|Just Let Them Try
Author: Loki67 PM
After Sam is pulled from the pit, he has lost all sense of humanity. And all Dean wants to do is take care of his brother...No ownership, just lots of love :Rated: Fiction K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Dean W. & Sam W. - Words: 4,258 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 15 - Published: 06-23-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8248262
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Just Let Them Try
"D… D… Dea… Deannnn?"
Sam shook his head in protest and struggled weakly against the firm hand pushing down on to his chest, forcing him back on to the bed. His bewildered eyes grew wide and tearful, but his gaze didn't leave Dean's. Not for a moment.
Sighing, Dean slid himself on to the bed and pulled him close.
"Sshh Sammy, it's okay…not gonna hurt you." Dean soothed, cradling his sobbing brother to his chest. He began a gentle rocking motion, winding his fingers tightly around both of Sam's wrists to stop him thrashing.
"Nnnnn, nnnnn" Sam groaned, trying to pull back, sobbing harder with desperation as he struggled to maintain his view of his brother's face.
"sshh, sshh, sorry Sammy." Dean pulled his head back a little, allowing Sam's eyes to search his face once again.
Dean watched his brother gazing up at him and smiled softly, his own eyes brimming prodigiously with complete and utter devotion. He shook his head and pressed his forehead to Sam's.
"It's just to stop you from hurting yourself again. I promise I'm not tryin'a hurt you …" he whispered gently.
"Nnnnnnn!" Sammy whined, tugging at the strong grip encircling his wrists. He didn't want to lie on the bed alone, he wanted to be with his brother, in his arms, just like this. Safe.
"Come on, lay back now. I…I have to do this little brother." Dean stuttered grudgingly in a half-hearted attempt to also convince himself that this was for Sam's own good. But regardless of how much he strove to believe that this was for the best, deep down he knew the truth.
I can take care of him fine by myself. Why does he need to be restrained like a wild animal? We were doin' okay right? Why can't Bobby see that I'm what's best for Sam?
Seeing Dean's hesitation, Bobby raised slowly from the chair on the other side of the bed behind Sam. The legs of the chair scraped a little on the floor, causing Sam to jump.
He yelled and pulled his arms away from his brother, moving them to grip Dean's shirt, both hands fisting desperately. His gaze flickered momentarily from Dean to the other figure in the room, although it did not reach the man's eyes.
"It's okay Sammy it's just Bobby." Dean cooed, wrapping his arms around Sam who had started to tremble.
The previous night...
A nightmare had assaulted Sam's sleep as always. Only this time it caused him physical pain. Whatever was invading his head was warping him in such a way that he had flayed his body upwards and thrown himself out of the bed, smashing in to the bedside cabinet and on to the floor where he lay whimpering until Dean was at his side.
Bobby then spent the whole night convincing an angry and frustrated Dean that they needed to restrain Sam from now on whenever he slept or rested, to stop him from seriously hurting himself. Dean had been quick to sidestep the issue when Bobby first brought it up, dismissing it and refusing point blank to discuss it any further.
"I won't do it Bobby, he's not a frickin wild animal, he's my brother! I'm not tyin' him up. End of discussion."
"DEAN! Can you hear yourself? This isn't just about you and your feelings. This is about Sam not getting himself injured, and you takin' a break…"
"I know you're hurting, god knows I know! But you cannot be at Sam's side every minute of the damn day Dean…"
"Why not? I want to be there, why does everyone think they know better than me what's best for Sammy…?" Dean spat furiously.
"You gotta sleep and eat too! And god forbid have a break once in a while…you're runnin' yourself into the ground boy, what good are ya gonna be to Sam when you pass out from exhaustion?"
Dean's eyes glistened and his bottom lip quivered. He dropped his head and brought his hand up to his face, pressing his thumb and finger across his eyes in tearful frustration.
"Bobby, he is my responsibility. I'm his brother, I'm all he has…and I need to be there, I want to be there". He choked.
The older hunter's face softened as he took in the young man's fragile state. He sighed regretfully and moved closer to rest a supporting hand on Dean's shoulder.
