|The Pinned Butterfly
Author: teabags PM
Hiroki didn't realize that the new student he tutored would one day return to seek the love that he turned down in ways he couldn't imagine... Also co-written with Lucicelo.Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Hiroki K. & Nowaki K. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,437 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 10-08-12 - Published: 07-16-12 - id: 8325767
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The Pinned Butterfly
On the next session of tutoring, Nowaki almost couldn't contain his happiness as he knocked on Hiroki's apartment door. He'd finally see Hiroki after such a long absence, he coped knowing full well they would see each other again. The possessions he took also helped in this little separation, without them he would have suffered from lack of physically seeing Hiroki. Daydreaming of brushing his hand against his tutor's in mock casualty.
His plan to change Hiroki's perception of him began. He had to be bolder in his attempts, maybe a compliment or two, though he was certain Hiroki wouldn't take to his words too kindly.
The door opened and he was surprised when he was a greeted with a much moodier Hiroki. He didn't seem glad to see him or anyone else for that matter. Hiroki ushered him in as he slammed the door shut, Nowaki flinched at the roughness Hiroki was showing him
He was handed his last assignment which had a giant 100 percent written on it, Nowaki would've proceeded in praising his teacher but decided not to.
Someone or something caused Hiroki to be so angry.
Nowaki stayed quiet as he followed him to the living room toward their usual table. It was half way filled with papers and books, the once pristine house was now in shambles as if a tornado came through and disorganized everything. At a distance, he saw Hiroki's bedroom in the same state of disarray. A complete overhaul in difference from a day before.
He didn't understand, Hiroki left it clean when he left on a visit to his parents house. Nowaki made sure nothing was out-of-place before he left the previous night this way Hiroki wouldn't suspect that anything was missing. Though Nowaki presumed the worst on Hiroki's claim, he hoped his idea on a lover was false for his own sake. His peaceful state of mind was interrupted by visions of another person owning "his" Hiro-san which incensed him to the deep bowels of his soul.
Hiroki sat down on his spot as he snapped. "Sit."
Nowaki nodded his head and tried not to let the anger in his teacher's voice upset him too much. Hiroki wasn't direct in where his anger was aimed to, Nowaki placed it on another matter.
He let a smile grace his face as he asked. "How are you today Hiro-san?"
Hiroki glared at him as he answered. "Just fine. Why are you asking?"
"Well.." Nowaki chose his words carefully, he didn't want to get kicked out Hiroki's home this early. "You seem..a little tense..anything I can help you with?"
Hiroki flipped a page of his textbook as he turned his eyes to the words on the page. "I made more sheets for you to do." He pointed to the folder in front of Nowaki, avoiding the question with precise finesse.
Nowaki reached over and took the folder in his hands. He took out a pencil from his messenger bag while taking out the papers from the folder, he began working in an instant. His eyes peeking to stare at Hiroki as he answered his questions and started humming a song he heard on the radio. It was a love song he felt could be him and Hiroki in the future, it was an underlying hint to Hiroki without having to voice it.
Hiroki clutched his pencil in agitation, he breathed deep and tried controlling himself. It would bode well for him if he released his rage and all of this time tutoring Nowaki would be for nothing.
In a small way he cared for Nowaki and his educational goals, he hadn't met someone who dove into studying like Nowaki did. The giant wasn't wasting his time and knew which direction he was headed in life. Hiroki wouldn't have kept at it if he didn't take notice of this development.
He was busy with his own life after all.
Nowaki paused humming as his eyebrows furrowed. He reached out his hand and tapped Hiroki on the shoulder a few times, his fingers tingled at the touch as he kept his inner joy well hidden in his mind.
Hiroki stared up at Nowaki when his student asked. "I'm having a problem with number 5 can you check if I got it correct?"
"Let me see." Nowaki moved the paper closer to Hiroki and he scooted closer to him knowing he could get away with it.
The scent of cologne reached Nowaki's nose which had him inhaling in long intakes. His sweater still had some of the aroma in the fabric but he couldn't risk Hiroki smelling it on him. The weather was balmy so he didn't need a jacket.
Hiroki grabbed his black pen and scratched a few things out. He annotated the proper form to get the answer in the margins, he saw Nowaki nod in understanding and solved the answer in a matter of seconds.
Pleased that he got it, Nowaki smiled at Hiroki. "Thank you so much Hiro-san."
Hiroki waved him off. "I'm supposed to help you kid, I'm your tutor now get back to work."
Nowaki kept the smile on his face as he returned to his worksheets. His eyes moved from the sheet to Hiroki, his bangs obscured his eyes if his tutor turned to his direction.
