|All on the table
Author: bellart PM
So here we are, in the moment of truth. My Dark Passenger fully exposed, and her own secret is about to put that final nail in our broken relationship. Since she didn't hold anything back last night, I will return the favor.Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama - Dexter M. & Debra M. - Words: 1,874 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10-11-12 - id: 8601281
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
She is getting thiner, I think to myself. She is getting weaker. I can see her eyes sparkling in the night as the tv lights splash across the walls. She is not even watching, she is lost somewhere in her thoughts. I'm standing in the doorway and waiting for her to realize I'm here. There is lump in my throat, and it's getting dificult to breathe as I make my decision. I move to the counter and slowly put file on in. Deb's eyes slowly travel to mine and she wordlessly stands up and aproaches to see what was the object she saw in my eyes. As she comes closer, her eyes widen in disbelief. This scene is so similar to the one we had few weeks ago in my apartment, when she so disrespectfully shattered all my deepest secrest on the table. Only this time, roles have changed. I'm the judge,and she is the suspect. No, she is guilty. Guilty as hell of hypocrisy.
Last night she again gave me one of those speech about being sick of lies I was feeding her. " You have been Moser much more then Morgan…You have betrayed me so many times, just like Brian did. Only he fucked with me for few months, and you've fucked up my entire life. I'm an accomplice now, and I'm too deep in this shit. I am responsible for every murder you commit equaly as you are from the moment we burned down that church. Why, thank you Dex-" I cut her off bitterly. "If I was much more of a Moser, you would've been dead long time ago, Debra! And your fucking Morgan lost a lot of the shine when YOUR father decided to make his own venegful killer, his fucked up evel Batman, to take care of shit he wasn't capable of! He was too much of the coward to do it himself so he made me the way I am!This is you father's doing, Debra! THIS is how he raised me! Not to mention that he got my mother killed, so don't talk about Morgans like they are some kind of sacred family!" This gets under her skin as she comes closer and hisses." How dare you…?" She is shaking now and I can see from the corner of my eye that her fist is making move, but this time I just won't let her. I grab her wrist swiftly and pull her just an inch away from me. Any other person would be terrified because I'm sure I'm making horrific picture with my face twisted in anger. There are tears of rage in her eyes and I wonder will she come to visit me in my prison cell before I get lethal injection, because I'm sure now that this is my last night as a free man. "If my father made those mistakes, what did I do…?How did I deserve to be so utterly fucked by you every single time…?Why can't you be honest whit the only fucking person that never lied you, that never let you down? Yes, you are Moser, because you guess what…?Those things that your brother did, and these things you have done to you victims are nothing compared to pain the two of you caused to me. And there is not one single thing you can do with your fucking knife that can be more horrible then what you have already done to me with your lies and cannot possibly cut deeper."Last words she says barely above whisper, and her trembling breath stops near my lips. She should be scared, but she isn't. After all, I killed dozens of people and it is pure insanity pushing me further when I'm in this kind of condition. We look each other like two animals and then she violently wrenches from my grip and turns around. Only then I realize that there will be bruises on her arms as she absently rubs her wrists.
"Get out, Dexter. Go sleep at your apartmant or where the hell you want, or do whatever the fuck you want. Congratulations, you have finally succeded to ruin every bit of trust I had in you.",the way she says that is making me even more angry, and in one brief moment I wish to grab her again and shake her, but stop myself with last atoms of my selfcontrol. I leave her house without another word.
When I came to work this morning, my paranoia was doing it's best on me, as Dr Michelle Ross walked by me and gave me one strange look. Ten minutes later I was in her office while she was on the lunch brake. Fifteen minutes later I had Debra's personal file from her sessions with Dr Ross safely stashed in my bag.
