Disclaimer: We must all find ourselves resigned to the concept that I'm not actually Hergé.

I apologise for any potential misunderstandings we may have had over this.

A/N: I'm tempted to publish this in 'Only Him', but I may or may not continue with this later on. So. No. I hope you enjoy reading!

The Inscrutable and Meretricious Disposition of The Valentine
PART ONE
xXx

"So, Tintin. Do you know what day it is tomorrow?" The Captain asked casually, putting his hands behind his back and walking up to where his friend was sitting. Tintin was so engrossed in his book that he failed to notice the expectant expression on his friends face as though there was a particular answer he was waiting for.

"Tuesday, isn't it?" he replied dismissively, without looking up and turning the page carefully. "It said so, on the Calender last time I checked."
"The date, I meant," the Captain clarified.
"Tomorrow? The fourteenth, I think. Does it matter?"
"It might,"
"Might it?" he asked, still not paying full attention.
"Well, it could. For you," the Captain added, emphasising the last word. He didn't want to be too direct with this, but he was hardly going to stand there and waffle for the next half an hour until his friend finally grasped what he was trying to talk about.
"Oh, right, sure."
Or maybe he would have to waffle. The Captain resisted to roll his eyes, and was inwardly debating with himself on elaborating a little when he finally got the delayed reaction he was waiting for.

"Wait," Tintin glanced up. "For me?"

He had only just registered the light tone the Captain was using, and now that he looked over he could see him holding their Calender as though there was something he should have remembered. Tintin eyed the paper quickly and an odd feeling of panic filled him as he desperately wracked his brains for what significant event he should have been acknowledging.

'Oh, crumbs! I've forgotten something haven't I, and it's probably important because otherwise the Captain wouldn't be pointing it out to me. Is it the Captain's birthday? No, hold on, the Captain's isn't until April, and it's still February. My birthd- No, already been! What-?'

"Here, take a closer look," the Captain said crossly, interrupting his friends thoughts that were currently going over a string of any other possibilities that were now ranging from anniversaries of famous people to every official publication date of any book he could think of. Tintin reached out and took it from him, his eyes scanning across each week to find any particular marking that he may have missed.

"The fourteenth?" he muttered quietly, staring closer at the blank squares on the Calender. There were no handwritten markings, no plans, not anything.
"What am I supposed to be looking for?" he asked, sounding bemused and unable to notice anything out of the ordinary.
"I don't see w- … OH," he fell silent for a moment. "So that's what it is."
"You see?"
"I do."
"Are you sure?"
"I'd hope so."
"It's Valentines day," the Captain declared, pleased that he had finally understood what was happening.
"Yes, so I've figured." The 14th of February had been covered in pink hearts that were printed only on that particular square. "Tomorrow isValentines Day," he agreed with mild amusement, not entirely sure why this day had been pointed out to him.

"So?" the Captain asked slowly after a moment of silence, suddenly looking as though Tintin was still severely missing a part of the conversation. He gave a nod towards the door pointedly and raised his hands slightly in question, thoroughly confused with this unusually dense behaviour. Tintin frowned, lost at where this conversation was going again.
"You… you want me to take you out for Valentines Day?" he tried uncertainly, forming a bemused smile and folding the Calender before placing it aside. "I'm flattered by your interest, I think, but you know I'm not-"
"What?! Thundering typhoons, that isn't what I meant, lad!" The Captain quickly cut him off, suddenly realizing how his question had been misinterpreted. "That wasn't what I was saying, I didn't mean me! Blistering barnacles, no! Definitely not," he finished shortly, shaking his head and trying not to laugh at the bizarre idea. "I meant was, what are your plans for tomorrow, for you? Do you have er… plans for tomorrow?" So much for subtly dropping the question, he thought.

Tintin blinked; stunned into silence.

"It's long past my time when I was interested in these sorts of things, but you're still young, Tintin," the Captain carried on, unaware of the blank stare he was getting. "You should plan something for Valentines!"

There was a pause as Tintin thought this over.

"… plan something?" he said at last.
"Yes."
"So, a date, you mean."
"Yes, a date, lad!"
"For tomorrow?" He said, as though still unsure what he was being asked.
"Yes, for tomorrow!" The Captain repeated, beginning to sound exasperated. Surely the boy had been on one before? "Blistering barnacles! It's not that difficult to understand!"
"But what if I don't want a date?" he asked earnestly, leaning back.
"It was just a suggestion," the Captain reminded him, waving a hand. "I'm not going to force you to leave the house, but you shouldn't stay indoors when you could be making better use of your time."
"Yes, well… we'll see." Tintin closed his book thoughtfully.

He normally didn't have any interest in these sorts of fanatical public celebrations, but it had been rather dull lately and tomorrow would be a good excuse to go out. It was worrying enough that he was actually almost considering the idea, let alone that he'd run out of things to do for the time being, but now that he thought about it he may be able to make the most of the obnoxious holiday and perhaps even find a new adventure in amongst the entire ruckus.

A public holiday meant a lot of new people visiting which could lead to at least something out of the ordinary happening, and trouble meant adventure, and that meant a new story he could start following as he didn't have one presently. He frowned a little at this conclusion, realizing he'd just linked a sentimental emotional day to one of his potential reports for work. How on earth was he meant to get a date if he couldn't even give the day a non-objective outlook?

"Well, if you change your mind I'm sure you could easily make the most out of Valentines Day, Tintin," the Captain said, shrugging noncommittally. "I bet you could charm any young lady if you put your mind to it," he gave a reassuring nod.
Tintin gave a quiet laugh and just shook his head. "I dread to think."

A/N: So this has been sitting on my computer for about a millennia and a half, so I figured now is a good time to stop it from collecting figurative dust.
It's not meant to be a srs bsns deep and intricate interpretation of Tintin; just take it what it was: a procrastination tool of amusement.
If you're curious, for some reason unknown to mankind, about my actual take on Tintin + Romance, PM me and we can discuss it over tea and biscuits that don't actually exist.

Comments, constructive criticism, messages, flames and scorn, interpretive essays, PhD thesis's, a Master's Degree, a Sherlock-style deductive passage, Schrödinger's cat, Einstein's 3rd Law of Thermodynamics, all of the above are actively encouraged and I'll value them forever.