|Little Ringside of Horrors
Author: Artemis Phoenix PM
AU Fanfiction: The WWE becomes Skid Row (in 1962) as a nerdy plant shop worker finds an unusual and interesting plant. Starring CM Punk as Seymour, AJ Lee as Audrey, Sheamus as the Voice of Audrey II, Wade Barrett as The Dentist, and 3MB (Drew McIntyre, Heath Slater, and Jinder Mahal) as The Urchins. Rated M for course language, gore, and violence.Rated: Fiction M - English - Parody/Horror - CM Punk & AJ Lee - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,120 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12-16-12 - Published: 10-07-12 - id: 8588779
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: Here it is! I don't own anyone or anything, including lyrics. Here's some Hairspray for you, and I meant John Waters' version, not the musical. Because I've added this parody of Hairspray, the radio station WSKID that was normally in LSOH, is now a television station.
To not get you confused as to who's who:
Sidney Sanders (Corny Collins-like character) - Scott Stanford
Wink Wilkensen - The Miz
The next evening, Seymour was to make his first television debut promoting Audrey II on Wink Wilkensen's Weird World on WSKID-TV, which was Skid Row's only public television station that often had high ratings, mostly caused by the popular dance show know to Skid Row, The Sidney Sanders Show. It was a show where youth danced to popular songs, and had a blast (being the only heavily diverse show despite the news surrounding the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960's). And that's where Seymour got lost—In that studio where a bunch of youth was doing the Twist. The Urchins mysteriously appeared among the crowd, this time as part of the dancers. Heath was in a black suit, with his strawberry blond hair tied back neatly. His date was Beth Phoenix, and they approach Sidney at the camera, requesting The Marvelettes' Please Mr. Postman for Mashed Potato time. Jinder was in a polo shirt and blue slacks. He, Cody Rhodes, and Dolph Ziggler were showing off the Mashed Potato a bit too much. There was also Eve Torres, Kaitlyn, Zack Ryder, Kofi Kingston (who had his hair conked), Ricardo Rodriguez (who just got rejected by Layla El), Alberto Del Rio, and other people.
Seymour noticed two people that completely stood out from the crowd. At the table, the third Urchin, Drew, was a stereotypical Beatnik, sporting a black turtleneck shirt, black-rimmed eyeglasses, a Van Dyke beard, black pants, sandals, and his long, brown hair complemented the black beret on his head. He brought his date, Natalya, who was also a Beatnik. She was wearing a mini black dress, bangles on her wrists, fishnet stockings, black heels, and her hair was jet black, long, straight, and had bangs in the front. Her eye makeup was like Elizabeth Taylor's version of Cleopatra with her lips nude. They were raiding the free all-you-can-eat-buffet, as Drew smuggled a quarter of a tray of dinner rolls into Natalya's purse.
Then the host of the show, Sidney Sanders, received a telegram for a song request, took the stage, and introduced the next song and dance. "Boys and girls, stay on the dance floor. Here comes the hottest tune of the day, and where did you see it first, kids?"
"The Sidney Sanders Show!" Everyone exclaimed
"A big, strong line, Skid Row. It's Madison Time!"
This perked up the Beatniks at the table.
The youth all formed a dance line, with Jinder, Alberto, Heath, Beth, and another woman at the front. A jazzy tune hit the floor. The Ray Bryant Combo were the apple of the Beatniks' eyes. Seymour took Audrey II to a table to hide from the cameras. "It's Madison time!" went the record player as finger snapping became percussion sounds before the dance started. "Hit it!"
The Beatniks glanced looks at each other, then to the dancers on the floor. "We can do better than that!" Drew scoffed.
"You're looking good, a big, strong line!" Indeed it was-everyone was having fun, even Audrey II.
"When I say hit it, I want you to go two up and two back with a big strong turn, and back to the Madison. Hit it!"
The upbeat jazzy tune turned the crowd on, and Seymour was enjoying it.
The Beatniks exchanged glances at each other once more as Natalya declared, "Let's show them how it's done!"
"I'm diggin' that one, sister!" the Scot purred as they cut in between Alberto and Heath and did the dance gracefully.
"You're looking good!" went the speakers. "Now when l say hit it, I want you to go two up and two back, double cross, come out of it with The Rifleman. Hit it!"
The Beatniks were having so much fun showing off in a very cool-cat style that the bangles on Natalya's wrists added a kick to the saxophone.
"Crazy!" went the speakers again as Alberto and Drew exchanged flirtatious glances.
Audrey II, however, swayed back and forth.
