|Get Your Priorities Straight!
Author: Eclissy PM
In the midst of the NulgathvsDage war, three individuals decide to look in from the outside. What begins as just an observation dissolves into a discussion about subjects that should never be touched in the times of war. This is crack basically. Sort of. Warning for language and for some mentioning of certain brain bleach worthy pairings and topics. Hope you enjoyed your sanity.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,337 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 05-03-13 - Published: 07-21-12 - id: 8343037
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The title of this drabble also reflects what I should be doing in real life. Anyways, this was written during the DagevsNulgath war and if by some miracle (it'll be a miracle if anyone finds this actually) someone digs this up in the future. I wrote this on a whim and poke fun at a few things. My friend forced me to put this here instead of a blog or livejournal where I knew no one could find it. It is now unfortunately here. Well…enjoy I guess. Now excuse me while I go hide in a corner to cry. You can tell me your grievances later. Because I know you'll have them.
Get Your Priorities Straight!
Thunder and lightning clashed in the darkened sky, mirroring the chaos below. The sound of metal on metal fills the air as Nulgath's army and Dage's undead legion fight for the upper hand. The sea of madness stretched on beyond the horizon and though the battle was reaching a fever pitch, an end was not yet in sight.
Looming over the battle were tall jagged stone monoliths that reached up to the dark sky. Many dotted the battlefield and on top one in particular were three lurking adventurers who had no business being there.
"Hey Ty?" the young boyish adventurer said. "Is it safe being here?" he asked his white-hooded friend. Both of them were sitting on the ledge of the monolith, spying down on the war below.
"You said you wanted to see evil's civil war and you got it," the hooded adventurer sighed, pulling back her hood. "I never said it was going to be safe but we should be fine while they're preoccupied with each other. Besides, this isn't our battle."
"I'm just worried that if they catch us…they're likely gonna kill us. If the lightning doesn't get us first." Ash said, nervously looking up at the sky.
"Correction. They'll kill you," Ty said, pulling out a pair of opera glasses. She nicked them off one of her siblings a while back so she could get a good look at the where the...action was.
"That's comforting," Ash said sarcastically.
"You know I won't let that happen," Ty smiled as an explosion goes off in the distance. "Wow! That was a nice one! You wanna see, Ash?" she offered, holding out the glasses.
"Sure." He said, taking them off of her hands. "So…aren't you supposed to be down there? I mean, this is a pretty important fight for the side of evil. You're not worried about the outcome?"
"No. Not at all. In fact, I was hoping this would happen," Ty answered, dangling her legs off of the ledge. "Whoever wins is going to prove that they are more powerful, charismatic and much more useful to the side of evil than the other. From what I've seen, both are loyal to the Empress Gravelyn so this battle will benefit her and the alliance." She continues, sneering at the Empress' name, making Ash cringe ever so slightly. "Everyone was pretty uneasy when they were forced to work together. Now that everyone's made their loyalties clear, there will be less strife and the alliance can focus on the real problem at hand. Who are you rooting for?"
"No one! Whoever wins is going to cause trouble for the side of good so there's no way I'm supporting any of them!"
"Really? I saw your allies down there. They look like their having fun."
"What? Where?" Ash said, eyes darting around in vain. Rolling her eyes, Ty points down to the nearest "good" adventurer bloodily beheading a member of Nulgath's army and yelling something that no child under the age of thirteen should hear. "Is that Soluna? But…she's a paladin!"
"And looky over there. Isn't that Neil the healer impaling his staff through a legionnaire's eye socket? I think it is." Ty laughed quietly, pointing another one out. Ash began to see more and more of his allies fighting whole heartedly for their preferred evil abomination. Ash sighed dejectedly, handing back the glasses to Ty. "So tell me Ash. Who would you support if you were with your other friends down there fighting the, ehem, "good" fight?"
"That's a surprising choice. So you favor the Arch Fiend," Ty commented, eyes homing in on a single target. "Why?"
"Well, he used to be Dage's master right? And he's been around longer than Dage has and I guess he's pretty menacing and powerful so that's a good reason, right?"
"You just like his stuff, don't you?"
"Not surprising at all. Honestly, most of us adventurers are only here for the items and I don't blame them." Ty says wryly, tipping her head to the side to get a better look at her target. "Both of them accept mercs and it really doesn't matter where they come from."
"Well, how about you Ty? Who do you think should win?"
