|Wait and See
Author: oncethrown PM
After the apocalypse doesn't happen, Dean goes back to Bobby's house alone. He burned Bobby's body in the field. There wasn't enough of Cas left to burn or bury, and Sam was gone. After a few weeks of drinking and researching, Dean's ready to finally off himself and join his whole family, but a discount easter card and a sudden reappearance save him. Eventual Destiel. Human!Cas.Rated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Castiel & Dean W. - Chapters: 41 - Words: 150,574 - Reviews: 485 - Favs: 317 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 05-16-13 - Published: 05-31-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8169946
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
One Shots in the Verse:
A little over four months after the end of Wait and See
Dean's loops around the block twice with the windows down and the music a little too loud before he pulls into the driveway. He's a little ragged. Nothing major had happened today, it had just been a long one and he needs to unwind a little before he gets home to a four month old and Cas, who has been strung pretty tight lately.
The issue with God suddenly dropping a baby into your life is that you had no time to prepare. Cas had quit his part time bookstore job the morning after they'd found the baby. Dean had wound up putting in a few more weeks at work before he'd finagled some parental leave. And it wasn't just logistics like Cas staying home alone with the baby for most of the first day while Dean frantically ran around time gathering up baby stuff they didn't have- it was the fact that they had been totally mentally unprepared too.
Sam had been shocked and terrified when he found out that he was going to be a father, but he hadn't actually had a baby to deal with for a couple months after the initial shock. And Dean had wanted this so badly and Cas had wanted it too, but neither of them had been quite ready to just wake up fathers one morning.
Especially Cas. He'd been so good with his nieces that Dean hadn't expected the big difference between Cas's interaction with Sophie, Emily and Lizzie and his interaction with Matthew. But he could see it in Cas all the time. Matthew was literally a miracle for both of them, way beyond just a lucky shot, way beyond even immaculate conception. He was just made to exist, just for them. And for Cas, who only a few years ago hadn't even been a species that could reproduce, the pressure of his own child seemed to be a little too much for him.
Dean was being as supportive as he could muster, and at four months in, had yet to tell anyone, even Sam, that he thought Cas was being a psychotic perfectionist.
He washed everything all the time. He bought parenting magazines. He watched daytime TV shows about parenting. He googled everything that the baby did.
And the thing that Dean really really hated- he'd made Dean join an "Other People Stupid Enough to Be Gay Parents in South Dakota" group.
Well… made was a little strong. Dean had been playing with Matthew. Matthew had been making a sound that was almost a laugh. Cas had asked him for something. It had been about an hour before Dean realized what he had agreed to, but it had seemed really important to Cas, so Dean had just gone along with it.
It was just them and three lesbian couples. A couple of bug eyed professors, Cheryl and Shirley. Shirley was pregnant with their first child and they were always talking about organic food and cortex development and swaddling and how they were painting the nursery yellow to avoid enforcing gender expectations. They spent most of the meetings passive aggressively arguing with Bridget and Diane who lived on a farm a few miles out of town and had three elementary age kids, two girls and boy, who were all very well behaved and showed up to meetings looking like they had been playing outside. Pink cheeks and grubby fingers. And then there was Jackie and Isabelle, who had sons in high school, but still came to most meetings.
Dean genuinely likes Bridget and Diane. They're just sweet, solid people. They'd cooed over Matthew and tossed him up in a way that made Shirley shriek and Matthew burble happily. Jackie and Isabelle are fun too, Dean likes the "oh, if you only knew" way that they both smile at Cheryl and Shirley.
Cheryl and Shirley drive Dean out of his freaking mind. He feels bad for their poor kid, but mostly he feels bad for himself because Shirley and Cheryl get Cas all freaked out about pesticides and brain growth.
He doesn't get why Cas is so worried about the gay parent thing when the ex-Angel/ex-Hunter parent thing is just hanging there, but Dean thinks it's something that Cas will work out of his system. And he has to admit it's probably not a bad group for them to be involved in. Bridget and Diane are already running into problems with their kid's school, and Jackie and Isabelle have a lot of sage advice for them.
