|I Got You
Author: SamiMarianna PM
Then there's blood on his own fingers and he flashes back to the day Rick got shot and all of a sudden it's just too much. - Rick/Shane - WARNING: Contains mentions of self harm. - No smut, sorry.Rated: Fiction M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Shane W. & Rick G. - Words: 2,997 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 08-14-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8429602
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: I Got You
Rating/Warnings: Mature, due to strong language, mild violence, talk of self harm (though not too graphic, I tried to make it so it wasn't triggering), slight homophobic language, and mild sexual scenes.
Summary: Then there's blood on his own fingers and he flashes back to the day Rick got shot and all of a sudden it's just too much.
Disclamer: I do not own The Walking Dead, its characters, nor any brand you may recognise. Only the plot is mine, sadly. Also, this is not beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.
Note/s: To be perfectly honest, I don't think there's enough Rick/Shane out there and I'm deeply in love with both of them. If I could have my way, they would be together, forget Lori. And we would also have amazing threesomes and camp out in the middle of nowhere forever and ever. (Quick question, what is their ship name? I've never actually known...) Sorry if some of the dialogue seems OOC. I think this is my first proper TWD fic, and I still haven't got used to writing the way they speak.
Hope y'all enjoy. :)
I GOT YOU
Shane had no idea what he was doing. Was he replacing Rick? No, that's mean. He could never replace Rick. Rick was one of those guys who, no matter what you were doing or who you were with, he would always be on your mind. He was Shane's best friend. They were like brothers. So, why was he screwing his best friend's wife? Because he's a terrible friend, that's why. He told Lori that Rick was dead. What kind of a friend does that? But, then again, he was saving her life by doing so. If she knew he was actually alive, she would have gone back for him. And then the Walkers would have got her. They would have killed her, and Shane would have never forgiven himself if that had happened.
Just like he had never forgiven himself for leaving Rick in the hospital. Alone. Food for the Walkers. He beat himself up about it all the time. Sometimes, even literally. And when Lori or Carl or someone else asked about the bruises he would make something up... Walked into something, fell over, whatever he could think of. And, let's face it, he's a fantastic liar. But never to Rick. Rick always saw right through him, and vice versa. But, no, he could never replace Rick. Because his best friend, his partner, would always be special to him. Special in a way that he couldn't even describe because he himself didn't even understand it.
So fucking Lori was only a way to cope with not being able to fuck Rick? No, that was a weird and wrong way of putting it. He didn't want to fuck Rick, not at all. He just wanted to be close to him again. He wanted... You know what? He didn't even know. He guesses he just didn't want to be lonely. Ever. And if that meant using Lori to find comfort, then so be it. Why did Rick have to get shot? Why did he have to be in a coma? Why couldn't he just be there, with Shane, to make everything better? Damn him.
Then the day finally came when Rick arrived at the camp. He and Lori and Carl were crying and hugging and nothing mattered any more. Not the confusion Shane felt, not the feelings he felt for Rick, not the words plaguing his mind like 'sexuality' and 'friends' and 'trust', not even the new bruises he could feel forming over his torso from earlier that day. Because Rick was happy. He was beyond happy. Shane doubted there were enough words in the English dictionary to define what he was feeling right now. And Shane knew this because he was Rick's best friend. He knew this because he knew Rick.
One of the many reasons why Shane knew he couldn't tell Rick about how confused and frustrated he was about the whole situation. 'The whole situation' being his... feelings for his partner. God, he hated using that word. It made him sound like such a sappy, love-struck school-girl. He didn't want to risk damaging his friendship with Rick over something as stupid as feelings. Because feelings were stupid, feelings would pass. But the thought of losing Rick because he thought Shane was a fag made him sick, nauseous. Totally not worth it.
Another reason was a more prominent one, which he really didn't like to address; Sexuality. Shane hated that word, it made him so uncomfortable. Back in school and college, he screwed all the girls. He was the most heterosexual guy there was. And then, what do you know? Rick comes along. Rick with his black hair and his blue eyes and his muscles. Then Shane questioned everything. He was straight and being this attracted to another man was just not right. Straight men did not like other men. Gay and bisexual men did, but that was something he was not. And neither was Rick.
Maybe he should just talk to Rick about it. He was going to need to anyway. He needed to know how he was still alive, how the others found him and so much more. He could just casually bring the topic up. "Well, you're pretty damn lucky to be alive. Oh, and, do you happen to like men because I do and I want to bang your brains out" or, "Glad you're okay. By the way I think I'm in love with you." Yeah, he couldn't see that going too well. So, maybe he shouldn't because, again, feelings will pass.
