Author: Sanrodri PM
Draco Malfoy has always wished he had died in that bathroom years ago. Harry Potter has never forgiven himself for almost killing Draco. Will they be able to find each other as adults or will they remain hidden in the shadows of their past?Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Harry P. & Draco M. - Chapters: 15 - Words: 29,392 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 02-24-13 - Published: 07-09-12 - id: 8304646
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
As always, hugs and kisses for my betas.
Please review. I always enjoy constructive criticism.
A Healer stepped in to the waiting room, his eyes downcast.
Draco stopped breathing. He had seen the burns. He knew survival was unlikely, but he still hadn't prepared… He hadn't actually thought…
"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley?" The three men moved forward, Potter placing a hand on Draco's shoulder. The Healer took a deep breath and looked at the blond, avoiding full eye contact.
He didn't have to say anything. Draco already knew what was about to escape those chapped lips.
"Mr. Malfoy, I am very sorry. The burns were too severe. They were cast with dark magic and the only way to heal them would have been with Muggle medicine. We did all we could. We brought in the best Muggle specialists we could find but in the end, we were not able to save her. I'm afraid your mother has…" He cleared his throat. "…moved on."
Draco stood, outwardly emotionless, but dying inside. He wanted to yell, to run, to fight, to demand that they let him see her. He wanted to demand visual proof that his mother was actually gone, because this couldn't be happening. The world could crumble around him, he could lose everything, but he could never lose his mother. She had been the only constant in his life. She had been the only source of love and reason. What was Draco going to do now? He had a son to take care of, an ex-wife who did not know how to be a mother, a murderer after him, and a Potter who he was falling in love with despite all his efforts. Now his mother was gone and he could never again seek her guidance or hear her laugh. All he would have left would be memories, many of which were tangled with dark nightmares of red eyed wizards and the pain of the dark mark.
Draco turned to Potter who still had a hand on his shoulder. The man's green eyes were filled with tears that threatened to escape their confines and find freedom on the cheeks and neck below. The now orphaned man stood rigid as his guard wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace. He swallowed hard, fighting back tears, and let his arms reach up to return the hug. Despite the anguish of his loss, the touch ignited a fire in the depths of his soul which shook him to his very core.
Harry sat doing paperwork in his Ministry office as Draco leaned casually against the door. Both men were dressed in black, as they had attended Narcissa's funeral earlier that morning. It had been a small, but lavish ceremony. Draco had quit his job at St. Mungo's and channeled all of his energy into ensuring that his mother would receive nothing but the most exquisite and tasteful funeral. During the time he spent preparing, Harry had found them a flat in Muggle London where they could hide. Kinglsey became secret keeper and only Ron and the head of the Auror department, Wendell Weatherby, also knew of the location. It had been trying for Harry to live with Draco in such a small space. He was becoming more and more emotionally attached, but he couldn't act on it due to the circumstances. There was also the matter of Draco's foul mood and regression to his Hogwarts self. The man couldn't go two minutes without insulting Harry.
With the funeral over, the blond no longer had anything to do and so Harry took this opportunity to bring him to the Ministry and catch up on the paper work that had piled up while he had been stationed at the Manor. Harry thought that perhaps a change of scenery would help Draco's mood.
"Think you will finish before my beard grows out, Potter?" Malfoy crossed him arms, making a point to glare at Harry as he did so.
"No. But I will finish before you hair turns gray."
"Imbecile. Malfoys don't have gray hair. Or does the little golden boy not know how a real Wizard ages?"
Harry ignored the dig, signed a piece of parchment, and set it on a pile to his right.
"That was the last one for today." Harry smiled.
"Thank God. As abysmal as our flat is, I prefer it to this dingy hole. You'd think Weasleys lived here." Draco stood up straight and glided out the door, running straight into Wendell Wetherby.
"Wendy! Tacky as ever I see." Malfoy sneered and sauntered off, earning him a dirty look from the large, broad shouldered man. His black eyes followed Malfoy until he turned a corner and then they snapped to Harry, anger apparent in their depths.
"Potter! Don't let that Death Eater run around here unsupervised. I've already told you how I feel about that slime."
Harry gave an apologetic smile.
"I'm so sorry, sir. But I do have to remind you, he isn't a Death Eater. The mark was forced on him. He didn't-"
Wetherby puffed out his chest and growled.
"Just keep him out of my department."
Harry sighed, gathered his paperwork, and said good bye to his unruly boss before running of to catch up to Draco.
"Draco! Wait! You can't just run off! If there is an attack-"
"If there is an attack!" Draco mimicked in a poor imitation of Harry's voice. "Is that your new catchphrase? I'd think of something more interesting if I were you."
"I'm just trying to keep you safe." Harry frowned.
"Honestly, why are you always running to save people? Does it give you a rush, Potter? Does danger turn you on? If I get attacked, then I die. Get over it and find your jollies elsewhere, golden boy. "
Draco turned and Disapparated. Harry swore loudly, causing an elderly-looking witch to jump in alarm, and then quickly followed the blonde.
