Chapter II

Back at the Gribble manor, Nancy and Joseph were in the kitchen talking. Nancy, of course, was soon to leave for her job at Channel 84 news, and she had just finished eating supper. Joseph was preparing to go over to Bobby's house to copy his math work, just as Dale was walking through the door and into the kitchen.

"Hello my most bee-utiful wife are sporty son. How is my family this most fine evening?" Dale said as he came in and hugged Nancy from the back and tapped his son on the head.

"Hey dad," Joseph said.

"Dale honey, I gotta run in a minute, but there's a message for you on the phone. I didn't listen to it, but you can if you want. Your dinner is under some foil on the top stair going down to the basement, and make sure Joseph is in bed by 9. I love you, bye." Nance said as she kissed Dale and Joseph, then went out the door and off to work.

"Message huh? It must be Octavio with Jack Ruby's hat I ordered. I got it in brown this time!" he said cheerfully as he pointed his index finger up into the air.

Just as he started going down into the basement, Joseph stopped him.

"Dad, what's the quadratic formula?" Joseph asked, scratching his head with his pencil eraser.

"Oh, well that's easy son, it's minus b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a. Everyone knows that." he said in one thorough statement, with each word following the next. Joseph was astonished that he came out with it so fast, and the fact that he knew it at all.

"Gee thanks dad, that sure did help!" Joseph said.

"You're welcome son, now it you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." Dale said as he grabbed his Soldier of Fortune, American Rifleman, and Conspiracies Monthly magazines he had gotten in the mail and proceeded to open the door going down into is special place known as the basement. He noted the plate on the top step and got very excited.

"Oh goodie-goodie, what'd I get, what'd I get!" Dale anticipated as he picked up the plate and carried it down the stairs and sat it on his computer desk along with his magazines. He pulled back the aluminum foil and found a piece of meatloaf topped with gravy, mashed potatoes topped also with the gravy, and some broccoli with cheese on top.

"Oh goodie-goodie-goodie!" Dale exclaimed as he threw away the aluminum foil and proceeded to pour himself a glass of ice-cold Mountain Dew from one of his CO2 pressurized barrels. After doing so he went and sat down at his desk, and ate his supper as he leafed through Soldier of Fortune. He circled several ads and would call back the numbers at a later date.

"Oh my goodness, is Nancy a good cook or what?" Dale said with a mouthful as he went back to get a refill of Dew. After he finished eating he put his plate to the side and got yet another Dew refill. After doing so he started to read into American Rifleman when he remembered the call Nancy had mentioned earlier by seeing the flashing "1" on the telephone next to his computer on the desk.

"Oh that's right, it's that call Nancy was talking about." he said as he leaned over and pressed the button that would read the message for him. Directly after he pressed the button, the iconic electronic voice came over the speakers:

"You have…1...message. Monday, November 19th at…9:40 AM." the voice said, as it now cut to the message.

"Hello, Mr. Gribble. This is Lt. Sutherland from the Blanda Army Base here in Arlen. I am calling to remind you of your appointment to come exterminate the base on Wednesday, November 21st, at 0900 hours. As usual, just come to the front office building to receive you security clearance and leave your bill when the job is over. We thank you for your service to the country and hope you have a wonder Thanksgiving holiday. Goodbye."

"End of…messages." the machine said as it gave the ending "click-up" sound and a tone.

"Hmm, interesting. I could have swore that was Octavio with the hat. Oh well, what ya gonna do?" he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

In the middle of his reading of Conspiracies Monthly, Dale looked up and saw someone at his front door from his security monitor. He heard the door bell ring several time.

"Now, this time it better be Octavio." he said as he set the magazine down and went up the stairs and through the house to the front door. The bell rang several more times and he yelled "Coming!" as he was approaching the door.

Of course, before opening it, he had to undo the 6 manual locks on the door and the digital alarm with a 3 step code. After the ding of the door unlocking, Dale opened it and saw Octavio standing in front of him with a medium sized cardboard box.

"Octavio, do you have the el stuffo por mio?" Dale asked, as he leaned into Octavio's ears.

"I got the hat you ordered, esse." he replied.

"Excellent. This will be quite the centerpiece for this year's Thanksgiving. I wonder what other colors it comes in?" he asked, as he grabbed the box and held on to it.

"Oh esse, I've got ET's cell phone that you've been wanting." Octavio added, handing Dale another small cardboard box.

"Octavio, you're a life saver. I've been searchin' for this baby for 15 years. How much do I owe you?" Dale asked.

"250 dollars American, esse." Octavio replied, holding his hand out.

"250 dollars? Why don't I just go and dig out the gold in my backyard and give it to you?" Dale asked in a sarcastic tone.

"Really esse, cause I can go get my shovel" Octavio said, obviously not picking up on the sarcasm Dale had implied.

"Of course not! Why would I give you my gold? What would you buy with it? More gold?" Dale raised his voice as he leaned into Octavio's face.

"Okay, okay, lo siento Gribble. Cash would be fine. No checks though."

"Fine, fine." Dale said as he sat the boxes down, took out his wallet, and pulled out two hundreds and a fifty. He placed them in Octavio's hands and Octavio greedily and placed them in his pocket.

"Gracias Senor Gribble." Octavio said as he turned around and walked away.

"No no, thank you." Dale said as he picked up his boxes, went back in the house, and re-fortified his front entrance.

"Alright, Ruby's hat and ET's cell phone he used to give secret botanic secrets to the Soviets with. Could the day get anymore perfect?" he said as he rushed back downstairs to take Ruby's hat out of the box.

"It's beautiful!" he exclaimed as he moved it and placed it into his designated hat case on his desk.

"And now for the big tamale!" he said as he opened up the box containing ET's cell phone. "Finally, just a little further examination, and I can trace the calls he made to Khrushchev about the secret dandelion plantations growing in California." Dale said as he removed the cell phone with a metal pair of tongs and placed it into a plastic bag, and sealed the bag up tight.

"This calls for a celebration!" he said as he put on a pair of rubber gloves and dialed the phone. After two or three rings, he said,

"You don't know me, but I know you , and if you-"

"Dang-ole Gribble man what you talkin' bout man talkin' bout dang ole, callin' me this late man, talkin' bout that dang-ole crank call man just dang ole, dang man, dang ole, grow up man, talkin' bout dang ole see you tomorrow man" Boomhauer said on the other end as he hung up.

"Oh well, I got Ruby's hat, and ET's phone!" Dale sang as he got up and started dancing around the room. He chanted around the room several more times before sitting back down and started leafing through his magazine again.