|Little Ringside of Horrors
Author: Artemis Phoenix PM
AU Fanfiction: The WWE becomes Skid Row (in 1962) as a nerdy plant shop worker finds an unusual and interesting plant. Starring CM Punk as Seymour, AJ Lee as Audrey, Sheamus as the Voice of Audrey II, Wade Barrett as The Dentist, and 3MB (Drew McIntyre, Heath Slater, and Jinder Mahal) as The Urchins. Rated M for course language, gore, and violence.Rated: Fiction M - English - Parody/Horror - CM Punk & AJ Lee - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,120 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12-16-12 - Published: 10-07-12 - id: 8588779
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: Here's the second chapter. As usual, I don't own anything. So, yeah.
Back at the flower shop, Mr. Mushnik, Audrey, and Seymour, waited all day for customers to arrive. It was getting tiring, especially for Mr. Mushnik. He had enough. "That's it!" he yelled. "Forget it. Don't bother coming in tomorrow."
Seymour and Audrey exchanged glances. Was Mr. Mushnik serious?
"You don't mean," Audrey gasped.
"I mean, I'm through," Mr. Mushnik waved his hands in frustration. "Kaput!"
Seymour pleaded, "You can't!"
"Kaput. Extinct. I'm closing this God-and-customer-forsaken place!"
Then the nerdy man found his voice, "Mr. Mushnik, forgive me for saying so, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe what the firm needs is to move in a new direction?"
The portly Jewish shop owner stared coldly at him. How dare he speak to him that way?
Then Audrey mediated, "What Seymour's trying to say is—Seymour, why don't you run downstairs and bring up that strange and interesting new plant you've been working on?"
Mr. Mushnik folded his arms, interested in this new idea as the Puerto Rican continued, "You see, some of those exotic plants Seymour's been tinkering around with are really unusual. We thought that maybe some of those strange and interesting new plants, prominently displayed and advertised, would attract business."
Just then, Seymour stepped out from the basement with a weird venus flytrap-like plant that resembled a cabbage with a mouth. It was inside an old coffee tin can. "I'm afraid it isn't feeling very well today," he said.
He placed the plant on the table for all to see.
"There," chirped Audrey. "Now, isn't that bizzare?"
"At least," The tone in Mr. Mushnik's voice changed. "What kind of a weirdo plant is that, Seymour?"
"I don't know," said Seymour. "I think it's some kind of flytrap, but I haven't been able to identify it in any of my books. I gave it my own name though. I call it an Audrey II."
Audrey gasped in honor. "After me?"
"I hope you don't mind." He turned to Mr. Mushnik. "Sir, if you were to put a strange and interesting plant like this here in the window, then maybe—
"Maybe what?" Mr. Mushnik stammered "Maybe what? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound? Just because you put a strange plant in the window, people don't suddenly—
And that's what Jim Ross did when he entered the shop. "Excuse me," he spoke with a Oklahoman drawl. "I couldn't help noticin' that strange and interestin' plant. What is it?"
"It's an Audrey II," explained Audrey.
"By golly, I've never seen anythin' like it before."
"No one has," said Seymour.
"Where did you get it?"
"Well, you remember that total eclipse of the sun about a week ago?"
Just then, a magical flashback, and the Urchins, dressed in kimonos, appeared out of nowhere, strolling around the flower district, which was also Chinatown. "Da-Doo!" they sang.
"I was walking in the Wholesale Flower District that day," explained Seymour.
"And I passed by this place where this old Asian man..."
"Shut up!" The Japanese man yelled at the Urchins in his usual Engrish. "You hurry up and buy or I call powice!"
"He sometimes sells me weird and exotic cuttings."
"Including reefer!" sang Jinder, who was smoking a joint.
Heath and Drew turned to elbow and tell him to put the joint away before switching to professional Greek chorus members.
" 'Cause he knows, you see that, strange plants are my hobby."
He didn't have anything unusual there that day."
"So I was just about to, you know, walk on by."
"Good for you," sang Heath.
"When suddenly, and without warning, there was this—
"Total eclipse of the sun!" As soon as the moon blocked the sun's view onto the earth, the Urchins responded by putting on sunglasses and putting on tanning oil as if they were going to receive a special kind of a tan.
"It got very dark," Seymour continued, "and there was this strange humming sound, like something from another world—
"Da-doo!" sang the Urchins.
"And when the light came back this weird plant was just sitting there."
"Just, you know, stuck in, among the zinnias."
"I could've sworn it hadn't been there before, but the old Asian guy sold it to me anyway for a $1.95."
"Sha-la-la-da-da-da-da-da-doo-doo-doo-doo!" the Urchins sang once more before bowing their kimono clad bodies and mysteriously disappearing.
Reality came back again where Seymour, Audrey, Mr. Mushnik, and J.R. stood in the shop. A smile formed across J.R.'s face as he spoke, "Well, that's an unusual story, and a fascinatin' plant."
He was going to leave, but all of a sudden, changed his mind. "Oh, while I'm here," he pulled out his wallet, "I might as well take $50 worth of roses."
"$50!" Mr. Mushnik cried, rubbing his hands.
All J.R. had was a $100 bill. "Can you break $100?"
"Well then, I'll just have to take twice as many, won't I?"
"Twice as many?"
"Twice as many!" cried Audrey.
"Twice as many!" cried Seymour.
A half-hour later, more customers became attracted to Audrey II in the window, and immediately, business was booming at Mushnik's Flower Shop. "That plant in the window," said Michael Cole. "It's simply amazing!"
"That plant in the window!" cried William Regal. "Wherever did you get it?"
"There it is, Alicia!" Tyson Kidd brought his classmate Alicia Fox into the shop.
