|Boarding school with Clare and Eli
Author: LovesToWriteForever PM
Clare and Eli are both forced to go to boarding school and end up married for the coming four years. How will that go?Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Clare E. & Eli G. - Chapters: 37 - Words: 26,811 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 01-01-13 - Published: 07-27-12 - id: 8364307
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Boarding school with Clare and Eli.
Well, another chapter. I thought about the title of this story again, and I realise that I've been putting a lot of Alli in it, something that doesn't fits the title. I hope you don't mind? I'm also planning on more Adam. So keep reading and reviewing, dear readers!
Here I am. For the very last time. My suitcases next to me, fully packed with all the things I brought to this place at the beginning of the year. I'ts actually kind of sarcastic. How I joyful filled those suitcases before I went to Degrassi. How happy I was to go to the school where my brother had some fantastic years. Yes, he said there was lots of drama, but, he, they always say that I'm a dramaqueen. Filling those suitcases felt like... like I was growing up. Like I wasn't that little girl anymore, I was even living on my own. Kind of. I guess it felt like more freedom for me. And it was. I made friends. Good friends.
And the fact that filling those same suitcases now felt so bad. Like I was... Like I was... I don't know how to describe it. It's a feeling that suddenly rose up in me while I packed my suitcases. A feeling that starts in my stomach and slowly begins to flow through all my veins. A mix of guilt, grief and chagrin. And it hurts. O, it really does hurts. And it hurts even more because of the heartbreak that's added to this already very pleasent mix. The heartbreak I feel because of Neil and Adam. Neil, the name that still evokes desire in me when I hear it, and pain. Too much pain to ever let the desire be the dominant emotion. And Adam. Adam, the boy I will probably never see again. The boy who I'm hurting right now. The boy who doesn't desirves this. I like Adam, I really do, but as a really good friend. I can't make anything more of it. And you don't know how guilty I feel about that.
I walk down the stairs for the last time. You alway see people in movies who are leaving touch everything for the last time. I always thought it was just something stupid, something fulsome. But, now my eyes see everything in this room for the last time, I have the urge to feel it. To touch it for the very last time, to say goodbye. The banister, the couch, the wall, my hands glide over everything while I think about everything that we experienced there. I feel the rough texture of the dinner table and look up in surprise. I've been through the whole room and are now standing in the kitchen. The table where we always sat and had so much fun, pain and sadness. They will probably still have it after I'm gone. But I won't be there anymore. I will be far away. There will be someone new on my spot. A new girl sitting on my chair. Having fun with my friends. Having fun at Degrassi. And I envy her for having all those benefits.
She steps into the car, her eyes penetrating on us. Eli and Clare are just sad, but they don't feel the same as me. They don't know who it's like to feel so much pain because of one person. Because it didn't worked out. And I know now that it wouldn't have worked out if she didn't needed to left. We were friends who shared a kiss once in a while. Not more. We would never be more then that. I guess we were not meant for each other. We will both find someone else, someone who totally gets us. Someone who we will learn to love. But that doesn't make the pain go away. It's just a comfort, in the end, we will find someone. But what if I wanted here to be that someone? Do I just need to forget everything so easily, just let go? Yes, that will probably be the best. But what if I don't want to forget? If I want to keep her in my heart, or, even better, if I want to keep her right next to me?
We talked about it. It's better to work things like that out before it's to late and you both suffer from it. She told me she didn't feel like me as her boyfriend, but just as a really good friend. I remember how she stared at me, her eyes full of fear of how I would react. I didn't. The only thing that came out of my mouth was a dead, emotionless 'Oke.' I know that that hurted her more then when I would scream or cry. Because it meant nothing. And nothing is sometimes even scarier then someone's fury or sadness.
I watch the car fade away and a piece of me falls apart. I turn around, go to my room. Once our room, now it's just mine. I just sit on the ground and let the pain overwhelm me. Because she left. Because she didn't wanted me in the way I wanted her. And because I really do love her.