Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of anything Harry Potter related—including, but not limited to, characters, plot devices, places, etc. I also do not own the lyrics of the song "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO, nor do I own YouTube, Facebook, or any other licensed thing I may mention. This story is purely for non-profit entertainment.

Notes (Please read this before reading the story!): for the sake of simplicity and less confusion, let's just all pretend that the song "Sexy and I Know It" came out when Rose was a teenager, otherwise it would be a very old song to her. Okay? Thanks, please enjoy the story!

Sexy and I Know It

a Harry Potter fan fiction

by TheAmericanWeasley

Although Ronald Weasley was raised in a magical environment, the occupation and interests of his father had exposed him to the culture of Muggles. His knowledge of the Muggle lifestyle augmented when he befriended—and later married—Hermione Granger, who was raised by such people. He learned that since Muggles didn't have broomsticks or other magical games, they entertained themselves with television and computers, among other things.

Televisions, as Ron discovered, were large square boxes that displayed moving pictures and audio from seemingly nowhere. After the birth of their first child, a beautiful little girl that they called Rose, Hermione told her husband that she wished to purchase a telly so their child could watch educational children shows before she learned to read.

After dropping the damned thing on his foot several times, and having to magically repair it, Ron wanted nothing more to do with the telly. He was done with Muggle items for the time being—they seemed to cause more pain than use to him.

Things changed when Rose turned eleven and she received her acceptance letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had been attending a Muggle school up until then for a basic education, and while she was excited to finally be going to Hogwarts, she was also saddened that she would have to say goodbye to her Muggle friends.

Ron remembered the day as if it had recently occurred, though it was actually many years ago: Hermione had suggested that Rose get a computer so she could communicate with her Muggle friends through email…and something called "Facebook", whatever the hell that was. His wife and daughter had dragged him into a Muggle electronics store, little Hugo at his side, and after what seemed to be an eternity of comparing prices and features, the family had walked out with their first computer, which was professionally hooked up and installed in the living room the following morning (the mechanic they hired appeared to be thoroughly surprised that Ron knew nothing about computers).

Now, three years later, Rose was sitting in the living room, her eyes fixed on the computer screen. It was only her first day back for summer vacation, and already she was tied up on social networking sites, making arrangements to see her Muggle friends. Her Muggle friends—among them were two girls named Natasha and Christine—often asked why she had stopped attending school with them, Rose's fictional excuse was always the same: she attended homeschooling with her distant relatives living in America. No matter how close she was to her Muggle friends, of course she could never tell them about Hogwarts.

When she opened her email, she found that Christine had sent her a link to a music video on YouTube. She opened it, and began giggling in her seat when an oddly dressed man with hair even her mother would call untamed began dancing suggestively while singing about how he was aware of his sexual attractiveness.

Ron and Hermione entered the room, their stomachs full from their pasta dinner. Hugo was behind them, rubbing his eyes with sleepiness.

"What're you looking at, Rose?" the younger boy inquired, peering over his sister's shoulder at the bright computer screen. Their parents also looked at the screen, equally curious as to what Rose was laughing at.

Instead of replying, Rose restarted the video and leaned back in her chair, basking in the hilarious reactions from her family that were sure to come.

Ron quirked his eyebrows in confusion as a strange beat came from the computer, along with several tanned men that were barely clothed and bopping their heads to it. Hermione began tapping her foot to the beat—something she didn't expect—and watched on with interest as the leading man with a "big afro", as he referred to it, began singing about how women gawked at him, in barely intelligible sentences.

"Oh my goodness," she gasped a moment later, and covered Hugo's eyes. The camera had now zoomed in to the man's sexual organ, tightly covered by a speedo, which was bouncing toward the audience!

"Bloody hell—," Ron cursed under his breath, noticing how his wife's eyes were fixed on the screen, "Why is he repeating that same line? We get it, you work out!"

"Shush, Ronald!" his wife insisted, and they watched on with differing expressions.

By this time, Rose was biting the insides of her cheeks to keep from exploding in laughter. Her eyes constantly darted from the screen to the faces of her parents, and back again. This was priceless.

As the sexy men departed from the beach and entered a bar, Ron tore his eyes from the screen to stare at his wife. He couldn't believe what he saw, it was possibly more shocking than the music video itself: Hermione was bopping her head!

"Are you actually enjoying this shit?" he murmured to her.

"You have to admit—it is catchy, Ron," she replied, her eyes never moving from the screen.

"It's so repetitive!" he continued to criticize, "We all understand that you're arrogant! How do people sleep at night knowing that their children are being exposed to stuff like this?"

Finally, the song ended with a final "I'm sexy and I know it" and Ron was the first to leave the room, having seen enough partial nudity and grown men doing suggestive dances for one evening. Hermione and Rose laughed at his reaction, while Hugo merely frowned at his mother for having covered his eyes through most of the video.

Later, after the two children retired to their respective bedrooms, Hermione rejoined her husband in their master bedroom. Ron had his back turned to her, pulling off his trousers. Playfully, Hermione snuck up behind him and grabbed his exposed waist, taunting him further by saying "Wiggle for me, Ron," as she pinched his thighs.

"You seemed to be enjoying that video a little more than you should, love," he mused. He pulled off his shirt and turned to his wife, slithering his arms around her waist to pull her close.

"Oh, is Won-Won jealous?" she teased, grinning at him. Even after so many years of marriage, there was always a spark between them, which only flourished with Hermione's playfulness and teasing. Fighting had become foreplay.

"You know I hate that name," he said calmly.

"But you like the way I say it."

"I suppose that's true," he laughed in response.

Hermione cupped his face, caressing his cheeks lovingly. "It's cute the way you still get jealous. Even though you have absolutely nothing or anybody to be jealous of—," she began, her hands taking a journey from his face to his bare chest, where she gleefully felt his exquisite cuts and hardened flesh. "Why would I want anybody else when I have the sexiest man alive right here in front of me?"

She could still make him blush. She chuckled and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his reddened cheeks, quickly moving to his mouth. Hermione bit his bottom lip playfully and ran her tongue along his teeth. He eagerly accepted her silent request and opened his mouth, allowing their tongues to collide in a tango of passion and saliva.

She forcefully pushed him down onto their large bed, their lips never separating. She was straddling him, their bodies molding together; they were puzzle pieces.

Hermione was eating him up—devouring Ron. She was a wolf and he was wearing a red hood. He responded with aggressiveness too, but to this day his wife's passion left him dumbstruck and lustful.

Had she always been like this?, he often wondered. Had this beast always dwelled within her, beneath her Hogwarts robes and her unruly hair, waiting to be unchained by him? It's always the bookworms, Fred and George had once told him.

Once the beast was freed, it refused to be caged again until it was completely satisfied. Ron had learned that from personal experience.

Hermione oozed sex appeal, and she seemed to be aware of it, for she always used it to her advantage. So much, in fact, that she had gotten Ron to unspeakable things with her in places where they could easily get caught by unwanted eyes—their kitchen counter being one example.

When their air supply was dwindling, their lips unlocked, and Hermione continued to admire her husband's body. While she had always been attracted to him, she had to admit that she loved what Quidditch and his occupation as an Auror had done to him: everything was firm, chiseled, and well defined.

"You're so sexy," Hermione said to him.

Grinning, Ron replied, "And I know it."