|Fire is Flammable
Author: Just 2 Dream of You PM
One-shot: Yusuke is getting married so he goes drinking. And he invites Hiei to go with him. The result is total stupidity.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor - Yusuke U. & Hiei - Words: 1,442 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 08-11-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8418917
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH
Fire is Flammable
X -x-x-x-x- X
"Now, remember, Urameshi; no strippers, no mooning, no hijinks - "
"Damn, Kuwabara - just come out already!" Yusuke yelled in frustration.
"Hey! Keiko came up with these, not me!"
"I doubt she said 'hijinks'!"
They went to fight when Kurama stepped in. "Please, can the two of you stop just for one night?"
"What a ridiculous question," Hiei, who was there by happenstance, barked.
"I'm having my bachelor party where I want and how I want!" Yusuke announced, marching out the temple doors. "And that means away from this boring hellhole."
Kuwabara followed him. "Where are you going?"
"To a bar. I'm at least gonna do something bachelor party like," he stated.
Hiei scoffed. "What a shock. You're going to get drunk."
"I believe the proper term is crunk," Yusuke bit back haughtily. "And yes, I am. Haven't you ever had a drink?"
"Pfft, no," the swordsman answered, his nose up in the air proudly.
The room went silent and Yusuke blinked, turning to face the shorter male. "You've never had a drink? Ever?"
Yusuke burst out laughing. "Oh, man, that's rich!" Kuwabara soon joined and the two were rolling.
"What is so funny about not having drank myself into oblivion?" Hiei seethed as they laughed harder.
"Ha! You couldn't handle a drink!" Yusuke guffawed and Hiei scowled, eyes narrowing.
"Since you've never had one, you have no resistance! You'd take one drink and throw up like a wimp!" Yusuke pointed and laughed some more.
"I would not!" Hiei argued back, fists clenching in fury.
Yusuke wiped his eye. "Please. I could drink you under the table."
The room went silent again, the wind blowing outside.
"Is that a challenge, detective?"
Yusuke grinned. "No, that's not a challenge, Hiei." He got right down in his face. "It's a fact."
Hiei grinned back. "We'll see about that."
"Oh, boy..." Kurama sighed. "Looks like we're the designated 'bros' for this evening." Kurama stated sarcastically, flashing a cheesy thumbs up at "bros." He paused as he regarded the power flickering between the two strong fighters. "But at least we might get some entertainment."
Hiei grabbed Yusuke's collar, pulling him forward. "So, wait. Wait, wait, wait - just listen. So, then I tore off his head and shoved it down the ugly one's throat!" They both exploded with laughter, Yusuke pounding the table.
"For real?!" He choked.
"Yeah! It was so gross!" Hiei waved his arms around and they fell on each other, laughing hysterically.
Kurama and Kuwabara sat at a nearby table watching this whole thing preside. It started with them each taking shots, neither wavering in their fervor, but after about twenty or so they had reached the level they were at now.
Totally, fucking blown.
Kuwabara watched as Hiei laughed with Urameshi, completely blissful, no hint of hate or anything like that remaining. "Hiei...sure is a happy drunk. Didn't see that coming." Kurama looked over. "I mean, I thought he'd be even more of an angry prick."
"Actually," cue fox lecture, "Alcohol brings out what you keep hidden inside. If you're closed off and emotionless, alcohol will make you lose your inhibitions."
Kuwabara scratched his chin in thought. "So...if you got drunk you'd, what, take off all your clothes?" Kurama glared at him. "Not that I wanna see that!"
"She was all, 'Yusuke, don't grab my boobs!' And I was all, 'They're there, aren't they?'" Hiei laughed, taking another shot.
"That blue haired thing let you touch her?"
"I'm Yusuke Yukimora, ain't I?!" They laughed some more and Hiei fell over off his chair.
"That makes three so far..." Kurama mused.
"Aw, man...It's not like I wanted a drink anyway, but now I can't even have one, because I gotta drive him home!" Kuwabara pouted with his arms crossed.
"I don't know what you're complaining about," Kurama retorted. "You just have to take him home to Keiko. I have to take Hiei to my home and convince my parents to let him stay." Kuwabara looked over with an eyebrow raised. "What? Where else is he supposed to sleep?"
