|Fire at Will!
Author: Exactlywhat PM
Epps gives a command. The Autobots are confused.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - W. Lennox & Optimus Prime - Words: 736 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 4 - Published: 08-22-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8456404
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: This is the first fic I've uploaded on this site. I've always loved writing, and ever since discovering this fanfiction-dot-net, I've been... unhealthily obsessed with Transformers.
Thanks to my friend (who as far as I know, is getting an account soon...) for proofreading! Your advice helped a lot!
This is actually a bunny from the TF Bunny Farm... "Things not to say around the Transformers: Fire at will!" I will admit, for a couple seconds, I just stared at it, wondering why, exactly, is this funny? Then I got it. I just had to write it...
It was an average battle, really. The Decepticons had shown up in Florida (what they were doing there, nobody knew. To be honest, even Megatron wasn't really sure.), and the Autobots, along with their human friends, had flown out to stop them. Optimus was taking on Megatron, while the other various Autobots, humans, and Decepticons had found cover and were taking pot-shots at anyone they could of the opposing faction.
The humans were scattered over the battlefield, their small stature making the 'Cons they were fighting pretty much forget about them. Thus Robert Epps and a team of ten men managed to climb to the top of a tall office building, which happened to put them right above two Decepticons who were sheltering behind said building.
The team spread out, using a comm system specially created for the humans by Wheeljack to communicate with the whole company.
"Alright, everyone in position?"
Affirmatives came back quickly, and Epps, being experienced in matters like this, easily kept track of who responded; everyone was right where they should be.
"On my signal... Fire at will!"
The battle outside came to a screeching halt as every Autobot froze. They had been listening in on the commands, and the last one had sent a burst of fear through their sparks. Megatron froze when his opponent did, and frowned.
"What's wrong, Prime?"
Instead of answering, the shocked Prime looked to Lennox, who was staring at him, confused, from a few feet away.
"Are you not worried, Colonel?"
"Why should I be worried?"
"Epps just told his squad to fire at you!" Ironhide replied fiercely from where he stood on top of the twitching form of Barricade.
William Lennox stared at him blankly for a moment, then burst out laughing. The Autobot troops, as well as the Decepticons who heard what was happening, simply stared at the convulsing human. A few snickers started among the other humans, which then became full-blown laughs, further confusing the already confused aliens.
"You... are not concerned with your friend and team mate's mutiny?"
"I- it ain't m-mutiny, Prime," Epps struggled to say over the comms. Anyone listening could hear him struggling to hold back his laughter, and his soldiers around him failing in the same battle. "Look up th' phrase 'fire at will'."
After a few seconds, a light of understanding dawned in the Autobot's optics. "Ah, I see. You were simply commanding your troops to fire when ready, not at your commanding officer. I understand."
More laughs broke out among the humans, and a few chuckles rose from the assorted Autobots and Decepticons.
Megatron shook his head, still slightly confused. Of course, he would never say it, being the big, bad Decepticon warlord he was, but this was making his CPU fritz. The humans were baffling, to say the least. "We'll finish this later. Decepticons, retreat!"
The NEST team watched, rather startled, as Megatron and the 'Cons fell back and vanished.
Whenever anyone among those present that day heard the phrase "fire at will" again, hearty chuckles would result.
Megatron decided that it was in his best interests to ignore the humans with their baffling sayings and instead focus on beating Prime.
Epps made it a point in life to "fire at Will" as often as possible. This caused much trouble for the colonel, especially when Epps decided to fire a rubber band at Lennox during an important meeting.
Optimus Prime ordered the human soldiers to say "fire when ready" to prevent further misunderstanding.
Of course, that didn't stop them.
Reviews are appriciated... Also, if anyone has any other homophones/human sayings that they would enjoy seeing the Autobots confused over, throw me a line... And I'll see what I can do. ^.^