|GET SMART: Get Fudged
Author: Dan Bivens PM
Can Maxwell Smart, Agent 86, resist the sweetness surrounding him on this latest mission against KAOS, or will he succumb to his sweet tooth?Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Max S./Agent 86 & Agent 99 - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,695 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 07-12-12 - Published: 07-10-12 - id: 8305490
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Maxwell Smart's little red sports car, with Agent 99 riding in the passenger's leather seat, pulls up to a halt directly in front of the KAOS owned and operated bakery.
"Well, 99, here we are," Smart said with an idiot's grin. Then he reaches for the car's cigerette lighter and places it before his lips. "Maxwell Smart, Agent 86, to CONTROL. Come in CONTROL."
Then he held the car's lighter to his right ear and listened...
"Yes, Max, this is the Chief," came the all-too-familiar voice of the head of CONTROL. "Now you're sure you have the plan down. We can't tip off the agents working as bakers that CONTROL is on to them. Otherwise, they'll just pull up stakes and set up some other front elsewhere in the city."
"Don't worry, Chief," Smart said into the car's lighter, which he had just moved from his right ear to directly in front of his mouth again. "99 and I will dazzle you with how we handle this assignment. Would you believe it? Dazzle you."
Holding the car's lighter to his right ear once again, he heard the Chief say, "Max, I find that hard to believe."
"Would you believe thrill you?"
"No, Max, I wouldn't."
"How about mildly excite you?"
With that, Maxwell Smart, Agent 86, ceased the transmitted conversation, and pushed the cigerette lighter back into its place on the dashboard of his sports car.
With that, the two opened their respective doors and climbed out. Max making his way around to join 99 on the sidewalk before the entrance/exit to the bakery.
Which just happened to be called: "The Smart Bakery".
The two CONTROL agents entered, 99 first, with Smart coming through directly behind her. The sweet aroma of various baked goods hit 86 like a ton of bricks. Soft bricks with cream inside them.
They walk up to the counter, at which point 99 said, as per the Chief's plan, "Excuse me, but do you have anything that's sugar free. My husband is a diabetic, but still has a sweet tooth. Isn't that right, Sweetie?"
Meantime, Smart was salivating over the delectable desserts ranging from ordinary glazed donuts to thick blocks of super-sweet fudge, and everything in-between. He hadn't heard the plan's prepaired line, nor the question directed right at him. He just kept looking, and sniffing, and salivating.
"How much for the chocolate-covered ones with the white cream inside?"
99 tugged on Max's arm, to get his attention and get things back on track, but the KAOS agent/baker replied, without a hint of suspicion as to these two customers being CONTROL agents...
"Seventy-five cents apiece, or four dollars for a half-dozen."
"Four dollars, huh?" muttered Maxwell Smart to himself, even as 99 squeezed his arm hard enough to cause him to yelp, "Ouch, that really hurt. You really should file down your fingernails, Ninety...er, uh, Nina."
"I was just trying to get your attention, Sweetie," 99 said with a forced smile, while using her eyes to communicate to 86 that they were there to stop KAOS from operating this front. She was cutting her eyes sharply toward the KAOS agent/baker standing before them on the other side of the counter.
Finally, Smart caught on, and managed to ignore the overwhelming sweetness surrounding him in order to reiterate what 99 had just asked seconds earlier...
"Yes, I'm a diabetic with a sweet tooth. So I'd appreciate it if you could locate, somewhere in all this, something sweet yet sugar-free."
Having raised the KAOS agent/baker's suspicions as to whom they really were, and why they were really there, he excused himself by saying, "I don't believe we have anything out here, but let me check in the back. There may be something back there that will fit your needs precisely."
After he disappeared through the swinging doors, which led back into the depths of the bakery-KAOS headquarters...
"Sorry about that, 99," Smart said dumbly, "but I couldn't help it. Everything seems so tasty. If only these KAOS agents could use their bakery for goodness, instead of badness."
Meantime, in the back of the bakery/KAOS headquarters, the agent/baker stepped into the office area where Seigfried could be found, and reported, "Sir, I'm not sure, but this couple, looking to buy sugar-free doughnuts or something, seem suspicious. I'm afraid they might be with Interpol or the CIA or..."
"Or CONTROL," finished the heavy-German-accented Seigfried, as he stood and slapped his thigh with his riding crop once again, immediately regretting it, while holding back the urge to yelp in pain. "Show me zis couple."
Seigfried followed the KAOS agent/baker out, so he could look through the swinging doors' small, square glass windows to see...
"Zat is Maxwell Shmart, Agent 86, alright," the scar-faced, graying haired Seigfried said with some excitement over seeing his old archnemesis, but stopped himself from slapping his still-stinging thigh with his riding crop again. Instead, he pulled a Lugar from his leather coat's pocket, and lead the agent/baker back out through that self-same swinging door.
"I am afraid, Mishter Shmart," said Seigfried the instant he stepped out with his Lugar in hand, "that the only desserts you are going to get, is the just desserts you've earned as an agent for CONTROL."
"A very clever choice of words, Seigfried," said Smart, as he inched his right hand to his waist, where his holstered .38 was located.
"Yes, I thought zhey were a little clever, Shmart."
"But not clever enough, Seigfried!"
Having shouted that, Maxwell Smart, Agent 86, did two things to turn the tide: First, he pulled a special button from the bottom of his suit's coat and hurled it down, so it would ignite and issue forth a thick, blinding, choking cloud of smoke.
After which, he pulled his .38, whilst 99 did the self-same thing from the one in her purse, and began firing...
Even as, as the cloud of choking smoke grew ever thicker within the small confines of the bakery's front area, Seigfried fired back, narrowly missing 86 by a scant inch, as it ripped through the shoulder of his suit's coat...
Looking, through squinted eyes, at 99 next to him, he held up his gun-free hand and held its thumb and forefinger in close proximity to one another, as he remarked comically, "Missed me by that much."
Finally, he fired, albeit blindly, his .38 three times, one of those bullets impacting painfully with the gun in Seigfried's hand, knocking the Lugar out of it to clatter upon the smoke-filled shop's floor...
"Ok, Mishter Shmart," called out the now unarmed head of KAOS, at least for part of it, just as the smoke was starting to clear, "you've got me! I give up."
"Very wise of you, Seigfried," taunted a too-confident Agent 86, as both he and 99 maintained their .38s general aim on the black, leather coat-wearing enemy of CONTROL. "If you hadn't given up, I was going to shoot you, and take a dozen chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnots...without paying."
As the idiotically smiling Smart seemed pleased with that, 99 gives him a loving-yet-disgusted, just a little, look. Which 86 never even noticed, as Seigfried rolled his eyes up into his head, signifying his own disgust over Maxwell Smart's idiocy, and his tremendous good luck at, once again, apprehending Seigfried...
Who would be able to get out, once again, and take his rightful place as the head of KAOS. At least, as one of the heads of KAOS.