But if they have to go to every fucking meeting, Dean is going to get very sarcastic with Cheryl and Shirley. Cas stresses himself out about the baby too much already without the Super-Moms-To-Be making it worse.
Dean can hear Matthew screaming bloody murder before he even pulls the door open.
"Everybody okay?" he calls out as he kicks off his shoes. He says it lightly but feels an icy stab of fear when no one replies. He steps into the living room, looking around, ready for anything but what he finds.
Matthew is lying on the floor, kicking and waving his arms and wailing with his face red. Cas is sitting next to him on the floor, cross-legged with his palms pressed tight to his ears. He looks utterly defeated and after a moment Dean realizes that Cas is crying too.
Dean drops down next to him and Cas jumps when realizes that Dean's home. Dean scoops his son up off the floor and sets him on his shoulder, before grabbing Cas's hand as it falls away from his ears.
"Hey, what the hell is going on?"
Cas sputters and clenches his hand around Dean's. "He's been crying for hours… he just… and I can't… nothing is working."
Dean feels the way that hurts, like a stabbing in his heart. He hates it when Cas feels bad for something that Dean should have been able to prevent. He leans forward and kisses Cas's temple. "Alright. It's okay."
"No. No it's not. I can't… I think I'm making it worse," Cas sniffed grossly, snucking up snot in a way that made it clear he'd been crying for hours too. "I shouldn't be making it worse, but he's just been screaming. And I fed him, and I changed him and he's not running a fever and I just-"
Dean would be lying if he said he hasn't been waiting for this to happen. But there's no point in telling Cas (again) that he's putting way too much pressure on himself. Cas needs to get some fucking sleep, and then they'll talk about this. Besides. This is Dean's fault anyway. He shouldn't expect Cas to be as human as he does.
"Cas? You are exhausted. Go lie down. I'll take care of Matthew, scare up some dinner. I'll wake you up in a couple hours."
"Maybe we should take him to the doctor?" Cas replies, wiping his eyes on the back of his palm. "Maybe something is causing him pain?"
"Cas, I'm serious. You need rest. If I can't get him to calm down in half an hour I'll call Sam and Chelsea and see what they think. Please go to bed."
Cas lets out a little sob and runs his hand over the still crying baby's back. "I don't understand why I can't take care of my son. I don't-"
"Shhh…." Dean says, kissing him again. "This happens. It was just a bad day. And it's my fault that you got this far out of whack. I should be able to take care of you, right?"
He was hoping that would get a smile out of Cas. It doesn't, but Cas does work his way up to his feet and stagger upstairs.
Dean walks Matthew around the yard and only succeeds in getting him to cry more quietly. He grabs his cellphone and starts making calls to get his shifts moved around for the next few days. He made Cas cry, he can't just give the poor guy a nap and then tell him to start over in the morning.
He winds up cashing in a few favors, offering a few favors, and rounds it out with some light begging but he gets the next three days off. Then he calls Sam. When there's no answer he calls Chelsea, who suggests Matthew might be teething and turns out to be right. Dean asks where Sam is. Chelsea explains that Sam is having a similar night.
He wets a couple of washcloths and throws them in the freezer, then puts some cool water on another one and lets Matthew chew on it. By the time Dean's found the take out menus the kid has calmed down and by the time the delivery guy shows up, Matthew is sound asleep.
Dean sets out plates and forks and dumps salty, greasy comfort food all over them before he goes and gets Cas, who is even more miserable when he wakes up to find that in the hour and half he's been asleep Dean has stopped the screaming and gotten the baby down for the night.
"Teething," Cas sighs, dropping his forehead into his hand and stuffing a huge bite of sesame chicken into his mouth. "I didn't even think of that."
Cas shovels down easily double what he usually eats, and Dean forces him to go back upstairs.
"Hey, there. Ready for the park Mr. Stay at Home?" Sam asks the second he opens the door. He's got Lizzie in a football hold in one arm, what really looks like spit up in his hair, and a shit-eating grin on his face.