So Nowaki continued with his paper while every so often he'd drift his eyes back onto Hiroki then back to his sheet. But there was one particular moment that drove Nowaki away from it when he saw Hiroki looked so hurt, just sad and troubled. Nowaki had spotted him crying when they first met. How beautifully fragile the man looked with flushed pink cheeks and his eyes, their fiery blaze washed out with sorrow.
Hiroki leant there against the desk, a hand upon his chin lost in his own thoughts. There wasn't many people who had seen this side to him. Apart from his mother, father and a couple of times Akihiko. Nowaki didn't know that but it had him wondering whether he may be a rare one to see this. Course he didn't like Hiroki upset, but he did want to see more of this delicate butterfly.
Nowaki had gotten so distracted by watching Hiroki that his tutor soon bounced back into reality then realized it was suddenly very quiet.
Turning to his student he saw Nowaki gazing away there in a world of him own too. Though for some reason Hiroki found it rather creepy.
"Oi" He bawled.
Quickly at the sound of Hiroki's bark he snapped out of his glorious moments about "Hiro-san" and Nowaki grinned since he had the real Hiroki right beside him.
"I'm sorry Hiro-san, I just blanked out for a moment or two."
"Got that right" He said lunging over to grab the sheets from his student. "I'll take it that you've finished then?"
"Eh! No I haven't, not yet, sorry" Nowaki leant a hand out for his sheets back, Hiroki just heaved a sigh and passed them over.
"Alright, well, get a move on."
Mentally Nowaki scolded himself for zoning out like that. He knew he shouldn't be too forward not just yet anyway. He was planning to make a move soon and confess to his beloved teacher just how he felt but now wasn't the right time. Obviously Hiroki wasn't in the mood, cleary he could see that.
Just as he was about to get on with his work Nowaki found his words burning in the back of his throat where they formed into questions of the tip of his tongue. He was too concerned not to speak out.
"Are you sure you're okay Hiro-san?" He repeated.
Hiroki slipped another irritated look over to him. What was this kid playing at?
"You've asked that once and I told you I was fine" He grunted. "Why do you keep aski-Actually no, stop asking, no more."
Nowaki proceeded to get his word out anyway completely overlapping Hiroki.
"It's just...I'm worried about you Hiro-san" He admitted.
The demonic face his tutor pulled sent a cold shiver down the student's spine.
"Yes...Are you catching a cold?"
Hiroki's narrowed brow deepened. "No I'm not"
With sudden confidence Nowaki found himself shuffling closer to him, not extremely near but enough within distance where he was able to swiftly place his hand under his tutor's forehead.
At first Hiroki naturally pulled back but he relaxed when the others large palm took its toll. Nowaki's hands were delightfully warm they almost reminded him of a certain person's but even if he wanted to believe that they weren't the same.
"You're very warm Hiro-san" Nowaki said while beaming his charming smile down at his teacher.
Erratically Hiroki found himself swimming in Nowaki's glittering pools. He couldn't take his eyes away from his student, he was starting to sink deeper into them until he found himself completely drowning.
Yet he had no noticed just how close Nowaki had come towards him, Hiroki dropped his eyes down seeing Nowaki's arm and legs right beside him then back up staring directly at him.
"Just what do you think you're doing?! You're practically on my lap, give me some space brat!"
Nowaki hadn't felt this crushed in a long time. How could his Hiro-san be so hurtful? He shuffled back of course not wanting to dismay Hiroki again.
But Nowaki was scolding himself inside, he'd come so close to doing what he'd been dreaming of for months which was passing first base and kissing his lovely tutor. Even if it was just a quick sweet tender peck he'd have been satisfied.
"Sorry" He muttered softly.
A chunk of his confidence was immediately swiped away. That wasn't like Nowaki he was always his usual confident, bold self that's all he was ever used to being around people. Right now he self so small, he couldn't even look at Hiroki. Going back to the papers he focused on them but he wasn't given the chance.
"Seriously what is wrong with you today?" He grunted. "First you keep pestering me, asking if I'm fine and when I tell you nearly pounce at me."
Hiroki's eyes narrowed and fury risen forcing him to release a deep growl from his student's lack of attention. He was not pleased in the slightest.
"Oi!" He snapped. "Look at me when I'm talking to you"
Heaving a sigh at Nowaki's stubborness Hiroki lunged forward grabbing onto his arm not too hard but firmly and yanked him back.
His blue orbs were once again lit up from the burning thrill of Hiroki's touch. It felt incredible and his arm tingled all over.
