The characters of "Urusei Yatsura" are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. But I'm not gonna make any money off this story, so what're you gonna do about it?

On Christmas Day, Ataru Moroboshi finally pledged his love to Lum the alien girl, and proposed to her. So that night, Lum gave him a "reward". Ataru, as you might expect, had a copy of the "Kama Sutra" in his room, and the two tried just about everything. Boy, Lum was sure excellent in the sack. He sorely regretted how he had tried to reject her advances all this time; since she was truly the best thing ever to happen to him. And now that they were finally destined to be husband and wife, both went all the way, without any protection. Of course, such actions always have the inevitable consequence.

A week later, on New Year's morning, Ataru woke up and walked toward the bathroom, only to find the door closed and locked. "Don't come in, Darling," Lum's voice sounded, groggily. "BARRFFF!" Ataru's heart nearly exploded. Lum was sick, and it was morning, so could that mean.? Oh no. "Uhh," he stammered, "I guess you don't want any breakfast, then," he called to her. "Do you want to see a doctor?" "Not right now, Darling," Lum answered, flushing the toilet and emerging. "In fact, I'm really hungry right now! You know what I could go for? Some pizza and ice cream!" Ataru turned green, ran for the toilet, and began puking his guts out.

Later that day, Lum went to the drugstore and picked up a home pregnancy test. Sure enough, the water was blue. When Lum made the distressing news official, the two burst into tears and buried their faces in each others' shoulders. "Oh God, Darling, what was I thinking?" she sobbed. "Well," Ataru encouraged her, "the baby isn't due for another 9 months. We can get married before then." "Well actually, Darling," Lum responded, " about.a month." Ataru fainted. "A month! I thought Oni babies were born more developed than humans! I mean, look at Ten, for crying out loud!" At this very moment, Ten, who had previously been out girl-chasing, flew in. "Oni babies, eh? Talking about me?" "Uh, heh-heh," stammered Ataru embarrassedly, "yeah. Lum was wondering how we should potty-train you." "Don't be stupid," the alien toddler shot back. "You guys have been going at it like rabbits just released from prison for the past week." An evil grin sprouted across his face. "And I've been watching you the whole time through a crack in the closet door. You're pregnant, aren't you, Lum- chan?" Lum burst into tears and embraced her young cousin. "Yes, Ten-chan. I was so stupid! Now we're going to have to get married sometime in the next month." Ataru braced himself for an assault of flames. But Ten didn't breathe fire on him. "A-aren't you mad at me your cousin up?" he asked. "Hell no!" Ten answered. "Now I'll have another cousin to play and go girl-chasing with! I finally have a guy my own age to hang out with, instead of you and your idiot Earthling friends!" Suddenly Ataru realized this might not be half bad. "How do you know it won't be a girl, Ten-chan?" asked Lum. "Well, if she is, then she can keep Mako busy!" Ataru ignored him and turned to Lum. "So Lum, what do you mean the baby will arrive in a month?" "Well, Darling, not the baby itself," she began. "You see, Onis hatch from eggs. After , lay the egg, it'll be about nine months before the baby emerges." Ataru collapsed and just stared at the ceiling for a bit. Was this really happening? Had he really slept with an alien girl and was his offspring really going to hatch from an egg like a bird? The thought caused him to giggle. Before long, he broke out laughing, and lay there thrashing with mirth. "No, ho ho ho ho!" he guffawed. "It can't be true! It's just too insay-hay-hay-hay-hane! Wa ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!" "Darling!" Lum yelled, grabbing him and shocking him back to his senses. "Like it or not, this is just the way things are now, and we have to take the present and make the best of it." She smiled lovingly at her Earthling beau. "I always wanted us to have a baby from the day we met. We-we'll just have to get married a little sooner than we would've expected. I just don't know how we'll break the news to everybody, though."

"Hey, what's all that ruckus?" inquired Ataru's mom, peering into her son's room. It didn't take long for her to find the take-home pregnancy test on the floor, with Lum holding a test tube filled with blue water. "Lum," she croaked in a voice that wasn't hers. "You're preg.." Before she could finish the sentence, the color drained from her face and she collapsed in the hallway. "Honey," asked Ataru's dad, who had been coming up the stairs when he saw her faint. "Are you all AUGHHHHH!" He sank to his knees and began crying. "Oh Kami-sama, how could you do this to me? I've still got three mortgages to pay! How could you let my idiot son father a child? WHYYYY?" "Look, Mr. Moroboshi," Lum told him, "it was my fault as well. I-I was as eager as Darling, and now.I'm gonna be a teenage mother!" She broke down crying again. "W-we'll get married in the cheapest way possible. Like maybe we'll go to Beppu." Beppu is a hot-springs resort on the southern Japanese island of Kyushu, known for Las Vegas-style nightlife, a low morality level, and quickie marriage chapels. Ataru's dad had stopped crying, and just sat there as if he were shell-shocked. "Three son's an illegitimate father.I hate my life."

