|The Year I Let My Heart Lead Me
Author: anothertattooedtragedy PM
Modern AU. Katniss Everdeen turned away from her best friend, Peeta Mellark after he confessed his love for her in high school. Now he's back from college. Katniss isn't so good at keeping her cool this time. Fluffy goodness and slightly OOC because you know, nobody's being speared in an arena . My first chapter story.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Friendship - Katniss E. & Peeta M. - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,271 - Reviews: 276 - Favs: 387 - Follows: 254 - Updated: 07-05-12 - Published: 06-19-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8235815
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: Hey you! Yeah, you there lovely person! Again thank you for the reviews and encouragement. And thanks to all of you who have found me on tumblr! I'm working on some new stuff to put up soon! I actually like to finish a story before I even think about posting it so you guys don't have to wait long once you start reading and I can perfect it. For instance, this story is actually done but sometimes I spruce it up a bit or I'll find mistakes that I didn't find the last time I looked at it. Anywhooo, this is sort of a filler chapter but I think you'll be pleased!
It's like its happening all over again. I am in hell.
"Katniss, I swear I could punch you in the face right now."
"Thanks Jo, I feel loads better."
I'm sitting on Johanna's couch a couple of days later trying to cope with the mess I've gotten myself into.
"I just don't get it. What's the big deal? Why are you so scared?"
"He deserves so much more than I can give him. I just wish he would see it so he can move on!"
"You sell yourself short, Everdeen." And then she hugs me while I cry.
Peeta, it turns out, is quite good at making someone feel invisible. He comes in the morning and leaves before I get there. On the rare occasion that we do cross paths, he simply nods at me. And heaven forbid he as to ask me something about paperwork or orders or even sit in the same office as me for five minutes. His voice is like broken glass and his eyes are always narrowed at me. He is utterly pissed at me. His dad seems to notice and scowls at us, muttering about us being stubborn. He doesn't give me rides anymore so I'm back to walking or hitching the occasional ride with my other co-workers. I miss it.
To make matters even worse, a particular blonde haired former classmate has started popping up on a daily basis. Cato is persistent, I'll give him that but I keep turning him down.
Until one night, after work, I let him take me for what he says is "just coffee". We lean against his car, cardboard cups in hand and enjoy the slightly warmer weather and the clear skies. Cato talks about his dad (a lawyer) and his mom (a pompous "housewife") and all the lovely things he owns. It turns out, he hasn't had to work for much in his life. He talks a lot about football and all the stupid things he does when he and his friends are wasted. I manage a weak smile for most of it.
When he presses my body against his brand new black SUV and goes in for a kiss, I let him. I don't know why I let him do it. My arms hung limply by my side, my head straight forward. I felt nothing.
No, that's not right. I felt like a complete ass.
On the way home, he talks about a condo his parents own in Florida and how drunk he's been on the beach. When he drops me off, I insist I can get to the door myself and I do not kiss him again.
When I've tucked myself into bed, I wallow in my misery. Is this what I've come to? A complete moron with money to burn? My heart ached so much, I could not ignore it. For the first time ever, I was sure I was selling my short.
The first of April brings me some relief.
I get a reprieve from Cato's pop ins. The bakery is swamped usually and I barely have time to even glance at him when he comes in, let alone talk to him.
And I am able to buy my very first car. Granted it's a decade old and some would consider it an old lady car. But it runs great, has heating and air and a cd player. I am ecstatic about it. And most of my friends are too.
On the first day I actually drive myself to work, Peeta is flitting about, covered in flour and looking particularly annoyed. "That guy from your school came looking for you today. I told him you wouldn't be here until later." And then he stomps to the counter like a little kid.
"Whadya do to piss him off?" Finnick asks.
I sigh "Everything."
"Not that it's that hard these days. He is a walking time bomb."
"It's been a shitty couple of months Finn."
"Maybe he doesn't like your boyfriend. He seems to cringe every time he comes in."
I frown, "Cato is so not my boyfriend. He just won't leave me alone."
"Well, then I think you might have to grow a pair and tell him to fuck off then because he's walking through the door right now."
I turn to see Cato waving and smiling at me. I let out a breathe slowly and flick my braid behind my shoulder. Peeta thinks this guy is my boyfriend? I'm offended mostly. I wonder if he has my same anxieties and makes up scenarios in his head? My bullshit tolerance seems to be running low. I'm gonna just go with my instinct on this and take Finnick's advice.
I don't give Cato time to say anything. I grab his arm and lead him out to the patio. The air is chilly and my skin reacts immediately.
"Cato, no…just no. You have got to stop bothering me."
He makes a face. "I'm attempting to woo you, Katniss. You're a stubborn girl but I'm a patient guy." He winks at me.
My face pulls a look of disgust. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I am not interested. Never have been. Never will be."
He reaches to touch my arm, "But, I…" He stumbles, saying something I don't hear. I'm glancing in the window, my eyebrows knitted together. Peeta is half pretending to ignore me, his nose scrunched up. Finnick is behind him, eyes wide and flinging his hand back forth, saying 'go on'.
I run my hands over my face. "No. Stop it. Just stop it. Don't come by my work, don't call me or text me. Just…" I puff my cheeks, "…fuck off." And I march back inside, completely satisfied with myself.
I said what I wanted to say and the world didn't end.
Later, when I tell Jo about it, she applauds. "How did you get so brave?" she asked.
"Please. I was just pissed off."
"This has nothing to do with Peeta thinking he was your boyfriend? It didn't fuel it not in the tiniest bit?"
I just stare at her.
"Well since you're on such a high, why don't you take care of some other business, huh." And she winks at me.
One particularly difficult day, I sat at my desk a whole hour after closing with Jo, reading over the contents of the fat envelope in my drawer. And I cried because that's all I could think to do. She doesn't read them, she just sort of sits by me, letting me turn into mush. Random sentences flash before me:
I lied that day…I'm completely jealous of her…I want to scream I love you but my voice is too weak…I fantasize about you; it leaves me breathless…You are wonderful…Perfect…I love laughing with you…You make me feel radiant…I long for your touches…You showed me your paintings and I felt like I was flying…your hands gripping my hips…I saw the book about me. It gave me hope that it wasn't too late…I was bursting at the seams when I found out you weren't with her…Love…You said you'd give me the moon but I don't need it, all I want is in you…I want you…I get so mad at myself…so much love for you…there is a fire inside me that only you can ignite…you kissed me…I love you more…you touched me and I couldn't breathe…I want to hold you and tell you everything I feel…My heart hurts for you…Life is too short, dammit…I don't know why I'm such a coward…I've ruined this haven't I?...I love you so much…
When I'm done, she holds my hand until we get to my car.
"Do you think this will go away eventually?"
She laughs, "You are one of the smartest people I know but you are completely brainless when it comes to matters of the heart. Love is your kryptonite."
"Wow, that's so poetic" and I laugh through the snot blocking my nose.