"You're hilarious," Dean says, bouncing Matthew a little bit and ignoring the drool slowly soaking through his t-shirt. They went Target this morning and bought a chew toy. It's shaped like a gorilla, and Dean can admit, in a totally manly way, that it's really cute. Though it is turning out, probably not the ideal chewing shape. "It's not like I'm some sort of workaholic who ignores Cas and Matthew, you know. I've been to the park. I can take care of my kid. I can take care of my boyfriend."
"I'm not making fun of you," Sam replies, still grinning as he waves Dean inside. "I'm actually looking forward to you at the park. Instead of just me and all the weird little Mom cliques. This is going to be good." He fiddles with the buckles. Emily throws up her hands and burbles at him, he grins at her and kisses her little fingers. "It's going to be so good, right girls? Yes it is."
"You are crazy chipper this morning. Like Mommy's Little Helper cheerful."
Sam shrugs and pulls out the stroller sunscreen. "This is all natural joy of a man who slept 12 hours last night and has been experiencing the sweet release of all day kindergarten for a whole week. I just need to get laid and I'll be freaking skipping."
"Dude, come on, little ears, we've talked about this," Dean sighs. Sam gives him the look that Sam always gives him for things like that. Lips-tucked-in smile with wide eyes. It's a sort of condescending "Oookay, whatever you say" smile that functions as a straightforward reminder that Dean is the older brother, but Sam is a father of three and Dean might have raised him, but he's only had a baby of his own for a couple months.
"Sorry," Sam says. "I'm gonna run up to the restroom, and we'll go park it up, and it won't just be me and that other Dad at the park who clearly just hates his life."
"Sam?" Dean calls after him as Sam starts up the steps. "As long as you're going up there, you've got puke in your hair."
"Yeah. I probably do. I have no memory of anything that happened past five last night."
"Alright," Dean sighs as Sam clomps the rest of the way upstairs.
"You and Cas don't take the kids to the park between hunting down vampire nests?" Dean asks when Sam reappears at the tops of the stairs.
Sam sighs and rolls his eyes as he hurries back down. "Cas thinks it's too cold out and the kids'll get pneumonia and die."
"It's September," Dean counters. "It's almost 70 degrees right now."
"I know," Sam says. "But I'm not going to push it yet. I remember Sophie at four months, I was still basically terrified that I would accidently break her somehow. And it's different for you guys."
"Does he seem that stressed out when he's over here?"
"Oh yeah." Sam says, grabbing the stroller and lifting the whole thing to carry it down the porch steps. "If anyone needs to be L-A-I-D it's Cas. I'm surprised he didn't snap weeks ago."
"And you don't bring this up?" Dean demands.
"Did you not bring a stroller?" Sam replies, looking around the driveway.
"I'm gonna carry him," Dean replies. He pulls Matthew a little tighter to his chest. Chelsea and Sam do make fun of him a little bit for this. He realizes that he can set Matthew down and that it's not like anything would happen. He doesn't need to have his sleeping son slung over his shoulder while he's doing dishes one handed, and he could break out the stroller… but he likes the warm weight, he likes the reassuring sound of Matthew breathing and making little baby sounds.
"Okay." Sam does the grin again and Dean hates him a little bit for it. "And I figured you knew that Cas was on edge. The sky's blue, monsters are real, and Cas is a mess. I mean… it's to be expected right? You're stressed out too."
"Yeah, man, but we have more experience than Cas does."
Sam starts down the street and Dean follows, adjusting the big diaper bag at his back.
"Cas has plenty of experience," Sam says. "He was always so good with Sophie when she was a baby. He's good with the Martha's kids, he's good with the twins. And he's good with Matthew too. He just needs to chill out a little bit. You both do, and I understand why you'd need more than just four months to chill out. You're doing fine."
"We may all need to just watch out for Cas a little more here. I mean he's not… you know altogether… human. And what do I need to chill out about?"
"You're being a little condescending don't you think?" Sam huffs. "Cas is a grown man, and a good father. He's protective, and worried, and he'll get over it. It's not like he's doing anything wrong. You're not going to help anything by making him feel like he's a burden you have to shoulder. Believe me. No one knows that like I do."
