Soda:
Chapter 1: Call Dem Amberlamps

A quiet hiss filled the air as the ring-pull popped open; the distinctive metallic cracking sound only comparable to an egg shell breaking on the rim of a bowl. An eye lined up with the rim of the aluminium can. "Soooodaaaaa!" The rim of the container met the lips of a raccoon, pouring the noxious, sweetened rust remover on to his tongue; greedily consumed gulp after gulp.

"Dude, slow down; we only got a few cans, remember?" came his friend's scrutinising tones. "Besides, if you drink it like that, you'll get all hyper and junk." The raccoon shot a glance of disapproval at the jay, watching as he opened his own can. "I don't want a repeat of your tenth birthday." He chuckled as he sipped at the cola that foamed out from the top.

"Shut up!" Rigby barked, tensing up his shoulders. "That only happened cuz you dared me to do it!" He growled, baring his teeth.

"Uh huh, and if I dared you to eat dirt, would you do that too?" Mordecai raised an eyebrow and smirked down at him. Rigby was about to reply, but he continued, "oh, wait you did!" He laughed in a derisive manner, before Rigby shot a weak punch at his friend's leg. "Hmm! Hmm! Hmm-hmm!" He jeered as his fist bounced off of his skinny thigh. The raccoon walked away a few steps before slumping down on to his trampoline; where he bounced shortly on the spot. The sudden jerking motion caused some of his beverage to slosh out of its container, splashing on to his fur.

"Grrr! That's just great!" He seemed to be getting angrier by the second. Mordecai was used to it, however.

"C'mon, man. Don't cry about it; it's just a lil' soda." He jibed, trying to sound as condesdending as possible. He knew he should never urge him on like that, but something about it was all too amusing. In fact, to Mordecai, it could very well have been an Olympic event; one that he would win medals in.

"But it'll get me all sticky. Blegh." Rigby whined, complaining just as he always did.

"That's what she... uh. Never mind." Mordecai caught himself as Rigby glared at him with daggers in his eyes. Mordecai didn't want to risk what could happen to him in his sleep; especially with Rigby's mind as the driving force. Besides, that sort of humour was Muscleman's forte. Rigby stood up and shook off the remaining droplets from his forearm, aiming them at Mordecai. "Not cool, man." He commented flatly.

"Whatever, I'm going to get a shower." He firmly placed the can of drink on the floor, walking away. He opened the door to the hallway and turned to face Mordecai again. "Enjoy your soda." He screwed his face up as though he had just smelled something rancid, then disappeared, slamming the door behind him. The blue jay sighed.

"Classic Rigby." He mumbled to himself, taking another sip of his drink.

After he finished his can of soda, he sat on his bed and waited for his friend to return, tapping his feet on the floor along to a song that was stuck in his head. The sound of the water running through the pipes in the house was oddly calming; a hissing white noise that blended in to the background. He laid his head back on the bed, turning so that he was lying along the mattress on top of the covers. He closed his eyes and continued to drum along to the song in his head by patting his hands on his stomach.

Eventually Rigby returned, opening the door to their room quietly. Mordecai raised his head, momentarily brought back from his zen trance of annoying pop music. "Huh?" Splat! A wet towel hit him square in the face, knocking his head back slightly. "Aw what the H, Rigby!?" He exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air before scrabbling to try and remove the fabric that draped across his beak. "This towel smells like butt!" He lifted it away cautiously as though it were something toxic. "You better not have flossed!" He leered at the raccoon.

"Relax dude, that towel always smells like butt." He retorted, smiling nonchalantly.

"I'm telling you, Rigby, if I wake up with my eyes stuck shut tomorrow, I'll throw your trampoline in the fountain." Mordecai's threat may as well have been a joke; but something about his expression told Rigby that he may have crossed a line.

"You wouldn't dare..." He challenged.

"Oh, wouldn't I?" Mordecai knew he had spooked his room-mate ever so slightly. He grinned evilly. He stood up and wandered over to his friend's bed, lifting up one edge.

"Mordecai, don't! Please!" He begged, clasping his hands together.

"We both know that you could never stop me if I did." He reached for the other edge of the trampoline, lifting it entirely off of the floor now. "So I think I'm gonna go for a little walk- agh!" He was caught by surprise as Rigby's jumped up and planted his shoulder in to Mordecai's lower back, yelling in panic. Mordecai's head hit the wall hard as he fell over forwards, the trampoline colliding with the floor heavily. Mordecai could barely even groan as he laid painfully slumped over the solid metal frame of Rigby's trampoline. The last noise to fade after the metallic thud was the springs vibrating with an echoing hum.

