|Annoying the Vamps 2
Author: linkinparkfan9799 PM
Ann Siam is BACK with new annoying measures, and a new problem. Multiple boys are asking for her hand in dating-you thought I was going to say Marriage? HA!-and she has to choose. WHICH SEX GOD WILL BE TORTURED FOR LIFE? And which one will pick up her order of more C4?Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 53,170 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 10-18-12 - Published: 06-03-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8181404
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
-Grab letter here-
WELL FCK TRADITIONAL WAKIE-UPSIES! I wake up, find I'm on my period (mostly by the now ruined sheets), my cats are fighting, Rakisu is passed out on the floor (does monthly blood smell that bad to Pureies?), and three different kinds of huge, honking navy eyes are right up in my dmn face, which is dmn splintered as I fcking smash my head through the dmn mother fcking wall. Wanna say something? HUH? WANNA?-!
Okay, so I was strangling Suki (one of the eyes) during that rant, and now I'm as psychotic as ever, not knicker-twisted (something I learned from Richie). Atsushi hands me my five notes and two packages. I sit down and kick my legs as Rakisu dramatically crawls for the door. Her twin, Ran, just drags her back and the second oldest of the four, Masu, helps. Well, where do you think the youngest twin got her name? Some Anime that wasn't even around when she was born? I open the first note.
Dear Queen Ann,
I see that the dart pen is not good on firing, I shall see to that and tweak it so that it is heat-seeking, or in this case Level E seeking so that they will have a better chance at hitting the target I think it should be heat-seeking though... Seeing as though you have more bothersome people you like to attack at random times.
Well I will stop taking up your time and I have finished two more I have an indestructible crown for you when you are Queen but I shall send it and a backpack that has no end to the amount of things that can be put in it and it is almost weightless, 2 pounds to be exact
Your Loyal Mentally Disturbed Follower, Night the Cat of your Nightmares
Yay~ Crown! I wonder what Kaname will say…(XP) and now we move on to Lettero Dos~
I'll be there soon! I have a lot of different colors of carpet for you and Rakisu and a lot of different colors of paint too.
Your Eternally Faithful Follower and Worshiper of Her Majesty Ann Siam,
YAY~ Wait…CRP! I try to push Suki, Masu, and Ran out. "GO! SCAT! THOU SHALL NOT DISTURB MY FUTURE SECOND IN COMMAND!"
"H-Hey!" Ran pouts. "Cut me a break! It's these lunatics that cause me to lose it!"
"Suuuuure," Suki and Masu pat her head. "Blame is on the older ones."
"Ran can stay," I shove the others out. "YOU TWO GO HOME AND SMOKE METH!"
I slam the door shut and the other two wake up, peeking out of the curtain that divides this section from Atsushi's. I grab the other note while sucking on Atsushi's thumb (he blushes again).
I have two jobs for you! Please complete them to the best of your abilities and eat gumballs from the gumball machine all the while! :P I just thought instead of giving you loads of crp I would actually give jobs to do with the random crp :)B. I also got Finny out of Black Butler, so you can keep him for a while! (Rakisu don't let any harm come to my baby. Okay? I don't want a single hair from his beautiful head missing when he returns to me! Mwahahahahaha!)
Any anime characters, potions or random crp you need, just ask!
All hail her majesty, Queen Ann!
I take out a small note with the jobs and tuck it in my jacket pocket. I grab Kurosei's letter so I can write a letter back.
ZERO FINALLY MADE IS MOVE! YAY! AND OF COURSE YOU WOULD WANT TO BE VAMPIRE FEED! ZERO'S VAMPIRE FEED! *WINK*... OH AND TO ANNOY RIMA AND SHIKI I RECOMMEND EATING ALL OF THIER POCKY AND MAKEING IT WHERE THEY CANT GET MORE! THEY PRACTICALLY LIVE ON THAT STUFF! OH AND QUEENS HAVE TO GO THOUGH STUFF LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME! SOMETIMES WORSE! TAKE LADY JANE GREY FOR AN EXAMPLE... SHE WAS QUEEN FOR NINE DAYS AND THEN SHE WAS PUT IN JAIL... AND A FEW DAYS LATER DECAPITATED! AND YES YOU CAN RAPE ZERO BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST YOUR V-CARD TO HIM ONCE...FIRST YEAR AT SCHOOL AFTER YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY... NO COMMENT... POOR SHIKI...
TOUR STALKERISH FOLLOWER
I! DO! NOT! LIKE! ZERO! I am not in-denial, and I'm not on my p-Oh wait, I am, but STILL! And are you talking about when Naomi and I got Zero and Shiki drunk? Okay, they were naked, but I did not have baby-making-magic with Zero! Questionable on Naomi, BUT STILL! I am a virgin, and I plan to stay that way until I officially get drunk off of my fcking fat as-. Also, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN DEMONS BLUSH?-!-?
