|Whatever Happened to Wade?
Author: Sierra.Gem PM
Wade Michiko DeBris came to New York to make a name for herself and get famous. But what happens when the very person she was trying to avoid shows up? Max/OC.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,459 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 08-21-12 - Published: 06-01-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8172225
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Fourth of July Edition! Break out the stars and stripes! Sorry I've been off for a while. Just started a theater program. I had to present a monologue for an "audition" and chose Gene Wilder's 1960's Leo Bloom "whom has Max Bialystock wronged" monologue. Songs in this one and more Franz! And more terrible tries at accents! This is also my first "holiday edition" of a story. Also, a reference to Fargo can be found. Think Carl Showalter. …You know, the guy he shoots was named Wade. That's weird.
WADE: HIDE MEEEE!
[Setting: The Shubert (which I found out I was misspelling)…]
Wade and Marc burst into the Shubert humming "Stars and Stripes Forever" loudly and marching.
"Have you gone mad?" Roger asked. "What are you doing?"
"It's the Fourth of July and we're going to throw a party!" Wade grinned. "Everyone's invited!"
"Where is it?" Max inquired.
Her smile refused to fade. "…It's a surprise." She replied.
"Vhat are ve going to eat?" Ulla beamed.
"Fourth of July stuff." Marc answered.
"That's fine with us." Roger smiled at Carmen. "We love surprises, don't we, Carmen?"
"Love them!" Carmen echoed.
"Great." Wade nodded. She then pulled Marc aside at the back of the theater. "Why didn't we figure out all the technical stuff before we announced the party? It's tonight and we've got nothing planned!"
"Okay, let's figure out what we need." He sighed. "First, we need a place to throw it. I know a good location, but I'm not exactly sure it'll be easy to get."
"It's on a rooftop."
"The rooftop of somebody we know?"
"Someone who works with us in the Shubert."
"Is it this person's day off?"
"His mind is always on a day off."
She went pale. "Oh, no. You don't mean…?"
"I do. So be prepared and just look straight ahead."
[Setting: Franz's Roof…]
Wade and Marc gently knocked on the open door and stepped closer to Franz, who was feeding the birds.
"Franz?" Wade murmured.
He jumped back. "I vas never a member of ze Nazi party! I had nosing to do vith ze var! I didn't even know zere vas a var on! Ve lived in ze back, next to—"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just us."
"Oh. Vhat do you vant?"
"We'd like to use this little, uh, location," Marc explained, "as the setting for our Fourth of July party tonight. You're invited, you know."
"Fourss of July! A holiday invented by ze BBC!"
"Uh, actually, it's a very patriotic American holiday."
"Zat's vhat zey vant you to think!"
"Of course it is. Now back on track. Can we use the rooftop?"
"First, you must prove zat you believe as I believe by joining viss mein singing and dancing ze Fuhrer's favorite tune, Der Guten Tag Hop-Clop!"
"Max warned us about this." Wade whispered. "We'd better be careful. Duck and dodge everything."
"But Wade—" Marc began.
"First, you vill roll up your pants!" Franz instructed.
"Is that really nece—" Marc protested, but Wade clamped her hand over his mouth.
"Yes, it is nece. Extremely nece." She leaned in closer to him. "Do you want to stay alive, Marc?" She hissed.
He nodded vigorously and they did as they were told.
"Key of E?" Franz stared at her.
"Is there any other?" She shrugged.
Eins! Zwei! Drei!
Guten Tag Hop-Hop
Guten Tag Clop-Clop
Ach du lieber und oh boy
Guten Tag Clap-Clap
Guten Tag Slap-Slap
Ach du lieber, vhat a joy
Oh, ve essen und fressen und tanzen und trinken
Tanzen und trinken until ve get shtinking
They all began to sing.
"Guten Tag Hop-Hop
Guten Tag Clop-Clop…"
"Guten Tag meine liebe schatz," Franz sang,
"So ve hop our hops
Und ve clop our clops
Und ve drink our schnapps till ve plotz
You vill svay!"
"Ve vill svay!" Wade echoed, nudging Marc.
They followed everything he did, Marc a little more awkwardly. When they danced next to Franz, he almost hit both of them, but they remembered to duck and dodge.
"Handschlagspiel!" Franz exclaimed.
