"I love you"

"SHUT UP"

****************

I didn't start out like this. She was happy, and I was happy. We were happy. Now happy just seems like a foreign concept. Her arms are a mass of scars from the razor. Deliberate scars. At first I thought she was just shaving, but who shaves their wrists. And who cuts themselves at least everyday. Sure the little girls who are just starting do. But Stephanie is 25 years old. Not 'Daddy's Little Girl' anymore, now she's just a razor wielding slut.

There I said it. My stage wife, and real girlfriend is a razor wielding slut. And no, I'm not blind. I see what she wears, and I have to admit I was fine with it for almost the whole first year. First couple of months after Armageddon, I loved it. I was her biggest fan. Seeing her turn herself around was a dream come true. Watching Steph mold from that little girl, to a big girl. A big brave girl. She didn't need anyone but me, and I was proud to be that one person she held onto. But, while she was slapping her mother, giving her father gray hairs, and making her brother insane I never noticed her. Yes, I noticed her, but I never noticed that she sometimes would not talk for hours at a time, that she was in her own little world. Away from everyone, is what she told me, no more pain or suffering. And I still didn't ask why. I know I'm a self-absorbed asshole, my wife didn't know that though. She thought I just didn't love her. Which could be farther then the truth. She's the love of my life. I couldn't live without her. When I gave her those flowers and told her she was even prettier then them, I meant it. She's my whole world. She's everything to me. It just all leads back to the 'Stephanie doesn't think Hunter loves her bit.' Does she realize that I'm GUY? a MAN? I HAVE A DICK IN MY PANTS! That means I dot show my feelings very well. And she doesn't know that. So, that razor wielding part is my fault. And how I wish it wasn't so.

That leads me to where I am right now. Watching Steph sit on the bathroom floor with the razor in her hands. She doesn't know im here, which is a mystery to me, I'm 275 lbs the floor shakes when I walk.
But, here I am. And I can't watch this. and I can't turn away from it. I love her too much to let her do this.

"I love you." It comes out so suddenly, I wasn't thinking. Maybe that's the key to getting those 3 words out, don't think about it.

She turns around slowly as if I'll run away if she goes too fast, "What was that?" Her voice sounds broken and defeated.

"I love you" I say it again, not hesitating, and strongly.

"Your just saying that. You don't love me. No one loves me. I'm just a slut. A big chested slut." She whispers, its a wonder i heard her it was so low.

"I love you."

"Go back to Chyna, Hunter. you don't love me."

"I love you."

She stands up the razor still in her hands. "Do you really? Or do you not want to see me do this?" She slides the razor across her wrist, not going near a vein, drawing a thin line. The blood seeps from it immediately, and Stephanie just looks at it.

"How is that helping you. It's just causing you more pain?" I look at the blood and it makes me want to faint. I can't stand to see her like this.

"What Hunter? Don't like the blood? I like it." She moves the razor over by the veins. More accurately over the one's that will make her die. "Want to see me do this?" She slides the razor over, not drawing blood, but making deep red marks.

"No, please don't. I love you. I can't lose you. Over this."

"Over what? Myself? What do you care? You don't love me. As much as I love you, you will never ever return it."

"I love you."

"Shut up Hunter." Something inside that reflected her old self was coming out, someone shred of decency that didn't want to end her life came out, and Hunter appealed to that.

"I love you. I loved you at Armageddon. I loved you even more at Wrestlemania. I loved you when i was in rehab. I loved you during the boob job, and Steph, I still love you. Now maybe more then ever. I love you."

The razor fell out of her hands and she flew into my arms.

And I knew now, that everything would get better eventually. I just knew it.