"Babbrrummmbah!" Matthew declares into Dean's ear. Dean kisses his head absentmindedly.
"That's not what I'm doing."
"Yes it is," Sam replies immediately. "Cas is wiped. He needs a couple days to recover, but you don't need to take him on as another charge. He's a grown up, he can deal with this, he just needs a full night's sleep and a little … you know. TLC. Otherwise you're just going to make him feel like crap and stress yourself out even more."
"I'm not that stressed out," Dean scoffs. "For a guy with a baby and a newly human husband and a full time job, I'm damn peachy."
Sam scoops his hair back and stops strolling and holds his hands out. "Okay. Then give me Matthew."
"Why?" Dean demands, turning away a little bit.
"Just come on, hand me the baby."
"No. Not when you're all Mary Poppins nuts."
"Alright," Sam says, shrugging and resuming their stroll. "But, seriously, Cas and I are friends too. He's been spending a lot of time over at my house over the last couple months. I know what I'm talking about. If you treat him like you need to take care of him too, you are going to make him feel even worse, all the time. And you're going to lose it next. You're a mess too."
"I'm fine," Dean snaps as they walk into the park. Matthew squawks and Dean shushes him. Sam raises his eyebrows at him.
"Yeah. You're totally fine. You think Cas getting upset is completely your fault, you won't even put your kid down, and you're ignoring a sensible solution in favor of something that's going to hurt your boyfriend and make your life way more stressful. But you're totally fine."
"I forgot what you're like when you're well rested," Dean tells him. "Didn't miss it."
"And I'd almost forgotten what you're like when you're all martyred," Sam bites back.
Dean flicks him off, earning an instant glare from one of the cliques of Moms that Sam was bitching about as the two of them start circling the little path around the park. They make it most of the way around the circle before, out of nowhere, Sam asks, "So, are you guys having any sex at all?"
"Oh my god. Are you serious?" Dean groans. "I'm not talking to you about this."
"I have seen you nailing twins," Sam counters.
"Little. Ears," Dean repeats, shifting Matthew to the shoulder away from Sam.
"Fine. I was trying for subtle, but this is just not worth it," Sam sighed. "Cas is around a lot and this is a subject that has come up. Unlike, as I hear it, either of you."
Dean hears the fact that his boyfriend has complained to his brother that they are not having enough sex, and instantly moves past it, avoiding having to digest or deal with this information. It's been a couple months, but they've been tired and busy and it's not that strange.
"Matthew sleeps in our room, he doesn't sleep through the night, you are starting to sound weirdly like Chelsea and according to all of Cas's magazines, a lot of new parents take longer than this to be… you know… intimate again. Are you seriously telling me that you are Chelsea are…" Dean waves vaguely.
"Chelsea just had twins," Sam says. "She physically needs a little more time before she wants to actually have sex. It took a little less time with Sophie, but this was harder on her. But we still fool around. Which for the two of you apparently counts as sex."
"Okay- if you want to go over an actual issue, fine, but I'm not going to do the 'it's not," –Dean huffed and patted Matthew's head– "S-E-X if you're not inside' discussion again."
"Fair enough. Still. Neither of you pushed little people out of your bodies recently and Sophie slept in our room for most of the first year and we were still having sex."
"With her ther-"
"No! No," Sam denied instantly. "Of course not. Come on. In the laundry room. Or the shower. While Sophie was napping. With the monitor on. Just in case. Couple quickies in the panic room while we were at your place. And once in your room. Wait- twice in your room."
"Dean, we are both grown ups. We've got, you know, partners. Can we just have the mature discussion about this that Cas has been nodding and nudging and subtly begging me to have with you for weeks or not? Cause if I can have the big gay sex conversation- you sure as hell should be able to."
Dean holds Matthew a little closer. "Cas put you up to this?"
"Not in so many words."
"Fine. Then in as few words as possible."
"You are in a huge life change and Cas doesn't feel close to you. It's not just the pressure, he's lonely." Sam says it fast and matter of fact, like he's just reporting on the weather.