"Mordecai...?" Rigby squeaked. "Oh no. Oh no! Mordecai! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" He shook his friend with his hands, as though rocking him back to consciousness.

"Awwgh, my head." Mordecai could barely think for the tinnitus and the pounding headache that now plagued him. "Ugh." He groaned, trying to heave himself upright. It was no use; he just felt as though he didn't have the energy. Rigby turned towards the door in panic as he heard footsteps rushing up the stairs to their room.

"What is going on in here!?" Benson screamed as he almost tore the door from its hinges. "What's all the noise!?" His face was glowing red with his anger. He stood panting in the door-frame as Rigby shielded his face, lest his boss spontaneously combusted.

"We're just foolin' around, right Mordecai?" There was no reply. "...Right, Mordecai?!" He asked again, trying to get a response.

"Augh..." He grunted, finally coming to; realising his position. Mordecai grasped at his temples with his hands, eyes screwed shut. He wanted to scream in pain, but his body could barely respond.

"It doesn't look like you were just goofing off to me, Rigby! What happened here?! Is he okay?!" Benson seemed equal parts worried and angry.

"Yeah he's fine! Right Mordecai?" Rigby was starting to crack, unable to refine his voice to anything more than a vague squeak. He felt the guilt pressing down on him like the roof had caved in.

"Oh my- Rigby, go and call an ambulance!" Benson demanded, pointing towards the stairs. He would deal with Rigby later; right now Mordecai needed help. The blue jay tried to turn around, standing up slightly before slumping on to his side on the wooden floor. His foot was caught under one of the bars at the foot of the trampoline.

"Ahhh!" He yelled, the effort making his head hurt all the more. He heard a crack as his foot twisted from his fall. Benson tried not to panic, rushing over to help his employee.

"Don't move, okay?" He instructed, putting a hand on Mordecai's forehead to make sure he was listening. "Okay?" He asked again.

"Uh huh." He wheezed in response, squinting as the light shining through the window burned his eyes.

Soon, an ambulance pulled up to the front of the house, braking hard and skidding to a halt on the dirt road. The paramedics clambered out of the back and wheeled a trolley out after them. Rigby stood on the porch, looking incredibly guilty. His worry made him sick to the pit of his stomach. "Hurry, guys!" He whimpered, turning to scamper through the front door and up the stairs on all fours. The paramedics followed, taking a stretcher with them, carrying it between them up to Mordecai and Rigby's bedroom. Rigby held the door open for them as the stepped in to assess the situation. Benson stood up and stepped back, giving them the space they needed. Mordecai wheezed and groaned, trying to twist his leg to remove some of the strain on his foot.

"What happened here?" One of the paramedics asked, noticing the head-shaped dent in the drywall and the deep welts in the wooden floor.

"He was...I... then..." Rigby started, trying to recall the events, but tripping over his words.

"...Look, never mind." the medic replied; rolling his eyes slightly. He'd seen the both of them at the hospital before. He knew they were probably just goofing off. He stepped forwards to try and remove the heavy trampoline from Mordecai's foot, motioning for his colleague to help him. They positioned themselves either side of the frame, looking down at Mordecai. "Okay, are you ready? This is probably going to hurt a whole lot." He raised his eye brows, trying to look friendly, but remaining quite serious. Mordecai didn't respond, instead just grimacing and holding on to his face with his hands. He nodded slowly. The paramedics lifted in unison, straining as the trampoline weighed much more than it appeared to. The blue jay winced and gasped before shouting out loud as the weight came off of his ankle. The pain throbbed up his leg to his hip, as fresh as the moment it had first happened.

"Ahhh!" He yelled, screwing his eyes shut. He didn't dare look at his foot. Rigby whimpered at the sight of it; which to Mordecai was certainly not a good sign.

"Oh, wow." Benson was in awe. "I didn't know toes could bend that way. Or that way." He most certainly wasn't helping.

"Dude that's not funny!" Mordecai shrieked, before yelping again as he tried to flex his ankle; a completely idiotic move, in hindsight. He continued to groan through his clenched jaw, trying not to move as the paramedics lifted the trampoline out of the way. Mordecai lay perfectly still, but for a slight quiver that adrenaline brought about.