"…Like I said, it doesn't matter who wins. Just as long as there's a winner then I'm fine with whatever happens," She huffs, leaning over to the other side. "C'mon guy, jump or something." She muttered under her breath.
"Yeah right," A voice chimed in from behind them, startling Ash.
"Alison! What are you doing here? Ty, why did you let your little sister come? It's dangerous!" He stutters.
"I jumped through the portal behind you guys and it's not that dangerous," Alison says as she plops down between them. "I was just hanging back, watching the other side of the action," After smoothing out her lacy and poofy sundress, Alison took out a worn flower print notebook and began to write on its smooth white pages.
"Geez Alison, did you dress up like a bull's eye today?" Ty joked, giggling slightly at whatever she was looking at. Alison only grumbled a tiny bit before returning her attention to Ash.
"Back to what you were asking…" Alison began, simultaneously writing in her book. "Isn't it obvious who's she rooting for?" She asks, earning a look of confusion from Ash. Disappointed, she deadpanned her answer."Dage. She's rooting for the leader of the Undead Legion." Ty tenses and tightened her grip on the glasses, trying her best to ignore her younger sister's accusation.
"Dage?" Ash suggested tentatively. "You're rooting for Dage?"
"Fine," Ty conceded. "I do favor Dage over than Nulgath. So what?"
"uh, why?" Ash asked.
"An arrogant former minion gaining power and moving to defeat his former hated master," Alison states. "Is it just me or does that sound familiar to you?" Alison mockingly asked. "You make it too easy to tell, Ty."
"Just…just shut up, Alison,"
"Oh…I see," Ash said understandingly, taking out a canteen of water.
"…That and the fact that she's been staring at his butt for the past hour." Ash, who was just taking a sip of water, sprayed his drink out in surprise and accidently let the canteen fall over the edge while Ty almost dropped the glasses.
"What? No! I-I am not staring! I swear!"
"I'm sorry. I meant to say that she was lovingly gazing at it," Alison teased, jotting more words on to the page. "Not even the craziest sociopath stares, smiles and giggles like you were when they look at carnage. I don't know how he doesn't notice the creeper staring at his wonder thighs."
"I'm telling you, I was not staring at Dage's butt…maybe a tiny bit," She confessed, bringing the glasses back up to her eyes as Ash stared at her with abject horror. "Okay, maybe a lot…the whole time actually."
"Ty…why? Why would you ever…he's a lich! He's just bones!" A bolt of lightning struck nearby as if to punctuate Ash's point. "He's even wearing a cape! How can you even see his…umm uhh….his stuff?"
"Sure he's a lich and all but I can tell from his armor that his hip bones are a work of art. Who am I not to stare at a fine fine work of art?" Ty sighs, giggling at the view. "And yeah, the cape's pretty annoying. I wish he would move around more. If only the wind would pick up and sweep the cape up again."
"Don't you have a boyfriend you should be thinking about?"
"Ouch, low blow. But that's a…working progress," Ty shrugs at her understatement, turning her attention back to ogling a dead person. "C'mon, turn around. Bend over to pick up a rock or something. Jump and attack someone. Anything!"
"Are you telling me…that the whole reason why you're here, spying down on a warzone potentially endangering me and your sister, is because you want to stare at the backside of an undead evil overlord."
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to see what was going on," Ty replied, not even hiding it anymore. "And I saw you back there, Ash. I don't think you're going to find war tactics in the jiggling cleavage of Nulgath's minions." That almost shut Ash up completely, leaving him stammering. "Do you know how hard it is to appreciate them from here? You can see pretty well if you're looking at some of the ladies down there, I mean did you see that butterface with the whip? I don't know how she can jump around like that without her assets flying up and clocking her in the face. The guys on the other hand, especially the ones with capes, are a challenge. It's like a game of extreme peek-a-boo and if you're caught…actually I don't know what happens if you're caught. Most likely he'll freaking try to kill me or worse but it's worth it," Ty said, only stopping when she noticed Alison grinning knowingly and Ash' frightened expression. "Look…I've seen the shit that Milt-excuse me, that Nulgath's into and if he can be a pervert with his minions, so can I! Well technically former minion…apprentice…who's male but that doesn't matter. By the way, is it just me or did Dage get slimmer? He seems to have dropped a lot of bulk but...I don't really mind." Ty started to ramble.
"Can I see?" Alison asked sweetly, reaching out to the glasses.
"NO!" Ash yelled before Ty could reply, grabbing Alison's hand back.
