|Inside the Minds: Randy Slade
Author: SpeedofInfinity PM
Randy Slade. He's had outstanding grades, been part of the varsity wrestling team of his high school, and was exceedingly well-liked by everyone. But, how did he turn into the boy who believed he himself was God and killed so many students in the North Valley High School massacre? Let's have a peek inside his mind to see how everything went wrong. Based on 7x04-Painless.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Crime - Chapters: 10 - Words: 16,187 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10-31-12 - Published: 08-18-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8444120
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. At all.
A/N: Some of you have requested an epilogue for my previous story, but...I just can't. I am rather sorry, but I can't imagine a decent epilogue to Jeremy's story...On another note, I am incredibly sorry for taking so long on this new story. My computer was taken away to be fixed, and to top it all off, I was suffering a bit from writer's block. But, enough excuses and apologies. Here is Randy Slade's mind. Have a peek.
Chapter 1: Could Have's and Would Have's
"I'm so sorry again!" Adam said, eying my swelling bruises upon my face as we walked home from school.
Gingerly touching the bruises, I winced, but smiled weakly at Adam. "Stop apologizing. I couldn't let my best friend get beaten up again."
Adam hung his head. "I know…And, you got detention, too! Imagine your mom…"
I shrugged and continued walking. We almost reached my house, but then, Adam began to act a bit strange, to say in the least.
"Anyways….Thank you so much, Randy. I mean it. Thanks for everything you've done for me throughout the years. I…I don't know how I would have made it this far without you. I know it was incredibly hard, as some of your more…popular friends didn't like me hanging around you so much, and I'm sorry for being such a hassle…" Adam said, looking straight at me.
"Ah, no problem, Adam! Beating up those bullies is just extra practice for wrestling, and I was glad I could stop them in time before they hurt you again…God, did you see your glasses that one time I wasn't there? Completely broken!" I said, rummaging in my pockets for my key as we walked up my driveway.
Looking back at Adam, I realized….there was this look in his eyes and his countenance that I just couldn't place. It was almost as if he was both so…weary…and melancholy at the same time, but he did not even bother masking those raw, raw emotions…It was almost as if he was…resigned and at peace with…something.
But, no way…Even if Adam was mercilessly picked on quite often, he would tell me if something was off. And, he always seemed…happy sometimes. But, no…these new emotions swirling upon his face were foreign.
Fishing my keys from my pocket, I located the right one, stuck it into the door, and twisted it open.
"Okay…So, I'll see you tomorrow, then?" I said, looking back at Adam.
Adam paused, looking incredibly guilty, and then sprung towards me, tightly wrapping his skinny arms around me.
"Uh…dude…All I did was save you…like all those other times. It's nothing!" I said, awkwardly patting him on the back.
"Thank you." Adam said finally, releasing me from his bony grip. "Honestly, you are my best friend. Never forget that."
"I'll see you…" Adam said before walking towards his own house down the block.
Okay…That was perhaps a bit weird. So many things seemed off. Adam was neither the emotional type nor the type to spew feelings and confessions everywhere.
For a bit longer, I struggled to figure out exactly what was going on before shrugging and entering the house. Unfortunately, Mom was waiting for me in the living room. When I walked in, she stood up and glared.
"Randy. Slade. What did I say about staying out of trouble? Detention again, missing homework again, and complaints from your teachers…AGAIN!"" she angrily said, crossing her arms tightly.
"I…uh….The school called you again, then?" I stammered. There was no way out. Always, once an angry parent corners you and starts furiously yelling, there is no way out without more provocations of anger.
"Of course they called me, Randy! They call me all the time, and this time….I-I've just about had it with you."
"But….But, Mom! Mom…" I started to say, only to be cut off by her shrill screams. "Don't you even say another word. I know Adam is your best friend and it's not fair that he gets picked on so often, but please...please try to stay out of trouble."
Finally, she seemed to deflate as all the anger seemed to slowly disappear, only to be replaced with a certain weariness and frustration. That's my mom there….She never could stay angry for long.
Mom uncrossed her arms and sighed. "I mean…You're a smart boy….my boy…but you could have succeeded so much more and would have almost achieved…..I don't know….perfection if you just applied yourself more in school…life…and actually paid attention to everything around you.
"But, Mom!" I protested. "What does this have to do with detention? And, it's absolutely not Adam's fault he gets bullied so much! Besides, I do get good grades. It's not like I'm failing or anything!"
Mom sighed once more. "I'm….sorry, Randy. But, I really would have just wished that if you stopped messing around…with all those girls, stopped getting into fights, and especially started paying more attention in, well…everything, then you could have just been…great…perfect…almost even, excuse my words, God-like. I just want you to succeed. Is that too much for your mom to ask from you?"
And with that, she exited the room, leaving my mind in complete confusion. It was just so like her to expect me and to hold me to such high expectations and to want everything to be perfect. I can't be perfect. Or at least, I don't really want to be perfect. Perfect's boring. Being perfect means having no flaws. Flaws are exciting. They really bring out a certain depth in people.
It makes them more human.
Trudging out of the living room and into my room upstairs, I was about to chuck my backpack across the room until I noticed Brandon, my younger brother silently reading in the corner of my room.
Brandon was only seven, and true to his age, his bright energy and smiles never ceased to lighten my mood or bring a smile to my face.
"Randy!" he shouted, standing up and running towards me.
"Hello, Kiddo." I said, pulling him into a hug. "How was school today?"
"Good!" he said. "I caught a few bugs at recess today. How was your school?"
"I….It's a long story, Brandon." I said, walking towards the bed and sitting down among my blankets. Brandon followed and sat next to me as his short legs dangled off the side of the bed.
"Tell me!" he earnestly pleaded.
And, I told him.
There's just something in little kids that makes it so easy for you to tell them everything. Perhaps it's their innocence. They're not judgmental like the kids I hang around at school.
You talk. They listen….and sometimes interrupt. But, still.
Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen to you.
And, Brandon listened.
He listened and laughed as I told him what pranks kids pulled in class. He listened quietly as I told him about Adam and interrupted only once to ask if I was all right as he eyed my swelling face. And, he listened well as I told him about Mom…and what she said…
"Now, I don't know, Brandon." I said. "It's all so…stupid. She can't tell me that I have to do better if what I'm doing is great to me already."
Brandon's eyebrows furrowed together as he listened.
"Maybe Mom was just trying to make you see…what you could do to make her more proud?" Brandon suggested.
"Maybe…but it's not easy. It's too much effort." I said, growing increasingly frustrated.
"Nothing's easy." Brandon said solemnly. "Not even making it to level twenty-three on Tetris. But that doesn't mean you don't try."
At that, I smiled and tousled his hair.
After that, Brandon left to go grab a snack, but I was still thinking about everything.
You could have done so much more…been so much more if you would have only applied yourself more and paid more attention in life…Mom's furious words echoed in my mind.
Could I really do more with myself? I mean…I already have great grades, made the varsity wrestling team, and I didn't lose myself in all of that. But, still. Are there greater things I could have achieved if I would have tried harder?
What Mom was asking for was impossible.
She wanted perfection.
Could I achieve it?
Should I try to achieve it?
Would I even achieve it?
However, my thoughts were quickly interrupted by a series of what sounded like gunfire around the neighborhood. Startled, my heartbeat began to race a bit.
God, I hope whoever was around there was all right and hopefully…alive.