|Sing For Absolution
Author: pixelsurgeon PM
Cesare had to apologize. He had to explain why, though Juan might not have necessarily liked it. Spoilers for 2x09 and 2x10.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Family - Cesare B. & Juan B. - Words: 634 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 06-24-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8250620
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I thought Cesare wasn't nearly angsty enough for having killed his own brother. So…I wrote this. I feel like something like this should have been included. It's basically a very long monologue…and I'll shut up. I don't own the Borgias.
The room was much too dark, so reminiscent of the night where everything changed.
Cesare knelt next to his brother's cold, lifeless body. Their father was gone, sleeping for once. And Cesare took the opportunity to do something he needed to do.
"It's been an interesting few days," Cesare told Juan. "First you, then Lucrezia's betrothal, then you being found…and, of course, Lucrezia asking me to marry her…burning the heretic, Micholetto being more hostile than normal, father refusing to bury you…
"Well, before he finally does bury you, I come to apologize. I'm so sorry, Juan. I don't necessarily miss you, but something's missing, and I miss what's missing. I'm not really making much sense, am I? Just…my heart broke when I threw you off of that bridge. I know you don't believe that, but…it's true. I saw the sweet little boy you used to be, and I…I had to kill that boy. But, in the end, I was helping you. You were in pain, you said that, and I was ending your pain. And…I loved you, Juan. I loved you when you were that sweet, innocent little boy who would sit next to me and tell me about everything he wanted to do when he grew up.
"Of course, he never got any of those things because he turned into you. Some spoiled, whoring, drinking man who never succeeded at anything. Ten more sons, Juan Borgia. The three words that mark your failure. People will never remember the sweet little boy, no. What they'll remember is Caterina Sforza lifting her dress up and saying 'ten more sons'. They'll remember your failures because everything you did was a failure.
"And father loved you and loved you, God only knows why. Because you were so easy to love, maybe. It was all wasted on you, so people would try again and try again. Funny, isn't it? They loved you because you couldn't be loved.
"I never fell for that. After that innocent boy became you, I couldn't love you anymore. I didn't want to waste my time and love on someone who obviously wasn't worth it.
"I'm ashamed of myself. I came to apologize and here I am telling you why I stopped loving you. I am sorry, Juan. All I did that night, I did for you. And…when you are buried, I hope you go to Heaven. Of course, that won't happen. But I wish it would.
"I think if we were switched, if you were the scholar and I was the soldier, things would have turned out differently. Either you would be the one apologizing to me or we would both be perfectly alive, having never stopped loving each other.
"I wish that were the case, Juan. I would love to be able to mourn you properly, but all that bothers me about your death is the fact that I am capable of fratricide. I will go to Hell for this, and when I do, I want to be able to look you in the eye. I want to be able to apologize, and I want to be forgiven.
"Do you think you could forgive me in the next life? That is all I ask of you. I want forgiveness.
"I want absolution.
And Cesare Borgia turned and left his brother for eternity.
A/N: Please review!