|My Nose Will Grow
Author: Caligalux PM
Pinocchio invokes a paradox to short out the Blue Fairy's magic on his nose, enabling him to lie all he wants, thus taking him on a VERY different path from the original film... NOW COMPLETERated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 11,781 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 06-22-12 - Published: 06-11-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8208119
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
When they returned to Yurillymaikmiwannaholla, the Starcrushers and Pinocchio's batch were met with a surprise. "Starcrushers," Hedlas Chikinrun walked up saying, "there's somebody here who wishes to see your friend, the puppet."
"What?" Pinocchio asked. "Who on this planet—in this galaxy—could possibly know me, let alone want to tell me something?" Pinoc's answer came in the form of the Blue Fairy, who, he was unhappy to see, looked very displeased. "You!" She said, a scolding tone in her voice.
"Hey, Blue Fairy…" Pinoc said, trying to make light of things, "how's it going…?"
"Don't play dumb with me!" She cut him off. "You chaotic, mischievous, immoral, good-for-nothing little twit! Your 'father', Geppetto here, created you and wished on my star that you could be a real boy, so I granted his wish halfway so you could learn to be virtuous. I even gave you a little mechanism to discourage lying. And what do you do? You figure out how to get around that! Now, okay, I understand, that could be a bit annoying, and it could potentially force you to pay more severely for your lies, but instead, you run off with these freaks—" she said, gesturing to the Starcrushers, "—and wreak havoc!"
"Wait a minute!" Pinocchio protested. "Most of that stuff I did, I did trying to help my family—the ones I love. How is that bad? Isn't that one of your beloved virtues?"
"Well, yes," the Blue Fairy conceded. "You do love your family, and you never hesitate to show bravery in protecting them. So that's two points in your favor: you love your family and are brave. But still! The things you have no problem doing to others! Like in Tidmouth on Sodor when you literally threw that restaurant manager under a bus! Or damaging the Starcrushers' ship! And let's not forget disobeying them when they told you to strap in—for your own good! So in other words, you've got bravery, yes, the bravery of a sociopath!"
"So… I take it I failed the test?" Pinoc asked innocently.
"Darn right you failed!" the Blue Fairy said, her face quickly turning red. "Ugh! The next time some pathetic craftsman whines about wanting kids, I'll just plop an orphan on his doorstep. Clearly inanimate things brought to life lack innate morals. So long, puppet!" And with that, the enraged fairy left.
"Oh, Pinocchio," Geppetto said, beginning to weep a little in the typical sad Italian man style of weeping, "you'll never be a real boy! Oh…"
"Not necessarily." Commander Forthwith said, stepping forward.
"What do you mean, Commander?" Jiminy asked.
"We could use our ship's particle ray to rearrange your atoms to form human flesh instead of wooden parts." Forthwith explained.
"You would do that?" Pinocchio asked.
"Of course." Forthwith said, "You have helped us immensely, and deserve a reward. Step right over there and we can begin."
So Pinocchio stepped just under one of the ship's particle beams, and Commander Forthwith said "Set beam to 'atomic rearrangement; form of human male." Suddenly Pinocchio was hit with a powerful beam that temporarily took him apart and reduced him to free atoms. Then it reorganized those atoms to form a real boy!
"Yes!" Pinocchio said, looking his new flesh and blood form. "It worked!" Geppetto rejoiced, "you are a real boy! Oh thank you, Commander Forthwith, for making my boy a real boy."
"It was nothing. Your son has helped us get this much closer to finding the greatest guitar solo in the universe." Just then one of the Kraftwerk-men walked up to Commander Forthwith and said "Commander, I'm afraid I have bad news regarding the guitar solo."
"What do you mean, Ninety-Two?" Forthwith asked.
"I was inquiring about the guitar solo with the natives," Ninety-Two said, "and it seems that they once had the solo, but no longer do."
"It's true." Hedlas Chikinrun said sadly. "We once were in possession of the greatest guitar solo in all of creation! It was too amazing to describe, the crescendos, the power chords; oh it could bring tears to the eyes and chills to the spine! But sadly, it was stolen from us a few years ago by pirates."
"Well this complicates our plans." Commander Forthwith said calmly. "Do you have any idea where they may have gone?" he asked Hedlas.
"I'm afraid not, Commander." Chikinrun said sadly. "Our people don't possess the technology for spaceflight yet."
"But don't you have another copy of the recording?" Pinocchio asked.
"Sadly not." The Squackgobbler said. "Such an amazing solo is difficult to capture in its full glory due to the limits of our recording technology. There were only a few copies, and they were all stolen."
"Well," Commander Forthwith said with remarkable calmness, "no matter. We will just have to keep searching. Young former-puppet," he said, turning to Pinocchio, "would you and your family like a ride back to earth? We can easily take you back there if you wish."
"Sure! Thanks!" Pinocchio said eagerly.
So Pinocchio, now a real boy, his father Geppetto, his conscience Jiminy Cricket, and Geppetto's pets, Figaro and Cleo, said goodbye to their friends the Squackgobblers, and were taken back to earth by the Starcrushers, who, at Pinoc and Geppetto's request, returned them to Tidmouth on the island of Sodor, where Geppetto resumed his job as woodshop teacher, and Pinocchio had piles of missing homework to do, and their lives gradually returned to normal. Meanwhile, the Starcrushers headed off into space once again to continue their search for the ultimate guitar solo.