Author: Shelby21 PM
One-Shot. Jane and Billy's thoughts about their friendship and feelings towards each other. Some Ben POV as well. Set after the mid-season premiere, The Replacement. Let me know what you think: Love this couple and had to write something down so I wouldn't go crazy.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Friendship - Billy N. & Jane Q. - Words: 1,905 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 6 - Published: 06-09-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8202307
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Jane had been asleep on my shoulder for a couple minutes now and I just watched as she slept peacefully. Damn Tommy because this was all his fault. I was perfectly, blissfully content with being oblivious to my love for Jane. Now, all I had done was complicate things. Being friends just wasn't enough anymore. That's what Jane wanted though, that is what matter the most to her. She had said so.
It killed to not tell her that my "It's you" line was my profession of love. I just wish she would have been able to see through me in that one moment that I wanted her too. How could she not when every time I tried to hide my thoughts from her it was like she could read my mind? See things I couldn't? Jane wiggled a little and pulled herself closer to me, her hand sliding over my stomach, onto my side between my ribs and hips. She clutched the t-shirt softly as her head rested right over my beating heart. Inhaling the soft, clean scent of her hair, I wrapped my arms around her slender body. Quietly, I kicked off my shoes and was glad that I had taken off my jacket an hour before.
Oh well, this is the best I'm going to get. One day she'll marry Jeremy, or Nick, or someone who isn't me. And I'm going to have to grin and bare it. Tell her I'm happy for her. Tell her she's going to live happily ever after because that is what matters. That she's happy...even if I'm not. At least when she's asleep, I can pretend.
"I love you." I whispered as my eyelids began to get heavy. I barely registered a stir in my arms.
I had woken up a minute ago and pulled myself closer to Billy, I wasn't ready to awaken just yet. He wrapped me in a tight embrace and I heard his boots hit the floor with two separate thumps.
"I love you." He whispered quietly. I peeked up at him but he seemed to be lost to sleep.
"I love you too Billy, more than you know." I whispered back. Billy and I had exchanged I love yous before, I mean we are best friends. It's come into the dialogue before. However, never before have those words cut so deeply into my heart and actually been hurtful. There was loving someone and being in love with them. Billy loved me but he was not in love with me.
Ever since he had said those fateful words two months ago, I couldn't stop picturing us together. I lied to Ben about merely considering the idea. I had obsessed over it. It made sense after all. We spent all our time together and he protected me, helped me, loved me. Would it really be such a stretch to be in love as well? And oh God, seeing him after those two months walking out of that place. My heart soared. I finally had gotten him back.
My thoughts drifted back to before I fell asleep. Billy had said that our friendship was what mattered the most and that he didn't want to compromise that. I knew it was a smart decision but I had spent too much time thinking about the other possibility. Any notion of the life we had shared as just friends didn't seem to be enough. Here, in his arms, with the murmured I love yous was what I wanted. He was always the constant in my life. Over Ben, over my father, over any one else. There was always Billy and living life without him being number one was just too painful to imagine. How could I ever love somebody else if it meant that I couldn't lie in Billy's arms? Walk around with his arm on my shoulder? Hug him as if he was gone for years not days or hours or even minutes.
A deep, dramatic sigh escaped my lips as I realized how hopeless this all was. Billy didn't want to be with me and that was that. I would have to accept it.
It had only been two days, barely, since Billy had gotten home from Juvie and all I had noticed was that they were both miserable, Jane seemed to be more distressed about him then when he was locked up. Billy seemed like he was depressed, heart broken. Then I realized that was how Jane seemed. Last night Billy had slept over and Rita had gone home semi-early because she didn't want to be up late with work tomorrow. Then when they both woke up this morning, they seemed unsure of each other. Both kept looking at the other but they seemed to keep their distance.
"Um, I have to ask, nothing happened last night, right?"
"What?" They both answered, blushing.
"Nothing happened, right? You guys are acting even more weird than usual."
"Nothing happened." Billy answered and Jane nodded, looking at the contents of the fridge angrily.
"I'm going to go get dressed." Billy stood up and retreated back to Jane's room. He had kept some clothes here in the event of his occasional sleepovers. Normally he slept on the couch but they both looked peaceful in their sleep and it's not like I didn't trust them, so I just overlooked the fact that he slept in her bed. Jane sat at the table with some cereal and groaned quietly.
