|No Turning Back
Author: shulesaddict77 PM
An accident finally brings all the suppressed feelings to the surface.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Harvey S. & Donna - Chapters: 8 - Words: 27,941 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 01-15-13 - Published: 10-20-12 - id: 8627245
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Until last Saturday I completely forgot that I wanted to check this show out until a friend on LJ posted something about it and one week later I'm already through all episodes and totally addicted to Harvey Specter. I love this show. The dialogs are fantastic and the 'chemistry' between all actors is amazing. One of the best TV shows I've ever seen. So, of course, my muse couldn't shut up and since I'm a hopeless romantic it's a story about Harvey and Donna. I love their bickering. And yes, I ship them. I think they are perfect for each other. Enjoy!
"No, Harvey. I'm not gonna have a drink with you." Donna sighed heavily.
"What if I tell you it's work-related." Harvey replied.
"It isn't." Donna stated firmly. "You just want to celebrate and you don't want to do it alone."
"Come on!" Harvey almost whined. "Don't tell me you don't feel like celebrating."
"Oh, I'm gonna celebrate. At home." Harvey cocked one eye brow and Donna shook her head slightly. "Alone!"
"Donna?" Harvey said, his voice taking on a pleading tone.
"What about you just take your phone and scroll through your address book. I'm sure you will find someone who is willing to spend the evening with you." Donna told him. "She might even spend the night."
"What if I want to spend the evening with you?"
"Harvey Specter!" Donna exclaimed exasperatedly, picking up his phone from his desk and shoving it into his hand. "Just call someone."
"I can't believe you talked me into it." Donna exclaimed, taking a huge gulp of the margarita in front of her.
"I'm very charming." Harvey replied smugly, reaching for his glass of scotch.
"Yeah, I know that." Donna replied. "Which means I shouldn't have fallen for it."
"Ohhh, you've fallen for me a long time ago." Harvey smiled but the smile dropped off his face when he looked at Donna's face, her mouth closed around the straw, frozen into place.
He didn't want to bring it up. Most of the times he didn't think about it. About the time when she told him that there could never be anything else than friendship between them, that sex would ruin everything.
"Harvey!" Donna put a hand on his chest as he leaned closer. "Don't."
Donna felt the butterflies fluttering in her stomach as he gave her one of his irresistible smiles which always made her stomach clench. But she never acted on the desire that flooded her system every time she let her guard down and she wouldn't start now. "Stop smiling at me like that."
"Why?" Harvey asked with a hoarse voice, lifting his hand to put it over hers.
"Don't use your charm on me, Harvey." Donna replied, pulling her hand away. "It's not gonna work."
"I knew it was a bad idea to have a drink with you."
Donna grabbed her purse and stood up but Harvey had anticipated her move and when she turned around to walk out of the bar she smacked right into him. His cologne assaulted her senses, her fingers curled over his stomach and for a brief second she closed her eyes, wishing she could just take him home with her without thinking about the consequences.
"Let me go, Harvey." Donna whispered, pushing herself away from his body.
"What if I don't want to let you go." Harvey replied, his breath brushing over her skin.
"We talked about it." Donna said firmly, stepping away from him. "We agreed it would be a bad idea. There is too much at stake."
Harvey looked at her for a few seconds before he smiled sadly. "You're right. We shouldn't risk it."
His eyes never left her until the door closed behind her. He knew she was right but it didn't mean that he didn't wish they could just act on their feelings.
Harvey preferred the silence of the office at this late hour. It was three in the morning and he'd come here to think. He couldn't stay at the hospital any longer. The waiting had almost driven him crazy. So he'd called Ray and came here.
When he heard footsteps in the corridor he didn't turn around. He knew there was only one person who would come to the office at this hour. Only one person knew he would come here.
"Rachel called me." Donna said quietly the moment she entered the room. "Are you okay?"
"His stupid helmet couldn't protect him when the cab ran him over."
"How bad is it?"
He was staring out of the office windows, trying to keep his emotions in check, a sad smile tugging at the corner of his lips when he remembered his conversation with Mike about not having emotions but using them. He would have preferred if the accident hadn't caused his emotions to come to the surface. He'd never been good at dealing with emotions so he decided a long time ago to just ignore them. But it didn't work this time.
