|Imperial Randomness: The Reposting
Author: Theaphelia PM
A repost of a "fic" I wrote ten years ago Emperor Vandole and his cronies are trying to take over the world and defeat the Mana Knight...but what do they get up to in their free time? Random, OOC, overall stupid...enjoy!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,239 - Updated: 09-01-12 - Published: 08-11-12 - id: 8419769
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Thanatos woke up one dreadful morning to find that his mask was gone.
His bloodcurtling scream woke the dead all the way in Potos Village. Vandole stormed into Thanatos's room and glared at the sobbing sorcerer. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! YOU WOKE ME UP!" the emperor screeched. "And I was dreaming about Poland Spring water! I don't care what your problems are, Doritos, I do not like being woken up!"
"MY NAME IS THANATOS!" Thanatos yelled through his tears.
"I don't care if your name is Ghengiz Khan! Nobody wakes me up and gets away with it!"
Thanatos covered his head with the blanket. "My mask is gone!" he cried from behind the blankets.
"I SAID MY MASK IS GONE! Somebody stole it!"
"I can't hear you through the blankets!"
"You're just trying to trick me into showing you my face!"
"I am not!"
"See?! You CAN hear me!"
Vandole pouted. "Damnit."
Thanatos pulled his hair in front of his face and lowered the blanket. "I swear I'm going to feed the dolt who took my mask to Jabberwockey!"
"No can do. The Mana Knight killed him."
Fanha came into the room. "What's all the yelling about?"
"Someone took his mask."
"THEY TOOK MY BABY!" Thanatos wailed, dissolving into fresh tears.
"You have a baby?" cried Fanha. "Aw, I LOVE babies!"
"He means his mask," said Vandole.
"Oh. Who was its mother? And why are you wearing your child on your face?" Fanha asked of Thanatos. Thanatos shot a glare that could kill dragons at her from behind his hair, but she couldn't see it, and so she was fine. "Isn't that child abuse?"
"Shut up. And for the last time, my name is THANATOS."
Ten minutes later, everyone was up and out of bed. They all sat in the dining hall, and Thanatos stood at the front of the table, his face still shielded by his hair. "Now, listen here. I don't know who did it, but someone took my mask. Whoever took it is to return it to me right this minute."
"Okay, fine. I'll close the curtains and shut off the lights, then you can place it on the table and nobody will know who you are. I just want my mask back."
"I'm part demon, my eyes are better than yours," said Sheex.
"So I can see in the dark."
"DON'T TELL THEM THAT!"
"I didn't, I'm telling YOU."
"They can hear you!"
"YOU took it, didn't you?!" accused Thanatos.
"I bet you did!"
"You just said that because you don't want to give it back!"
"You want to use it for crazy experiments, don't you?! Like some common lab rat!"
"Thanatos," Sheex pointed out, "YOU'RE the sorcerer here. YOU do the experiments."
Fanha gasped. "You do experiments on innocent little lab rats?!"
"No, I do them on Pandorian citizens," Thanatos reassured her.
Suddenly there was a loud shriek, and someone jumped out from behind a suit of armor. "You do experiments on innocent Pandorians! I knew it!"
Thanatos glared. "Got a problem with that? And who are you, anyway?"
"I'm James Jameson, I'm an activist from the Southtown Human Rights Coalition, and you're defying people's rights!"
"'SO?!'" screamed James. "These are fellow humans you are talking about-"
"I'm not exactly human," said Thanatos.
"Oh, no, how could I have EVER thought that," muttered the activist sarcastically. "You're Cousin It."
The others were clueless, but Thanatos, being an ancient sorcerer and having seen things from thousands of years past, grabbed James Jameson the human rights activist and threw him out a window. "YOU'RE DEFYING MY RIGHT TO SANITY!" He turned back to the others, then had a realization. "I bet HE took it!" He ran down to find James, who had landed in the Beast Zombies' kennel, and was trying to plead with them.
"No, you can't eat me! You'll be defying my human right to life!"
"As if WE care?" said a beast zombie.
"And we're zombies!"
James whined, but Thanatos pulled him out of the kennel before he could be eaten.
"You ought to teach your dogs about human rights!" yelled James.
He grabbed James's collar. "YOU TOOK MY MASK, DIDN'T YOU, YOU...YOU...MORTAL, YOU!"
"Alright! Yes, I took it! I admit it!" James yelled. "But you're defying people's human rights!"
"I want my mask back."
"Stop infringing on people's rights."
"Give it to me," Thanatos growled.
James stood firm. "Give the people their rights. Free the Pandorans, stop doing experiments on people."
"Give me my mask, and I'll give them their rights." James frowned, suspicious, and Thanatos sighed. "Fine. I promise. I'll pinky swear if you want, just give me my mask back!"
"Very well." The activist pulled the mask out of his coat pocket and handed it to Thanatos. The sorcerer put it on, glared at the activist, and then dissolved into childish giggles. "Foolish mortal, so easily tricked!" He ran away, ignoring James Jameson's protests, and danced happily.
Sheex decided to join him, and started singing. "You just figured out Blue's clues, you just figured out Blue's clues! You just figured out Blue's clues, because you're really-"
Thanatos hit him with a nearby oil lamp.