|The Story Between Us
Author: TheGreyLadyy PM
Soon after the Mudblood fiasco, James and Lily decide to make peace and the two become friends. But being James' friend proves harder than she thought. Amid the fights and the laughs, Lily finds herself falling desperately in love with James, something she refuses to admit. Will Lily finally cave in and admit her feelings for James? And what will happen when she finally does?Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Friendship - James P. & Lily Evans P. - Chapters: 35 - Words: 89,493 - Reviews: 291 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 06-16-13 - Published: 08-02-12 - id: 8387912
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: This is the first time I write a submit a story, so please bear with me. Any reviews, good or bad, are greatly appreciated! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I wish I did but I don't. Anything you recognize belongs strictly to J.K Rowling. Anything you don't, belongs to me.
"'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily. 'Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you, ' said James earnestly. Take the curse off him, then!' James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the counter-curse. There you go, ' he said, as Snape struggled to his feet. 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -''I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!' Lily blinked. 'Fine,' she said coolly. 'I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus. '' –Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Lily stood there transfixed, letting the word sink in. Had he really said it? Had her best friend really uttered that unforgivable word?
As if to answer her question, she heard people gasp behind her and a look of shock washed over Potter's face. She looked over to Severus, but as always, his face was blank.
He didn't even appear in the least remorseful, as if saying the word had meant nothing to him. As if she meant nothing to him.
Well, two could play at that game.
She cleared her face of any emotion as she forced herself to meet Severus' gaze and choked back the tears that were threatening to come out. It wouldn't do to cry. Not now, anyway.
"Fine. I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus." She spat out the last word, feeling just a tad satisfied as she saw Severus flinch.
With one last glare at her former best friend and a look of loathing aimed at the arrogant prat behind him, who appeared to still be at loss for words, she turned around and left. She started towards the castle trying to get away from them all. She kept her head held high as she walked away from them, ignoring the whispers that seemed to be following her because, from what she had caught of the exchange between two Hufflepuff third-years, it was 'what everyone had been waiting for and Lindsey owed Nikki twenty sickles.'
She could hear James calling her, but she refused to look back. What did that prat want anyway? Hadn't he done enough already, taunting Severus like that? She couldn't help but blame Potter for it because, after all, if it hadn't been for him and his stupid friends, Severus would've never called her that.
She was almost to the castle when James caught up with her, the traitorous tears she had been trying to hold back running down her face.
"Lily wait! I—" he started, but she cut him off before he could say anything more.
"You what Potter?" she sneered, giving him that glare she reserved just for him. "You didn't mean to make Snape call me a Mudblood? Well you did! Are you happy now? You've ruined our friendship!"
"You think this is my fault?"
James looked at her in bewilderment, as if her blaming him had been one of the most ridiculous things he had ever heard. She ignored the little voice that was telling her that she wasn't being fair, because it was easier that way, to have someone to blame. It hurt less.
"Yes this is all your bloody fault!" she hissed. "If you hadn't taunted him, none of this would have happened! You think you're better than he is, messing up your hair because you think it's cool to look like you've just got off your bleeding broom, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it! You make me sick. You're just as bad as he is." She sneered the last words, her chest heaving rapidly and James stood there, anger clouding his features.
He moved closer to her, lowering his voice as his face towered over hers. "No. It is not my fault. You've known bloody well what he is. He calls every one of your descent that foul word; why should you be any different?"
She took a step back as if he had stung her, feeling at loss for words as he forced her to hear what she had desperately been avoiding. Because she should have seen it coming. She should have know it was bound to happen sooner or later. But she hadn't, because he was Severus, her best friend since she could remember, the closest she had ever come to a brother.
James gave her a look that could almost be described as pitiful. "And don't compare me to him. I would never call you that."
He sighed, walking away now, leaving Lily to glare at his retreating back because it was harder to blame him, when she knew he was right, as much as she hated to admit it. She wiped her tears angrily as she stalked off in the opposite direction, determined to put as much distance between herself, Potter, Severus and the rest of the onlookers that had lingered to try and catch anything from their exchange, as possible.
Because she wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to give Severus that satisfaction because, damn it, it was just a word and it didn't hurt her.
Even if it had come out of the mouth of the person she had once considered to be her best friend.
It was a blur, walking through the castle and Lily didn't even pay any attention to where she was going, trusting her legs to do the work for her. She burst into the common room, ignoring the curious faces her Gryffindor peers were giving her. She practically ran up the stairs, not stopping when she heard the familiar voices of Alice Prewett and Marlene McKinnon calling after her, intent on getting to her room.
She threw the door open, slamming it shut as she stepped inside, finally letting the angry tears flow down her face and the fact that she was crying somehow made her angrier, because she knew she was being stupid, crying over a word.
Because, it was just a word and it shouldn't hurt her. Even if it had been her best friend whose mouth it had come out from.
Ex-best friend, she reminded herself bitterly, grabbing the closest thing she could and flinging it at the wall opposite her as she heard the door creak open.
