I've got a writers block on my last story so I decided to write this quick little short story that's only one chapter. Again, it's a teary but super quick one. It's about 2400 words, so it's a lil' fix for all my loyal readers that are waiting for the upload of my next chapter for, "The Message". Thanks again

Disclaimer: In no way shape or form do I own CSI NY.

He Wants to Get Married

Journal Entry No. 789

May 28th, 2013

I woke today thinking it was a normal day of office work and solving the lives of the deceased. I put on my black trousers and my blue shirt and throw on a black vest. I cover my neck with necklaces and gave my hair a quick run through with my fingers. I walk out the door with my bag over my shoulder and my keys in hand. I walk myself to my car and ignite the engine to drive myself to the coffee shop by the lab. Henry already knows my routinely order; cream and sugar for me, black for him and a blueberry muffin that I hide in my bag.

With the sounding of the elevator door, I walk into the office with two coffees in hand. He greets me with a warm smile and thanks me for the drinks, something that has became such a comforting routine that I greatly appreciate. I smile at him as I head to my office, holding on to the paper cup as its warmth fills my body. I throw my bag onto the coat stand and look at the files on my desk that signifies a day of hard work. Little did I know that today was going to change the course of my life.

He walks into my office and notifies me that he has something planned for us all tonight at the restaurant downtown; a restaurant that has become so familiar to not only his life but also the entire team. A place where we all gather to enjoy time together after working long and exhausting cases. A place where we would feel happy together, but a feeling of discomfort arises inside of me.

I wait for the hours to pass until the lights of the lab dim to allow the darkness consume it. I flick off my office light and grab my bag and keys to meet him and the rest of the team at the restaurant. As I pull up to the curb, I notice that the place is empty with the exception of all the familiar faces inside. I realize that I was the last one to arrive and I apologize for my delay.

As I sit in the restaurant where he has gathered his friends; his co-workers, he calms the crowd down to make the announcement that will soon change not only his life, but mine as well. I cross my legs and wrap my hands around the cold beer bottle, feeling its coldness chill my skin. I let the condensation drip down from the sides of the bottle as I grip the bottle even tighter. He looks at his crowd of friends, the people who he considered his family, and he waves his hands around to get everyone's attention. He looks to his left and smiles to his right. I continue to sit there, looking at him, trying to pick out all the things I adore about him.

He wants to get married

I remember when I first met him up on the 34th floor, over a dead body to be exact. His presence intimated me as I felt his strong authority lure over me. He started to speak and a low, husky voice projected from him creating a sense of wonder and sparked my desire to explore deeper into his life. The wall I've built around my heart slowly starts to chip away when I hear him crack a joke in such a serious situation. I decided to show off a bit by pointing out the type of perfume the girl was wearing just to impress him but decided to pull back just incase he thought I was trying too hard. He shook my hand at the top floor of the Chrysler building at the end of the day and felt instant connection. That was when a full brick vanished from that wall, revealing slight bits of my heart.

I remember the day when Ellie had to witness the murder of a woman outside inside of that train and my whole world started to spin when I imaged what could have happened to her. I felt so grateful when he comforted me when I doubted my mothering ways. He confirms my standing as a mother and for some reason, he understand me even though he has no children of his own. I tell him to get married, have kids, as he will be a wonderful father. I even give him the path of adoption but he quickly brushes it off causing me to be even more determined to enter his life.

I remember the movie night that the team held together the night of Halloween. Even though we were not alone, it was enough just to have him beside me. His laughter and his smile made me believe that I will soon have a future with him. The way he lightly punched the side of my arm sent sparks up and down my body as I got up to get myself a drink. I didn't even pay attention to the movie and was continuously staring at him through the corner of my eye. I shy away to the movie screen when he caught me staring at him and I hide my face with my hair when I felt a rush of crimson creep on my cheeks.

I remember how he would protect me from any source of harm especially during a case that ate through my whole life at the FBI; the DC Rape Case & John Curtis. He warned me to keep my distance from the evidence but I didn't listen. In a way, I blame myself for what happened to me. I should have listened to him; I would've remained untouched. I was too stubborn to listen to the man who protected me from public press, from the Senator, and from John Curtis. At the end of it all, he placed his gentle arm around my shoulder to pull me in close to him. The coldness from the back of that ambulance suddenly became warm and welcoming as I felt him hold me closer to him. Those cuts, scars, and bruises did not matter as I feel his head resting on top of mine. I feel him breathing on me and everything wrong about my world seems to disappear and for a moment, everything was at peace.

In my dreams, he believes in the meaning of family, the coming together of a man and wife. He believes that he should stand before God and commit to a life of love in sickness, in health and beyond his existence on this earth. He believes that a ring on his finger is something to be proud of as he testifies with the world as his witness that he is fully committed to love. He will make his wife wear white as he wears out the words, "I love you".