"He's lonely?" Dean demands.
"You are so focused on the baby that you're alienating him."
"I know, Dean. I know. I get it." Sam stops wheeling the stroller and turns to Dean. "You wanted this so badly for so long, and you got it and it is literally a miracle. I know how that feels. Look at my life- look at Chelsea- I get what it feels like to have a miracle. But I can feel that way about her and the kids, save the world, hang out with you and Cas. Sit upstairs with a book and a beer sometimes and let her take the wheel. You are too… single barrel on this. Are you hearing what I'm saying?"
Dean tucks his face a little closer to Matthew. He's making little grunting noises and apparently really going to town on his gorilla. "I should get him out of the sun."
"Dean," Sam starts.
"I'm not single barrel. I go to work. I'm still helping save the world here and there. I'm not ignoring Cas. I'm taking care of him right now."
"By leaving him home alone and taking the baby out with me."
"What are you telling me to do, just drop my kid off somewhere?
"How about you leave Matthew with us tonight? Take Cas out somewhere, have a grown up night. Dinner. Conversation that is not about puke and poop. Sex."
"Is there going to be a test on the conversation?" Dean snarks. "Do I get extra credit for 'real' sex, or will my grade on this be okay if it's just B-L-O-W jobs like usual?"
"I'm right about this and you'll thank me in the morning," Sam announces with finality, strolling off without looking back. Dean takes Matthew over to a big oak tree and drops down in the shade. He watches the clique moms watching him and tries to remember the last time that he and Cas really were intimate with each other.
They haven't had sex in a traditional sense since the night Sam and Chelsea had announced that they were pregnant again, but that was pretty typical. Dean had done some googling and some rationalizing and some researching before finally giving up and deciding that 'because we don't like it as much as everything else' was a good enough reason for them to hardly ever have anal sex. He wasn't going to say that to Sam for a couple reasons, one of course still being little ears, and the other being that Sam had gotten a little too… open about his love life since he and Chelsea had gotten married and Dean did not need to hear about the variety of ways that his little brother had nailed his good friend and the mother of his nieces.
But Dean can't remember the last time they'd done anything else either. He figured that they must have at least done some sleepy grinding while he was off work for adoption leave, but nothing's coming to mind.
He takes out the bottle he'd packed, tapping it until the bubbles pop. Matthew drops the gorilla and grabs the bottle as soon as it's in reach. He watches his son eat. Watches the content little expression of concentration and zones out a little. It takes Sam a couple tries to get Dean's attention. He spends another couple hours with Sam and the twins and the more time he spends with someone who is not Matthew's other father the more he realizes.
Maybe he is a little single barrel.
He and Sam spread a blanket out in the oak tree shade and let the cousins roll and kick for a little while. They lie on their stomachs on opposite sides of the blanket and pack everyone back up when Emily starts to get fussy. It starts to occur to Dean, as they head back to the house, that the day out with his baby and his baby brother is a little too similar to the last couple of days with his lover and his baby.
He and Cas don't pile together on the couch like they used to, because one of them is always holding Matthew. They don't hold hands walking around like they used too. Cas has been so tired lately that even their kiss goodbye in the morning has been getting cut. The only time he's really physically close to Cas is when they're putting the baby down for the night and when they climb in bed together before falling almost instantly into a dead sleep for the few hours they get.
Sam's solution of a night off really is the only one and Dean understands that… and still doesn't want his son to sleep somewhere else for the night.
Dean gets home around three. Matthew didn't quite fall asleep in the car, but he was getting there.
Cas is sitting on the front porch swing in his bathrobe with a book and a cup of tea. He's unshaven and messy, but the circles under his eyes are gone.
"Hey, how you feeling?" Dean calls out as he pulls Matthew out of the backseat of the Impala.
"Umm… embarrassed, mostly," Cas replies. "I didn't handle last night very well."
"Don't worry about it," Dean says. He leans down to kiss Cas, a real kiss on the lips. Cas has clearly not brushed his teeth, but Dean still kisses him like he has.
