Author: Glimare PM
One Shot: What would the batclan have for power rings if they were deputized during Blackest Night? well... that wasn't Dick's question at the breakfast table. His question was why Superman was in his dream wearing a green tutu. CRACK!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Bruce W./Batman & Richard G./Nightwing - Words: 1,604 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 8 - Published: 10-02-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8576585
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: if I owned this, I swear, you would have seen bat lanterns during the Black lantern event. Scary thing that. X3
Just a discussion that appeared in my head at work today. Had to wait for someone to get out of my way there and this is how I didn't end up hurting them.
"I had the weirdest dream last night," Dick murmured at the breakfast table. It was one of those rare times all the core members of the family were awake at the same time and eating. Damian and Tim were as far apart from each other as possible, the older with very low blood pressure at the moment and the younger stabbing his waffles violently before eating any of it. Bruce was reading his paper, halfway paying attention to them while Alfred butteled about as usual behind the scenes. Dick was the only one who openly frowned at Damian's actions. Must correct violence to innocent breakfast. Later.
"Oh?" Bruce responded automatically, not exactly interested. Odd dreams were preferable to nightmares, but if Dick wanted to share, he would. Better get him to get it out fast or he'd be dragging out his story forever. "What happened?"
"I dreamt I was a Green Lantern," the acrobat stated, scratching the stubble on his chin. He needed a shave. The head of the household's attention was grasped in an instant, looking over his paper at him. What? "I was on Oa, where those Guardians of the Universe are, and they were telling me a lot of rules. One included no dancing, no kissing, and you're not allowed to wear blue."
"Those are some seriously dumb rules," Tim commented as he started sipping his coffee.
"I know right? But then Bruce comes charging in with a sonic screwdriver saying things like, 'Daleks will never win', 'the Borg will be assimilated', 'as you command'. Things like that." Dick grinned as Tim choked a laugh on his coffee and started coughing. He hoped that part would get a smile out of him. Damian just gave him an 'are you insane?' glare.
"That doesn't make a drop of sense Grayson."
"I know. The next part though made a little more sense, but not my much." He snuck a look over to his mentor to see if he was still paying attention. Sure was. "Bruce then started throwing pokeballs at the guardians and ended up capturing all of them. Before reinforcements could arrive, he grabbed me and we flew out the window. Then he set me down in the cave, but it wasn't the cave… kinda a mix between our cave and the bunker and the old JLA cave in Happy Harbor. Anyway, he sat me down on some chair, took the ring I had and ate it."
"Oh dear." Tim had given up drinking anything until the story was over. This was getting ridiculous.
"Yeah, talk about serious indigestion later. The next part is the only bit I can really believe." Dick grinned for a moment before becoming serious again. "Bruce then glared at me, suddenly in his cowl, and told me point blank, 'You are not allowed to be a Green Lantern. Don't ever leave this planet ever again.'"
The older man grunted, looking back to his paper. At least that part of his dream was inevitably real. "Then Clark broke through the ceiling in a green tutu. Kinda fuzzy after that. Don't think he should be allowed to wear tutus."
"Could have been worse," Tim murmured. "Could have been wearing Wonder Woman's armor."
"I did say tutu right?" A slightly embarrassed grin grew on his face. "Did I say he was wearing anything else?"
"Oh man…" The teen shook with silent laughter. "I so have to tell Kon that one."
"Please don't." Bruce flipped pages with his paper. "We don't need that image going around the Titans and League. I rather have it out of my head right now."
"Hardly an appropriate subject," Alfred concurred, refilling Tim's half spilled cup. "Especially with certain company present."
"Are you telling me," Damian started, just a little confused, "that Kent was dressed inappropriately?"
Both his brothers fell into gales of laughter, unable to get the image of the kid actually being the innocent here. Even their father smirked in amusement. Their trusty butler just shook his head, irked at all of them for even bringing it up.
"I believe the point of the dream," the old man continued, trying to bring things to a more normal subject better suited for the table, "is Master Richard's belief that Master Bruce will never allow him to be a Green Lantern."