The flat was rather messy. Though the snarky Slytherin had spent a good deal of time cleaning it, it seemed like all Ron had stopped by and left a trail of destruction in his wake. There was a note from him hanging on the television which said, "Sorry. Still getting used to this wheelchair. I came by to say hello and then tried to Disapparate when I realize you were gone. I'll try to do it correctly next time. Ron."
Draco took a look around him, gave Harry a dirty look, and then headed up to their bedroom.
Harry took a deep breath and followed him. It seems like all he did now was follow Draco Malfoy. It was like bloody 6th year all over again.
"Draco…So…" The brunette as he stood awkwardly at the door. "How do you feel?"
"Peachy." Snapped Draco.
Harry frowned and walked into the room, sitting next to the irritated man on the bed, but taking care to keep a respectable distance.
"Look, I know what you are going through and I know it must be hard to not have a good outlet for your anger. When Sirius died I was furious. I almost bloody destroyed Dumbledore's office." Harry gave a soft chuckle. "But it is important to let go of the anger and let yourself be sad. I know, I sound like Hermione but-"
"Be quiet, Potter."
Draco got up from the bed and stood in front of the Auror, looking down at him.
"Just because you have mummy and daddy issues does not mean that I do."
"Your mother was murdered by an evi-"
"Yes, Potter. MY mother. As in MINE. Not yours. So you can just stay out of it. Take your little orphan boy business elsewhere. I've heard the story and I really don't care." Draco turned to leave but Harry pulled him back.
"You have to talk to SOMEONE about this. You have to do SOMETHING. Look, when I first lost Sirius-"
"Shove off. Do you really think you know anything? Your parents get murdered before you even know them and that makes you think that you can understand what it feels like to have someone who has always been there for you ripped away from you for no reason at all?"
Harry stood now, clenching his fists. He could endure a lot, but Draco, no, MALFOY, had gone too far.
"Listen here Malfoy-"
"Oh! It's Malfoy now, is it? You listen, Potter. You lost a lot of people, but most of them weren't family and most of them, you barely knew. You know nothing about real los-" Harry grabbed the blond and yanked him forward.
"You are going to shut up for once and listen to me, Slytherin git." Harry pushed the man, who stumbled backward and caught his balance by gripping the dresser behind him. "You can say a lot about me Malfoy, but HOW DARE YOU say that I know nothing about loss?" Malfoy scoffed.
"Brute! Must you always resort to violence? You have your friends and you have your Wealseys! You don't know what it is like to be alone! I spent years at Hogwarts alone and now I have to go through it all again! What do I have left? A son who I can't even see because it would put him in danger? An Auror whose presence I can barely stand?! You have everything!"
"SHUT UP! MY PARENTS WERE MURDERED IN FRONT OF ME AND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE MY MOTHER'S SCREAMS AND A GREEN FLASH OF LIGHT HAUNTED MY EXISTENCE. I LIVED FOR YEARS IN AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD WHERE MY MAGIC WAS STIFLED AND HAD NOBODY WHO CARED ABOUT ME. NO MUMMY OR DADDY TO RUN OR CRY TO. AND THEN, WHEN I FOUND HOGWARTS, WHEN I FOUND A HOME, THE PEOPLE THAT I BEGAN TO CARE ABOUT MOST STARTED GETTING KILLED AROUND ME! SIRIUS. DUMBLEDORE. THE CLOSEST THINGS I HAD TO A FATHER WERE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME AND IN THE END I ALSO LOST COUNTLESS OTHERS WHO I CARED FOR! NOT TO MENTION ALL THE PEOPLE THAT DIED WHO I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW! PEOPLE THAT DIED IN THE WAR TO PROTECT ME! PEOPLE THAT COULD HAVE LIVED IF I HAD FINISHED MY JOB EARLIER! SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT LOSS, MALFOY! DON'T YOU FUCKING TRY!"
Harry stood, face red, his chest heaving as his charge looked at him with a stony glare.
"Yes. But they all died for a reason, didn't they? They died for the greater good." Malfoy took a step forward and lifted his sleeve to show the dark mark. "They died to stop this. Now, tell me, Potter. Why did my mother die?"
Harry grabbed Malfoy again and pulled him close, ready to yell, but he couldn't think of a reason. Narcissa had died needlessly and Malfoy had nobody to blame but an elusive killer who may never be caught. He would not have closure until he found an outlet for his pain and Harry punching his face in was not going to do any good. The brunet let go of the other man and lowered his arms before storming out the door.
Draco let the hot water fall over him, massaging his tense muscles. This was the only time he had away from Potter, but maybe that was a bad thing. Alone, he had nobody to insult, thus his mind was free to wander.