Matthew makes a happy quacking sort of noise and reaches out for Cas, which makes Cas just lighten. Dean hands him over.
"Hey, so, I took tomorrow off too, and Sam said that he and Chelsea could take on an extra kid tonight. So… what's say you let me take you out tonight?"
Cas smiles softly. "Yes. That would be lovely."
Matthew goes down for a nap, and while Dean feels like spending that time with Cas… it doesn't quite work out that way. They end up cleaning because the house has gone from "messy" to "gross" to "dangerous" and it has to be done. Dean winds up falling asleep on the couch for half and hour and feels bad about it when he's woken up by Chelsea knocking on the door. Apparently Sam sent her over to take Matthew by force if need be.
Chelsea seems to realize this. She gives Dean a mocking smile. "You know we're used to waking up. If you need to come get him tonight, just call."
Cas cleans up better than Dean remembers. He shaves and braids his hair and digs out his ridiculous suspenders that make him look so old-world. Dean scrubs up too, breaking out one of his fed suits.
They aren't quite able to follow Sam's directive about no baby talk. Matthew is what is happening in their lives and he dominates the conversation. But the restaurant owner is celebrating some sort of anniversary and starts sending the waiters around with free champagne. After Cas's first couple glasses conversation somehow swings around to the old days.
"It would've been intrestin, intreston…" Cas clears his throat and blushes even redder under his already pinked cheeks. "In-ter-est-ing. To have been human back then." He sighs. "Or to have been human enough to appreciate you, anyway."
"Appreciate me?" Dean laughs. Including that militia thing in Minnesota he can count the times he's seen Cas drunk on one hand, and Cas happy, flushed, laughing drunk is undeniably attractive. They're playing footsie under the table like teenagers and Sam has texted a couple times with little updates. It's obvious that he knows Dean too well, the last three were:
"Your kid is fine. Enjoy your night."
"He just ate. Don't worry about your kid."
"We're playing on the floor. You better be having a nice time."
"Mmmhmmm," Cas says. "In the fray. With your…" He laughs and takes another deep gulp from what Dean is pretty sure is his fifth glass. "With that rock salt gun, or the demon knife. I mean, I never really used to concern myself with it, but it umm… pops up, every now and then, and I just think… I wish I had realized how ridiculously… hot that was."
"Hot?" Dean asks.
"Mmm," Cas replies nodding and blushing even redder. Dean can feel the point of Cas's shoe nudging clumsily at his ankle. "I had a dream about you like that this morning."
"Yeah?" Dean says, every part of him perking up in interest at this.
Cas's voice drops even lower than usual. "You'd just come home from a hunt. I was on the porch and you walked out of the dark, all dirty and sweaty and," Cas clears his throat. "And I stripped your jeans right off of you."
Dean reaches out for his water glass and nearly knocks it over.
"Dropped you down on the swing and wrapped my hands around your thighs, and umm… went down on you until you screamed." Cas tipped back the rest of his champagne glass. "I liked the smell of you. Strong and… you know… virile."
Dean swallows heavily. "That uh, would've been a better end to a night of hunting than most of my actual cases."
"Pretty decent end to a date too," Cas says.
Dean blows out a breath. He's hard and only getting harder as Cas smiles at him and tucks his foot against Dean's under the table. He could sit here and try to calm down while the waiter brings them their check… but he's not going to.
He digs a couple bills out of his wallet and throws them on the table, then works his way out of his jacket.
"Yeah. Yeah it is," he agrees.
Cas stands. Dean folds his jacket discretely in front of himself and they book out of the restaurant, Cas giggling drunkenly all the way up to the point that he pushes Dean up against the passenger side of the Impala.
"I could suck you off here in the parking lot," Cas huffs into his ear, before he starts kissing down his neck. "I miss you."
Cas's hands settle at the small of his back and pull Dean in, hard and sudden. Dean gasps and almost pushes him back in surprise. Handsy Cas, he's used to, but Cas doesn't ever get forceful like this.
"I miss you too," Dean manages.
Cas rocks his hips against Dean and Dean swallows hard when he feels Cas's erection against him, then moans when Cas pulls him in for a kiss, deep and dirty.