Hold on... Love? Holy shit.
"Shane!" Rick called out in a harsh whisper. "Get down!"
He did as commanded, ducking behind an over turned car. Peeking a look over the top, he saw two Walkers. One was a man, but the blood and peeling skin that covered his face made it impossible to estimate an age. He had bones poking out from the skin of his arms and his head was stuck out at a disturbing angle. The other Walker was too far gone to even know for sure the gender, but judging from the skinny, fragile frame and sharp cheekbones, it was likely to have been a girl. It's stomach had been ripped open, intestines dragging along the tarmac road. The stench of rotting flesh followed them as they went.
Shane reached for the knife in his holster and watched Rick, waiting for his signal. Rick was about forty feet in front of him, crouching behind a black and red 2009 Suzuki Hayabusa. Although it was a little dirty, the bike was in good shape, no serious damage, as far as Shane could tell. We'll see if it works. I've always wanted one of those, he mused. Rick looked back to his partner and nodded. Killing the Walkers had gotten much easier over the weeks. The two men had found that, just like with taking down the criminals they chased after when life was normal, they had found a pattern, a way of eliminating the threat that just worked. They worked in sync, knowing exactly what the other was thinking.
Using his shirt to wipe the gore off his blade, Shane jogged up to his partner. "You all good?"
Rick nods slowly. He had blood on his hands. Shane knows it's not his own yet it makes him tremble with fear. He pulls an old cloth from the back pocket of his trousers and uses it to clean his best friend. Then there's blood on his own fingers and he flashes back to the day Rick got shot and all of a sudden it's just too much. He lets Rick take the dirtied piece of material and Shane runs a hand through his messy dark locks. "Shane?" Rick's tone is concerned. "You didn't get bit, did you?"
And he asks this because Shane's face is pale and his knees are going weak and he knows, he just knows something's wrong. He crumbles to the floor in an exhausted lump before he answers breathlessly, "No. I'm okay."
"What's the matter, Shane?" Rick kneels in front of the man and tilts his head curiously.
"This is pointless." He gestures to nothings in particular. "I mean," An empty laugh escapes him, "We're all gonna die anyway. We're eventually gonna be out numbered. There's gonna be too many and we'll all die. We'll all turn, it's only a matter of time." He concluded, anxiously rubbing his hands over his thighs. The Walkers' blood was splattered across it and the thought of how they used to be just as human as he is made him laugh bitterly again.
"Don't think like that, buddy." Rick said in a calm, soothing voice, almost as if he was talking to Carl. "The cure-"
"There's no cure!" Shane almost shouted. "You know it's true. All we're doing is putting off dying. Maybe dying is better. Because when we're dead, there's nothing else to worry about. No need to worry about when we'll eat next, how safe we are because there'll be nothing to threaten us any more. Rick... You know this, Rick."
Rick fell silent because, somewhere deep inside him, he knew Shane was at least half right. So many doubts filled his mind and he found it hard to block them out. Maybe there wasn't a cure. Maybe everyone is going to die in the end. Maybe this is how the world is supposed to end. Maybe there's no reason left to carry on fighting. Except for Shane.
Shane. Rick cared for Shane so much that it hurt. They were so close that Rick would put his life on the line to protect him. He lov- "We should get going." Rick stood, adjusted his Stetson hat and held out a hand to help his partner to his feet. There was no way he was straying down that road. The last time he did, he ended up avoiding Shane for three days after a very brutal conflict in his mind.
"Yeah." Shane accepted his outstretched hand and dusted himself off. He stretched then groaned in pain as he felt the bruised skin being tugged underneath his shirt. "Shit." He mumbled under his breath, slowly massaging his abdomen.
"What's up?" Rick furrowed his eyebrows in concern once more and took a small step closer.
"Nothing, I just-" Shane couldn't finish his sentence because Rick was backing him into the car behind him and had grabbed a fist full of his top. He lifted the material to examine his friend's stomach.
"What... Where'd you get these?" And then Shane's heart started racing because Rick was so close, he could smell his manly scent, and he could see his lips glistening and he could feel the burn of his hand against his lower ribs and he decided he just wants him.
"I was training earlier and messed up." Shane lied, and Rick could tell. Of course he could, but Shane went with it. "Nothing major."
Rick let go of his friend's shirt and shook his head. "Why are you lying to me Shane? Don't you trust me?"