What an idiot. Why had he said all that to Potter? The pain and anger on his face had been apparent, but Draco had just kept talking, fueled by the need to win. He needed to best Harry Potter so that there would be some semblance of normalcy in his life. The attacks, the feelings he was having for the Gryffindor, it was all too much and he needed desperately to hate the Auror. Everything could change, but at least he would always have his enemy. The world could end, his mother could…
Draco shut off the water. That was enough thinking.
He stepped out of the tub which doubled as a shower and grabbed his towel to dry off. A small piece of bloody parchment fell to the floor.
Oh. That's right.
Draco had picked it up by Narcissa's body but he had been too afraid to look at it just yet. He had hid it in the towel, thinking he would read it alone in the bathroom. In a moment of determination, he let his towel drop to the cold floor, picked up the scrap, unfolded it, and read the single sentence it held.
"All you love shall die until I kill you, Malfoy."
Draco let a small gasp escape him before dropping the note which landed in a puddle of water, causing the ink to smear instantly.
This was entirely his fault. Everything that had happened was his fault. If he hadn't run like a coward and had just died…. Or if he had died in that bathroom by Potter's hand… Or in that fire…
Draco looked at his reflection, shocked to see tears trickling down his face. He hadn't cried at all throughout all this…and he wasn't about to start showing weakness now. He grabbed his wand from next to the sink and held it up to himself.
"You're worthless, Draco. You were meant to die years ago. All you do is hurt those around you."
He slammed his left hand on the counter.
"You killed your mother, you hurt Potter, and if you don't die, your son might be next!"
The tears were gone and all that was left on Draco's face was unadulterated self-loathing. He brought the wand closer so that it was touching his skin.
"You bastard. So many people have died because of you. You won't be able to make this up. No matter how many lives you save, whether in a Muggle hospital or at St. Mungo's, YOU CAN'T FIX THIS!"
Draco raised his wand and blasted the bathtub to his right, causing a third of it to explode into dust.
He tugged at his wet hair and looked back to the mirror, feeling like a failure and for the second time in his life, feeling terrified that his loved ones would die because he was simply too weak to stop it…
There was a loud thud of a body hitting wood and the door burst open, Harry stumbling inside.
The Auror's eyes locked with the former Healer's in the mirror and Draco could see the progression between fear, worry, sadness, and pity on his face. Anger boiled deep within the blond. Pity?
"SECTUMSEMPRA!" yelled the Slytherin, putting all of his pain into the spell. Harry, used to sudden attacks, was able to quickly put up a shield charm. The spell fizzled into nothingness and Draco charged, intent on ripping the Auror to shreds. But the blonde was too sloppy. His emotions were too high and pure aggression alone would not be enough to take down the savior of the wizarding world. Potter used Draco's momentum to his own advantage, stepped to the side, grabbed the man's arm, and spun him so that he smashed against the wall.
"It's time to stop thi-"
"SHUT UP!" Draco turned, his lip bleeding slightly from the blow he had just suffered. He gave no notice to his own naked body. All of his attention was on Harry and the pain that he needed to cause, because somebody needed to pay. Something had to be done.
"JUST SHUT UP, YOU FILTHY LITTLE BASTARD!" Draco threw a punch which landed with a loud thud on Potters cheek. The Auror had not even tried to block it.
"Draco. Sto-" The blond threw another punch, this time hitting Harry on the nose and cracking it cleanly. "Please. Drac-" Another punch landed on Potter's face, this time causing him to step back a bit to catch his balance. "You. Need. To. Sto-"
"Shut the hell up, you fucking poofer!" Draco grabbed his wand, and began again, "Sectum-"
But he never got the words out. Potter rammed into Draco, causing the wand to fly through the air and clatter on the ground. The skilled Gryffindor grabbed the naked man and rammed him up against the wall, holding him tightly in place.
"DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH?! ARE YOU THAT INTENT ON HURTING ME? DO YOU WANT REVENGE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!?"
Draco spit in Potter's face. The man growled, pulled Draco away from the wall and slammed him against it again.
"Just do it Potter. Do what you should have done years ago. Kill me."
Harry narrowed his eyes.
"What are you playing at, Malfoy?"
"It's what you want. It's what you wanted that night. WELL THEN! DO IT!"
Harry slammed him again.
"I'm supposed to protect you, slimy rat!"
"JUST KILL ME! DO IT! YOU DON'T WANT TO PROTECT ME! KILL ME! KILL ME!" Draco started to cry now. This was all too much. His mother had not been gone a week and already he had lost all control. "Please," he breathed, "just finish what you started."
Grey, watery eyes met fiery green ones. It seemed as if Potter would give in to Draco's request. The disgust on his face was apparent and all Draco wanted was for it all to end.
But then the raven haired man's expression softened and his grip loosened. He stared at Draco for two heartbeats before slowly leaning in and softly brushing his lips against the Slytherin's. Potter then let go of his captive and move backward, all the while looking Draco in the eyes.
"I never wanted to kill you."
The Auror picked up his wand and left, leaving the pale man to fall to the floor and break down completely. His choking sobs were heard throughout the night.