with me telling your dad where you were. At least, vaguely. He's kind of, kind of gotten in the habit of stopping by dad's old shop for repairs and, Dave, he doesn't look good."
Dave's stomach turned queasy for a moment. "My…dad…"
Silence for a moment. Dave could feel the tear in the corner of his eye. He felt very small all of a sudden and super uncomfortable.
"I'm…I'm still here."
"Did I say something wrong?"
"No. No, that's fine. Yeah. Tell him I'm okay. Nothing about the broadway thing though."
"I can do that."
Dave wanted to turn the focus away from his problems. "How's summer break? Ready to leave Lima for college?"
"I…ummm…I actually didn't get in to the college I chose. I'm gonna take my first semester to figure out what's next. Got a job working at Janie's Bridal Boutique though. So that's something."
"Dude, I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. I was…I didn't do enough stuff. Rachel got in though."
"I can't imagine why they didn't choose you."
"You and Blaine both. Hah. But seriously. I can always audition next year. The song was great, flawless if I do say so myself. Just the rest of it needs some work."
"There's the Kurt Hummel spirit I know and love."
"Thanks. Guess we've both been out of sorts lately."
The strains of Eric Clapton washed over Dave as Kaz slid open the sliding glass door. "Breakfast," he sang with his trademark smirk. Kaz nodded with his hand over his phone.
"I'm here, Kurt. I've gotta go. Kaz made French toast."
"Kaz? Didn't you mention him in one of your post cards?"
"Probably. Butdontreadtoomuchintoit," Dave mumbled as if to soften the imaginary blow. It was as much for himself as it was for Kurt.
"I won't then. Not til you're ready. Glad to hear from you David. Now go have breakfast, okay? And we'll talk more soon. Text me if you need anything."
"You've already done enough. Time to give it a try for myself, little buddy." Little buddy? Where had that come from?
"Yeah…okay….you have a good day. And good luck!"
Kurt's chipper voice worked it's way through Dave's brain. He imagined the sunrise inflection coming through the phone. "Thanks. I will."
Dave shut the phone, cradling it for a moment in his palm. He went back into Kaz's apartment and felt the carpet under his toes, smelled the wonder of butter and bread together. And Kaz. There. Real. Shirtless and lounging, cross-legged on his couch.
"Come. Sit. Eat. Is geddin cod," he said as he took a bite.
"Please bitch. You love me."
Dave stopped as he sat down and grabbed for his plate. He couldn't admit it. Not yet. But he was getting there. "I love that you made French toast."
"Aha! He can be taught! I said love and you didn't do that flinchy thing you normally do."
"I do not have a fing," Dave said as he took a bite of marvelous French toast that filled his mouth with the memory of lazy Sunday breakfasts gone by.
"You so have a thing," Kaz retorted playfully. "I should know."
Dave squinted faux-menacingly in Kaz's direction. "Better be careful or I'll make sure you never forget it."
"Promise or a threat?"
"Take your pic, Kazmian."
"Hey! What did I say about using my full name?"
"Only that it would get me in trouble."