Your Queen on her Monthly,
Ann 'I'M OFF MY MEDS' Siam
(P.S-I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at my genes for making me a girl)
I stab the wall with my pencil and pick up the package. Maybe there are some more vampire-plush-toys (-_-). Okay, let's see…hand cuffs (thought: lose virginity), shock gum, pepper spray, tazer battery, a charm bracelet with some note saying it shrinks my weapons, sugar, and some dagger that goes against Level E's. Do you think it'd work on Zero? HAHAHA. In so, I stick all the living weapons that I plan to keep permanently on the bracelet:
Sebastian the Scythe
Marvin the Taser
Ciel the Cleaver
William Whip Pen
Sill Sword Pen
David Dart Pen
The rest burned in that fire (DMN YOU, YOU FCKING DAY CLASS PANSIES!). Note: You're in for an aggressive chapter because you're favorite psychopath is on her monthly! WAHHHHH! [:( ]
~~Not So Funny Farm~~
In the Night Class Dorms, I glomp Finny from Black Butler. "So cute~" I sing.
Ciel sighs and turns to Mika looking for her camera. "When can we return?" he asks impatiently.
"When I say you can," she stiffens. "Hey, do any of your cousins or siblings have a camera?"
"Ask Kurosei. I mean, she watches Kaname all day, so of course she has at least one," I shrug.
She walks out and I grab the blob potion. I'm actually tempted to drink it, but I keep my lips shut and stand, skipping out while looking for Ruka. To tell all, I do, in fact, hate the btch. I mean she's always trying to kiss Kaname's as when he belongs to Kurosei! I even wrote a Rated 'M' short story about Kurosei and Kaname (even though Rakisu used it as a sacrifice to Satin -_-). I find her walking down the hall in some casual purple shirt and kakis. I mean, kakis? I've always seen her wear skirts, but kakis? I pin her to the wall and threaten her with the shock gum.
"WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE'S RUKA?-!" I demand.
She blinks. "Uh, it's me," she states. "What about me makes you think I'm a total stranger?"
I try to conceal my smirk. Let's screw with Ruka~~~. "Ruka doesn't get zits."
She shrieks and feels at her face. "Where? Where? Oh fck where is it?-!"
Dmn it, no camera…I rock on my feet and start to hear footsteps. "Drink this," I offer the bottle. "I was going to give it to Yuki because I think I saw one on her face, but-"
She nods and snatches it, gulping the whole thing down. She hands it back and blinks. Let's just say, when everyone gets over here, there's a nice little blob at my feet with Ruka's clothes over it. "Ruka?-!" Akatsuki gasps.
"Hey, the zit's gone," I whisper down at her little blobby self before skipping off. I peek into Mika's dorm to see her with the camera. "Come on Sebastian and Mika!" I call, running off. "WOO-HOO! TORTURE!"
They follow and I go off in a search for a dead body~.
Well, at least the chapter guy can get his body back now (-_-). Poor Blart, stumbled into the road and became road kill…Well, at least it was in front of the academy so I get a corpse! YAY~ HE'S USEFUL FOR ONCE~. Mika video tapes next to me on a branch as Sebastian grumbles, dragging dead Blart into the middle of the lunching area. Girls scream and boys start to choke. Most of them start to puke as well. He walks away and I dial the chapter-guy on my phone. "Hello?"
"Yeah, chapter-guy? You can get your body back," I inform.
"Yeah, but be warned. It was hit with a car, so I'm not sure it'll function well…"
"Your body became road kill, is that so hard to understand?"
BEEEEP. Dmn bstard hung up on me! Guess I know who's getting the shock gum down their throats.
I'm sitting on Senri's bed, eating all the Pocky him and Rima share. Atsushi is out trying to block all means of pocky getting to the two models, so yay~ I still want an explanation to the whole blush thing before my period ends so I can have an excuse for swearing when my Mom sees his murder on the news~ (what, I'm not dumb -_-). Rima and Senri enter with their Emo expressions and see me, eyes wide. "Uh…" Senri gulps.
"What?" I growl. "ARE YOU ANNOYED YET?-!"
Rima shakes her head. "Not really. To warn you, there were laxatives in those."
I stop in the middle of a chew and spit it out over them, trying to brush all Pocky off my tongue when it starts to kick in. Great, like blood wasn't enough!
~~I Hate This Farm~~
While I'm on the toilet, Ran knocks on my door. "Ann, you forgot a letter and a package."
"Oh just toss them in. It's not like I'm going to be able to get out any time soon."
She opens the door briefly and tosses them in (luckily within my reach) and slams the door shut. I pick them up and read the note.
Here in this box I give you Roxi My machete, I raised it from a little pocket knife. Take care of him good luck taking over the world and use Roxi to annoy the night class.
From Wolf's Insanity as a person Aka Cassie.
I open the box to said machete. I smile and put it on the bracelet on the counter not far. What? Do you think I'd wipe my butt with that on? GROSS! Yet again, I'm telling you that I'm in the bathroom on a toilet, so I probably shouldn't be talking. "Well, at least that makes my day a bit brighter," I slump. Then something occurs to me. "Uh…Is this becoming more 'gross' than 'funny' or am I just paranoid from Ren and Stimpy?"
Moral: Ren and Stimpy makes me paranoid about my torture segments.