This idea came to me after a conversation over the phone with my best friend which was over 4 hours long haha. Basically, both of us had happen to watch a TV screening of St. Trinians 2 and fell into discussion about what we thought the entry requirements for st Trinians would be. And this is the product, mixed with a little story telling. Hopefully it's as funny as I want it to be. I own nothing.
REVIEW PEOPLE! By the way, translate the phone number at the bottom of the story to letters, hopefully you get the right words ;) I would tell you but it would ruin it.
Elusive Paranoia

"Hannah!" No answer. "HANNAH!" Bellowed a woman, short and pudgy with evidence of her age showing.
"WHHHAT?" Shouted the girl in question from upstairs in her room.

"YOUR LETTER FROM THAT SCHOOL YOU APPLIED TO IS ON THE KITCHEN TABLE!"
Hannah's mother had barely finished her sentence when the sound of crashing, a slamming door and thundering footsteps filled the house.
In a flash of brown, purple and an excited grin, Hannah ran into the kitchen, skidding on the wooden floor, her white ankle socks giving her the sliding momentum.
Hannah's mother flattened herself against the wall as her 16 year old daughter zipped past and stopped herself by gripping the edge of the table.
"God girl, you'll break your neck if you keep doing that!" Chided her mother.
Hannah poked her tongue out at her mother, swelling her blue eyes for emphasis. Her hair, brown with purple tips had been neat but after her efforts to get to the letter as fast as she could, her shoulder length hair had flopped all over the place. Snatching the envelope up from the pine wood table, Hannah pressed the top left corner between her thumb and index finger and ripped viciously downwards, exposing the letter held within. Unfolding the perfectly folded letter, Hannah spied the gothic styled logo of the school. Dropping her gaze to the words below, Hannah began to read…

Dear Applicant,

You have expressed a wish to join St. Trinians School for young ladies. The admittance process differs from any other school in England and overseas. Influential institutions that can/will support this claim originate from the following government agencies both local and abroad:

United Nation Organized Crime Department

Crown Prosecution Service branches including both Fraud and Organized Crime Unit

International Court of Justice

Interpol

All Police Departments stationed at both local and international level

MI5 and MI6

Special Air Service

We are proud to boast extensive and archived records of involvement.
Eligibility Requirements for St. Trinians that must be met are listed beneath with an 'X' showing whether you have achieved the following:

Must be female X

Must have been formally rejected, permanently suspended (or any variation there of) from at least 1 educational facility below tertiary level.

Please note that whilst first priority is given to those who have respectfully earned expulsion from 3 and above educational facilities, St. Trinians caters for students all shapes and sizes, social backgrounds, sexual orientation, race, financial situation etc. X

Student must show proof of experience in one or each of the following:

Arson

Robbery X

Minor to medium assault X

Fraud

Scamming X

Reckless driving (Both underage driving or legal age) X

Blackmail X

Larceny X

Disorderly conduct X

Vandalism X

Having several ASBOs on personal record X

Any current or previous academic results are not required as the typical mathematics, English or any other class available at St. Trinians follows a more independent, self- governing curriculum. Some of the classes available are as follows:

Religious Education

Chemistry, and advanced chemistry

Machine shop

Advanced cooking

Physical Education

Art

Anger management classes for mentally unstable

Please note, detailed information about class content in terms of assignments and topics are not available due to the fact that this is an independent school and assignments, GCSE and A levels are not compulsory.
Facilities on campus apart from dormitory, school buildings, swimming pool and hockey pitch include:

Controlled blast laboratories*

Rocket propelled projectile ranges*

Beverage distillery*

*These facilities are student managed and as a result, persons over the age of 18 are forbidden from having a physical presence in these semi-controlled facilities. Headmistress is exempt from the above stipulation.

We boast a close-nit family community among the students. As a result, there are many student initiated and operated groups and after school activities including regular trips into the city. In addition to this, students are encouraged to participate in product development for the business world, which is a special program, headed by Mr F Harry, a qualified teacher in criminology and product development. As with student tradition, all new students will be subjected to some form of integration. This will be conducted and supervised by prefects and the current Head Girl, Kelly Jones.

Uniform requirements are listed as follows:

Regulation St. Trinians Blazer with school logo.
White blouse
Regulation black and silver tie

Black/navy tunic or Black/ navy skirt

Navy/white/black socks or dark stockings

Weaved straw hat

Please note there is no length requirement for skirts, tunics or blouses.
Shoes are of free choice and condition of clothes or personal additions are permitted as under a self-governed policy.

Enrollment pack, fee payment schemes and transport information will be following in the mail within the next 48 hours. Enrolment expiry date is non-existent however please be aware that between now and your acceptance, entering imprisonment will provide a slight delay to enrolment processing.
We look forward to having you attend our proud, independent school.

If you have any queries or formal complaints, the appropriate contact details are provided below:

Queries: (739) 28 86889

Complaints:

Yours Sincerely,

Camilla Fritton,

Headmistress of St. Trinians School for young ladies

Hannah stared in wonder at the letter before her. Her heart rate began to race.
"Shit, I'm going to love this school!" She gasped with a smile reaching from ear to ear.

Please translate the number or else you won't get the point of putting it there. I hope you liked it, review please.