"WHAAAT!" shrieked Shinobu. "Y-you knocked Lum up?" Ataru nodded with a look on his face like that of a puppy caught in the act of chewing up an expensive dress. "You scumbag JERK! When are you gonna get it through your thick skull that you can't just go around like a freaking tomcat? How are you gonna pay to support your kid? You don't any kind of job, you." "All right already!" Ataru huffed. "I realize I made a mistake! Just don't tell anyone, okay? Lum and I will break the news to Mendo and Ran. Ever since Ran started going out with Rei, she's somewhat laid off her plans to get revenge on Lum." Shinobu glared at him coldly. "Why shouldn't I? The public humiliation would be fitting." "See that tree there?" Lum asked Shinobu sternly. She pointed her finger at it and sent a jagged lightning bolt to it. It promptly exploded, sending the students congregating around it scattering. She then turned back to Shinobu, grinning wickedly. "So I'd keep my mouth shut if I were you, t'cha." "My lips are sealed," Shinobu answered, backing away with a face of chalk.

Ran acted snotty and bitchy about the news at first, but for once turned pleasant and understanding about the issue. It seemed she and Lum had finally gotten their bad blood out of the way, probably because Rei was dating her now. Mendo, however, had a reaction similar to Shinobu. "Ha! It figures that a loathsome lech like yourself would conceive a child in sin! Just wait until I tell my father the news! He's a personal acquaintance of Ted Turner and Bill Gates themselves! I can see the headlines now: 'Japanese Boy Conceives Child with Alien!' 'Space Girl Expecting Half-Human Child!' The British tabloids will have a field day!" Lum smiled at him. "I'll give you a reward if you don't." "Ha! Remember how rich I am, Lum-chan! No amount of money you give me will be enough to keep me quiet!" "Then how about a non-monetary reward, t'cha?" she drawled, giving him a full-on French kiss. "Gaa!" he gasped. "I-I'm sorry, Lum-chan, but I still must refuse." "Then how about I kiss you?" Ran responded. She had been standing nearby. After saying that she held up a potted flower and kissed it. The flower suddenly wilted, turned dry and brittle, and sank to the bottom of the pot. Mendo moved backward a bit. "D-don't worry about a thing, Lum-chan. Your secret will be safe with just us."