So here we are, in the moment of truth. My Dark Passenger fully exposed, and her own secret is about to put that final nail in our broken realtionship. Since she didn't hold anything back last night, I will return the favor. She is getting thiner and weaker. That should concern me, that should soften me so I could make this easier on her. But it doesn't. So I set myself in my most merciless mode and wait for her to make the first move. Exepct she is frozen across the counter as her gaze rests on bunch of papers between us."Do you know what this is?", I ask her,my eyes piercing hers. "Yes.", she answers, her voice scared and unsecure. Aha, this is exacly where I wanted her. Under my control, finally. I was done with being the one that gets judged. This is sort of revenge, but it also burns deep inside me with feeling of confusion and nausea, reminding me that I am some sort of human after all. Something is warning me that I should be more careful than ever, but I cannot stop myself this time. Our conversation last night left deep hole in me,so I wanted to get even. I wanted to cause her some kind of pain, and this was the closest my Dark Passanger will ever get to her.( It was clear to me long time ago that Deb was indeed the safest person in the world as long as I'm around to protect her. I have killed for her before, and I would do that again, if necessary.)
"Would you care to explain what is written in your file, Deb?", I tilted my head. She keeps staring at the file, so I reach with my hand to open it when she stops my hand with her own. "Don't!Just leave it." I look at her darkly and she knows that it's all on the table, and that I won't let her get away from this. "It says something interesting,since you don't want me to open it. Could that be some important thing you didn't confess me? I guess that makes you a liar,Debra, doesn't it?"
She squezees her eyes, and shakes her had again."It wasn't like that, it wasn' , …stop. "I want to hear those words from her mouth, so I push the subject further,ignoring her pleading eyes. "What was it like, then?", I cut out every word sharply,and then after few moments in silence I suddenly raise my voice "What is in the file,Debra?" "I-I-I think I'm in love with you.", she says, surrendering.
Instead of feeling of victory for finally getting the upper hand after a long time nausea returns and it hits me harder this time. How could she? I was supposed to be her brother,Harry taught her that I am her brother. I clearly remember being jelaous of every of her boyfriend (this realisation strike upon me when she said she could have D. Q. initials….). But that doesn't mean I'm in love with her, because it's a normal thing for brothers to be jalous and overprotective. No,I wasn't in love with her.I'm not in love with her. "That is crazy idea. We were raised like brother and sister, remember?You were not supposed to feel those kind of things. And, you were supposed to tell me that earlier, before all of those fights we had about me lying to you, Debra. Because this makes us both liars makes all of your efforts to help me useless, since you're the one that's being dishonest for quite some time now" "I know…I tried to… tell you…I tried to fight it.",she starts loosing her is on the edge with all of this, despertly trying to collect herself and explain everything to me, and failing miserably in those attemps. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for not telling you. You should have known, you had every right to. But when I came into church to talk about this you were busy with….all that Travis shit and…Later, there was no time…no oportunity to compose my thoughts…I … when I saw you with Hannah it…She triggered it again and…I'm sorry,Dex." I consider just how wrong this is, how wrong her feelings are. So I look at her, and she must have guessed my thoughts since she turns around and takes her car keys. "I need to clear my head.", she says, keeping herself from looking my way. "!Where do you think you're going? This conversation isn't over! After living our entire life as siblings, now you're telling me you're in love with me?! After attacking me because of my secretes, now you're running away after I just unraveled your?It won't do, Deb. Leave those keys, and get back here.Now." There is such level of venom injected in my words, that she flinches and takes step back. This is the first time after awhile I see her terrified of me, and it gives me the feeling of power. The problem is I don't know where I'm going with all of this. What solution can I think of? This is more then shock to me, and it's ceirtanly far more worse for her. "Talking about sickness, sis. I think this is sick and far from normal." Then it happens, I almost can feel something breaking in her as she takes in one sharp breath and gets out of her house as fast as she can. I wait for a second, thinking what I should do, and then quickly come after her. I try stoping her, but she slaps of my hand and says something muffled like "Fuck you", but I just ignore her and pull her in hug until she stops trashing .When I look up, her eyes are wet, but she calmly asks me to let her go. I do as she asked me, and Deb gets in her car and drives off.