|Dismiss Your Fears
Author: ThisNightisFlawless PM
The first time Selena realized something was wrong with the way Demi took care of herself, she was thirteen. Demi/Selena. CHANGED LAST NAMES, LEGALRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Angst - Princess Rosalinda/Rosie & Carter M. - Chapters: 24 - Words: 39,793 - Reviews: 318 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 02-06-13 - Published: 07-28-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8367060
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hey guys! This chapter is a little short, but it's important! I think She Will Be Loved is just a gorgeous and classic song and really fits in with what's happening with the girls right now.
Also, I made a Twitter account for the story since I'm trying to stay kind of anonymous and so many of you are wanting to communicate with me! It's /DYFfanfic
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full, and my door's always open
Chapter 16: She Will Be Loved
When Selena's mother lost her baby, that was the last time she saw Demi until they were forced to host a New Years Eve special together. It was strictly business and Demi acted like Selena was just another co-worker and not the girl that she'd loved since she was a child.
Midnight struck and they looked at each other involuntarily. Their eyes found each other like they always did. It was something just supernatural, the way they could find each other and know what the other was thinking with just a look.
Demi's eyes said 'I'm sorry' and Selena's said 'Come back to me soon.'
And that was it. No more late night random visits, or romantic dinners and the most gorgeous flowers on the planet.
No more fights over little things like what they wanted for dinner, and no more fights over big things like whether or not Demi would eat dinner.
It was as if the other girl didn't exist to each of them. They went on with their lives as if they'd never even crossed paths.
Demi threw herself into music and recovery hard.
She trimmed her workload down and made time for appointments, putting her health above everything else. She thought about it all and smiled when she realized how proud Selena would be of her right now. She'd be smiling at Demi when she got home and hold her hand while Demi told her how it all went.
But she couldn't have another person in her life right now who needed her attention. She knew Selena would never ask for attention or be upset with Demi for putting her health first, but the new Demi, the one who organized beautiful dates and snuck in her window at night, would give Selena nothing but her full attention. And that wasn't something Demi would be able to avoid doing if Selena was back in her life.
She needed time for herself, and she wanted more than anything for Selena to understand.
While Demi was focusing on herself, Selena was focusing on Justin.
She feels guilty every day.
Their publicity arrangement was in full force and Justin was a gentlemen. He provided safety. He loved her. She had fun with him and it was all just so easy. She never stressed about people finding out the way she did when she was with Demi. She could be free now.
And as selfish as it sounded, she was falling in love with the fact that she didn't have to take care of him. Selena was the one being taken care of now. He treated her the way she so desperately wished Demi would have all of those years ago.
Demi was walking to a therapist appointment one afternoon when she saw them at a deli for lunch. He was ordering their food while she sat at a nearby table, playing with a bracelet on her wrist.
Demi smiled so softly, looking at Selena. It had been over three months since she'd last seen her, and she was glowing. Justin brought their sandwiches over to their table, kissing her quickly on the cheek before he sat down.
She looked happy, Demi thought. And it made her happy that Selena was smiling, that she was moving on.
She'd be lying if she said it didn't sting a little bit, seeing the way he gingerly held her hand and the faint smile that was permanently on her face while they ate. It did hurt. But the pain didn't compare to the pure bliss Demi felt seeing her best friend happy, seeing her not have to constantly worry about her health and taking care of Demi. It didn't compare to the feeling of joy Demi had realizing that Selena really was free, and being taken care of instead this time.
Maybe that's what Selena needed for now, Demi thought, to be taken care of for a change.
They saw each other again at an award show. It wasn't intended and Selena tried her best to avoid an interaction, not wanting to become emotional.
They passed each other backstage and the camera crew went wild, begging for them to pose together. Demi smiled brightly at her, bringing her in for a tight but all too short hug. They posed and the cameras went away, leaving them in an awkward silence
"How are you?" She asked Selena politely. Too polite. Too formal.
"I'm great. Are you good?"
Demi smiled softly and did a one take on Selena's dress and body. She looked pleased when she made eye contact with her again. That glint was back in her brown eyes, and Selena recognized it from when they were fifteen and on top of the world, rich in fame and love.
"I'm doing really good, Selena. It was great to see you." She smiled again, and made a move to walk away. This could not be it, Selena thought to herself. After all of these months without speaking, they couldn't exchange two words that meant nothing and move along.
Afraid that Demi would slip away without as much as another glance, Selena coughed and stuttered out, "Can I have another hug?"
She sounded so small in that moment.
But Demi flashed that brilliant smile and pulled her in like it was the most natural thing in the world. And it was.
"You look absolutely beautiful, pretty girl." She whispered into Selena's ear before pulling away and walking back to God knows where, leaving Selena with a dropped jaw and a blush that felt like fire.
That was it for now, but God was it more than enough.
"Do you think you're like- bisexual?" He giggles a little bit. She can sense that he's nervous, even though she thinks it's silly for him to be.
Justin was at Selena's house. They were watching bad TV re-runs and eating lots of junk food. It was exactly the things she'd do if Demi were here.
She giggles at the question, but gets quiet while she thinks of the answer. The truth is, she's never thought about it.
"I don't know what I am." She deadpans, a little shocked at the admission. "I mean, I obviously have no problem being with a girl, but I've never thought about any others really."
She was honest. It never occurred to her to define her sexuality, but she'd never questioned it. When she fell for Demi, she never stopped to ponder her sex, it was just Demi. She'd fall in love with that girl no matter what she was.
"I don't ever really think about the boy or girl part of a person, so I guess I am." She admits a little shyly.
"That's okay, you know." He smiles at her, reassuring.
She smiles back and that's the end of the conversation. She loved how simple they were. It reminded her of Demi. Everything reminded her of Demi. Smells, songs, streets.
They sit in silence watching television when a promo for Demi's interview on Ellen appears on the screen. Selena can literally feel the awkward tension fill the air.
She looks down and it leaves the screen, almost as fleeting as Demi walking away from her, only much less painful.
"Do you still love her?"
He doesn't sound angry, just curious.
"What?" She plays dumb.
"Come on," he sits up straighter. "You know what I asked."
She mimics him, sitting up too. "Where did that come from?"
He shrugs. "I don't know. I was just thinking about it."
They sit there in silence for a moment while she thinks of a way to tell him the truth without hurting him. He knows their situation. She's vented to him several times about how much pain she's felt over the past months, dealing with being apart for an amount of time she wasn't sure of.
She doesn't look at him when she whispers, "I think I always will."