"I'm sorry Hiro-san" Nowaki didn't know what else he could say, only "sorry" although he wasn't sorry for what he did.
"I don't want an apology, I want you to tell me what's going on in that head of yours!"
"Hiro-san please..." He said his voice became quieter.
Hiroki arched an eyebrow at his student. What was this all of a sudden? Nowaki was usually bouncy as a playful puppy and now it seemed its tail had been tread on. He couldn't suss Nowaki out at all.
"Fine" He huffed.
Hiroki gave up on trying to pull anything out of his student, what would be the point? He'd be dismissed by this new-found stubbornness in his student and it was ticking his patience away.
"If you don't want to explain that's fine with me." Hiroki snapped as he combed through his hair with his right hand. "Stop telling me sorry its irritating."
Nowaki nodded his head as he bit back another apology. Hiroki just told him apologies angered him, he wasn't about to test the limits on that temper.
Nowaki picked up his pencil and feigned doing his work but his mind wasn't into it. How could he? His Hiro-san was upset at his carelessness.
He felt Hiroki staring at him, he knew it was to check if he was going to 'act out' in a behavior distant from a hardworking student. Nowaki wrote down a few things down but he saw Hiroki take away his paper and checked it.
"I just showed you the proper way to solve this problem." Hiroki stated, eyebrows furrowed, creating an indentation between his eyebrows. "Are you purposely trying to make me angry?" He asked with an underlying irate tone as he placed the paper back on the table.
Nowaki gritted his teeth as he said. "People make mistakes Hiro-san."
Hiroki scoffed and waved his hand around. "Yeah right most are just incompetent and lose important things that their mother made with her own bare hands."
Nowaki years his voice crack when he said "mother", and stared at him. "What..what do you mean?"
Hiroki averted his eyes when he answered. "..There was this red scarf in my wardrobe.."
Nowaki's heart raced in fear, he knew which scarf Hiroki mentioned. He had it hidden underneath his pillow and was sure it wouldn't stick out in any way possible. He caressed the scarf with loving care as he laid beside it when he was home.
He saw Hiroki's saddened eyes and it clicked inside of Nowaki's mind. The scarf was made by Hiroki's mother, the state of it was practically flawless and well taken cared of. Hiroki must've loved his mother so much and a gift from said person made the scarf all the more special.
Nowaki pinched himself under the table, how was he supposed to know it was that special? The scarf was nestled into a ball with the rest of the scarves in the closet.
There were no indicators to suggest otherwise.
"..I'm so damn careless. I can't ask her to make me another one when she worked hard on it when she was at the hospital."
Nowaki felt a stab in his heart for his insensitivity at grabbing such a precious treasure. He couldn't handle hearing Hiroki sound so broken at thinking he'd actually lost it without realizing it before leaving back home. When in reality it wasn't lost, it was safe and sound underneath a pillow. The scarf was without a thread out-of-place and in perfect condition.
"Is it lost?" Nowaki decided to lie, the option in the long run seemed in his best interest.
Hiroki nodded his head. "How could I lose it? It's a bright red color! I easily found it in the dark if I needed to wear it!"
Nowaki chewed the inside if cheek to refrain from telling the truth. How he hated lying to Hiroki, it was becoming too natural of him to keep out his misdeeds. He hated lying, it led to so many awful things that spiral out of control.
The vulnerable side to his harsh teacher had him wondering if he could hold him. When one was sad it was only natural to hug them and comfort them in their time of need. Hiroki needed him, Nowaki's body twitched toward that direction but he stayed put. He was eager to touch this beautiful man as he imagined in his very lucid dreams. They felt more and more real each day.
He desired him so much, possessing his body, kissing away all of the fears and making sure he was the only man in Hiroki's mind.
It became so unbearable, his mental resistance was faulting.
Hiroki stared at Nowaki from the corner of his eyes and noticed the man's inner dilemma, it was etched all over his pretty boy face. He didn't expect Nowaki to remotely care about his missing gift from his mother, Nowaki knew nothing about her.
"Nothing I can do I guess.." Hiroki sighed as he rubbed his temples. "Thinking about it will run me ragged at this rate."
He yawned a few seconds later and rubbed his eyes.
It didn't take long for Hiroki to fall asleep after he yawned.
Nowaki placed his chin in the palm of his hand as he stared at Hiroki from his spot at the table. He smiled when he saw Hiroki wrinkling his nose and muttering curses under his breath.
Hiroki lay on the floor and used his dark sweater as a pillow. He tossed and turned a couple of times while tangling his hands into the fabric to make it more comfortable.