"Now when l say hit it, l want the big, strong 'M', erase it, and back to the Madison. Hit it!" And Alberto and Drew continued shooting flirtatious glances at each other, causing Heath to roll hiseyes. "Walk on! You're lookin' good!"
Natalya, however, didn't mind. She thought it was cute seeing the lust between two men.
"Now, then, when l say hit it, it'll be T-time. Hit it!"
The Beatniks were really, really having fun.
"Big, strong line."
So was everyone.
"Now when l say hit it, l want the big, strong basketball with a Wilt Chamberlain hook. Hit it!"
And a jump a second later, everyone became basketball players.
Everyone was graceful once again with the Madison, even Sidney, Seymour, and Audrey II were watching all the action taking place.
"Now this time when l say hit it, l want the big, strong Jackie Gleason, and back to the Madison. Hit it!"
"And away we go!" The crowd yelled.
Then, Drew blushed when Alberto winked at him.
"When l say hit it, go two up and two back, double cross, and freeze. Hit it!"
The Beatniks chilled with their poses.
"And hold it right there."
There was applause, and it gave Seymour the cue to find the room where Wink's show was holding at. Smokey Robinson and The Miracles', You Really Got a Hold on Me played as Alberto pulled Drew into the back and under a stairwell.
The Scotsman wrapped his arms around the Mexican as lips brushed against each other and tongues wrestled. Hands were all over each other's bodies as Drew hooked his leg around Alberto's waist. Alberto began assaulting the Scot's neck as he moaned, "¡Ay, cariño! Where have you been all my life?"
"I dunnae," he responded. "Where hae ye been all meh life?"
"Ahem!" Natalya aproached them with a bag of the food they had raided from the buffet and Drew's bongos. "Hey, daddy-o, we have a show to do upstairs."
"I didn't know you were going steady with her," said Alberto.
"She's a cool cat," Drew purred. "If ye don't mind watchin'."
"Not at all." The Mexican gave him a small piece of paper. "Here's my number. I really wanna see you again, tesorito."
"I'll give ye a ring tonight, after teh show. Later, love."
A few moments later, Seymour was finally directed to the studio where Wink's show was located at. He was worried if he was going to be late, but he made it and they have yet to start airing live. He and Audrey II sat down at a waiting room as he heard the news anchor from another room, "You're watching WSKID-TV, home of The Sidney Sanders Show. Coming up next, Wink Wilkensen's Weird World, where wonderful people bring in their weird things, but first, the weather..."
Seymour felt more out of place than ever, now he had the same Beatniks from the show downstairs eyeing Audrey II like it was dessert.
"Your plant is rad, daddy-o," Natalya purred, twirling a black strand, the bangles on her wrist making a surreal tune almost cymbal-like.
"Didn't I see you two on Sidney Sanders?" asked Seymour.
"Yeah, that show's so on the cob, man. We were there because we dig the Madison."
"And there was a free buffet," Drew added. "With a salad bar that ain't poisoned with that bloody DDT, or so they tell us. I hope yeh did nae use that on that plant."
"He's been reading Silent Spring by Rachel Carson, and to add, we were trying to smash the clock because we're on Wink's show."
"Aye, he's wicked Dali-esque!" the Scotsman gasped.
"Gosh, you two are really Beatniks. Just like in New York." Seymour meekly uttered, feeling more out of place.
Suddenly, Drew began playing the bongos as Natalya sang, "Day-o, day-o! Daylight's a-comin', and he wanna go home!"
"I'll be showing Audrey II on Wink's show!"
Audrey II was more excited by Drew playing the bongos, but was still hungry. Then, Natalya stared up and down Seymour and flicked her black hair back.
"Not with those threads you don't," she snorted, tracing the air with her fingers into a recognizable shape. "You look like a square to me."
Drew agreed with her, pointing to Seymour's head. "Ye may hae a groovy plant, but yeh hair is really uncool," he purred in disgust.
"How do you get your hair so straight and so long?" he asked the Scotsman.
"With a brush, man! l play meh bongos, listen teh Odetta, and then l brush meh hair. Dig?"
The nerd turned to the stage manager in the white blouse and bright red pencil skirt. "Excuse me," he said to her. "I was told to be here—
"You're next," she responded.
Then, the stage manager's red derriere attracted Audrey II, and while Seymour continued to get harassed by the Beatniks, it tried to reach and take a huge bite of her ass. As soon as its jaws opened wide, and its weird tongue stuck out, Seymour caught it and covered its mouth shut, its leaves moving about as if they were human arms flailing.