"Works for me," Ty said, still concentrating on getting a good angle.
"I just can't…I'm not going to even bother." Ash threw up his hands in defeat, returning to watching the battle below.
A few moments of silence passed as the three individuals concentrated on their own endeavors whether it be quietly writing, admiring the assets of an unknowing victim or trying desperately not to look out of morbid curiosity. Instead, Ash decided to peer over Alison's shoulder, taking an interest in her work.
"…What are you writing about?" Alison smiled ear to ear at his question and Ash suddenly felt the need to run far away.
"Nothing much. Just a bunch of things…" Alison snickers. "Would you like to know?"
"…Actually, no thanks. I don't like where this is going." Turning back down to the clash of evils, Ash started to think that it was looking very inviting at that moment. Ty on the other hand felt brave that day and moved her attention to Alison's cursive lettering. Looking into the small book, she caught sight of two familiar names and began to read out loud.
"…pinning him down on the cold floor, he leaned in close and whispered threateningly "You're mine and don't you ever…" Ty trailed off, expression hardening. "Alison…"
"Yes," Alison replied, smiling innocently.
"Is this…oh dear freaking…Is this-" she took a moment to compose herself, taking a deep breath in. "Is this Dage/Nulgath slash?"
"Well, it looks like I'm staying out of this discussion." Ash said, scooting away as quick as he could.
"I'm asking you right now because there's no way I'm checking it again to make sure," Ty said tensely, feeling her stomach twist in horror. "Is that actually, Dage/Nulgath slash?"
"Pfft. Of course not," Alison answered, evil smile still stretched across her face. "It's Nulgath/Dage."
"I hate you."
"Is there even a difference?" Ash asked from afar.
"Yes!" both of his companions replied. "There is a very big difference," Ash decided that he rather not know what the difference was.
"But it isn't slash," Alison added. "At least…not yet."
"Why? Why in the burning hells would you decide to write something…something like that?" Ty demanded, flailing at the book. "It's one thing to write about pairings that you like, that's fine, but for the love of all that is right in the world, don't write about people that are real! I've talked to Dage and Nulgath before. It's pretty clear that they hate each other!"
"But that's what makes it exciting," Alison replied passionately, placing the book behind her. "Heated rivalry, terms of endangerment, intense gazing from across a battlefield, rough handling, the endless fight for dominance, the mere sight of each other making their adrenaline rush-"
"I don't think Dage, being undead, is able to produce adrenaline and I'm not really sure about Arch fiends but-"
"Shut up, Ash."
"…okay," Ash sighed, turning back to the carnage. Out of the corner of his eye, however, he caught sight of the book opened to the first page. Just imagining what was inside it made bile rise in his throat and he reached over to slam it shut. That was…until the morbid curiosity came back with a vengeance and he ever so carefully let his eyes scan over the page as the others went back to their argument.
"-not only that but they have a history," Alison continued much to the terror of Ty. "Master and minion; isn't that just a darling close relationship? I bet he had him on his knees a lot. It's just so…umph. "
"Stop it right now." Ty covered her ears in a vain attempt to close it out.
"And even if one of them does destroy the other, the one left standing will never ever be able to forget the other," Alison sighed dramatically, bringing the back of her hand up to her forehead and leaning back. "I'm excited for the dramatic end. I hope they get up close and personal!"
"Don't you think that it's just possible for them to just hate each other? No subtext, they just despise each other. Because that's way more likely" Ty shot back.
"Yeah, but that's no fun. Besides, it's just harmless speculation," Alison replied. "Foe yay is always fun to write about."
"And really implausible. I said the same thing about the other ones you wrote. There is not enough evidence. I repeat, not enough evidence. They haven't even dropped the word "feisty" yet. Or even a "You're mine!" or something along those lines. That's when I'll start to worry."
"I thought you liked them the other ones I wrote. You even kept the Warlic/Xan one under your pillow."
"How did you-…I have no idea what you're talking about." Ty denied, turning away.
"Under your pillow isn't a very good hiding place. You kept the Cysero and Lim one down there too. And the Vayle/Artix…and the-"
"Okay, I get it. You can stop now."
"And what about you and Prince Dorky McHomeless?" Alison alluded. "I really should make one like that but if anyone finds out about that one…"
"Will you be quiet!" Ty whispered lividly, slapping a hand over Alison's mouth. "And besides, that's different."
"Who's going to care?" Alison said, playfully pushing the hand away. "And what do you mean by different anyway?"
