A/N: I know I said this story woulb be 2 or 3 chapters. But it will be four. So don't worry, it won't end like this. i want to thank all of you who reviews, a special thank you to the guest reviewers who I can't thank personally. Thank you! :) Please read and review.

"Maybe it's been inside of me all this time."

Her heart skips a beat at his words.

She doesn't know what to say, how to go from there.

So she simply rests her head against his neck, her lips an inch from his skin.

Suddenly she places a kiss there. She can feel him swallow nervously.

She kisses him again, still just on his neck.

"Serena…" He feels his whole body aching for her.

She pulls a little away from him, looks him in the eyes before she leans in. She stops when her lips are so close to his that their breaths feel as one.

She slowly closes the little gap and kisses him.

It's tenderly at first, but soon more eagerly.

After a while he pulls away and takes her face in his hands.

"I can't…" He whispers, his breath unsteady.

She looks away.

"It will feel like I'm taking advantage of you, you're just so vulnerable now…So fragile"

She turns around again, blinks her eyes and looks at him.

"Trust me, you are not."

He closes his eyes.

"Nate…" It's only a whisper.

He tries to resist her, but he's running out of willpower. He opens his eyes and studies her, reaches out to touch her skin.

And then it's him that's kissing her.

The kiss sends shivers through her entire body. It's a new kind of high, a better kind.

Her hand makes its way under his shirt, his skin feels incredible warm against hers. His chest goes up and down as his breath increases. She slowly removes his shirt, still with her lips on his.

They are standing on their knees now, trying to take each other clothes off. The pace increases as he unbuttons her sweater.

"Nate…The bed." It's close to a moan.

He lifts her up and they stumble upon the bed, hands everywhere.

"Are you really sure?" He whispers as he is lying over her stroking both of her cheeks.

She simply nods at him and cups her head up to kiss him.

After that there are no more doubts, no more insecurity or whispered questions.

Just two people totally wrapped up in each other.

Two people who once loved each other and might still do.

He wakes up just after sunrise.

She's not next to him.

Serena is standing by the window, arms crossed, eyes blank.

"Hey." He says and sits up.

She doesn't answer, doesn't turn around to look at him.

"Can you please go?" She asks; voice hard and intense.

His good mood vanishes in seconds, it's is replaced with hurt and confusion.

He doesn't know what to believe, why she's suddenly so cold.

"Serena..." He whispers, gets out of bed and moves towards her.

He lays his hands softly on her shoulders.

"Please don't touch me." Her voice is emotionless now.

He pulls away from her.

"Why are you doing this?" He asks.

She doesn't answer at first, just continues to stare outside the window.

"You have a girlfriend"

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts!" She is yelling now.

"This is what I do! I ruin things." She turns around to look at him, get him to understand.

"Just go."

And then he does.

She's left alone.

Just like she wanted, but actually never wanted at all.

Her body slides slowly down the wall until she's sitting on the floor with her arms around her legs.

She breathes out deeply; it felt like she was holding her breath when he was still there.

And all the tears she forced away in front of him come in waves now. She lets them, doesn't bother to wipe any of them away. They show her that she still feels, that she still cares for something. They also tell her that she's still weak, still poisonous to everyone around her.

What she did with Nate was wrong. She knew that, but did it anyway.

She knows he has a girlfriend, her half-sister nonetheless. She's a cruel person, a selfish one.

She wanted it so badly and just took it, didn't think about the consequences or the people it would hurt.

Because being with Nate felt so freeing in a way, like it almost completed her. Being with him felt like a step towards finding herself, if that's even possible.

It made her feel better than before.

Now she just feels worse.

After he leaves her he just stands silently with his head against her door, eyes closed.

He hears her loud cries and desperately wants to go back in and hold her till she stops.

But that's not what she wants. Not at all.

It's painful to hear her sobs, to know that he's the cause of it.

He knew he should have stopped it before it went that far, but he really didn't want to.

When he finally doesn't hear her crying anymore he takes the elevator three floors up and goes to his own room.

Lola is up, waiting for an explanation to where he's been all night.

He tells her everything.

And when he talks about all that has happened from that night in the bar till last night, he realizes something.

Something important.

He was, is, and always will be, in love with Serena.

The realization baffles him in a way, but at the same time it doesn't. He thinks he has known it all along. That this has been inside of him forever. That maybe this was his destiny, that she is.

He knows he can't tell her, that there's no point to it.

Because as much as he thinks she is the love of his life, she believes that hers is Dan.

He can't do anything about that, can't shake her love for his friend.

But he can't seem to shake her either.

Winter becomes spring.

Serena feels worse than ever.

It feels like she is stuck and everyone else is moving forwards.

The world goes on as she is frozen in the same place.

Blair and Chuck are getting married, she's not invited and neither of them is speaking to her.

Dan is publishing a new book; she bet she's the villain again.

He is not speaking to her either.

And Nate, Nate is successful at the Spectator and New York's most wanted bachelor.

He is talking to her. She doesn't know what she would have done if he didn't.

Right now he is all she has.

But things have changed, he is different towards her.

It isn't strange, she threw him out. She hurt him.

She sees him less and less for each day that goes by.

Now, she hasn't seen him in weeks.

It isn't strange. She does that, pushes people away.

She is venom. Pure toxin that poisons everyone's life.

People cut her off and they finally go places, accomplish things, get what they deserve, move on. She deserves to be stuck.

She should just leave again; remove herself completely from Nate's life.

He deserves the best.

She deserves nothing.

He can't stop thinking about her, sees her everywhere.

She's in his dreams, and also his nightmares.

When he's in meetings, the thought of her distracts him.

When he talks to Chuck and he mentions her name, his heart skips a beat.

On the few occasions he's with her, he goes around holding his breath.

Just wants to scream to her that he loves her.

But then he spends time with Dan, and he remembers.

Remembers that Serena loves him, that she wants to be with him.

That they are just friends, she just slept with him because she was weak, vulnerable, fragile. Just because she needed comfort and human contact. She needed someone, he was there.

On some days he wants to distance himself from her.

But then he realizes that she has no one else.

And that he can't quit her, she's like a drug. And he is very much addicted.

She's under his skin, in his head and heart.

He really can't shake her.

"Hey." She whispers when she opens the door and sees him standing there.

"Can I come in?" He asks and she notices that his breath smells of alcohol.

"Are you drunk, Nate?" Her eyes narrowed.

He shakes his head.

"Just had a couple of drinks."

She lets him in, hopes she won't regret it.

Knows she probably will.

He sits down at her bed; she stands two feet away from him. Arms crossed as a way of protecting herself. Closing herself up, preparing the high walls she doesn't won't to let him climb. She can't let him. It will eventually destroy them both.

"I need to talk to you, Serena."

She doesn't like the seriousness and honesty in his voice. Doesn't like where this is going.

She breathes out, feels her heart beat fast.

"I think…" He starts, rubs his forehead and looks at her.

"I think I have to tell you something"

She closes her eyes, doesn't know how to stop this.

He gets up, moves towards her.

As he goes forwards, she takes two steps backwards.

"I know…" He swallows, sets his eyes in her.

His heart is racing.

"I know that I lo.."

"Don't…" She pleads, doesn't let him finish.

"I love you, Serena."

"Don't!" She yells; tears everywhere.

"Don't say that." She cries.

She's standing up by the wall now, feels trapped. His words don't help. He can't love her; she is no good for him. She will ruin his life, so much she knows.

"Serena…" He says, voice low and vulnerable. His eyes plead her to stop this.

But she can't.

Cause he is halfway up her walls now, and she can't let him climb all the way over.