|Retsupurae's journey to find themselves
Author: Gactivefy PM
slowbeef and diabetus go on a journey to make fun of every moron on the internet live. can they meet this goal? in the face of unexpected danger?Rated: Fiction T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,297 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 06-24-12 - Published: 05-26-12 - id: 8154383
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Retsprats joiurney to find themselve
CHAPTER 6 - THE SHOWDOWN
slowbeef sateeppe on the teleporter thing that Protonjon left for them in the dark pit where they were currently in at that moment in my story leaving off from the last chapter after protonjon broke the depression simmulator and saved the day and left a teleporter for the m to leave the dark pit they were trapped in currently with without saying anything to either of them despite slowbef asking him stuff and telling him to wait because hes mysterious and im not going to reveal whathappens and what he does later yet so dont ask me becaseu i wont tell you becaue i dont wannya tell you becuse it will ruin the suspense and you wont wanna keep reading and others wont read and i wont get reviews and thusly ill be unpoplar forever and ill be sad and stop making stories and eventually get off the interent entirely and itll be really said for me and for a lot of other people and you will feel as s result like a total douchebag if you do that becasue you have to be one if you wouled do something mean like that to me you jerkassbitchface, so please dont do any of that stuff i justmentioned and wont again becaseu i dont wanna bore you with a really long description of stipid shit so ill just shut up now so you wanont have to deal with any of that kind of stuff okay thanks moving on.
so slobewwef stopped on the teleporter and teleported. to. a place. he went out and he was outisde the dark tower they were in in safranscicso like i said a while ago in case you forgot. he walked ahead down the road while thinking of his next cours of action. after walking for a couple days he had to turn around when he remembererd he forgot diabetus so i guess he didnt remmeber wow thats confusing but anyway he went back but the teleporter was broken. so he used the dagger of time from prince of persia sands of time (not warriourwithin because that game SUCKED though) and went back two months in the past and bought a nice looking tie at a sthop then went forward until two days ago from where the story is happening before he time travelled and stopped himself from leaving behind diabetus.
he went forward, back in the dark pit with the teleporter after meating protonjon once more and kicked diabetus. diabetus moeaned and didnt wake up so slowbeef shot him in the face with tiro finale again. he couldnt revive him then o he just went back to before he shot him with the time dagger before he shot him. the dagger ran out of sand then and slobweef threw it away off a ledge near the pit that had no bottom and was all black everywhere like in well lots of video games.
"thanks for reviving me slowbeef. and thats a nice tie, it looks really good on you here"
"thanks, you like it? i just got it a couple months ago with my time dagger just now. it has diamond studs and is gold encrusted and is baddass. isnt it?"
"yeah. how much did it cost, wait, where did you even get something like that?" diuabetus was sad becaues he only had shitty plaid ties that his mother sewed for him. "what, youre making fun of me for being southern again?" no, im making fun of you for wearing stupid clothes. "oh okay then"
so slowbeef was getting really bored and was tired of reading all of that because of his bad eyesight and just pushed diabetus into the teleporter with himself behind him himself.
"damn that protonjon guys better... wait a minute, it feels like we already had that converstaion didnt we?" chip cheezum was reminded of this one show that I watched one time where the dudes went back in time to get out of trouble and stuff kept staying the same the same so they got in trouble anyways for making mom's bad sandwich it was really bizarre.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP I DONT CAR GO KILL SLOBWEEF GODDAMIT" the mysterious man barked to him, this time like a pomigranate instead of a baby pitbull because those are two cute to describe him im sory i did that last chapter guys.
'URGUGUGH, okay. and chip cheezium wentto go get general ironicurs because he said he would do that earlier but i forgot to make that a scene then so its happeining now instead.
as he was walking to the docking bay of the base, he began to feel memories of the last time he had encountered team retsupurae.
slowbeef was waiting outside of his house for a guy to show up. sure it was chip cheezums flashback but he could see slowbeef from where he was standing so it still made sense.
"dammit, wheres that intern dude so i can get back to my REAL JOB with diabetsu," slowbeef muttered loud enough for chip cheezum to here.
chip cheezuim had been a spy sent by a strange man to go and infiltrate slowbeefs house and kill them when their gurad was down. he had brought a trench coat and he put a gun, a hat, a screwdriver for hotwiring cars, a car in there so he was already for the mission to go.
"uh are you slowbeef?"
"who the hell wants to know bitchhole?" "fine ill leave then"
slowbeef realized that his coworkers were the only ones besides diabetus that dalled him slowbeef so it had to be him there.
"OH sorry, youre the intern rite?" "yeah, but its for a different job... a diefferent job... of retsupurae...ing... a video with you, and i promise not to attack you so please listen."
"okay sure whatever" so slowbeef invited chip cheezum back to his house to make a retsupurae with diabetus gone because he didnt want him to get jealous like what happened with deceased crab again.
inside the house, cherrydoom was sitting someplace from where they had last left off making that one snake eater retsupurae before psycaledic eyeball flew away.