"You will be son, I'm not sayin' take off on vacation, just… if we can get Sam to…I don't know, depend a little less on you? Maybe then you can get a break once in a while. Maybe even learnt to trust someone else with him for a bit?"
Dean brow furrowed into an intense frown and he shook his head adamantly.
"I don't think so Bobby…no offence"
Bobby rolled his eyes and threw his hand up in the air in exasperation.
"For god sakes Dean!...you can't take all this on by yourself…" he paused, seeing the cold hard glare being shot in his direction. God if looks could kill…
"Look son, you never know, we might get to that stage if we work at it…together, at Sam's pace. I want to help you dammit, just placate me for the minute, at least give it a shot?"
Dean sighed and closed his eyes.
"Can't believe I'm letting this happen" he mumbled almost incoherently. "…okay, fine…but not handcuffs, he'll rub his wrists raw."
Bobby let out a relieved sigh and nodded his agreement.
"S'okay, I got some reinforced restraints in the basement, I'll get em hooked up to the bed before he naps this afternoon."
The following morning, Bobby attached the soft reinforced restraints to Sam's bed. Dean had watched hatefully, knowing that they were going to be used to forcibly restrain his baby brother.
Sammy's so fragile right now, he just won't understand what's goin' on… he thought to himself, the emotion pulling knots tight in his stomach.
Later that Day...
Dean had managed to get Sam in to the bedroom with a little encouragement and admittedly quite a bit of force. Sam hated taking a nap in the day but Dean usually insisted on it and Sam eventually complied and did whatever Dean wanted him to do, albeit with a lot of aid and encouragement. But today Sam was being particularly difficult. It was almost as if he could sense the negative shift in his brother's demeanour. Something that Dean was trying-and failing to mask. He didn't want to restrain his brother, or leave him by himself. He just thought it was too soon, that Sam needed to regain some understanding of the world and it's humanity before forcing him to fend for himself. He would placate Bobby for the moment, just as the older man had asked. But as soon as it got too much for Sam (or for him if he was honest) he would put an abrupt end to his brother's misery.
Normally, when Dean took Sam in to the bedroom for a nap, he would scoot up to the top of the bed and let Sam lie down against him with his head resting in his lap. He would thread his fingers through Sam's wavy brown mop soothingly until he fell asleep, and then remain at his vigil until Sam woke up a couple of hours later, normally falling asleep himself briefly. But today was different. Today Dean wasn't going to stay, and as soon as Dean had tried to get Sam to lie back on to the bed alone, without him, Sam began to panic. He started to plead incoherently with his brother, begging out his name in desperation.
Dean sighed as he gazed back at Sam.
"Come on son, we gotta do this now. He aint gonna like it either way, best get it over with" Bobby said gently.
"I know" Dean croaked "I just…he's terrified Bobby, he thinks I'm tryin'a hurt him". Dean looked down at his brother's sobbing form, his own heart clenching at the sight.
"He'll be okay Dean, it's for his own good. Come on."
Dean hesitated, shushing Sammy's whimpers for another moment, and then closed his eyes, nodding reluctantly. He cupped Sam's face in his hands.
"Come on Sammy, it's okay. Lie down" Dean put firm pressure on his brother's chest with one hand, forcing him back on to the pillows, knowing that most of his words held no understanding.
Sam only understood a few things. The main thing… 'Dean'. He knew what that meant. Comfort, love and safe. He understood what to do when Dean pressed food to his lips. He had learned to swallow again, with Dean's coaching fingers stroking his throat, encouraging the action. He didn't understand what was going on now, but he could sense that something was different with his brother. He wasn't the same…and Sam was finding it hard to latch on to the comfort that usually poured so easily over him whenever Dean was close by.
Sam arched up in to Dean's hand still pressing down firmly on his chest and screamed, his hands scrambling to grip at his brother's shirt again. His eyes were still firmly locked on Dean's, terrified and questioning. The genuine fear there made Dean's own eyes sting with the threat of more tears as he continued to hold him down to the bed.