"Whatever you say." Wade rolled her eyes.
"This is a tricky one!" He did some weird hang thing and they followed, once again having to duck and dodge.
Then they started doing a dance one could only describe as a "Nazi hoedown."
"Ah, ze Hop-Clop, it's been so long!" Franz yelled out.
The birds began to sing, which just made the two scared.
Franz stretched his hands out once again, but Wade, upon realizing that she actually was having a bit of fun, didn't duck and dodge and he hit her square in the eye.
"Ow!" She cried out in pain, her hands cupped over her black eye.
Marc rubbed her back soothingly and brought her back over to Franz. "We're almost done." He whispered. "He says he's got something else we need to do."
"Now you must take ze Ziegfried Oass!" He announced.
"The Siegfried Oath?" Wade groaned.
"Yep, we know what it is."
"Zen you know how to do it." He raised his right forefinger.
It was a good thing he didn't watch Wade and Marc, because they said the pledge, but were a little off when it came to the fingers.
"Now we've got a location!" Wade exclaimed afterwards.
"Well, next we need somebody to grill the burgers and stuff." Marc shrugged. "You can't have Fourth of July party without burgers and a whole lot of ketchup."
"Neither of us knows how to do anything food-related."
"You know what we need?"
[Setting: Astor Bar…]
The two walked into the bar, Wade still getting over the pain of her black eye.
The bartender looked at them and was taken aback.
She paused. "You should see the other guy." She forced herself to smile.
He shook his head and walked away as they sat down.
"If we don't get somebody to do the food for the Fourth of Jul party," Wade sighed sadly, "we're screwed."
"I know." Marc groaned. "We'll have nothing to do."
"Well, let's get one thing straight." She glanced over at the bartender, who was staring down at the end of the counter. "We'll never be as lonely as him."
"He's kind of cute."
"Yea—wait a second. Did I just hear you say somebody other than you-know-who was cute?"
"Well, I mean, well, you know…" He stammered.
"No, I don't know, Marc. Care to explain?"
"I, uh…" He blushed.
"Hey, you!" She got the bartender's attention. "What are you doing for the Fourth of July?"
"I just started, so I don't do the busy crowds." He came up to them. "I'm just going to be by myself. Got no one to share the night with."
"Can you grill?" She asked him. Marc kicked her under the table, but she just kicked back.
"Want to grill at our party? It's on the roof of Franz Liebkind's place at 61 Jane Street."
"Sure." He shrugged, smiling. "Oh, by the way, my name's Austin Wills."
"Nice to meet you, Austin." Wade smirked at Marc.
"Yeah." Marc agreed, nodding.
Somebody snapped their fingers at Austin and he went to go oblige them.
"Now what do we need?" She turned to him.
"I can't believe you."
"That's right! We need festive costumes!"
[Setting: Renowned Theatrical Director Roger DeBris's Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Et Cetera Et Cetera…]
"Is Kevin here?" Wade opened the odor.
"How did you open the door?" Marc exclaimed.
"I took a class on picking locks."
"Who gave a class on that?"
"Some gang member."
"Oh, yeah, your gang phase."
She looked him hard in the eye. "Nobody has to know about that, Marc."
He zipped his lips shut with an imaginary zipper.
"Kevin?" She called. "Bryan? Anyone here?"
"No one appears to be."
"I know! Let's find a closet! There's got to be something in there."
After lots of searching through the house that they still hadn't gotten used to, they found where they kept all of the costumes. Wade saw the Pippa costume and chuckled at the memory of his face when she won.
She thought for a minute. "You know, Marc, I think Glimmer and Elliot need comebacks." She uttered.
"What do you mean?" He turned to her.
"And I know just when."
He gasped. "You're a bad person, Wade DeBris."
"Aren't I?" She smiled in delight and headed towards a wig stand where she found a long red wig. Placing it on her head, she giggled. "Red! This counts as red, doesn't it?"
"Oh, look." Marc laughed. "A blue-and-white striped tux. Who would wear this?"
"Certainly not them. I don't know where that came from."
"I'll wear it." He shrugged. "Red, white, and blue."
"Great!" She jumped. "Now what else do we have to deal with?"
"Fireworks!" He groaned. "Everyone's probably sold out."
"Never say never, Marc." She smirked slyly at him.