"heyslowbeef-" "die bithc" and slowbeef pushed her off the chair and she fell and hit hte floor, dieing instantly.
"thanks so much slowbeef" chip cheezum had never been shown kindness before.
growing up, he had been raised in an orphannage. only the orphannage was evil like that one episdoe of higurashi so they were really mean. he was raised to be the ultimate letsplayer from birth after his mom died in a helicopter crash in maine and his dad got bored of him and left forever to make his own letsplays, returning only out of jealousy for his former son he who he stole lots of money from. he spent his hole life instigating his craft, even in the years before youtube existed, all for the day when he would finally leave this place alive. he had friends there but they died in a flashback, and i dont wanna show you that because were already in a flashback so that would be odd.
he was artifshially aged from 7 to 23, and soon after was made to make his LP of no more heroes at gunpoint by his caretaker that really just hit him when he was bored and pointed and laughed when he was hungry so i guess he wasnt a caretaker and just an asshole or something. after his first two failures he new he couldnt mess up again or he would be killed like his friends were. after his success there he was sent to the base instead of being given freedom like he wanted because he just cant have nice things i guess.
so anyways there they were making that retuspray of that one dude playing bubsy and being a douche. the video went over well despite them having to edit out psycadelic eyebladd screaming at them in latin through the window again. after making the video, slowbeef said something like "youre welcome for make rps with me again anytime."
so chip cheezum had to immedeeately run out of the house trying not to cry at these kind words. after walking halfway back to the base, he realized he had forgotten to kill slobweef! he ddint want to return back to the base so he turned around but got teleported back (they make him walk anyway because theyre evil like the orphannage dudes) and was whipped a lot kinda like fate (the nanoha chick not that douchebag from lameocean3).
chipo cheezum was still walking to the docking bay so yeah.
so slowbeef and diabetus teleported outisde. they were holding hands so it was really awkward so they let go of eadch other but on the inside didnt really mind. seriously, why is that so weird some guys made fun of me for doing it with my friend the other day its so stupid.
they went on down the long road they had been traveling on for the past while and started walking again with no real destination in sight since they didnt really have any direction anymore what with protonjon not saying anything.
they walked down the road for a few weeks and found a small golden safe with a lpatinum dial with silver nuymbers on it.
they were really excited because it looked shiny and went up to it to play with it for a while and stuff. just then...
"HATL RIGHT HTERE! STOP! YOU CANNOT TOUCH THAT THING ON MY WATCH, EVEN IF IT IS BROKEN STILLL!"
GenEral Ironicus showed up. chip cheezum didnt want to get his dirty hands so since he was a smooth man and his hands were indeed very nice. ironicus had made himself into a dyborg for power and stronger fast and electric control for fighting slowbeef. and diabetus.
"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who are you? slowbeef asked." he had done a video with ironicus before but that was before the cyborgation so he couldnt recognize him. thouhg i guess he never knew what he looked like but still it doesnt really matter one way or the other okay?
"ACTUALLY MY ORDERS ARE TO JUST KILL YOU I FOGTO. SO YEAH, IM DOING THAT NOW." and ironicus opened his arm cannon and a penguin popped out then a electric coil popped out and started charging a laser pointed at slowbeefs face. slowbeef stodd there for some reason probably because the laser looked really im not sure thats always what happens in movie scenes like this
pokecapn jumped down from the top of the sky and punched the laser with his fist.
"pokecapn what the hell are you doing here i thought you were evil?" slowbeef confused.
"that was not me but clone. look theres no timeso let me handle this fight okay?christlord."
ironicus fired a beam of lava at pokecapn who did a silly looking cartwheel and dodged it, but lost the top parts of his hair because he had only gotten the matrix recently.
"but how? RESEARCH INDICATES that that beam was sure to hitt!1!" ironicus rorred.
"oh goddamit shutup you fucking fuck guckrer!" pokecapn blastered and jumped ontop of ironicus with a grenade in his mouth.
"slowbeef, that me from befroe wasnt me but bluelander!"
"but bludlanders a chick"
"slowbeef, that me from before wasnt me but mr sunabozu. dont worry about him now though, hes dead" pokecapn said which was pretty impressive that he said all of that since his mouth was so full. of a greanade
"oh okay" slowbeef responed.
ironicus tried to machine gun pkecapn off but it was too late, the greande exploded and killled them both instantly. bits of pokecapn rained down all over slowbeef and diabetus and they were sad but one of ironicus robot arms hit them in the head and they were knocked out for a while.
Chip cheezum tlepeorted in with help from electrical beast who had returned from his mission from earlier (by teleporting). he looked at the scene in front of him and at first was like "what the fuck" but then he was saying
"you assholes killed ironicus?" and he picked them and the safe up and teleported back to his base where the mysterious man was waiting but forgot that he didnt take electrical beast with him so he had to walk back.
as slowbeef and diabetsu did nothing, they could only dream of how they would soon go and meet their destany.