He wants to get married….

In my eyes, he will raise a family and provide shelter for his children. He will watch them grow as his hair turns gray. He will take his wife's hand and teach his offspring something that most people never knew; the price of nothing and the value of everything. His beliefs give me to drive to fulfill what he wants; a wife and a family. I pull back as he has been reluctant to put a ring on someone's finger for the past ten years after his late wife, so what makes me believe that I am capable of doing such things?

I never thought I would be so blessed to know a man like this. In my wildest dreams I would have never dreamt of a man like him entering my life. He's absolutely everything that I believe a man should be. When God calls him home, he will want his final remembrance of this earth to be one last look of his wife's face. I know I may sound desperate but it's true, this man has taken my life and flipped it upside down.

His voice caused me to get regain my focus and I look at him smiling as I smile myself. His voice rings through the air as he speaks, "Forever can never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you. Forget the world now we won't let them see, that the weight have finally lifted, and love has surely shifted my way." He gets down on one knee, and looks up holding a beautiful blue velvet box that houses a wedding band to mark his wife.

He speaks again in a slow, soft voice, "Marry me, today and every day."

Oh he wants to get married….

My heart raced and my blood rushed through my body which made me feel a little faint. I swallow a lump that has formed in my throat in order to digest what was happening in front of me. My eyes battled between his face and the glass of beer in front of me. I sat there, not knowing what do to. Should I say something or should I continue looking at him?

I look at him and I attempt to analyze what is going through his mind. He's looking back at the memory of the dance where for a moment, the world was right. He's thinking about the time how he laid eyes on the love of his life and how everything he wanted was right in front of him. He's also thinking about the future and how minutes, hours and years will go by but his heart will know nothing of time. He won't give up on the love that he has fought so long for.

There will be a photo in an album, hand in hand with his wife as rice scatters in the air. There will be stacks of cards and letters congratulating holy matrimony. There will be a shirt that warms a woman's body a night that will hang in the closet in the morning. There will be a picture in his wallet that he looks at during every day errands. There will be a name he calls out at night that will forever haunt me. There's a woman who's here to do all those things, that woman will be her.

He wants to get married… but not to me.

There will be a woman who will sit in the chapel in a pew beside her friends. She will look up at the altar when he says, "I do" to someone else. As the wedding party leaves throwing rice and wishing well, my heart will crumble as a silent tear falls downs her face. That woman will be me.

I realize there is a long silence pause and I feel the need to say something. For a split second, I thought he was asking me. The applause, cheering, hugging, laughing from the crowd causes me to realize that all of my chances of ever feeling his arms around me had disintegrated. I smile at the happy couple as I question my own happiness. Yes, finally... the man who has put up a strict wall in front of him, a show of courage, has found someone who completes him.

I stand up but I'm frozen on the spot, unable to move and is forced to put on a shadow of a smile. Still, the world stood still, I couldn't move and all I could feel was the beating of my heart. For some reason, I feel the obligation to reach out both of my arms and give the blonde woman, who makes him happy, a warm embrace. I look at him and he reaches his arms out in front of me as I reply in the same manner. For a split second, our bodies became one and oh how I wished this moment could've lasted forever but I know our hearts could never dance to the same beat.

I know he's happy and I'm happy for him but I know there's one soul on this earth that was meant for mine. What if it's his? What if our hearts were meant to be one? What will I do? I want to believe that I will love someone else, but I know I'll never love anyone as much as I do love him. Destiny called and I missed my cue. I will never again put my heart in the hands of fate, as the stars did not shine on my life.

The crowd scatters to return to their night lives, whether it's going home to their girlfriend, going home to their kids, or just going home to enjoy the silence of their house. I turn around and engage myself at the lighted sign that reads, Christine's Place; Gourmet Italian Food as it flicks off to signify it's closing. Yes, this was the place that forever changed his life, and forever reinforced mine; a life in which I must live without him as he belongs to someone else. I let out a long breath into the cold winter night as I turn around to walk back to four walls I call a home; a place with one child and cold room where I write on these pages.

I have a choice between yesterday and tomorrow, oh how I wish I can choose yesterday as I will have no strength to face tomorrow.

Credits to:

"He Wants to Get Married" – Reba McEntire

"That's Me" – Martina McBride

"Marry Me" – Train

Okay, so this was such a random story but I wanted to explore Jo's point of view regarding Mac's relationship with Christine, which I thought was something different. No, I didn't write the couple breaking up and going for Jo but I went with Jo sitting as a benchwarmer watching everything unfold and how this whole relationship is eating away at her. Hope you guys enjoyed even though they didn't end up together. It doesn't mean I'm not a JAC fan anymore! I'm still 1000000% a JAC fan! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Please stay tuned for the next chapter to The Message!