His eyes widened. "You're not getting in touch with…?"
[Setting: Franz's Roof…]
"I got to admit, this is a pretty good place to hold a party." Leo nodded, taking in the view from the roof. "The only time I was really up here was when I was scared out of my mind of Franz."
"But Leo," Ulla wrapped her arms around his neck, "I thought you still vere!"
He turned white as a ghost, humiliated. Max stifled a laugh.
"Where are Wade and Marc?" Roger asked.
"I don't know where they are," a familiarly low voice deadpanned, "but let's just say that they're not anywhere near here."
"How did you find this place?"
"It's a bit quaint." Glimmer looked at her glittery red fingernails. "I don't like it, do you, Elliot?"
"Dreadful." He grabbed her wrist and they stormed out.
"I don't know how that happened." Carmen put his hand on Roger's shoulder. "They're just awful."
He just shook his head. "Wherever those two are, they'd better be planning something extravagant to make up for that."
"Maybe they knew they were coming." Max suggested suspiciously.
"How did they even find the place?" Leo panicked. "Are stalkers hanging outside the house? Oh my God, we all might get killed!"
"Leo!" Ulla held him. "Leo! Leo, calm down!"
He pulled out his blanket and started kissing it while she stroked his shoulder.
"I'll never understand that man." Roger sighed.
[Setting: The Stairs Leading Up to Franz's Roof…]
"God, now I feel bad." Wade sighed. In her normal clothes and the red wig, she was headed up the stairs with Marc, who was in the striped tux.
"I think it felt good." He shrugged. "Didn't you feel powerful?"
"Yeah, but the look on his face."
"He didn't look intimidated to me. He just looked confused. We need to try harder."
"What's this about, Marc?" She groaned.
"It's about nothing!" He pulled her upstairs.
"It's about something!"
"We're going to go up there and have a good time. If you didn't like it, it never happened, okay?"
"Okay." She was quiet, but she plastered a huge smile on her face, as did he, when they opened the door. "Happy Fourth of July!"
"We're just waiting on somebody." Marc beamed. "His name's Austin. He's a new bartender at the Astor and he's going to grill for us since we can't even go near food without burning it."
"Wait a second," Roger raised an eyebrow at them, "that's my wig! How did you get that?"
"I have my ways." Wade nudged Marc.
"And how did you find that tux?" Carmen asked.
"Oh, I just…" Marc trailed off. "Why? I know you'd never wear this."
"I know. It was for you. I just thought you'd like it."
He was speechless. "Thank you. That's such a thoughtful gift. I—"
"All right, let's stop before someone cries." Wade wrapped her arm around Marc's shoulders and dug her nails into his neck until he yelped. He covered it up by nodding in agreement with her.
"Is it too late to join the party?" Austin came up.
"Austin!" Wade ran up and hugged him. "Okay, we put the grill somewhere over there, so you can get started."
"And what party would be complete without fireworks?" Marc smiled at her.
"The best fireworks of all," she announced, "which are illegal fireworks!"
"What?" Carmen exclaimed, horrified. "You purchased illegal fireworks?"
"My ex Patrick sent them to me. Remember, Roger, he tried to kill you?"
"How could I forget?" Roger's head collapsed into his hands.
"Fireworks now!" She lit the fuse and they exploded into the air a few at a time.
"It's so beautiful." Marc whispered.
It was, in fact, one of the most beautiful sights he and Wade had ever seen.
Ulla snuggled into Leo. Carmen grabbed hold of Roger's hand, the other hand holding his chains. Adolf perched on Franz's shoulder. Austin grilled, smiling.
Marc hugged Wade. "This is the best Fourth of July ever." He smiled.
"How did I know you'd say that?" She laughed.
"But it really is!" He pulled away. "It's our first in New York with all of these amazing people! …We're not going to let anything come between us, are we? Ever?"
"Never, Marc. Nothing or no one will ever come between us." She raised her hands in the air and whooped like a siren, annoying everyone else, but they tolerated it.
Roger then noticed Wade's glittery red nail polish that was slightly chipped, like it hadn't been recently put on. Where had he seen that nail polish before? Something was definitely up.
He looked at Carmen, whose eyes were locked on the fireworks, and decided that he wouldn't let anything ruin this 4th of July.