Dean does push him away this time, a little too hard to be playful. "Come on, let's get you home where it's legal."
"Hurry," Cas huffs.
Dean is really grateful that he picked a restaurant near home. Cas decides to totally disregard traffic safety laws and spends the drive nearly in Dean's lap, running his tongue teasingly across the tendons in his neck, pulling all his buttons open and palming over Dean's rock hard dick. Dean clenches the steering wheel so hard that by the time he pulls into the drive way he can barely feel his fingers. He's considering just doing this here. Letting Cas blow him in the front seat because he's not sure he can take walking all the way upstairs to their bedroom. Even the couch is starting to seem like a tall order with Cas's lips on his neck and Cas's hands under his shirt.
"Come on, come on," Dean huffs out. "Bedroom."
"But then I have to stop touching you," Cas protests.
"We'll run," Dean replies.
"Mmnnmm," Cas moves forward and kisses him for real. "Dean… Dean…"
Dean digs his hands into Cas's hair and pulls him in even harder, kissing Cas almost as dirty as Cas had kissed him in the parking lot, and slowly giving up on the hope that he might make it upstairs with his boyfriend after all. "Tell me what you want, Cas."
"How drunk are you?"
"Pretty drunk," Cas replies. "I've been… thinking about you a lot lately. I think about you and I touch myself and I think about looking in your eyes while I'm getting you to climax."
Dean's hips jerk forward into nothing. It's just too hot to deal with when Cas puts it like that. He throws the door open and gulps in air. He's starting to feel like he's getting a contact drunk.
The cool air helps. He ducks away from Cas and steps out of the car, surprised at just how undressed he is. Cas had drunk plenty of champagne at the restaurant, and had certainly sounded drunk while he talked about his dirty dreams. But he had certainly been efficient enough at tugging Dean out of his clothes in the dark.
Dean lets his pants drop in the driveway, steps out of them, then beckons Cas over. Cas grins and steps toward him. Dean steps back and Cas follows for a few steps before Dean turns and runs for the house. It's not really running. It's more of a gentle lope. He wants Cas to catch him, and he also doesn't want Cas to fall down and break his face.
Cas chases him up the stairs and tackles him down onto the bed, hitting him way harder than Dean had anticipated, nearly knocking the air out of him, then flipping him onto his back and dropping down to kiss his chest.
Dean's glad they've already agreed this is going to be a multi-round thing, because he's way, way more hard up for this than he thought he was and it's already too obvious that the first round is going to be short. His hands are shaking as he tugs Castiel out of his shirt. He was aware that it had been too long, but it hasn't felt like months until now. Cas throws his shirt and pants off, and Dean flips him onto his back, rutting down into him as slowly as he can manage, which is not particularly slow.
He's rabid for this-for Cas's sweat shined skin and hot breath and hard body and hard cock pressed tight against him. He dives down to kiss him and can tell that he hasn't been paying enough attention to Cas lately by the way that it feels like coming home. Dean hates admitting that Sam's right, but he had seriously had a point. The distance between him and Cas while they separately obsessed about the baby was all too obvious with the distance suddenly closed.
Cas's kissing gets distracted and Dean realizes that he is scrabbling in the nightstand, then belatedly, realizes why. Dean pulls out of the kiss, plucks the lube out of the drawer and sets it down by the pillows. Cas makes a noise that's half a chuckle, half a moan and pulls Dean back down on top of him, rocking up hard before pitching Dean over onto his back and grabbing both their cocks, stroking a little too hard and way too dry.
Cas is never like this, forceful and direct, just on the edge of rough. Dean's a little shocked with himself for enjoying it this much. He whines when Cas drops his cock to go for the lube, then takes advantage of Cas's precarious position while he's holding himself up with one arm and knocks him onto his back, just for the thrill of the feeling of Cas throwing him back down again.
Cas pops the lube open and pours a little into his hand. His eyelashes are dark against his pink flushed skin while he touches himself.
"Cas?" Dean asks, wondering where they are going with the lube.
