Rehab:

Rehab, it's the process of restoring a "healthy life". What if you never had one to begin with?

Deb doesn't seem to understand that, she thinks everything will get better if she keeps her eye carefully trained on me.

I know better. The dark passenger can't be suppressed. Harry knew that too, thats why we had our code in place.

Despite this, we try to pretend everything can be normal, and that seems to be enough to keep her happy for now.

If she smothered me anymore I'll start to feel like a child. She practically tucks me in at night, standing in the door way with that concerned look in her umber eyes.

"Are you sure your going to be fine Dex?" She murmurs one last time, as if she'd never see me again.

No "mother" I'm not going to kill tonight. Of course I don't say that though. Instead I force a slim smile and nod, shifting my weight underneath the covers.

Deb takes a deep breath, for relief perhaps, before walking out and gently clicking the door shut.

So this is what prison feels like. It's the only thought that runs through my mind as I rest my head on a pillow.

I'm not the type of person who would take their own life, certainly not by a truck in front of a frosty store.

But I can't help but think how much longer I can sit here and not be consumed by madness, either from Deb or the Dark passenger.

It would be so easy to end it all, Deb could move on with her life. Harrison might have the chance to grow up normal.

Impulse overtakes me as it has many times before as I spring up, and walk over to the door.

Opening up doors without making a sound has become second nature to me, so sneaking out is not a problem.

As I creep down the hallway I can slowly feel it. The pressure behind my eyes is building. I have to set it free, and what better monster to deserve it than me?

Blood is beginning to seep it's way out and I know theirs no way of stopping it.

Making my way to Deb's kitchen, I can see her from over the counter top, body moving in a steady rhythm on the couch.

She's sleeping, and nothing could be more better for letting things fall into place.

You were right to be afraid shutting my door tonight Deb, your wish is about to be granted.

The first thing that catches my eye her knife drawer. Slowly I wrap my fingers around the handle to pull it open.

But it's stuck. She's better than I thought, not only is she watching over the front door but she locked the sharp utensils away.

I don't need those though. There are many other ways to end a person's life. Besides how would Deb be able to explain me lying on the floor in a pool of blood?

She doesn't need any more pain, she needs resolve. If I make it look like an accident she'll be able to accept my death and move on.

I hope.

Pulling open her fridge door, I scan for a bottle of liquor. Ironically she has plenty of those, "healthy" living, huh?

I'm shaking feverishly now, anticipating the kill. It's strange how I'm not the least bit scared, my mind only recognizes that the thirst is about to be clenched.

Next I make my way to the bathroom, and find a bottle of aspirin, the final step to my master plan.

When I shut the medicine cabinet I take one last look at myself in the mirror. My blond hair is awfully disheveled, and bangs hang underneath my eyes.

"Goodbye monster." I whisper, before leaving back for the kitchen.

The flood gate is tormenting me now, my head feels like it's about to explode.

I pop open the aspirin and pour most of the white tablets out onto the counter.

Now, now! The screams are getting louder, and everything's becoming a blur. I reach down and grab a handful of pills, beer in the other hand as I'm about to make my kill.

My final kill.

It's only then when I hear a soft cry throughout the yelling, it's hard to concentrate on.

But I recognize it to be Deb's words from earlier. Talk about a better future, about taking control.

Did I just lose control?

The room comes back into focus and I can see clearly now. Slowly I put the bottle back down on the counter and I put my head in my palms.

I hear Deb starting to move from her seat on the couch. She must have woken up.

"Dexter?" She mumbles, making her way into the kitchen.

Uh-oh. I can't get busted, She might really try to lock me up if she sees what I was about to do. Either that or she'd be crushed.

So I do the only thing I can do to stop her from seeing, by embracing her in a hug,

Deb is caught off guard, she nuzzles her head in my chest without saying a word.

Perfect.

With a quick flick of my wrist I swipe the pills from the counter into the garbage disposal and take the bottle of aspirin and slip it in my pocket.

Only then I let go, and when we do she's smiling.

"Look at you making progress." Deb giggled, playfully shoving my arm.

I laugh, more or less uncomfortably but I know it will be enough to satisfy her.

"Really?" She questions, one eyebrow raised as she picks the beer bottle up from the counter.

Oops, missed a spot.

"Your buying next time." She grins, handing it over to be with a yawn before making her way back to the couch.

"Sit." She orders, patting the seat of the couch.

And I do just that, taking a seat on her coffee colored couch as she flips on the TV.

This was "normal" I suppose. It was certainty different from my usual. But the pain had subsided, the blood flow had crept away.

I could never stop the dark passenger before. Deb said that was because I didn't have her at my side.

Could she be right?

Can I control it?

Just some thoughts I had during tonights episode, I hope you enjoyed!~lily