"Well, what did that poor pillow ever do to you?" Marlene asked, with that hint of amusement that never seemed to leave her voice.
"You know how stupid it is, to cry over something you should have seen coming?" Lily asked, her voice seething, as she ignored Marlene's remark. "Because you knew it was coming, you knew it was bound to happen, but you tried to give them the benefit of the doubt because, hey, maybe they'd surprise you, right?" She paced the room as Marlene and Alice, who obviously didn't know what she was going on about, followed her long strides, letting her rant. "And oh, do they surprise you, Merlin they do, just not in the way you expected. And it's almost magical, the way they can go from seemingly defenseless to a giant arsehole just like that." She snapped her fingers for effect. "And even when I tried to defend him! After all the excuses I've made for him, after all I've defended him, even from my friends, he still calls me a Mudblood."
She barely registered the soft gasp that came from her friends as she sank onto the bed nearest to her then, letting her shoulders slump.
"After all we've been through, he calls me a Mudblood. I thought-we were supposed to be best friends. And I should have seen it coming, but I didn't and now I'm just being stupid, crying over it."
She felt the bed slink slightly as somebody joined her and she turned to find Alice's kind, round face next to her, giving her a small smile. "No, Lily, you're not being stupid. He was your friend and he hurt you. And it wasn't your fault. You just put you're trust in the wrong person." "If he couldn't value your friendship, that's his fault. Don't torture yourself, sweetie. It's not worth it."
"He's not worth it," Marlene said, taking a seat next to her. She reached out, wiping a tear away. "Stop torturing yourself over it and tell me, where can I find Snape? Not that I'm planning on hexing his arse into next week or anything..." Marlene grinned, in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood.
"Marlene!" Alice chastised.
Lily couldn't help but smile a bit at her friend's remark. Leave it to Marlene, to resort to violence for anything, even cheering her up. She sighed, resting her shoulder against her friend.
"What the hell would I do without you girls?"
"Probably wallowing in self pity, is my guess."
"Am I not allowed to?"
Marlene considered her question. "Yes, but we do it my way."
"And how is that?" Alice asked.
Marlene grinned as she stood up. "With lots and lots of ice cream."
James was in the Common Room, surrounded by the rest of the Marauders. They were whispering amongst themselves, glancing at James every few minutes, but he ignored them. Instead, he sat contemplating the fire, as if it held answers that it would not give.
Now that the anger had worn out, it made way for guilt. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe it was his fault. Maybe he was just as bad as—
James' thoughts were interrupted by a seriously concerned Sirius. Now wasn't that a first? Sirius rarely ever seemed concerned about anything.
"What?" he growled, not bothering to look over at his friend.
"What the hell is up with you?"
"Nothing. Everything is bloody perfect, can't you tell? It's not like I somehow managed to get Snape to call Evans a Mudblood or like she hates my guts even more now."
Sirius snorted, shaking his head. "Look mate, what Snape said today was horrible, yeah, but Evans had it—"
"Don't finish that sentence," James threw in darkly.
"What Sirius is trying to say is," Remus cut in, throwing Sirius a dark look, "is that it's not entirely your fault. Right, Sirius?"
"But—" Sirius started protesting, but was silenced by the look Remus gave him. "Yeah, whatever," he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest."
James turned to look at his friend, running a hand through his dark hair. "I should apologise, shouldn't I?"
Remus hesitated. "That would be the best thing to do, yes. But not right now. Lily is obviously going through a rough time. Just wait until everything's worn down a bit."
Sirius let out a snort, but James ignored him.
"Yeah, mate. I guess you're right. Thanks Moony."
Remus gave a small nod and opened his book. James went back to contemplating the fire, with a more relaxed look on his face. Okay, so his friends were right and it wasn't entirely his fault. But he still had to apologise. And that was a problem all in itself because, by the looks of it, Lily wasn't going to talk to him any time soon.
Not that she talked to him much, anyway.
"Stupid, stupid, Snape," Lily muttered to herself as she used her spoon to stab at the tub of ice cream that Marlene had managed to obtain from the Hogwart's house-elves.
She was sitting in the common room, against her will she might add because Marlene had dragged her forcefully downstairs. She was surrounded by her friends, trying to keep her distance from the Marauders. She kept her gaze steadily at the carpet as Alice told their friend, Emmeline Vance, what had happened. Every so often, she would feel James staring at her hunched back, urging her to look at him. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She felt too ashamed at what she had said because it hadn't been entirely his fault, what Snape had said.
"Oh, but he did." Lily finally looked up to meet her friend's gaze. "He called me a Mudblood, because apparently that's what I am to him. Just another Mudblood."
Emmeline frowned, looking ready to protest when a confused-looking Marry approached them.
"What is it, Mar?" Alice asked.
"Snape says he wants to see you," she said slowly, looking at Lily, her confusion evident. She had been in the library almost all day so, of course, she knew little to nothing about what had happened.
"Oh, he does, doesn't he?" Lily asked, returning to her previous task of stabbing the tub of ice cream. "Well, you can tell him to leave. I have no intention of talking to him. Better yet, tell him to go to hell."