"Oh, my gosh, it's peculiar!" Alicia smiled.
With that, more customers arrived to look at Audrey II, and left with bouquets of flowers and plants in their arms, and more money in Mr. Mushnik's pocket.
"Thank you very much, sir! Thank you! Thank you!" Mr. Mushnik waved good-bye to the customers as they were leaving. "Come again! Come and look at the weirdo plant some more! It's just going to get bigger and more interesting!"
He turned the sign on the door and lowered the curtain. He turned to Audrey and Seymour by the cash register. "Just don't stand there!" he exclaimed. "Quick, quick! Put the plant back—What did you call it?"
"Audrey II," said Seymour.
"Put that Audrey II back in the window, where passersbys can see it. I never thought this could happen! I'm taking us all out to dinner tonight!"
Audrey was excited to have a nice dinner at somewhere that wasn't a greasy spoon, but she was hesitant to cancel this last-minute offer. She sighed, "I'd love to, Mr. Mushnik, but I have a date."
"With that same nogoodnik?" Mr. Mushnik scolded. "I'm telling you, Audrey, you don't need a date with him. You need major medical."
"He's a rebel, Mr. Mushnik, but he makes good money. Besides, he's the only fella I got. Enjoy dinner. Goodnight, Seymour."
"Goodnight…" Seymour's words didn't hit the Puerto Rican girl as she left to her apartment. "Audrey."
"Poor girl." Mr. Mushnik shook his head.
"Are we still going out?" Seymour asked, but Audrey II had other plans. It began to shrivel up, and that angered Mr. Mushnik.
"You're not going anywhere, Krelborn!" he made the final call. "You're staying right here, and taking care of that sick plant!"
He grabbed his jacket and hat, ignoring the sad look on Seymour's face.
"I told you it's been giving me trouble," whined Seymour. "The Audrey II's not a healthy girl."
"Strictly between us, neither is Audrey I." The portly Jewish man grabbed his umbrella as it began to rain again.
"If I only knew what breed it was—
"Who cares what breed it is? Look what it's done for business. So work. Nurse this plant back to health. I'm counting on you, Seymour."
"So fix. Goodnight." Mr. Mushnik left the shop and locked it up, leaving a sad Seymour Krelborn to tend to Audrey II.
Later that night Seymour sat at a tiny coffee table, sighing as he watered Audrey II. Somewhere, the Urchins were singing, again. "Twoey, I don't know what else I can do for you," he whined. "Are you sickly, little plant, or are you just plain stubborn? What is it you want? What is it you need?"
The Urchins, still as greasers, mysteriously appeared on Seymour's cot, swaying their heads back and forth and snapping their fingers. The nerd remained unaware of their presense. Well, they are in fact, a Greek chorus.
"I've given you sunshine," sang Seymour. "I've given you dirt. You've given me nothin', but heartache and hurt. I'm beggin' you sweetly. I'm down on my knees. Oh, please, grow for me."
Then the Urchins did the usual shoop-be-doo-wops as they got into Seymour's plant books.
"I've given you plant food, and water to sip." Seymour spayed the dying plant with water. "I've given you pot ash. You given me zip! Oh God, how I mist you. Oh pod, how you tease. Now please, grow for me!"
The Urchins continued singing their shoo-wops as they swayed on the cot like psychiatrists "I've given you Southern Exposure to get you to thrive!" Seymour whined. "I've pinched you back hard, like I'm supposed to! You're barely alive!"
While Seymour sang his heart out, Drew reached and pinched Heath's nipple.
Heath punched his arm. "He meant the plant, not me!" he whispered harshly.
"Sorry," the Scotsman rolled his eyes and popped his bubble gum.
"An' quit poppin' that gum, goddamnit!"
Then they argued, when they were supposed to be the Greek chorus. Jinder pleaded with his two friends to calm down. Suddenly, his arm knocked off a couple of dead roses with their thorns still intact onto the floor.
"I've tried you at levels of moisture, from desert to mud!" Seymour started picking up the trash (that Jinder knocked onto the floor). "I've given you grow lights and mineral supplements. What do you want from me, blood?"
Suddenly, Seymour pricked his finger on a thorn from one of the roses. "Ow!" he cried, sucking on his finger. "Damn roses! Damn thorns!"
"My bad!" Jinder laughed nervously.
"Watch where ye knockin' over next time, ye bloody klutz!" Drew yelled, shoving him.
"Well, maybe if you quit slapping me with that hair—
"Hey, y'all!" Heath cried as he pointed at the plant puckering up and making sucking noises. "Look at the plant!"
Seymour found out how to feed Audrey II—With his own blood. The Urchins watched as the nerd hesitantly reached his finger but stepped back when the plant wanted a chunk of his finger. The plant began sucking again. A wrestling match ensued as the Urchins started humming as Seymour sang, "I've given you sunlight. I've given you rain. Looks like you're not happy,'less I open a vein. I'll give you a few drops, if that'll appease."
And the plant opened its jaws wide as Seymour squeezed three drops of his own blood into its mouth. It made a huge gulp. This was the cue for the Urchins to mysteriously disappear again.
"Now please, oh, oh, oh, please, grow for me!" Seymour sang as he went upstairs to the shop to shut off lights.
And magically, Audrey II grew, stretching the coffee tin can wide. It went from a creepy, weak sapling to an even bigger, creepy, bulky vegetable with a large cabbage-looking head and long leaves.
TO BE CONTINUED….
Post Author's Note: So what did you all think? Hope you liked it. Please, review! And for those who read the Criminal Minds/Wrestling Crossover, I am working on the latest chapter, so it will be up by today or tomorrow.
Lucky (Artemis Phoenix)