Author: Amber Tate PM
About three things I was absolutely positive. First Edward could maybe be a Jonas Brother. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how potent that may be-that he wanted to eat my face off. And third, I was uncondistionally and irrevolbly in love with him. A parody of the first Twilight book. STARKID REFERENCES!Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Supernatural - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 11 - Words: 9,493 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 04-15-13 - Published: 08-07-12 - id: 8405294
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Bella looked into her new book, staying up reading her book. Large circles were under her eyes, and she looked absolutely exhausted.
Super Strength….beautiful…color-changing eyes…cold….special abilities…..
Bella think she knew the truth. The next day at school she scanned the parking lot for any sign of Edward Cullen.
Sure enough, he was there. He stood just outside some stone steps that lead to the nearby forest. His eyes were black as coal again.
He made a motion with his jaw, telling Bella to follow him. Wordlessly, he swaggered off into the woods. Bella raised her eyebrows. She felt a little unsure, but followed him; careful not to trip over any roots or stones.
Bella maneuvered her way through the forest, wrinkling her nose from the wet damp Earth. Chirping of birds could be heard, as well with the footsteps of unknown animals.
After a good five minutes, Bella found Edward standing in the middle of a field. There were less trees and he stood with his back facing Bella.
"You know how long it took me to get through this goddamn forest smoothly? I'm gonna let my Dad shoot you if I get in trouble for skipping first period."
"You know what I am," Edward muttered, ignoring what she said with the roll of his eyes.
Bella froze, not nodded slightly. "Y—you have a slightly gay voice…big hair…and you wear incredibly tight clothing."
"Say it," Edward whispered, closing his eyes in horror.
Bella took a deep breath. "Edward—"
"—SAY IT!" Edward roared, turning to face her.
"A JONAS BROTHER!" Bella wailed.
Edward blinked. "What the hell, Bella? I am not a Jonas brother." He shook his head. "Here's a little hint for you…it rhymes with 'lumpire…'"
Bella thought hard. Finally, she whispered, "Umpire."
Edward facepalmed. "I'm a VAMPIRE!"
Bella's jaw dropped. "Nuh-uh, that was going to be my fourth guess!"
Edward paused and raised an eyebrow curiously at Bella. "What was your third guess?"
"That you were those freaky vampire-fish things from Doctor Who—total vampire was gonna be my fourth guess."
Edward rolled his eyes impatiently. He then lurched forward, and threw Bella piggy-back style on him. He ran with incredible speed, making Bella gasp involuntary.
He stopped running and let Bella jump off his back. The area—which had been a good ten miles away was dark…except for a single ray of sunlight.
Edward took a deep—not that he needed to of course—and slowly walked to into the ray of sunlight. As soon as the light hit his face, his facial features began to glow. It was if his skin were made of stars.
"This—this is the face of a monster," Edward muttered, letting Bella observe him, her brown eyes wide. "I'm a killer."
Bella then narrowed her eyes. "Dude, you don't look like a killer. You really look like you had too much fun with the glitter-glue."
"In fact," Bella continued. "You look like a fairy."
Edward fake-laughed. "Yeah, ha, you know what?"
"What?" Bella asked.
"SHUT UP!" Edward yelled, looking extremely annoyed.