After the paramedics had placed the trampoline back down on the bedroom floor, they carefully lifted Mordecai on to the stretcher. He bit down on his finger to stop himself from screaming; or worse, crying. He found it miraculous that he had never broken anything until then, considering all of the shenanigans that he and Rigby got up to. It came down to something as terrestrial as exercise equipment to cause him a serious injury. Benson and Rigby watched solemnly as they applied a brace to his foot and strapped him in to the stretcher. "I'm sorry, Mordecai." Rigby shifted uncomfortably on the spot. The jay frowned, now able to remember what his friend had done. "I'm really sorry, man." He continued.

"Shut it, Rigby." He hissed, "You know I was just joking! Why'd you have to freak out like that?" He sounded angry, his headache withdrawing just enough to let his emotions resurface.

"I don't know man, I just... uh...I don't know." He tried desperately to think of a way of justifying the way he had reacted, but could find nothing. Mordecai frowned at him as the paramedics carried him out of the room. "Wait! I want to go with you!" Rigby followed the paramedics, wanting to ride in the back of the ambulance.

"Forget it Rigby, just leave me alone." Mordecai replied, staring at the ceiling as he was carried down the stairs towards the front door.

"But..." He started, standing at the top of the stairs with one hand against the wall. "... I'm sorry." He whined. Mordecai didn't reply. Benson grabbed his arm and dragged him back in to the room.

"Right, what happened!?" He yelled straight in to the raccoon's face. "Tell me what happened or you're fired!" Rigby cowered, ears ringing slightly.

"Mordecai was going to throw my trampoline in the fountain!" He cracked under the pressure immediately. "I never meant to hurt him!" He squeaked.

"I don't care whether you meant it or not; you've crippled one of my employees! Do you know how much time his foot is going to take to heal?!" Benson didn't let up, squeezing Rigby's arm tightly, making the raccoon grimace. "I can't fire him for his injury, or I'd probably end up in court! I can fire you, though!" He threatened, as he always did.

"No, Benson, please don't!" He begged with his eyes wide.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't!" He demanded, leaning in towards the frightened raccoon. "Why shouldn't I just let you go here and now and hire someone who's not a liability?!" He screamed, making Rigby hide behind his hands, knees shaking.

"I'm sorry, okay!? I didn't mean to hurt him and I really want to keep my job!" He sounded desperate. Benson thought for a moment, trying to calm himself down. He opened his mouth again to speak, raising a finger matter-of-factly.

"Rigby, you're suspended without pay until further notice." He decided, turning to leave the room.

"Suspended? Without pay?!" Rigby flared up, stepping forwards.

"Unless you want to be entirely unemployed...?" Benson retorted, instantly silencing him. "Any more outbursts?" He turned again to look at him with his hands on his hips. Rigby shook his head solemnly. "Good."

"But, who will do my job?" He asked. Benson laughed.

"Your job? Mordecai normally does your job; but since you put him in hospital, the jobs won't get done anyway. Muscleman and Fives will take over, with overtime pay of course." He knew that the other duo were certainly capable of taking up the slack. Rigby watched as Benson left, his heart sinking through the floor. He walked slowly to the window to watch the ambulance driving away from the house. He crossed his arms, leaning them on the window sill. He sighed and pressed his face in to his forearms.

Skips had heard the commotion after the ambulance had arrived. He was stood outside the room as Benson left. "So, why did you fire him?" He frowned, looking down at the gum-ball machine, who rolled his eyes.

"Look, I didn't fire him okay? I just suspended him without pay."

"That sounds like you fired him, to me." The yeti replied. " How's he going to eat?"

"He's got money. They don't earn much, I know, but what does he spend? They don't pay bills, rent, transport; heck they barely even pay taxes." Benson started on his way down the stairs. Skips followed. "Besides, maybe a sore stomach will make him think harder about things before goofing off like that." Skips could only respond with a slight grumble. He knew that Mordecai and Rigby were hard work, that they very rarely worked hard and that Benson's punishments hardly ever worked.

Author's notes:

I'm pretty new here, but I've been writing this story for a couple of months already. I've posted links to the chapters on Pastebin via Tumblr before now. I also illustrate the chapters, usually one or two pictures per chapter, but since there are limits on how many images you can upload to , you wonderful people will have to check out my entries on Tumblr. My Tumblr name is the same as it is here, so it shouldn't be too hard to find. The story entries are tagged. I will continue to upload the next seven chapters here for completeness, even though they are already on Pastebin. Chapter 9 and onwards will be posted here too, with links to from Tumblr. If you follow my blog, you will receive the updates in all their visual glory, as well as other things that may or may not be fandom related! My blog is safe for work, so you won't have to worry about anything like that.

-Sy