After a hectic week, Lum picked out a nice wedding dress, Ataru rented a tux, the invitations were sent out, and everyone headed down to Beppu for the long-awaited day. Invited as witnesses were Shinobu, Inaba, Mendo, Asuka, Lum's parents, Ataru's parents, Ran, Benten, Oyuki, Sakura, Tsubame, and Cherry. Normally inviting Cherry would have been out of the question, but he would have mysteriously tagged along somehow and popped up at the most inappropriate of times if they hadn't. As it was a quickie wedding chapel, the only music in there was from a tinny keyboard with the Wedding March being played by a frumpy old lady. The justice of the peace looked more like a used car salesman than a man of the cloth. "Oh Darling, it may not be quite what I pictured, but I'm just so glad we're finally getting married," Lum cooed, gleefully clutching her man's arm. "Yeah," Ataru added, feeling an unexpected surge of excitement. He was really going to be tied down now, and lose all his flirting privileges, yet he didn't mind. Even though the bulge of the coming baby was starting to show, Lum still seemed like the prettiest girl in the universe. He was also relieved that Lum's father hadn't murdered him after the news about his daughter's pregnancy came; in fact he was proud to finally be a grandfather, and besides, they had already been engaged for about two years now. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bring together in holy matrimony Ataru Moroboshi and Rumiko Invader!" Lum giggled. "Umm, my name's Lum, not Rumiko." "But Lum is short for Rumiko, isn't it?" "Actually," Lum corrected. "Lum is an Urusian name. It's short for ." She went on for another two minutes. "Just call me Lum, t'cha." "Uhh, okay," answered the justice. "Ahem, do you, Ataru Moroboshi, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Ataru felt as if time had stopped. He was going to be Lum's husband. That meant no girl-chasing, no flirting, no. Then he looked over and saw her perky blue eyes, ditzy smile, despite her flowing white wedding gown. "I do!" he announced. A golden light of joy flashed in Lum's eyes. "And do you, Lum Invader, take this man to be your lawfully wedded hus-" "I do, t'cha!" she joyously cheered. She looked as if she would burst with pleasure. "Then by the power vested in me, I hereby pronounce you man and wife!" announced the justice. "Here's 50 yen worth of chips at Wishiwashi's Casino, home of the loosest slots this side of Las Vegas! You may kiss the bride." The two embraced each other tightly and kissed passionately. "Ow! Hey, no frenching, honey!" Ataru told his new bride. "Remember you have fangs." "Sorry, Darling," Lum answered. Everyone in the audience cheered, partly out of congratulations for the couple, partly because the women now knew that Ataru wouldn't be chasing them anymore. But over the tinny version of the Wedding March being played on a keyboard, Ran, seated near the back, heard something. It was almost like an earthquake, but the ground wasn't shaking. Along with was something sounding . She tried to warn her childhood friend as she came waltzing down the aisle with her new husband, but as always, Lum refused to listen. They opened the door, and stopped short. Just about every reporter on the planet was there, snapping cameras in their faces, and chattering questions. They all came at such a rapid- fire pace that Ataru couldn't actually discern any of their content, but he thought he could pick up such words and phrases as, "alien", "pregnant", "child", "what was it like?", and "baby". "All right!" Ataru bellowed to the equally stunned audience. "Who here told the media?" Ataru's father grinned embarassedly at him. "Heh heh, well.I'm sorry, son! We need the money, especially you, now that you're going to be a father!" Both his son and new daughter-in-law were now rather pissed. "You dirty traitor!" both growled, rushing at him. But before they could reach him. "Pardon me, son. U.S. State Department," stated a man dressed completely in a dark suit, with black glasses, revealing a wallet with his ID card. "We've received word that extraterrestrials have landed in this vicinity." "Y-y-yes sir," Lum answered. "I'm an alien from Planet Uru. Those there are my parents, and those are my friends, all also from Planet Uru." "Madam, you're going to have to come with us for testing and quarantine of any possible alien diseases. Same with your parents and friends." "Whaaaat?" gasped Ataru as dark-suited American government agents flooded into the chapel and seized Lum and all her friends and parents. "Hey! She's my wife! You can't do this to herrrrrrr!" "DARLING! DARLING! HELLLLLLLLP!" Lum screamed, tears streaming down her face as two burly agents tried to carry her off to a truck. "Why you son of a." Ataru tried to rush after them, but was seized by two other agents, who held him tight. Lum then turned to the defensive, as one would expect. She started spewing electric sparks and biting with her sharp fangs. Unfortunately this only made things worse for her situation. "She's dangerous, men! Try to restrain her!" More people rushed out of the chaos, wrapped her in a straitjacket, and shot her full of tranquilizer. Before long, the poor Oni girl was subdued, and loaded into the truck with the rest. "NOOOOOOOO!" Ataru howled. He then bent down and burst into tears. Shinobu made her way through the melee, punching a few annoying journalists out of the way to comfort him. "Oh God, Ataru, how can they do this to you?" she sighed. "And on your wedding day, no less?" And also just when he was learning to get over his lechery, she thought. Meanwhile, angry eyes had turned to Ataru's dad. "How could you do this without asking me first?" snapped his mom. "Who knows what they could do to her? A real alien autopsy, perhaps? And while she's pregnant, too, with our grandchild!" "Well, he should have thought of that before he knocked her up," answered Ataru's dad sternly. "Besides, you know we need the money we'll get from all the publicity! We have five mortgages to pay! Five!" "Honey, you just look over there at your son and tell me if it's worth all that money," his mom scolded, pointing to Ataru sobbing in the arms of Shinobu, while Mendo, Sakura, Asuka, and Cherry all tried to field questions from the media sharks. Just then, another large suited man in glasses came up to Ataru. "Son, are you the boy who was marrying an alien?" "Yes," Ataru blurted. "until you guys abducted her." "Well then, I'd like you to come with me." "A-a-are you another American government agent?" "No, I'm an American network executive. You're story sounds excellent for 'The Jeremy Spangler Show', a very popular daytime 'talk' show in America. We'd like you to appear on it." "No! I've already undergone enough humiliation!" he shouted. The man's face turned grim. "No one goes against the will of American television," he darkly told Ataru. He then thrust a rag around Ataru's mouth and nose. The rag smelled strongly of some kind of chemical. He could hear his friends and parents protesting for a bit, then the world seemed to grow darker and sound faded around him. Just before he lost conciousness, Ataru realized that he'd just been chloroformed.