Tears sprang to Shane's eyes and burned. "I'm not lying, Rick-"
"Who did this to you?" Rick wasn't giving up. He was a determined bastard who would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. In this case, he wanted the truth but Shane wasn't so sure that the truth is what he wanted to hear. Rick would be able to deal with it if someone else was hurting Shane. He'd just show them what it feels like to be abused. But how would he deal if he found out it was Shane who was hurting himself?
"Look, Rick, this is the post-apocalyptic world. You get injured sometim-"
"Then why are you crying!?" Rick raised his voice. He didn't mean to, but he didn't like the fact that Shane was completely denying everything. He didn't like the fact that his best friend was lying to him. "Why aren't you tel-"
"BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" The words left Shane's mouth in a scream, leaving his throat feeling raw. "You can't know about this, okay? Just forget this ever happened and go back to normal. You can't know." He ran a hand down his face, as if trying to wipe the emotions which were so evidently shown.
Rick took a step forward, his voice going soft with concern as he said, "What don't I understand? How you got these bruises? How you're feeling?" He sighed and gestured around, trying to find the right words. "You need to tell me what's going on, Shane. Otherwise I can't help you."
"I can't be helped." Shane scoffed. He shook his head with a bitter laugh. "I don't want to be helped. This is me, okay? This is what I have to do." He slowly lifted his shirt so it was tucked under his armpits and looked at Rick. "This is all me."
The former Sheriff bit his tongue as he studied Shane's torso. He took in the marks that were more than bruises. There were burns and there were... there were cuts. Self inflicted. He knew this to be true; a couple years ago they had a suicide case, the girl had self inflicted cuts all over her legs. Rick reached out his right arm and ran his hand down Shane's chest, stopping now and again to trace the cuts which were scattered across his pectorals. His hand reached the other man's hip, where it settled to stroked gently at a healing burn mark. "Why?" He eventually asked, his tone holding so much concern.
Shane screwed his eyes shut and tipped his head to the sky, trying his best to not let the tears spill. Once he had composed himself, he noticed Rick had used his other hand to pull his shirt back down and rested it on Shane's chest. "Shane, please." Rick whispered, his voice cracking slightly. "Why?"
"Because I deserve it, okay?" Shane sighed, looking back at his best friend. "I deserve it 'cause... 'Cause I'm a terrible person and I need to be punished for it."
Rick shook his head, a lump forming in his throat. "Shane, no. I know you haven't exactly done the right things, but you do not need to punish yourself for them."
"No, you don't understand, I slept with-"
"I know. Shane, I know you slept with Lori." Rick licked his lips. Of course he knew, he wasn't stupid. "But I don't care. You're my best friend, you always have been, and I'm not letting you go. Ever."
Shane's heart swelled at his friend's words, and he collapsed into his arms. "Rick, I need you." He said into the other man's shoulder.
"I got you." Rick moved his hands, one grabbing Shane's bicep and the other caressed the back of his head.
Shane lifted his head to look into Rick's eyes again, and leaned in. Before he knew it, Rick's lips were against his own and they moulded together. Like two puzzle pieces which fit so perfectly. Eventually, Shane pulled back, breathing in enough air to calm his racing heart, and leaned back into Rick.
His shook as his body tried to hold in the sobs which were so desperately trying to escape. "Rick, you can't tell anyone, okay?" Rick's hand gripped Shane's hair slightly tighter, as if holding his best friend together. "N-no one can find out."
"Hey, Shane, it's okay." The former Sheriff shushed him, as he brought his hand which was holding onto the man's bicep to wrap around his shoulders. "Shane, listen to me, okay? I got you. I promise."
Notes: Blergh. Out of character much? Yeah, sorry. Also, about where Shane shouts 'you don't understand', I have a reason as to why that bit is crap. I had written a couple paragraphs, intent on finishing it, but in the two minutes I was away from my laptop, it decided to turn off and OpenOffice hadn't done that automatic save thing that it usually does, and so I lost the progress I made. So I got a bit annoyed. But, yeah. I learnt a new lesson; remember to save regularly and before you leave your laptop. -.- Stupid thing.
And I need to learn how to do endings. -_- Seriously, I can never finish a fic properly, they always suck. D:
I do hope you liked this. Uhm, yeah. And guys, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. Just PM me, or message my Tumblr (roxythelostdaffodil), and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. You're not alone.
As of now, this is complete. I doubt I'll be coming back to write a sequel, as I have so much progress to make on other stories which I have in the works, and I actually don't know how I'd continue this. But by all means, leave me some reviews with what you think could happen to these lovely men next, and who knows, maybe my muse will kick into gear.
Love you guys. Peace out. ;)