Disclaimer: Zero Wing no belong to I. Belong to people unknown to I. But
not I. Fic belong to I, though.
A/N: Fic humor. No more, no less. Rate and review.
A/N2: I don't really write like that, so, um, don't think I'm stupid, k?
It good day on ZIG carrier. No bad thing happen in ZIG carrier. Good day
for captain and crew. Having a party on ZIG carrier to celebrate Captain's
"Good day on ZIG carrier," say operator.
"Yes," Captain reply, smile on face, cone hat on head. "Nothing wrong can
Something missing, but party continue. Crew listen to music by band call
"The ZIGGIES". They rocking hard, eat chips, party.
Sudden, knock on ZIG carrier door. Crew wonder who is.
"Who is?" Captain call, curious on his mind.
"It me," voice answer, mysterious.
Captain eyes widening. Can be him, can it? He wonder. He know he share
birthday with other person, bad person, person enemy rival of ZIG carrier,
person animal name. Know he want party too, but can not have because evil.
Evil people do not have party when birthday. Birthday not evil.
Stupid operator do stupid thing open door. In walk man 7, 8, no 9 foot in
height, black cape big, grin evil wanting base belong to him.
"How are you gentlemen?" man say. It Cats!
All gasp. They scare because Cats always want base belong to him and them
on their way to destruction they have no chance to survive make their
time. Danger for ZIG carrier imminent. Captain know.
"All your birthday cake are belong to us," Cats say, grin broad, think of
"What you say?" Captain ask, perplex at sudden entrance of arch enemy,
Cats. Very unexpect.
"Why?" nosy ZIG pilot ask, chips and salsa in mouth. Spit chips and salsa
on Cats while he talk, accident.
Cats flick bits of chips and salsa off black cape. Disgust. "Because…" he
begin, but not know what say.
"Yes?" nosy ZIG pilot urge on. But Cats no say. Nosy ZIG pilot think
amusing. "Ha ha ha ha, you no know what you doing! Point of invasion not
known to you! Ha ha ha ha!"
"ZIG pilot," Captain interrupt teasing. "What you doing?"
"You know what I doing!" nosy ZIG pilot state. "Make fun of big, scary
Tear on Cats cheek. Captain pity.
"I just want all your cake belong to us!" Cats say through tears. "Evil ZIG
carrier I live on no have birthday cake like ZIG carrier of Captain."
Nosy ZIG pilot stop teasing. Captain think deep. At present, Cats weak.
Captain could tell Cats bug off, but won't. Captain make decision.
"Operator," Captain say. "Move every ZIG cake." Operator only stare. "You
know what you doing!" Captain command. "Move ZIG cake!" Curl over, hold
head because of migraine. "For great justice!"
Operator nod, send cake to Cats. Cake wheel over on cart to Cats. Cake big
with rainbow frosting. Lots of sugar. Not for diabetic.
"Since you no have party," Captain say to Cats, "I give you cake," pause,
"for great justice." When Cats hesitate, Captain add, "Fat free."
Cats wipe tear from eye, pick up cake. Look at cake. Smile evil.
"Ha ha ha ha," Cats laugh, evil in head. "All your cake are belong to us!"
Begin run away. "I trick you." Run to evil ZIG ship before Captain do
anything. "And now, you are on your way to destruction!" he say, over
"Main screen turn on!" Captain shout, angry tricked. Prepare for battle.
Cats say, over main screen, "You have no chance to survive make your time."
Cats stuff face with Captain cake. "Frosting bad," he proclaim. Smear all
over main screen.
"NO!" Captain scream, fall to knees. "FROSTING BEST PART!"
"Captain!" Operator shout. "What we do?"
Captains hold head in hands. Cake ruin. Captain tricked. Main screen smear
with frosting. Decisions incapable of making.
"Captain?" Operator question second time. Captain lost in despair of losing
Captain recollect self. Breath deep. Idea in head has he. "Retreat," he
"Captain?" Operator ask again.
"I say retreat!" Captain order fierce. "You know what you doing!"
Operator affirm, tell ZIG ships retreat.
"We get Cats," Captain say assuring, "tomorrow."
1 Next day…
Cats in bathroom. Bathrobe on back, scale at feet. Cats yawn, stand
on scale, squeal.
"Gain 5 pounds!" Cats shout. "Captain cake full fat! Captain lie!"
Run to pantry where cake left over. Read label.
"Look at all fat!" Cats cry. "Captain lie! Cake not fat free!" Fall
to knees, raise arms air, yell, "CURSE YOU, CAPTAIN!!" Add as look at cake,
"This going straight to thighs."
END STORY WITH CAPTAIN CELEBRATE CATS LOW SELF ESTEEM