|This Is What It Is
Author: lilactorgirl224 PM
Post episode for SHADOW and LIGHT. Kate's perspective on Daniel's break, and then Daniel's perspective on meeting Dr. Caroline Newsome. Please R&R!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Kate M. & Daniel P. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,091 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 11-17-12 - Published: 09-12-12 - id: 8520824
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: This chapter is a post-episode for LIGHT, and uses my previous chapter. Now we get Dr. Daniel Pierce's POV... wanted to write from his perspective for a little. =)
"I'd like to be alone," I said, rolling over. I'm sure Nat – I mean Dr. Caroline Newsome wanted to say something, but luckily for me she simply walked out the door and shut it behind her.
I shut my eyes and tried to think back, tried to see if there was anything I hadn't noticed, any hints that even that… that one night had been fake. I'd never even had one night with a woman, with anyone who loved me.
"Wow. I'm a bit of a hard-ass."
I shot up in my bed. Natalie… well, one of them was standing in front of me, leaning against the wall. She wasn't wearing a white doctor's coat though.
"N-Natalie?" I asked softly. She nodded. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
"I'm just here to say goodbye, Daniel. I know you'll stop seeing me, and I wanted to check in on you… one last time," Natalie explained. I didn't respond. She came and sat on my bed, and rested her hand on my arm. "Are… are you okay, Daniel?"
"NO!" I said sternly, standing up and starting to pace. "No, I'm not. I just found out that what I… I thought was… was the one, the only moment I-I had with yo-with her… with someone who loved me… was a hallucination!"
She shook her head sadly. "I did warn you, Daniel." I turned away. I didn't need (didn't want) to hear this. "I told you that you should let me go when you found out I wasn't real."
"I… I thought I'd at least had… just one night. I-I'm even more pathetic than I thought!"
"Daniel, listen to me!" Natalie jumped in. "You are not pathetic. You have a psychological disorder, and you've overcome incredible odds to become a brilliant neuroscientist." She paused and added, "And besides, Daniel… that one memory might not be real, but that is not the only moment you've had with someone who loved you. Don't overlook what you do have because of something you didn't."
I frowned. "Wh-what are you talking about?"
"There is someone real who loves you. Someone who came back to be with you."
No. We were not having this conversation.
I shook my head. "Don't… don't bring her into this."
"She chose to come back to Chicago; she chose to reach out to you… and you kissed her. That was real, Daniel."
I flashed back to the feel of Kate's lips on mine, the flood of warmth through my body… to her expression when I'd kissed her, and how she melted into the kiss…
Suddenly her expression upon seeing me right after my break flashed before my eyes.
"The second time it was," I spat. "A-and… sh-she's my student – "
"Was your student," Natalie corrected.
"She's more than ten years younger than me! A-and I'm…" I swallowed hard. "I'm sick, Natalie. I-I… I can't do this to her."
"Then why did you ask her to stay in Chicago, to wait for you?"
"B-because I… I wasn't thinking. I was just about to admit myself here – "
"Because your defenses were down and you took a chance," Natalie butted in. "And she accepted, Daniel. She didn't turn you down."
"She… she doesn't know what she's doing!"
Natalie chuckled. "Really, Daniel? Let me ask you something. Do you trust Kate?"
I blinked. "Y-yes, of course."
"Completely and unconditionally?"
"Then why don't you trust her to make her own choices? She is choosing to be with you. Let her make that choice."
I stood by the window and glanced out. I could see the moon and just a couple of stars…
"I can't hurt her, Natalie. I can't… I can't put her in danger," I said softly. I thought briefly about fifty different scenarios that could have happened if Kate had come before Lewicki… If I hadn't known who she was… I shuddered.
"Daniel, you're doing what you need to get yourself in control… You have to trust yourself." She paused. "And frankly… maybe this will be the push that you need to keep yourself on your meds." She gave a small smile. "You won't need me anymore at least." With that, she stood and came over to me. She took my hand. "It's time."
"Goodbye, Natalie," I whispered.
"Goodbye, Daniel. Take care of yourself… and Kate. Try and be nice to Lewicki," she said, with a half-hearted grin. With a last squeeze of my hand, she walked out of the door to my room.
For a moment I was frozen to the spot, but suddenly my mind screamed, Don't let her walk away, you idiot! I ran to the door and ran outside. The hall was empty. I knew Natalie would keep her word, and that I'd never get to see her again.
I slowly wandered back inside and sat on my bed, trying to make sense of everything that had just happened. In finding the "real" Natalie, I'd lost the one that I'd known for years. Suddenly I had begun to see Kate in Natalie's place… Someone who was always there, who knew me… all of me. But maybe Kate was even more than Natalie.
Someone who wouldn't leave, ever.
Someone who was…
I shoved my headphones on and blasted my classical music as tears streamed down my face.
So...? =) Please review!