Author: Yaoimelody PM
A look in the diaries/journals of the ninjas? Mentioned TechnoShipping and LavaShipping xDRated: Fiction K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Words: 1,377 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 08-11-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8419279
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I always have to check with Jay before I do anything anymore, to see if my systems could take the pressure or whatever it is that would come in contact with me. He chides me to be careful regardless if it's safe or not. He is my boyfriend though, not my mother, if I had actually had one. Technically I have had no parents at any given time. Of course I will always count my creator as my father, though. It slightly stings that I was never a human and it took me so long to figure it out again after he shut off my memory switch. It made so much sense though… Why others believe me to be different or otherworldly. I found something good to impress Jay before we truly furthered our relationship; my "funny switch". It gave me the upmost joy to see him so happy and laughing… Though I do ponder if he'll ever get bothered by the fact I'm an android and not human like he'd be expected to date?
Knowing my life at the junkyard probably gave me a different outlook on certain items that most would throw out or destroy, or maybe made me laughingstock of the ninja group I'm currently in… Where was I even going with that? Oh man… I have no idea. Oh yeah, anyways despite those things I've found a really good relationship with Zane. Man, he can be dense without realizing it (then again he is an android…), but it's all the… programming? That sounds weird though; that my boyfriend has bolts for brains, even though he's very intelligent and kind. I'm not sure what to write anymore so maybe I should find him…
Maybe I should get more hairspray. Yeah, that sounds pretty good to me. I've also come up with some new animalistic moves to impress ninjas into joining my dojo… Then again, I need some new ones to visit. Maybe tomorrow? Man, am I hungry. I'm too lazy to go get some at the store, though… Ugh…
This voice… It's here, always. It's like a snake coiled back and willing to strike at any moment in time at me. I'm scared to ask for help, because then I'd be showing weakness and have to deal with whatever gets thrown at me. It would be easier if my weakness was physical and I could power through it with all my might. Perhaps if I were to tell someone about this, I'd get… better? Maybe be able to find some sort of medication or self-control to end my never-ending mental sufferings? If not forever, then at least until I can get my life on track and fight the prophecy so I can finally keep my son near me and gain my brother's full trust back… Maybe if I hadn't knocked the katana from his hand when we were mere children…? But then I'd never have "adopted" Lloyd into my life… Who am I kidding he is my life.
I still can't- won't- believe my dad would want to still destroy the city… or ninjas in general. I realize he's still bitter about how nothing seems to go his way most the time but it kind of feels like he's going about it all wrong. I know he's stubborn and hates it when he can't do it himself… but I hope he knows that I think about when things were different. Like, before I decided to try and control the Serpentine and then failed bitterly at it. That maybe he'd want to make sure I was around him at all times… as annoying as his overprotective behavior can be… and he'd be too busy to even think of doing evil and horrible things. I wouldn't have seen Uncle in the longest time or ever meet the ninjas to eventually find out I was, in fact, the green ninja… but I would be willing to go back in time and accept things back the way they were.
I'm trying to write this as Kai is going off about something stupid he's seen outside. What an idiot, I mean he's gorgeous and charming when he wants to be- until he belches like that, just no…- and everything I'd want (for whatever reason that could be) to have in whoever I dated, but still an idiot. Which I just called him, but he didn't pout for long, because he's realizing that's the closest to a "pet name" I'm giving him. Man, he's so cute when he scribbles in his journal… Wait… he's looking over… onto this paper. And he's laughing and running away since I'm going to chase the idiot down here in a minute. So much for making a long and descriptive entry I could look back on and know what I've done for the day…
I'm hiding from my boyfriend in the closet (ironic) and decided to start over with my journal entry. Okay fine it was just a large doodle of Cole and eyebrows basically up to his hairline because he kept calling me an idiot, but I don't think he was mad about that. Maybe it was the fact I looked over at his entry. I hope that was it, I don't mean to be like that. I guess I'm too childish sometimes to really get him. I feel bad, I wish I were like Cole… but not too much, he has a rocky personality… Oh man, I'm laughing too hard. Who am I kidding; I'd take my jokes over smarts any day.
I notice all my pupils with journals and can't help but pull out an old one of mine I've had yet to use at all. Perhaps when I got it years ago it was a harder time for me and I wanted somewhat of an outlet without telling anyone about my problems. I hate to bother people with my woes, it makes me seems childish and as if they can't come to me with their own problems. It's odd how I can take care of other people, yet not entirely myself… Ah, I know where this old thing is from! It's when my brother was just going through his changes and I was a bit afraid of him and hoping he'd get better; or at least get better mentally. His looks don't affect me, family is supposed to love one another regardless of who or what the other is. I used to fear for my young nephew's life without his father, but now I fear more for the opposite on some level.
I noticed that ever since I went out with Jay he seemed to have rotated towards Zane since I guess I wasn't what he wanted. Though when I see them together I can't help but prefer this to going out with him myself. We may have felt some sort of connection, but not one like what they have. I'm pretty sure that they were made for each other… or at least Zane? Ha, see not only Kai has the jokes down… who am I kidding? We both suck at them. Anyways, I couldn't believe Kai and Cole when they finally came out awhile back. It was more like "Duh" then a shock, or at least for me. It was obvious even though they can be pretty different that they would eventually go out or just secretly want each other. I'm glad they chose option one. I guess I'm jealous that my brother's friends are all gorgeous and they're all gay… but that figures. Maybe it influenced my robotics suit in some way? I'm not sure, but I hope I get to be there for the ninjas and the city for as long as I can; I am the Samurai after all.