|Spaceballs The Prequel
Author: jman007 PM
Ever wonder how Dark Helmet became so evil... wonder no longerRated: Fiction K+ - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,416 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 05-29-12 - id: 8163331
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
They stood at the bank looking at the water
"Tell me we aren't going in the water I just took these robes out of the cleaners…"
Jar pressed his keyless entry and the sound of a car beeped and the city rose up out of the water.
Jar lead them across the bridge into the city and a couple of guards stopped them
"Hold it right there… Jar what are you doing back here…"
"Well it started…"
Jar tried to make another flash back, but the guard stopped him
"Don't even think about it… you know what…" He looks into the camera, "…Let's just skip forward to the next scene."
The Next Scene
Queen Rose stands in the window looking at the droid army entering the city; she sighs (Hair style: Strait hair)
"Okay which one of you wannabes is going to pretend to be me…" She asked looking at her maiden/back up singers.
A ship rises up to the surface like a submarine
"It was nice of the chief to give us this boat…"
"Yeah too bad we couldn't give him any screen time…"
Jar Jar is mad as the theme music from jaws plays and a shark fin streaks through the water
"Messa mad mesa people get no respect… yousa didn't have to skip to the next scene…"
"Uh master look…"
Qwen looks in the direction and sees a huge great white coming at them and Jar screams
"Ahhh what are we going to do…"
Qwen pushes Jar into the water and the shark eats Jar then the shark rams the boat, but Ben throws a tank into it's mouth. Qwen is on the pole of the sinking ship with Ben just above him
"Okay you fish bastard show me the tank…" He shoots and misses, "…Smile you son of a bitch!" the shark explodes and Jar swims to the boat.
"Yousa save me again…"
Ben and Qwen look at each other and at the same time say
Queen Rose an out of shape fat girl was pretending to be the queen
The war droid general
"Which one of you stuck up witches is Queen Rose…"
The war droid swallowed hard as a fat, but elegant woman stepped forward and said in the most unattractive voice.
"I'm Queen Ariel Bell Daniel Rapunzel Brier Rose Elizabeth Jasmine DeWitt Bukater Ameed the 5th.…you are tress passing on a free world…"
The droids looked at each other confused.
"By order of the viceroy you are under arrest…"
"Sir we have captured the queen…"
When the Viceroy and his top aid saw the queen they were confused and disappointed.
Top aid whispers into the viceroy's ear
"Uh sir she looks nothing like her picture…"
"They must use special effects to make her look so small in the holo-videos…"
"Either that or she let herself go in the past few minutes… Okay let me hear you sing…"
The fake queen sung a song that the aliens and her maids danced too
"Fine let us see you dance your signature dance…"
She danced as well
"Okay I'm convinced… sign this and become our spokes model…"
"Then perhaps the suffering of your people will change your mind… captain take them to camp five…"
The Jedi were sneaking through the city and on the balcony Ben and Qwen were looking through their micro-binoculars for the queen. Ben pans the windows and spots the following shadow figures in a few windows; a man strangling a woman, a woman with a pair of scissors standing over her sleeping husband; some teenagers dancing and drinking; and a superhero changing into his costume. Ben tapped Qwen on the shoulder and pointed to an open window where a woman was getting dressed. She notices the two Jedi staring at her; she screams and closes the window.
"Look here they come…"
Jar is gone.
"Master what happened to Jar…"
"Well…" As he explains the scene goes to a flash back
But Ben stops it
"Uh Master do we have time for a flash back…"
Qwen looks at the droids escorting the queen and her maids as they all walk in slow motion.
"Yeah we have time…"
The scene fades to a few minutes ago when the actor playing Jar takes off his head piece; "I've had enough of this shit this is a stupid character… I quit…" he declares and walks off the set
Qwen and Ben on the balcony:
"Oh well good for him…"
"Here they come get ready…"
Qwen and Ben jump down and fight the droids and save the queen who thanks them both with a huge sloppy kiss both Ben and Qwen wipe their mouths.
"This way your majesty…" Both Ben and Qwen were floored by the overweight queen and try not to say anything about it.
They take them to her star ship and escape the planet.
The Nemrods are having a party because they have taken over the planet and the queen has been captured, but a nemrod walks up to the viceroy and whispers in his ear. He leaves the party and starts pacing.
"Sir what's wrong?"
He is pacing back and forth very nervous
"The queen has escaped because of those damn Jedi…"
"Well someone is going to have to call the boss…"
"Fine then you call him…"
"You're the viceroy… you call him…"
"You are right I am the viceroy and I am ordering you to call the future emperor…"
"Wait a minute I don't even remember an emperor being in the original Space Balls…"
"That is beside the point… I am ordering to call him or else…"
"Or else what…"
"You are fired…"
"Fired… after twelve years of faithful service you are going to fire me…"
"Mr. Trump can you help me here…"
The ship bridge turned into the apprentice set and Donald Trump is sitting at the desk
"You are not a team player… and I have had enough… you know what… You're fired!"
He contacts the emperor
"What now? Has the queen signed the contract?"
"Uh not exactly sir… She has escaped…"
He almost jumps out of his chair
"What… Do you know how long it took me to set this up… Find her…"
"The ship is out of range…"