|Magical Artifacts and How Not to Use Them
Author: Dreams and Shades PM
Somewhere in the area around the city of Baldur's gate, two Bhaalspawn find an artifact of immense magical power and unleash pure chaos and terror upon the unsuspecting Sword Coast. [Crackfic]Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 444 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10-10-12 - id: 8598046
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer - I do not own the rights to Baldur's Gate I ToTSC or BGII SoA or ToB. I do however own my Bhaalspawn and any OCs that turn up.
Author's notes - Suffice to say, this is a crack fic where I put to use my favourite magical artifact in the whole multiverse. (Just don't expect updates to be frequent)
Imoen stood a short distance away from the scene of the battle, watching her foster-sister rummaging through the corpses of their slain enemies. She would have helped, sure, but really the bodies were covered in blood and spiders webs, and other gross stuff that been thrown around by the party mages. Also blood took forever to get out of her hair! Imoen the Quick was a dashing and beautiful rogue, so she could not be seen looking icky; getting icky was the sidekick's job.
Besides, Kythriel was a necromancer right? They spent all day with corpses and gross things, so it wasn't like the other girl wasn't used to it.
For a few minutes the mage emptied out a slain ogre's pockets (or what could politely be described as the bastard offspring of a pocket and some begotten hell-spawn that no respectable pocket would wish to be associated with), her pretty elven face twisting in disgust as she pulled out a variety of wonderful items, the most pleasant being rotting rat carcasses and the worst... Sweet Hanali, she didn't want to know what that was!
Wiping her hands on her greasy, bloodstained robe and feeling very much like she was about to throw up (on Imoen and her pristine and not-covered-in-filth-and-ogre-guts clothes, if she could help it) Kythriel made to stand up, but as she did so her hand brushed against something and she felt the tingle of powerful magic.
Curious she cast Identify on it, and the resulting knowledge made her do a double take. It couldn't possibly be...? Could it? A sudden feeling of great and terrible joy rose from the darkest depths of her soul as she realised the power that she now held in her hands.
Carefully removing her newfound treasure, she turned to Imoen, grinning from ear to pointed ear.
'Oooh, what is it?' asked Imoen, feeling excitement bubbling up inside her as she saw the deranged sadistic glee gleaming in her sister's eyes.
'This,' said Kythriel, holding up a seemingly innocent belt. 'Is a Girdle of Masculinity/Feminity.'
The girls glanced over to the rest of the party; Shar-teel, Eldoth, Edwin and Xan.
Oh this was going to be fun.