Mary frowned, hesitating. "He's threatening to camp out there if you don't talk to him. Why is he doing that?"
Later, she saw Alice mouth to Mary, while Marlene turned to her. "I can go deal with him if you want."
"No. I'll go." Lily stood up, ignoring her friends' protesting looks. "Might as well tell him to go to hell myself."
Alice gave her a sympathetic look. "We'll be here for whatever you need, sweetie."
Lily gave her a small nod. She stood up slowly, and with as much dignity as she could muster, she made her way towards the portrait hole. From the corner of her eye, she could see a confused James following her with his eyes, but she didn't slow her pace. She kept walking until she reached her destination. She breathed deeply before stepping outside, unto the dark corridor.
Snape was standing in front of her, with a look of misery written all over his face. He seemed relieved when he saw her and offered her a small smile, that quickly disappeared when he met Lily's cold eyes.
"Evans. It's Evans to you now," she said coldly.
Snape hesitated. "Look I'm sorry," he said meekly, offering an apologetic smile, as if that would fix anything.
"Save your breath, Severus. I'm not interested. For years I've been making excuses for you. Nobody can understand why I even talk to somebody like you," she spat out angrily. "Don't think that I came out here to forgive you. I came to tell you to leave me alone. I want nothing to do with you."
"Lily, I'm sorry! I never meant to call you a Mudblood it just—"
She laughed coldly. "It just slipped out? Am I supposed to believe that? Why don't you go back with your precious little Death Eater friends and leave me alone?" she sneered. "And don't pretend like its not what you are all aiming to be. You just can't wait to join Voldemort can you?"
A part of her hoped that he say something to prove her wrong, but Snape only flinched at the mention of Voldemort's name, not saying a word.
"See! You don't even try to deny it. I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your path, I've chosen mine."
"But I didn't mean to call you a—"
"A Mudblood? Don't lie, Severus. You call everyone of my birth that name, why should I be any different?" she asked quietly.
Snape looked at her, almost pleading. "Because I-I—"
Lily raised her hand, silencing him. "It's over, Severus. What we had-our friendship-it's over."
She gave her former best friend one last pitiful look, before clambering inside. The last thing she needed was to do something stupid, like cry.
She walked slowly into the common room, ignoring the questioning glance coming from half the Gryffindor population. She sat heavily onto the spot next to Marlene, resting her head against her shoulders. She closed her eyes, shaking her head as her friends questioned her, trying to get her to tell them exactly what had happened with Snape. But she didn't feel like talking about that.
It had been hard enough the first time.
A small cough behind them interrupted their protests and Lily froze. Oh, no, this was bad. The last thing she needed was for James to come and remind her again exactly why she should have seen it coming.
She turned her head and was met by the warm eyes of a sandy-haired boy. Remus Lupin. She let out a sigh of relief and smiled kindly at him.
"Hey, Lily, can we, um, talk?"
"Sure, Remus. Anything for my favourite Marauder."
She might hold a strong dislike against James, but that didn't mean she couldn't be friends with his friends and it just so happened that Remus was one of her closest friends.
Remus returned her smile, and Lily stood up slowly, following him to a secluded part of the common room. She was curious to hear what Remus wanted to talk to her about. And then it hit her. James.
She groaned inwardly. Of course he wants to talk to you about James, you twat. What did you expect?
She scowled at herself for being so stupid as to remain in the Common Room instead of going up to her dormitory. She looked at Remus anxiously, waiting for him to make the first move. After a few minutes of hesitation, they both decided to speak.
"Remus I know—"
He sighed. "You go first, Lily."
Lily hesitated for a second. "Look Remus, I know you're here to talk about what I said to James, and I'll agree that it might have been a little too harsh. I was mad and I didn't mean to tell him all those horrible things. I mean, I know it wasn't his fault, but I can't talk to him. Not right now, anyway. I just don't know what to say," she said quietly.
Remus chuckled, much to her surprise.
"Well, you're right about that. But I understand you and so does James. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." His expression turned serious as he passed a hand through his sandy hair. "I wanted to apologise."
Lily was startled. Now that she hadn't been expecting
"Apologise? What for? You didn't do anything," she said with a small frown.
Remus let out a sigh. "But that's the problem Lily. I didn't do anything. I didn't try to stop them. I let them carry on with their pranks. And that makes me as guilty as James and Sirius. As bad as Snape," he added quietly.
"But, Remus, you're being ridiculous! It wasn't you're fault, nor was it James' for that matter. It was evident to everyone but me what Snape was becoming. If anyone's to blame, it's me." She sighed, reaching out to touch Remus' arm, giving him a small smile. "You're such a good person, Remus. Maybe you didn't do anything, but neither did I. I knew what Snape was becoming, but I ignored it."
She crossed her arms over her chest, letting out a small sigh.
"This is the part where I tell you that you're being ridiculous. You couldn't have done anything, even if you tried. Snape had already chosen his path. It doesn't matter how hard you try to change a person; sometimes, there's nothing that you can do. "