"Well…you do know that one of them is just bones while the other is a demon thing. That sounds difficult to write about…sounds really weird too." Ty explained, shuddering and wishing that the conversation would end soon.
"Oh please. I've written epics about the love between a sponge and an octopus. This shit is child's play." Alison's tone deepened as she looked down on the oblivious sparring warriors. "Remember the world we live in, Ty. Someone's eventually going to think it and I might as well be the first."
"…You know what? I'm just going to go back to staring at Dage's butt. Just do whatever," Ty dismissed, turning her attention back to more important and less brain damaging matters.
"It also helps that Dage fits into the "Starscream" character type." Alison continued, ignoring Ty.
"So we're bringing that up now are we?"
"Well you do know what people usually say about "Starscreams" and their "Megatrons," right?" Alison goaded, gently elbowing Ty. "Right?"
"How about we stop it here? Before I punch a bitch."
"Oh whoops! I forgot that you started to hate that little comparison a while back," Alison teased, leaning in to whisper to Ty. "Because that would mean that it could be possible that your dorky darling might have had a little somthin somthin for the late-"
"I think Gravelyn and Nulgath would make a nice pairing." Ty interrupted a-matter-of-factly.
"Fuck you," Alison turned away and crossed her arms to pout, sensing that Ty was smiling quietly from her small victory. It wouldn't last for very long.
"Since you aren't interested in reading my piece…how about I let your imagination take care of it as I read you random words-"Alison began, pulling out a butterfly-print book from hammerspace. "-from the hardcore version!"
"Shit, you wrote a hardcore version!" Ty spat out in absolute terror.
"Now let's see…" Alison flipped open the cover and smiled a smile that came straight from the abyss.
"Pain." Alison went on.
"Gasping," Alison breathed out earning a muffled scream from Ty.
"What was that, Ty? I couldn't quite hear you. Add gags into the mix? Whatever you want, sister dear." She smiled, injecting more words into her masterpiece.
"Dammit, Alison! I'll never be able to look at either of them in the eyes again!"
"I hope you only looked them in the eyes."
"Ash!" Ty yelled, looking over to their third wheel. "Why are being so quie-Wait a minute…Are you reading that…that thing! How could you!" Ty demanded, almost sure that she was hallucinating what she was seeing. Ash, sitting cross-legged and staring at the devilish notebook sitting opened in his lap.
"I…I…"Ash stammered, slowly looking up from the clean crisp pages. He looked distant, like he went somewhere far away and hadn't completely come back. "I can't believe…it's actually pretty good."
"…Holy crap, really?" Ty asked in disbelief as Alison grinned smugly.
"I-I can't…It's very good. This thing…this piece of fiction…puts their rivalry into a whole new perspective and…makes the relationship look disturbingly possible. The characterization…the emotion and pictures the words paint make me want to praise it as well as throw myself off of a high tower," Ash explained, rubbing his forehead. "I was skeptical at first but I couldn't stop reading no matter how much I tried. The pacing and atmosphere were amazing. I don't want to say it but…now I might be rooting for them to get...togeth..toge..." Ash couldn't even finsh. "I'll never get the scene with the…the clawing out of my head. Never." Completely taken aback by Ash's complete change in character, Ty's jaw fell open and she couldn't even scowl at Alison.
"You should know by now, Ty," Alison chided, wagging her finger at Ty. "When it comes to my OTPs, I don't fucking mess around."
"Alison…"Ash began, sounding sort of desolate.
"You didn't finish it…Could you…maybe?" He handed her back the book.
"…You want her to finish it?...Pass it here. Let me see it," Ty said, not sure what she was getting herself into.
"I knew you would come around sooner or later," Alison said, reaching out to pass Ty the safe-ish version. "I suggest reading the safer version first and reading the other when you feel more…adventurous."
"Am I going to regret this?" Ty asked, taking her time to take the book off of her sister's eager hands.
"Yes…and no," Alison said. Ash replied by covering his face with his hands and making a sound close to "mmmmmmegfffffffff."
Just as Ty's fingers brushed the cover of the book, a flash of light caught her attention. Another huge explosion went off directly next to their vantage point, creating a shockwave that swept across the battlefield. On reflex, Ty immediately grabbed ahold of Alison and Ash and dropped down on top of them to keep them grounded. Scrunching their eyes closed while trying their best to cling to the uneven ground, the three endured the shockwave of energy waiting until it died out. The moment it did, Ty got up and started to check her companions for wounds.
