Hi I'm rubbish at author notes please forgive me. This is just something that popped into my head shortly after people started hating on Sebastian once again (due to spoilers in Season 4) even though he's done nothing wrong. So I decided to start writing this in hope that you, the beautiful reader of my silly story, will try and understand Sebastian Smythe a little better. The following story is how I interpret him but written by Sebastian himself. ~There are ment to be scribbles etc but fanfiction .net is a cockblock and doesn't like you doing that apparently so you'll have to imagine, sorry.

Some warnings? Mentions of gay sex.

I hope you enjoy reading. Feel free to leave a review, good or bad. My bunny and I love feedback. :3

Dear Diary

Ugh that makes me sound like a teenage girl. That beginning looks like it's about to turn into 'Dear Diary, I have this huuuuge crush on a guy in my class oh gosh he's so dreamy'. I think my version would be 'Dear Diary, I fucked 2 guys in one night yesterday, it was soooo good'. Accept that's a lie. It nearly happened, but the second guy threw up before he could even get on his knees. Major turn off. Anyway. I'll try something different..

Dear whoever's reading

Oh god that's even worse. No one is reading this.. And no one would want to. This is basically just going to consist of me, Sebastian Smythe (I've always wanted to say that line), ranting and explaining my daily life and past to.. A notebook. Wow my life is sad. But I guess this is kinda fun. I don't have any so called 'friends' to talk and tell my stories to. Let's try this again.

Dear.. Frie- No.. Yes.. Okay fine I'm going to use friend. All of the above seems pointless now considering it's taken my two paragraphs to just come up with a name. This is why I fail in life.

Dear friend.

That actually has a nice ring to it.. RIGHT OKAY.

Dear friend,

I thought I'd start by telling you. You? You sounds weird.. Although I guess I'm already calling you 'friend' AH I did it again. Okay okay fine you. Hi, you. Jeez.

Dear friend,

I thought I'd start by telling you a little about my life, like, where I live etc. The boring stuff. I live in Westerville, Ohio. It sucks. The end. Bye!

… I'm not a very funny person. Yes so Westerville. Here we have houses! And there's a little lake by the park that's kinda cool. I went skinny dipping in there once.. On my own. On New Years Eve. Yes, I was a /little/ drunk. Vodka jello shots do not tend to wash down well in my body. Lets just say the ducks weren't overly happy swimming around in colourful vomit. The police ended up bringing me home after I almost drowned.. Sorry why am I saying this to you? Oh wait you don't care.. You're a notebook. An expensive notebook actually what the fuck man you're not exactly designer. I hope you suffer with having to contain my life problems.

I'll leave 'the tales of Sebastian Smythe in Westerville' stories for another time. So I live with my beautiful Mom and hate-worthy Dad in a too-big for only three people house. My Mom works as an insurance claim assessor so she's not around most of the day. My Dad.. I actually don't know what he does. He travels a lot but somehow I think it's not always business. He's a good-for-nothing cheating bastard in my opinion and I'm pretty sure my Mom knows it. But he earns a lot of money and her job pays just as well.. She likes to buy things. It makes her feel special. Even if some of those things consist of expensive wines and cigarettes, it makes her happy. And when she's happy, I'm happy.

Now I know what you're thinking, (I read notebook's minds now wow I should become a Telepathicy person thing person yeah whatever), I sound like a Mommy's boy. Well, you're right. I am a Mommy's boy and to be honest I don't give a fuck.

… Okay stop judging me.

I SAID STOP MOTHER FUCKER

Sorry I got angry. You deserved that. … And that. Hehe.

Where was I.. Oh yeah! Mommy's boy. If you judge me again you're getting a big ink stain. I just.. Really care about her. She has a tough life what with my Dad and all so I do my best to make her smile every day. Sometimes she lets me drink wine with her by the fireplace. One time she let me try a cigarette but I didn't like it too much, but it did make me feel calmer. I have a packet of them sitting in my draw next to a box of XL condoms and cherry flavoured lube.. Not that the flavour makes a difference, I'm not the one who tastes it. Sometimes I'll have one if school or life in general gets too stressful. Mom said I might prefer making my own with all these interesting flavours but I said no. Mainly because I'm lazy and have big fingers so I struggle with fiddly things. I don't know why I'm telling you that of all things.. You. YOU. *hugs* Oh god I'm tired.

How long are these entries supposed to be? And why am I asking you questions? You can't talk.. Or can you? Are you like a special magic notebook that talks and then I fall inside you and go on a magic adventure through a fairy tale land? Wow someone should write a book about that because that sounds pretty cool. Hm. I could tell you everything I planned to tonight but it's already 12:30am and I have school tomorrow. I go to Dalton, by the way. You've probably heard of it. It's a private all boy's school. Yes I know what you're thinking again.. Lots of dick. It's wonderful. Are you a gay notebook? Because that would be cool. I'm pretty sure my pen's gay so maybe you guys could hook up some time? I know it would get a little complicated but I'm sure you guys could work it out. Aw. What would your ship name be? Penote or Noten. WHAT ABOUT PENOOK. I don't know. But just a warning.. Pen might die first. He doesn't usually last very long what with all these -/-

That looks like the heart beat thing in hospitals oh my god I'M AN ARTIST.

This is what you get when I become sleep deprived.

So I guess I'll say goodbye until tomorrow. Tomorrow night I was planning on telling you the story of how I came out to my Mom and Dad so prepare yourself. Bring tissues haha no it's not a sad story. But it isn't a good one either. And I guess I could tell you how my first day as a Senior went. Yes, I shall be a Senior as of tomorrow yay that means I have to get my shit together and grow up. Anyway. Since you have been such a great listener I think you deserve to know what I look like. I've seen every side of you so I suppose it's fair..

But be careful. This picture is a little.. Sexy. Try to keep your pages in order.

(( go to~ perksoflovingkurtbastian ~/post/29832987593 ))

I'm beautiful, right?

And yes I have purple tape. Don't judge.

What do I say now? Goodbye? Or nighty night! Or see you tomorrow. Or bye. Or just night. Ugh why is this so hard? I know! I'll just be cute.

Until next time, your favourite person, Sebastian. xo