Cas grins softly at him pours more liquid into his palm and runs his slick palm up Dean's length, rock hard and laying up against his stomach. He takes Dean in his fist and strokes back down.
"Sit up so I can kiss you," Cas instructs in a whisper, thumbing right under the head of Dean's cock, the same place where he usually works his tongue until Dean starts to sweat.
Dean doesn't need to be told twice. He pulls himself up immediately swinging himself backward on his arms while Cas knee walks forward. He drops back into the headboard with a crash so loud that Cas ducks out of the kiss to laugh at him. "We're out of practice"
"It's okay. It's just a warm up," Dean replies, rocking up into Cas's hand to get his focus back. Cas grasps their cocks together and strokes down. Dean's right on the edge from the first stroke of Cas's hand and thrust of Cas's cock, and Cas doesn't make it a whole five minutes before he's bursting all over Dean, and Dean's coming himself at the happy growl that Cas makes as he falls forward into an accomplished kiss.
They collapse like a house on fire, folding in on each other into an illogical naked heap of limbs.
"Fuuuckk…" Cas sighs. "I really needed that."
Dean laughs. "Yeah," he nuzzles into Cas's neck. "I'm sorry about yesterday."
"You're sorry?" Cas sighs. "I'm the one that 'freaked out' on you."
"But I'm sorry that I haven't been… you know around."
"You're here every night."
"I mean… for you. I'm sorry I haven't been… here for you."
Cas pulls himself closer, wrapping a hand around Dean's neck. "Dean, can I tell you a secret?"
"Yeah, baby," Dean says.
"Don't call me baby," Cas replies tonelessly before pulling back enough to meet Dean's eye. Experiments with pet names have not gone well. Matthew got to be baby on occasion, but Dean has a sneaking suspicion that it's a nickname that Cas is working his way around to being comfortable with because Matthew actually is a baby. But since it's the only pet name Cas ever uses, Dean finds himself falling into it more and more.
"Fine. What's the secret?" Dean asked, tucking his feet between Cas's.
"I've been expecting you to get like this."
"I know, I'm sorry. I'd stay here with you everyday, you know that."
"I do. But that's not what I meant. It's not just having the baby you wanted so badly that's making you like this."
"Then what is it?"
"Matthew looks like Sam," Cas whispers. "I'm not sure you've even consciously noticed it yet, but it's there."
"You think that I'm obsessive about our miracle baby because he looks like my little brother because they both have dark hair."
"And similar eyes and the same smile. And I think that you were always going to be obsessive about being a father, because as badly as you want this you're as scarred by your father as Sam was, just in very different ways. And I know that it's still ingrained in you to do anything it takes to take care of Sam. And that scares me."
"I don't think Matthew is Sam," Dean argues.
"No, not that," Cas says. "It scares me that I'm not like that. You're… mind and soul are devoted in a way that I'm just… not sure how to be. I'm afraid that you'll think I don't love him enough and I do."
Dean kisses Cas and sets their foreheads together. "Why on earth would I think something like that?"
"Because he makes me tired, and sometimes I can't get him to stop crying and sometimes… being responsible for him, and having him be… mine is so much and I can't quite fathom it. I worry that you'll think I'm unfeeling because I'm not sure I can get as manic as I've seen you get about Sam."
Dean searches out Cas's hand and squeezes it. "I'd never think that. And let's face t. You're right. I'm too obsessive. I'm dangerous. I know that. I can respect you being, you know, the rational half."
"The rational half," Cas sighs. "That's sexy."
Dean laughs out loud. Sometimes Cas is weirdly human in little bursts. "Give me five more minutes and I will show you exactly how sexy it is."
Cas makes a pleased humming noise and combs his hand through Dean's sweaty hair. "I love being in a family like this," he says seriously. "It's different to be a father and a brother in law than just a brother like I was. Different to be a boyfriend. I love you."
Dean almost teases him about how tipsy he still was, but Cas's eyes are so sincere and open that he can't do it. So he elbows himself a little closer to Cas and kisses him deeply, until all their embers go back to flames.