"Is everyone alright? Are there injuries?" Both of her friends shook their heads, still feeling a bit dazed. Cheering caught their attention and the three of them looked over their ledge to find warriors celebrating as they run down their injured adversaries. "It must have been a tactical maneuver," Ty said, using the glasses to check the area. "I'm not sure which side did it but it's only affecting this one area," Ty commented, scanning the rest of the battle grounds. "The people over on the far east side didn't notice anything and both the leaders seem unmoved so…it's just an explosion. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Hey guys…where's the book?" Right away, they all scrambled around trying to locate the book, praying to whatever high power was looking down on them that it didn't fall over the edge.
"No one move!" Alison suddenly yelled, pointing to her book. It had slid over to the ledge and was hanging half way off.
"Alright, just move over there slowly and everything will be fi-" And of course a slight gust of wind makes the tiny, but dangerous, notebook fall over the edge as the three adventurers froze in place. Whatever high power they were praying to despised them greatly and now wished to see the universe scream when the wrong being found the book.
"C'mon guys," Ty laughed nervously. "What are the odds of someone finding that, reading it and sending it to one of the book's…main subjects?" The other adventurers on the crowded battle grounds, all hyper sensitive with a thirst for mayhem…
"I kinda made a few sketches of them in that one…" Alison smiled nervously.
Yup, they were getting the hell out of there.
Hi there! My friend asked me to write a slash fic but nope. Nope. Sorry best friend…I can't do it. There's nothing for me to write about! I don't even ship Nulgath/Dage…I'm not shipping it…totally not going to ship it. NO!
I wrote this piece of crack instead! So there.
If anyone actually digs up this fic, let's just say that my friend's really really bad Warlic/Xan fic inspired me to write whatever the hell this is supposed to be. That fic made my eyes vomit. Several times. It was the worst, THE ABSOLUTE WORST fic I have ever read in my entire life. You troll! I know you wrote that to scar me for life and there is a special place for people like you in whatever hell there is in the afterlife. There is a very special place for you…I'm still not shipping Nulgath/Dage.
If any of you readers recognized Ty and Alison from my other works, well then…this is sort of a flash to the future if I decide to go into AQW after finishing the events of Dragonfable's first big chapter. Ash is in here too being somewhat OOC though that's because of character development that I haven't written down yet. Go ahead and slap me. I would slap me. I am still not shipping Nulgath/Dage…Still no…no…yes-no. No means No.
If anyone is curious (No one is Ecles, no one cares! And stop talking to yourself!) I do like yaoi, yuri, and I'll try anything once. I sometimes regret that philosophy but I manage to dig real treasures because of it. I've noticed that the AE community, especially concerning fanfics, are very conservative compared to others. That's sort of understandable given that the games are mostly aimed at children as it is rated everyone but lately the games have sort of been shifted to appeal to the older kids. But that's really not an excuse because I've seen crazier ones (and I use crazy in place of more terrifying words) in the archives for Animal Crossing in Livejournal. Not going to ship Nulgath/Dage ever, maybe, NO! I won't. Perhaps a little? NO!
...Back to the main topic. I have only one friend in the outside world that is interested in AE games and she helps me out sometimes when she isn't trying to put me in an asylum. We trade ideas and come up with pairings (het, yaoi, yuri etc) that would be easy to exploit but no one seems to have done it yet. These included the ones mentioned in the fic and the others were (I suggest you bring out the brainbleach now) the Adventurer/Lionfang, Xan/Warlic (because the order does matter), Sepulcher/Drakath (I can't believe no one's brought that one up yet), Nythera/Cysero (because we weren't thinking straight), Ash/Drakath (cause I can't picture the dork as being the top without laughing like an idiot), Cysero/Warlic or vice versa (that one's pretty easy) and many more. I hope you haven't died yet and get to read the rest of this boring Author note.
You know what guys? If any of you find or make an actual good fic (because making an obvious bad one is easy) about any of the mentioned pairings in this fic, I will read that fic outloud to an audience in Aqworlds. Technically I'll be copy and pasting but you understand. I'm saying it because I think it is almost impossible for any pairings that seem out of the ordinary (considering the fandom) to be good, let alone exist. If by some crazy stroke of luck that there is one out there in the world wide web, I promise that I will go through with what I said I would do. But that's not gonna happen so I'm safe.
Goodnight everyone! I'll scream at my mistakes later.
I think I ship Nulgath/Dage now…Well shit. :/