"Damn straight." Of course Bruce would never allow it. "I'd never hear the end of it from Hal."
"Awww…" Dick feigned disappointment. "But what if the only way to survive was to become a Green Lantern?"
"There are other cores aren't there?" He tried to keep the growl out of his voice. "You could join one of them. I think the Blue one would suit you better anyway."
The young man blinked. "Okay, I can live with that. Hope. I can do that."
"Jason would be a Red," Tim stated evenly, cradling his cup now as he thought it over. "So much internal rage. Red would be perfect for him. But where would I go? Or Damian?"
"Good question." Both Bruce and Dick looked over the two for a minute, thinking about them. Eventually the older man gave in, frowning slightly. "'Fraid you'd be in Green Tim. The way you've gone forward in this life by sheer willpower alone, you're a green. And Damian would be Yellow."
"Yeah, Yellow." Dick pouted at the idea. "Using intimidation and fear from the get go to get what want, Yellow's your power ring."
"No!" Tim looked over both of them then pointed at Damian, enraged. "There is no way on earth the demon gets to wield my weakness! Ever!"
Damian gave him a toothy, evil grin. "What? Afraid Drake?"
"Petrified! No." He glared daggers at the brat. "He can have red too!"
"Tt." He scowled at the teen. "I am not sharing with Todd. Ever."
"Well you're not getting Yellow! Not if I'm Green."
"Well look at the bright side!" Dick interjected, trying to stop a fight before it began. "Blue supports and boosts Greens. I get to support you!"
"Fun. But he's still not Yellow." An idea sparked in his mind. "Cass can have Yellow! She scares people a lot more than he does! The whole silent ninja thing she has creeps everyone out in Hong Kong, and she isn't even trying!"
"Makes sense," Bruce murmured, stroking his own stubble. Seeing his youngest's bitter scowl though made him think fast. "Actually, I'm beginning to think Orange might suit him better."
"Orange?!" all three of them questioned in unison.
"Greed. Avarice. What Damian wants, he takes. Simple?" They all looked at the man for a moment before looking at Damian again. Okay, they could see that. "Good. Now enough about Lanterns. No one's going to—"
"Ah come on!" Dick persisted. "We still have two colors we haven't touched. I say Babs for Violet and Steph for Indigo."
"Switch it." Tim's curt order made the men look at him in surprise. He shrugged, trying to rationalize it. "Barbara's a lot more compassionate because of her history so Indigo suits her better. And Stephanie and purple have always been together."
"Still have a thing for her don't you?"
His ears turned a bit red. "Shut up."
"For once I concur with Drake," Damian started. "Brown is very passionate about this fight and the people around her. She does not have the concentrating abilities the Indigo Tribe requires so Violet suits her best."
Dick gave him a long look. "And you have a thing for blondes."
Bruce jerked his head up to his eldest. "He already has a type?"
The 'caught' look on the young man's face even made Tim look over him with interest. Damian just gave his customary 'Tt' in answer. Their father's insides started twisting at the idea of his ten year old already liking girls. "Uuuhhhmmm…."
"So it's agreed." The teenager started, saving them from further embarrassment at the moment. "Steph's Violet, Babs is Indigo, Dick's Blue, I'm Green, Cass is Yellow, Damian's Orange, and Jason's Red. And Bruce doesn't get a ring because he can't have powers without losing it."
Dick started roaring with laughter at the statement, with Tim grinning impishly and Alfred smothering a laugh not too far off. Bruce gave them all a glare before rolling his eyes in frustration. He had to get back to his paper, and ignore for the moment all the ridiculousness around him. Damian though was the only one to get them to stop, for a moment.
"Explain. How is Father having any kind of power a bad thing?"
The three who laughed exchanged knowing looks, grinning evilly. "Oh the stories we have for you."
A/N: isn't it an unwritten rule not to give Bruce powers or something? because once he does things go bad for everyone, fast? Hmm... Was going to continue this with the batkids drawing up their lantern costumes and giving Alfred a white lantern ring or something, but this is good. as for pairings, I'm pro-cannon. anything else, bye-bye!