Trying desperately to ignore his brothers distress, Dean nodded to Bobby who quickly gripped Sam's left arm and moved it forcibly in to the restraint. Dean replicated this with his right arm and tightened it just enough to keep him secure. They then moved to the foot of the bed and quickly restrained his ankles. Dean winced a she heard his brother cry out in despair, and anxiously moved to kneel by his side.
"Dn…De…De…Dean?" Sam sobbed, looking up at his brother, his mossy eyes full of confusion and misery. He struggled against the restraints, bucking his hips and arching his back desperately trying to pull himself free.
"Nah ,nnn D…D…De" Sam leaned his head back, clearly not even understanding what had happened or why he couldn't move. His mind didn't seem to make the connection between his restricted movement and the restraints. He just didn't understand.
"Sshh, sshh, Sammy. I'm here" Dean reached out to brush the sweaty bangs from Sam's forehead, and began stroking his hand through his brother's hair.
The motion seemed to soothe slightly and Dean was glad when his sobs began to quieten. His thrashing subsided gradually to weak struggles until he lay whimpering and writhing helplessly under his brother's touch.
"Lay still Sammy, you'll rub your wrists raw if you keep struggling like that. It's okay, I'll get you outta these as soon as you wake up. I promise." Dean smiled tearfully down at his brother.
Sam's gaze as always was firmly fixated on Dean's face, but the eyes that had previously been full of nothing but love and adoration for his brother, now glistened with hurt and dejection. Dean couldn't bear to see it there, and turned his face away, heart clenching as he heard his brother whine at the loss of comfort.
Most of Sam's emotions were expressed this way, the use of the one word, 'Dean', which had progressed recently from , 'Dn'. This and unintelligible babbling and noises were his only form of communication.
"Sammy?" Dean leaned across his brother, connecting their eyes once again.
"Easy Sammy, take your time, it'll come." He soothed, seeing the frustration in his brothers face.
"Pp…Dn…ppp.." he whimpered.
"What Sammy?" Dean asked softly.
Sam wrung his wrists in the restraints and arched his back. His eyes finally dropped down and searched for whatever it was that was holding him immobile, and they settled on the wrist restraints. He tugged at them uselessly and whimpered, beseeching eyes flickering desperately back up to Dean in confusion.
"Dn?" he begged, pulling at the bindings.
Dean sighed and stroked his brother's face gently, shaking his head.
"No Sammy, not taking them off yet little brother. You might hurt yourself again. You need to rest, I'll get you out of these soon, promise."
"de..dn?" Sam moaned, the words incomprehensible to him. Tears spilled down his flushed cheeks.
"sshh baby brother, I know you hate it. I hate it too. don't be scared."
"Dean…we need to do this. Come on, I know this is hard on you, but he needs to experience some separation, we need to leave him for a bit."
"Bobby…" Dean choked. "I can't do it…he'll freak out, I…"
"I know Dean, yeah he'll freak but he'll calm down eventually. Come on son be rational, Sam is so dependent on you it's draining you empty. He freaks if he can't stare at your face every second of the damn day. He needs to be…weaned off you."
"But he's so fragile right now Bobby, can't we just wait a little…"
"The longer we wait, the more dependent he'll be…" Bobby sighed. "This is for…"
"I know I know…for his own good…only I'm not so sure it is. He needs me with him Bobby.."
"It's just a few minutes Dean, that's all. Let's just see how he does. If he calms down we can increase it gradually… baby steps "
Dean looked down tearfully at Sam who was still staring, eyes focused intently on Dean's face. He had become still, stopped struggling, and was watching Dean with a puzzled expression. Dean smiled a guilty, watery smile down at his brother, emotion taking over as hot tears began to leak down his cheeks.
Seeing the tears, Sam let out a small gasp. As much as he could in the restraints, he wriggled towards Dean, snuggling his head closer, returning Dean's smile with an unintelligible stream of soft noises. He gazed up at Dean adoringly, shifting with unease as he watched the tears fall down his brother's cheeks. He knew that when this happened to him, Dean was there, shushing him and holding him. He knew that when his cheeks were wet like that, he didn't feel good. Empathy sank in, and he began to vaguely understand that Dean must be feeling bad.