"What?" I asked quietly. A minute or two of silence had passed before Jane finally answered, turning to look at me.
"Your whole speech the other day. I can't get it out of my head and it's not what he meant, so now all I can think about is us and he said our friendship is the most important thing to him and ugh!" Jane spilt some milk on the table. She put her head in her hands. Billy walked out and got a confused expression.
"Don't cry over spilt milk, Janey." She peeked at him through her fingers and sighed.
"I'm not crying. I'm tired, that's all." I drank the rest of my coffee and quickly ducked out of the kitchen.
The Days Pass...(About a week later)-Ben POV
I couldn't take another minute of Jane being depressed or angry. This was not going to work out. I snuck into Rita's office and sat down in one of the chairs directly across from her.
"What do I do about Jane and Billy? They have been crazy all week. She has feelings for him and he seems to feel the same. They just are afraid of getting hurt or jeoprodizing their friendship and I just can't take anymore of the teenage angst." Rita took my hand in hers.
"Well, we can either let them figure it out on their own or intervene."
"Takes too long and Jane would get mad."
"So we do both. You and I will go out tonight and you need to invite Billy over and make them spend a few hours with each other. We'll give them both notes with a little guidance." I nodded.
A few hours later...
"Goodnight Jane, goodnight Billy." I dropped a note in Billy's hand when Jane wasn't looking. Rita pulled Jane into her room and asked to borrow a necklace.
"Jane can I borrow a necklace?" She smiled and I followed her into her room. I discreetly handed her the note and offered a smile. Then I left with Ben for our romantic date. I normally would never intervene with a student's love life but this affected mine and Billy and Jane really were a little too oblivious.
You need to tell her. The truth this time.
Just tell him how much he means to you. How much he really means.
Jane walked out looking confused and I shoved the note into my pocket. We decided to put on a movie and Jane made some pizza while I made some smoothies. It was way too quiet between us.
"Janey—" I started out.
"Yes?" She asked breathlessly with this kind of hopeful look on her face. I suddenly went speechless.
"Billy, I just want you to know that—" She started but I felt like I would explode if I didn't talk, I needed to say this and I was scared that whatever she would say next would make me lose my resolve.
"Wait. I love you, I mean I'm in love with Janey. It's you like you're the one I can't ever live a day without. The past two months have been agonizing. I just want you to be with me forever, even if it's just friends." I looked at my feet.
"That's not what I want. I want more." She said, suddenly stepping toward me. We were so close. I placed my hands on her hips, a habit of mine, to just pull her close, to hold on to her as if I would drown without her as my anchor. Maybe I would. She threw her arms up around my neck and pulled my head down. My lips met hers softly. The kiss was short and sweet but then She pulled me back, this time the kiss revealed all our feelings. I was eager to taste her lips on mine, to be breathless as her tongue slid shyly across my bottom lip. I pulled her closer, if that was even possible.
Then, the door opened and Rita and Ben looked unbelievably guilty. Jane turned around in my arms and blushed like a tomato. I was sure there was lipstick over half my face but I pretended there wasn't.
"Sorry, forgot my wallet." He reached over to the table and held it up, looking embarrassed. "Proceed. Keep it clean though, remember my class, William?" I nodded silently. Rita pulled on Ben's hand.
"I can't believe you forgot your wallet. Honestly? We had it all planned perfectly." She spoke lowly but her voice was still easy to hear.
"Hey, they took our advice." Ben muttered back as they retreated out the door. Advice, both of us?
"I can't believe they planned this." Jane said. Then she looked up at me with those big eyes of hers and began to laugh.
"You have a little lipstick...all over." I shrugged, capturing her lips in mine once again. Life may not be perfect, easy, or enjoyable all the time. One thing was sure though, with Janey, everything was better, even me.
I guess he did mean that it was me. However I realized something as well, it was him.
"It's you." I whispered. I was laying on Billy's chest as we watched a movie on the couch. He smiled in a way that can only be described as Billy, and I felt my heart melt.
"It's us. Together through anything." He replied, pulling me close and kissing my forehead softly. He was right, together, we could make it through anything.