"Uh, in the street like any bum?" Kurama went flat faced at his comment. "That's what I would do!"
"No, Kuwabara, it isn't..."
They looked over at the two laughing again, Yusuke holding a hand over his mouth. "Aw, hell no!" Kuwabara shouted. "I'm not driving you anywhere if you're gonna hurl all over the place! Not my car!" Kurama sighed.
A waitress came over to the drunken pairs' table and looked at them. "Lemme guess. Another round?"
Yusuke smiled up at her. "Hey, pretty lady. I'm gettin' maaaarrrriiiieeeddd." The two started snickering and snorting holding on to each other again.
The waitress sighed. "Uh huh."
"I'm not." Hiei stated darkly as he crawled up on the table, on all fours, shot glasses clamoring to the floor. "Wanna see my dragon?"
Yusuke howled with laughter. "Yeah, let it rip, Hiei! Unleash your dragon! Hahahahahaha!"
The waitress sighed again and left the idiots laughing all over themselves until Hiei coughed, putting a hand up to his mouth. "Oh, you're not gonna puke like a freshman, are you?" Yusuke asked, backing away.
"Wha...no...what's a freshman?"
Yusuke thought about it. "I dunno. I've never been one! And I probably never will be!" He laughed uproariously and Hiei found it hilarious as well, both giving into raucous laughter at Yusuke never getting a good education.
Yusuke coughed and blinked, his vision blurry and cloudy. Sounds were muffled and jumbled and he blinked a few more times, trying to register what was going on.
He soon saw Kuwabara standing over him yelling for all his worth, red in the face, resembling a PMSing woman. "You fucking idiot!" He screamed, Yusuke finally able to hear him clearly.
"Look what you did!" Kuwabara pointed and Yusuke sat up, seeing the bar engulfed in flames, smoke billowing out. Ah, so that's what stunk. And that also explained why all their clothes were black.
"Huh?" He repeated.
Kurama crouched down and got in his face. "Let's piece this together, shall we, Yusuke? You gave alcohol to a fire demon." Yusuke blinked. "Alcohol and fire, Yusuke."
Yusuke blinked again. "You idiot!" Kuwabara screeched, grabbing his collar. "Fire is flammable! Wait, what - "
"Alcohol is flammable," Kurama corrected.
"Yeah, that. I can't believe you did this!" He shook Yusuke and only stopped when he burped, for fear of vomit.
"Wait, I don't understand...how did Hiei...wait. Where's Hiei?" Yusuke asked, looking around.
Kuwabara scratched his neck. "Uh, I have no idea..."
Kurama sniffed. "I think he landed about fifty feet away. I can smell him."
Yusuke snickered and started laughing uncontrollably again and Kuwabara grabbed him. "This is all your fault!"
"How is this my fault?!" Yusuke howled in his fit.
"You got Hiei drunk and he lost control of his freaky fire powers!"
"That's not exactly what happened, Kuwabara," Kurama stated.
"He was breathing fire! What do you call that?!"
Yusuke stopped laughing. "What?"
"He belched and a flame shot out of his mouth! Then he started laughing - still shooting fire - running all over the place, screaming 'Look at me - look at me!' Then he burped again right in front of all the alcohol behind the bar and the whole place exploded!"
Yusuke fell backwards holding his stomach, gasping for life as he laughed again, almost appearing in pain.
Kurama shook his head and swiped some more ashes off him. "And that's how he would've reacted had he not been knocked out from the blast." The fox sighed. "I'm going to get Hiei..."
Kuwabara stuttered as Kurama walked off, Yusuke grabbing his pants. "Please tell me you got this shit on video!"
Keiko gasped as she opened the door, revealing Kuwabara holding her intended, the both of them looking like they just crawled out of a barbecue pit. "What..."
"Hey, Keiko! Guess what!" Yusuke held her shoulders. "Fire is flammable!" He laughed and stumbled into the living room, falling on the couch.
She looked at Kuwabara and he just grunted in annoyance. "Let's just say he got drunk and played with matches." He walked back to his car leaving Keiko with Yusuke hung over the side of the couch arm.
"Oh, God, I'm gonna puke."