The giant stood up as he went toward the couch picked up a fluffy looking pillow and went back to Hiroki and replaced the makeshift pillow. He was pleased he could help Hiroki in some way and he wondered whether he should've stayed or not.
Just in case Hiroki woke up, Nowaki finished his work just so he could gaze at Hiroki's sleeping face. He drank up the possibly of seeing him sleep beside his own bed in his imagination all too well. He even laid right next to Hiroki to test liking this arrangement, so far he did.
Nowaki let out a few of his murmured adorations of Hiroki slip out and his heart sped up when the man shifted in his slumber. They were just simple statements which he held true over the older man but having said them made them truer in his heart.
Reaching out his hand, Nowaki glided his fingers across Hiroki's hair, not at a surprised at the softness of those light brown locks. He got braver and ran his hand through Hiroki's hair, giggling softly when Hiroki nuzzled his hand when he touched the skin of his cheek. His eyes went toward Hiroki's unbuttoned shirt which exposed copious amounts of skin, he questioned whether or not to risk waking up his sleeping secret love and touch him. It was an appealing notion on his part but he doubted if he could remove his hand off of Hiroki.
Shaking his head, he took his hand back. His mind needed something else to place his thoughts on and fast.
He bit his bottom lip as his eyes wandered toward Hiroki's lips. They were a soft pink color, soft and supple, just begging to be kissed. He wanted to taste the peach chapstick Hiroki applied to prevent drying them out and Hiroki's natural flavor mixed in. To have his lust driven mad by the red swelling of those lips as he bit them while they kissed in passion.
Nowaki gulped, nerves wrecked through his body. The opportunity of kissing Hiroki was too great to pass up and he was in such a deep sleep he would never know it obscured. He wouldn't get another chance until he confessed his feelings and love and maybe Hiroki wanted him too.
He moved a few strands of Hiroki's hair from his face as he gathered up his courage. Cupping Hiroki's cheek, he leaned closer and closed the gap in between them.
This simple brush of the lips released the animatistic side Nowaki had long since forgotten he possessed. He closed his eyes in bliss and relished the contact of their lips.
He broke the kiss seconds later but to him it felt as if he kissed Hiroki for hours.
Nowaki touched his lips afterward, his curiosity on comparing his dreams to reality was satisfied. He contemplated kissing Hiroki again but he saw Hiroki open his eyes and closed them again. He feared Hiroki knew of their kiss yet Hiroki went back to sleep. Hiroki even switched positions and moved to his side, facing away from Nowaki.
Nowaki breathed a sigh of relief as he stood up and went to organize his possessions. Once his stuff was in his bag he hoisted the strap of his messenger bag on his shoulder. He accidentally knocked over one of Hiroki's books onto the floor causing a loud slam.
Hiroki woke up at the sound and opened his eyes. He rubbed them with the back of the hand as his eyebrows furrowed. "The fuck …"
Nowaki hastily picked up the book. "I hit your book by mistake.." He placed it at its proper place as Hiroki stood up and stretched up his arms.
"What time is it?" Hiroki asked as he turned to the clock on his wall and read the time. "Nevermind."
The time was so late, Hiroki thought Nowaki would've just left his home already. Nowaki had a night shift at this particular job.
What reason could he have to stay for?
Hiroki remembered Nowaki didn't know which folders were for the tutoring and not his own classes. He must've forgotten to give the extra packets at the beginning.
Nowaki moved out-of-the-way as Hiroki grabbed one and handed him a different folder. "You did finish your work right?"
"Yes I did." Nowaki answered as he cradled the folder on his arms. "I left it on the table Hiro-san."
"Good." Hiroki scratched the back of his head. "Go home kid you have a night shift, you sleep to function."
Nowaki nodded his head, not at a displeased that he was leading. He licked his lips, he was leaving with Hiroki's lips on his mind.
"Okay see you soon Hiro-san." Nowaki told him with the largest smile on his face and waved at him.
Hiroki half-heartedly waved back as Nowaki's smile grew bigger. The happiness poured out of the man in waves and reached Nowaki.
He arched his eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.
What was Nowaki so happy about?
Alright guys sorry it's taken so long to get the next chapter up but me and Lucicelo have been quite busy! Also a big thanks to her for probably writing most of this chapter (She's just too fabulous...I swear girl)
Okay so you've been given another dose of creepy Nowaki please tell us what you think!
We appreciate all the thoughtful reviews we receive from this story they keep our Egoist girl craze going!
Thank you for reading,
Until next time
Teabags & Lucicelo