Dean stroked a hand down Sam's face and cupped his cheek firmly, leaning forward and resting his forehead against his siblings. He looked tearfully in to his eyes and whispered gently.
"Just a few minutes Sammy, I promise, promise little brother. I'll come back. Please don't hate me for this." He closed his eyes, kissed his brother's forehead, and slowly pulled away.
Sam had started to tremble as his brother spoke. Something uncertain in his voice made his apprehension escalate. He didn't know why. It just…didn't…feel good. And as Dean pulled away, the feelings of fear and dejection returned as they always did when his only anchor the world wasn't right there.
As Dean pulled further away and rose to his feet, those feelings intensified and washed over him, drowning him. He didn't know what was happening or why, he just…couldn't see Dean. Couldn't feel his presence and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't latch on to him.
Dean had barely turned his back when Sam began to wail. He thrashed against the restraints, pulled, twisted and tugged at them with all the strength he could muster. Dean paused reluctantly and half turned his head to look back. Reading the situation, Bobby was immediately at Dean's side, placing a firm hand on his back, encouraging him to continue out of the room.
As they exited and Dean disappeared from sight, Sam's wails turne to screams. Bobby closed the door and Dean slumped his exhausted form down in front of it, leaning his head back against it for support. The tears didn't stop as he listened to his brothers cries.
"He doesn't understand Bobby, can't you see it in his eyes? He doesn't understand, he just thinks I'm leaving him…I hate this…"
"Just a few minutes kiddo, that's all, then you can go right back in there to him."
Dean nodded miserably.
"Dn? De…De…De…Deannnnn?" the cries from behind the closed door didn't cease or even quieten. Over and over Sam just wailed, until Dean covered his ears.
As the few minutes ticked by, Sam's sobs began to subside, and Dean thought they were making good progress, until the next thing he heard nearly broke his heart in two.
Sam was hiccupping and sobbing quietly. He couldn't understand why when he was sobbing so hard, and his cheeks were so wet, and he didn't feel good, Dean didn't come. He didn't come. Maybe he wouldn't ever come again. Maybe Dean didn't want to take care of Sam anymore. Maybe Sam was going to stay here now, tied down and alone. He let the vacant thoughts invade him, understanding as much of it as his mind would allow, then eventually turned his head to the side, away from the door and sobbed out a heart breaking plea for his brother to come back. It was a powerful, exhausting struggle, but with enough determination, he found the words.
Dean gasped and jumped to his feet, grabbing for the door handle.
Bobby tugged his hand away before he could turn it, and Dean recoiled, staring with wide, disbelieving eyes a the hunter.
"Bobby…I gotta go to him. You didn't hear him?" Dean pleaded.
"Nah I heard him son, I just think you should give it a couple more minutes that's all…it's progress Dean, it's a good thing."
Dean's pupils dilated angrily and he clenched his fists tight, struggling to retain his self-control.
"Bobby…I'm going back in there. Please… don't try and stop me again." He growled, low and threatening.
Bobby sighed and held up his hands in plain defeat, but also demonstrating to the angry young hunter, that he had no desire to challenge him.
As Bobby stepped aside, Dean nodded to him gratefully, and near enough took the door out of its frame as he threw it open.
He flew back in to the room and knelt next to Sam, gripping one of his hands in his and holding his face with the other, gently turning him to look in to his eyes.
"I'm here now Sammy, I'm back. It's okay little brother…" He huffed out a breathy , relieved sigh and waited for Sam's gaze to connect with his own, keeping his expression soft and soothing. A gentle, adoring smile tugged at his lips as he searched Sam's tearstained face for a sign of recognition.
Sam's eyes finally focused on his brother's and there was no denying the relief that appeared there.
"Wow Sammy!" Dean said encouragingly, gently nodding his approval as he continued.
"You did good buddy… You spoke."
Sam just sobbed with relief and tugged at the straps in frustration, desperately wanting to sink in to his brother's arms.
"It's okay kiddo, I gotcha, I gotcha." Dean leaned across his brothers helpless form and tugged him in to a hug as best he could. He whispered in to his ear.