Donna stepped closer, sitting down on the edge of his desk, turning his chair around and he looked up into her face, showing her for a brief second how scared he was about Mike before he clouded his emotions with his defense mechanism number one. Humor.
"What? No remarks about getting me a tissue or a glass of water. Maybe I need a tampon ..."
Donna leaned forward and put a finger over his lips, stopping him in mid-sentence. "No. No tissues."
Harvey might be able to let people believe that he cared only about himself but she knew him better. She could see it in his eyes how much he struggled with the fear about Mike's life. Her fingers trailed over his cheek and Harvey closed his eyes for a second leaning into the touch. He didn't care if he showed her his vulnerability. After all it was Donna. He didn't need to hide anything from her.
"He's pig-headed. He is gonna make it." Donna said firmly. She didn't want to even think about the possibility that Mike wouldn't pull through.
"Hopefully." Harvey spoke quietly, gulping hard.
Donna gave him a reassuring smile, wanting to withdraw her hand but something suddenly shifted in Harvey's eyes and her breath caught in her throat. They were getting into dangerous territory. She had a weakness for his soft side and she couldn't handle it right now. Not without crossing the line and she had promised herself she would never do it. She was afraid of the outcome, afraid of losing him.
Donna straightened herself and let her hand drop off his face but Harvey grabbed her arm, holding her in place, his eyes boring into hers.
"Don't go, Donna." Harvey tightened his grip around her arm. "Please."
"Go home, Harvey." Donna said quietly, pulling his hand gently away from her arm. "Try to get some sleep and you can visit him tomorrow."
As she walked towards the door, Harvey jumped out of his chair, hurrying after her and when he reached her, he swirled her around, pressing her against the glass wall, his fingers digging almost painfully into her arms. "I need you, Donna."
"You don't need me, Harvey." Donna stared at his chest directly in front of her face. She knew if she would look up she wouldn't be able to say no to him. If she looked him in the eyes she wouldn't be able to resist kissing him. "Not for that. You just think you do."
"Donna?" Harvey pulled her chin up and Donna closed her eyes, wishing she could close her ears too, his hoarse voice drifting to her ears. "You're wrong. I need you."
Donna's eyes shot open as she felt his breath against her cheek and she stared at his face only a few inches away, her eyes fluttering shut again when his lips pressed against hers, his breath brushing over her as he whispered. "I need you."
Harvey trailed his fingers along her neck, burying his hands in her hair as he let his tongue trail along her lips. He didn't want to force himself on her. If she wanted out he would let her go but his whole body was tense, waiting for her reaction. He wanted to deepen the kiss but she was the one who needed to make the next step.
Donna's knees almost gave out under her as his hands caressed the skin of her neck and she suppressed a moan as she felt his tongue against her lips. She wanted to resist him. She really wanted to stay strong. But she couldn't. Her hands moved up his chest and she pulled his head further down, opening her mouth for him.
A sigh escaped his throat when he felt her body pressing into his, when her fingers trailed through the hair at the nape of his neck. He felt the desire to plunder her mouth but instead he held himself back, kissing her slowly. He wanted to savor every second of it.
The tenderness of his kiss almost brought tears to her eyes. When he released her lips, she could only stand there completely dazzled. Her brain had stopped functioning the moment he started kissing her.
"Will you come with me?" Harvey brushed a finger over her lips, his eyes never leaving hers as he waited for an answer.
And all Donna could manage was giving him a curt nod before he intertwined his fingers with hers, leading her towards the elevators. The point of no return had definitely been crossed.
They were standing in the elevator, almost touching, both staring straight ahead and Harvey asked himself if she already regretted that she let him kiss her in the office. He didn't want her to regret anything, so he cleared his throat and turned around to face her.
"Do you wanna go back?"
Donna didn't answer immediately and she waited a few seconds before she turned to look him in the face. The elevator pinged and they stared each other in the eyes, neither of them saying a word but when the elevator doors started to close again Donna stepped forward and blocked them with her hand.
"No, Harvey. It's too late for that." She stretched out her hand and waited for him to take it before she continued. "We've crossed the line the moment you kissed me and you know it."
When she pulled him into his apartment he suddenly felt uncomfortable, the heaviness of the situation was overwhelming him and he stepped away from her, pulling his hand out of her grip.
"Can I get you a drink?" Harvey said over his shoulder, not able to look her in the eyes.
