Author: Amber Tate PM
About three things I was absolutely positive. First Edward could maybe be a Jonas Brother. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how potent that may be-that he wanted to eat my face off. And third, I was uncondistionally and irrevolbly in love with him. A parody of the first Twilight book. STARKID REFERENCES!Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Supernatural - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 11 - Words: 9,493 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 04-15-13 - Published: 08-07-12 - id: 8405294
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Amber: Hello! Welcome all to my very first parody!
Amber: So I feel like starting and just skipping the boring stuff! Take it away Percy!
Percy: *Facepalms, and glares at author* She owns nothing.
Bella Swan sat in the car, brooding at whatever was outside the window of her mother's car. Today was a special day for brooding...today was her last day in paradise.
"Bella," Ren'ee Swan said, to her daughter. "You don't have to do this." Her blue eyes watched Bella with worry. Her daughter merely sighed, and looked her straight in the eye.
"I want to go."
"Seriously," Renee said. "We're moving to Florida...what are you gonna do in Forks Washington...take an outdoor shower?"
"We have Disney World, for crying out loud!" Ren'ee exclaimed. "We have Bucsh gardens, and Sea World! What reason do you have moving to Washington? Why do you think I left that slop hole-"
"MOM!" Bella shrieked, her brown eyes wide. "Shut up!"
Renee shrugged and continued driving. She glanced at her daughter and muttered, "Kill joy."
"You should be thankful," Bella snapped. "I mean, I'm moving out of the house early! Now you and Phil can have some alone time. No need to say "Thank You"."
"Bella," Ren'ee sighed. "Phil is in a major baseball league. Do you think that we'll get some alone time?"
Bella and her mother drove in awkward silence for the rest of the trip.
When Bella landed in Port Angeles, it was raining. Bella wasn't surprised. It always rained in Washington, no matter what.
Bella narrowed her eyes, clutching her small bags; Scanning for her father. And sure enough he was there, leaning against his police car.
Charlie Swan was a police chief. Obvious enough.
Bella approached her father, and they gave each other an awkward one armed hug.
"Mommy?" A little blond girl nearby asked.
"Yes?" Her mother answered.
"Why are they hugging like that?"
The mother narrowed her eyes at the Swans. "Just another girl with daddy issues," She scowled.
"Like Katniss?" The girl asked, sucking a lollipop.
The mother thought about it for a second. "Worse," she shivered.
The Swan's stared at the mother waving friendly, and watched her slowly back away. She grabbed her daughter's wrist and ran away.
Charlie cleared his throat and smiled at his daughter. "It's good to see you Bells," He said. "You havn't changed much, how's Ren'ee?"
Bella shrugged. "Happier with Phil than she was with you."
Charlie's left eye twitched, and he made an unknown motion with his hands. He took a deep breath, and forced a smile. He took all of Bella's bags and stuffed them with such force the car alarm went off.
Several seconds of fumbling with his car keys, and the alarm went silent. He motioned for Bella to get in the car, which she did.
After several minutes of awkward silence in the car, Charlie cleared his throat.
"I found a good car for you, really cheap."
Bella facepalmed herself, and glared at her dad. "Char- Er, I mean, Dad. When you buy a car for a teenage daughter you don't tell her it's cheap. That'll ruin everything. What brand is it anyways?"
"Well," Charlie mumbled. "It's not a car actually...it's a Chevy."
Bella shook her head dissapointed. "And I thought better of you."
Charlie sighed. "Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?"
"I got it there."
"I care, why?"
Charlie pulled aside, and stepped outside the car. Bella watched him walke to a tree, getting soaked in the process. Then he hit himself with the trunk several times, before returing to the car calmly, re-buckling his seatbelt.
"He used to come fishing with us in the summer...he's in a wheelchair now."
Bella racked her brains before nodding.
"He was the old owner, he sold it to me since he can't drive anymore."
Bella rolled her eyes. "More like he want's everyone to drag him around town, do he doesn't have to waste his own gas."
Charlie stared at his daughter. "He can't walk."
Charlie grimanced at the thought that he had the world's dumbest brunette.
Awkward silence filled the car again, and Bella stared at her surroundings outside the car. Her eyes widened when she saw how green everything was. Comapred to Arizona, this was the place where those weird blue Avatar people lived.
Bella suddenly felt her mind go blank. "Everything is backwards now, like out there is a true world, and in here is a dream."
"What did you say Bells?" Charlie asked his daughter.
Bella shook her head. "Nothing, mind your own business."
Soon enough, the Swan's pulled into the driveway of Charlie's small house. Two bedrooms and a huge history of failed marrige.
Bella looked at the faded red truck in the driveway. She narrowed her eyes at it, and gave her father a huge grin.
"Wow, Dad, I love it," She said, grinning through her teeth.
Charlie grinned, and winked. "I'm glad you like it."
Bella wrinkled her nose as she watched Charlie exit the car. Without thinking, she automatically went to the trunk and grabbed her bags.
With tentative steps she walked into her small house, following the fimilliar path to her bedroom. She had lived in this house when since she was born...until the divorce.
Bella finally reached her room and surveyed it. The blue walls were the same, as well were the yellow lace curtains.
"Ripping those off later," Bella thought, realizing how the bright yellow clashed horribly with the baby blue walls. Bella even noticed that the same rocking chair from her baby days was present.
In the past, the only changes Bella had made to her room was a bed and wooden desk. Now however, a new computer and phone.
"Hey Bells," Charlie's voice came from the hall way. "We're sharing a bathroom...don't go in there for a while. Just dumped a load!"
Bella turned a nasty green color, and groaned. She dramatically turned and flopped onto her bed, on her back.
Bella pulled into a parking spot at her new high school, with an aphrehensive expression on her face. At least she had gotten to escape Charlie...the guy didn't say anything!
Bella couldn't stop to think about how everyone at this school knew each other, whilist she would be the new face. A.K.A. the target.
Bella Swan wasn't worried about standing out, though. She thought as she walked to the front office, that thanks to her pale emo complexion people wouldn't think she was from Arizona. Where everyone was tan except for people that had a permanet bored expression.
Bella approached the front desk, where a Ginger woman sat.
She looked up at her. "Can I help you?"
"I'm Isabella Swan," Bella informed her.
The woman gasped. "OHMIGOSH! THE CHIEF'S DAUGHTER!"
Everyone in the office froze staring at Bella.
Bella blushed under the gaze of everyone in the crowd. "Um..hi?"
One guys squealed and ran over. "We've been talking about you're coming ever since we heard you were coming!"
Bella raised an eyebrow. "Um...thanks?"
A blond woman bit her lip at Bella's clothes. "I would have gone with the blue sweater this morning, Dear."
Bella's eyes widened in fear. "You know what I alomst wore this morning?"
The woman laughed. "We put a camera in your room dear; we wanted to know EVERYTHING about you!"
Bella stepped back, took her papers from the Ginger woman and ran for her life.
Bella walked down the hall, when a boy with skin problems and hair black as an oil leaned over to her.
"You're Isabella Swan aren't you?"
Bella squnited at him, before shrugging. "Bella," She corrected.
Everyone spun around and stared at her.
Bella sighed and pushed her way through the crowd. The boy followed her.
"Where's your next class?" He asked.
Bella raised an eyebrow. "Why would I tell you-?"
He looked at the shedule in Bella's hand and grinned. "You have Government, with Jefferson, in building six. I'm heading toward building four I could show the way..." He said, in one singled breath. "I'm Eric."
Bella rolled her eyes. "You're drooling."
Review! Be gentle...first parody.