"I'm so sorry Sammy, I'm so sorry. I won't ever leave you again. Ever, I promise. No one can make me leave you little brother, just let em' try"
Sam looked up at him questioningly.
"Dn…D..ean…n…n..ot…gg..g..go…ag..ag..ai..n?" he gasped out through hiccups.
"No Sammy…Dean stay here, with you." As he stroked his brother's face tentatively, he couldn't help the smile that creeped across his lips when he heard Sam speak again. Just a few words and they were the most beautiful and amazing thing he'd ever heard. The fact that Sam had understood what he's said to him just sent him in to a mental high, and he buzzed with delight at this new milestone in his brother's recovery. Maybe they could finally start to move forward, now that Sam could understand…Dean could start teaching him stuff again, just like when they were kids…
But Dean didn't want to dwell on what could-be for now. He was happy to just be in that moment with his brother, who looked up at him now just as adoringly as ever.
"Dn? De..an?" Sam said softly.
Sam looked down tearfully at the restraints on his wrists.
"O..o..ff…o..ff, pl..ea..se…off..ff" he begged.
Dean frowned softly and looked up at Bobby.
"I'm sorry Bobby, I know you meant well. But I'm taking him out of the restraints. I just wanna sit with him now. I hope you understand. You said that this has to be about what is best for Sammy, and… I'm what's best for Sammy, I want to take care of him Bobby."
Bobby smiled at the young hunter and sighed a half-hearted sigh of defeat. There was no way in hell he was going to get Dean to change his mind. Besides, the kid looked happier when he was taking care of Sam than he did when he wasn't. Maybe he was wrong to push him. All he could do now was be there for both boys when things got rough.
He nodded at Dean, then slipped quietly out of the room to give the boys some space.
Dean turned back to smile down at Sammy. He nodded.
"Yeah, let's get you outta these things, I can't stand seein you in em'."
He worked quickly and unbuckled all four of the restraints. The last was barely off when Sam threw himself towards Dean, wrapping long arms around his brother's neck.
Dean returned the embrace just as fervently, and then pulled back to scoot up to the top of the bed. He grinned at Sam softly, tilted his head to the side and patted his hand on his lap.
"C'mere little brother"
Sam almost beamed, and he moved his body eagerly to lie next to his brother, laying his head as always on his brother's lap.
Dean took comfort from his brother's closeness, needing it now almost as much as Sam did from him. He stroked his fingers through Sam's hair, sighing contentedly as he felt his brother relax in to the motion.
Sam lifted a hand and tugged on Dean's shirt.
"What is it Sammy?" he asked continuing to thread his fingers through his brothers curls.
Sam grabbed one of the restraints and pulled at it, gesturing to Dean.
"nnn…nn..no" Sam shook his head, still pulling at the restraint gently. "Nn..o"
Dean held his brother hand and prised the restraint from his fingers.
"sshh, sshh, don't worry Sammy, I gotcha now, no more restraints I promise. I'll get Bobby to take em' off tomorrow"
Sam sighed with obvious relief and curled up in to his brother, wrapping one arm around his leg for comfort. He closed his eyes as Dean resumed stroking his hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry Sammy." Dean whispered, barely audibly.
He smiled as Sam nuzzled his thigh affectionately and watched until his brother's breathing evened out in to soft snores.
That's more like it. He thought.
"Just you and me now Sammy." He whispered. "I'm gonna look after you kiddo, I promise, just you and me. We don't need anyone else." He stroked his brother's face dotingly, and leaned his head back on to the soft headboard.
"Everything's gonna be okay" he whispered sleepily. "You'll see"
As sleep began to claim him, he sent up a silent prayer of thanks to whoever it was that had gotten Sammy out of the cage and back by Dean's side where he belonged.
Albeit he may not be the Sam they remembered, but he was in there somewhere, and one thing was for sure, if anyone could find him, it was Dean.
If you liked this fic, you may like to read the sequel. Currently a WIP but I'm updating daily! You can find it in my archive, it's called 'I Was Holding on to You'. Please please keep the reviews coming, thank you so much :)