"Let's do some reefer after teh show," the Scottish Beatnik offered.
"We'll get high, and I'll wash that grease off your hair," said Natalya.
"Drugs?" Seymour gasped.
"Locoweed. Drew grew it himself."
"But don't tell anyone," Drew whispered. "I don't want teh foreign fuzz chasing meh back teh Scotland."
"Oh, are you an illegal?"
"No, man! I'm on teh exchange."
Natalya shook her head. "You look like you're in need of X-Ray glasses."
Then Drew wrapped his arms around the nerd. "Ye see, lad, when I'm high, I am Odetta. Let's get naked and smoke!"
"Cool!" Natalya clapped her hands, jingling her bangles like a tambourine. "I'm digging that one, cool cat!"
Suddenly, R-Truth, and his ventriloquist dummy Little Jimmy, stood up and yelled, "Man, y'all need to quit botherin' that boy! Little Jimmy gettin' tired of your jive talk!"
"Sit on it!" Drew flipped him off, mentally pushing R-Truth back to his seat.
"Yeah, cool it, man! Natalya whined. "We aren't breaking his balls!"
"Yeah," stammered Seymour (hoping that he will get called). "It's okay."
"Are you going to invite your new friend Alberto for some reefer, Drew?" Natalya asked the Scot.
"Later, sister," he smiled. "Later... Much later, when I find a wire 'round 'ere."
The stage manager came back out into the green and called for Seymour's name. The nerd was finally relieved—those two Beatniks were driving him crazy! He picked up Audrey II and then proceeded to the door.
"Well, it was nice meeting you," he politely told them. "I'm next."
"Aww!" whined Drew as he pulled out Allen Ginsburg's Howl. "Come on, we were just hae'in' a blast with yeh and teh plant! I haeven't read yeh meh interpretation of Ginsburg. Look! 'l saw teh best minds of meh generation destroyed by madness, starvin', hysterical, naked, draggin' 'emselves through teh streets lookin' fae an angry fix, angae'eaded hipsters burnin' up fae teh ancient, heav'ly connection...'"
"I gotta go," Seymour said as he fled into the studio.
In another studio...
"You're watching WSKID," the announcer called. "...And now, Wink Wilkensen's Weird World, with your host, Wink Wilkensen."
A man with a goofy looking face and a tuxedo in a loud red color sat at his chair with a coffee table that looked like a bear that was shot, stuffed, and made into an everyday living room item. "Hi!" he introduced himself, "it's Weird Wink Wilkensen, laughin' and scratchin' at ya. How's everybody today? I got a bit of a stiff neck. Let me just fix this up."
He grabbed an empty oil can, pretended to apply some drops to his neck then twisted his head side to side, along with some sound effects.
"Ahh!" he exclaimed. "That feels a lot better! I got a great show for you tonight with some wonderful weirrd stuff!"
Then Rosa Mendes walked by with a turncoat on and flashed her tits (her back to the camera) at him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Please, lady, put your clothes back on! You can't do this to me! This is a family show! What if your husband were to walk in?"
Suddenly, Johnny Curtis stopped by with a toy machine gun. He was dressed like Dick Tracy. "I'm right here, Wink," he said. "I love your show, but I've got to kill you both with this machine gun!"
Then he pointed the toy at them and started making machine gun noises pretending to kill Rosa and Wink. They both made a quick exit backstage as Wink laid on the floor.
"You got me!" he cried, then got up, got in from of the camera before sitting back down. "I feel so very wweeeeiirrrd! Our first guest is a young man whom you probably read about in the newspapers who goes by the name of...Seymour Krelborn—Is that correct? He has discovered a new breed of plant unknown on this planet. Seymour Krelborn, everybody!"
The nerdy plant shop worker awkwardly shook his hand then took his seat and placed Audrey II on the table.
"Hello, Seymour!" Wink boisterously greeted him.
Seymour was staring at the cameras as if it was watching him. He had the microphone pointed at his chin as he meekly responded, "Hello, Wink."
"Boy, I wish you folks at home could see this up close. Seymour, where did you get such a wweeeiirrrdd plant?"
Seymour stared at the camera as he gulped and spoke into the microphone, "Well, you remember that total eclipse of the sun about a week ago?"
"Da-Doo!" The voice of The Urchins sang as Wink raised an eyebrow at the nerd.
TO BE CONTINUED….
Post Author's Note: What did you all think? A reminder that I'm still working on the few chapters of this and the Crossover... Please, review!
Lucky (Artemis Phoenix)