"What about you?" Donna asked softly.
"I definitely need a drink." Harvey replied, deliberately misunderstanding her question.
"That's not what I meant." Harvey shot her a short glance before he walked into his kitchen to get some glasses and Donna followed him, leaning against the fridge. "Do you wanna go back?"
Harvey put the glasses carefully down on the counter, shutting the door of the cabinet. He didn't turn around to her as he pressed his hands firmly on the counter. Donna could see his muscles tense and she stepped closer, putting her hand between his shoulder blades. "Do you?"
Harvey took in a deep breath before he answered her. "I've never done this before."
"Don't tell me you've never brought a woman home with you. Because I know you did."
Harvey chuckled, turning finally around to her. He lifted a hand and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and Donna raised her hand, trailing her fingers over the lines in his face, feeling the stubble under her fingers. When he didn't say anything else and just stared into her eyes, she raised up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth.
"So what have you never done before?" Donna whispered against his lips and Harvey buried his hands in her hair, tilting her head and trailed his lips over hers, barely touching them.
"You've never kissed a woman before?" Donna asked incredulously. "Harvey, are you trying to insult me?"
"Why are you making it so hard?" Harvey replied, resting his forehead against hers.
"I'm not making it hard."
"Oh, believe me. You are making it hard in so many ways." He shifted slightly and let her feel exactly how hard she was making it.
"You are not going to hide behind dirty jokes, Harvey. Not now. Not with me."
"You want me to say it." Harvey said quietly, knowing exactly what she wanted to hear from him.
"I don't even know what you want to say."
"I think you do."
"Maybe. So this is your first time?"
"Hardly." Donna only raised one eye brow, leaning back in his arms to look him in the eyes and Harvey had to smile as he saw her knowing look. "Okay. I'll say it."
"Is it that hard to admit?" Donna asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Donna, I've never done it before and I never said it before." Harvey replied huskily. "You are the only woman I ever wanted to say it to."
"Okay!" Donna said quietly, trailing her fingers over his tie, tugging him closer. "Then just say it."
"This is going to be the first time ..." Harvey stopped, taking in a deep breath. "I can't even give you a number. And that's not me being cocky. I really don't know how many women I've already had."
"Way to seduce a woman!" Donna said sarcastically. "Telling her about your conquests."
"Would you just shut up?"
"As I said, I had sex countless times but I never and I really mean never did make … love." Harvey said, not breaking eye contact with her. He wanted to show her that he was telling the truth.
"Just for clarification's sake." Donna said. "You want to make love to me?"
"Why?" Donna asked calmly and Harvey looked down at her surprised before he replied. "You wanna know why? I think it's obvious that I want you."
"I'm not talking about that, Harvey."
"Are you trying to kill me?" Harvey asked, furrowing his brows.
"I want to hear it, Harvey." Donna told him. "I'm not climbing into bed with you without hearing you say the words."
"What about you say them first?"
"What makes you think I want to say anything?"
"You don't want to say anything?" Harvey asked, staring down at her without hiding anything.
"Don't look at me like that." Donna said, trying to push herself away from him but he just tightened his grip, pressing her further into his body.
"How do I look at you?"
"You are showing me your vulnerability." Donna whispered. "You know that you are not playing fair."
"Everything is allowed in love and war." Harvey countered.
"In love and war?"
"You are not going to say it first, are you?"
"Nope. You go first."
"Okay." Harvey stepped back, putting some space between them. "I'm looking at you like that because you are the only woman I can show my vulnerability. Because you are the only woman I trust completely."
"If it's possible ..." Harvey averted his gaze, arguing with himself if he should tell her. But he knew he needed to tell her, so he gritted his teeth, saying quietly. "Could you please not break my heart?"
"I can break your heart?" Donna asked, the disbelief clearly evident in her voice.
"Damn it, Donna." Harvey swirled around suddenly furious. "Stop acting as if you don't know how much you mean to me. I wasn't joking when I told you that I can't be me without you. I can't imagine a life without you. So do you want a trophy?"
"A trophy?" Donna said surprised. "For what?"
"Breaking the infamous Harvey Specter."
"I don't need a trophy." Donna stepped into his arms, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I just need you. And your heart."
"You have it." Harvey mumbled into her hair. "Both."
They stood there for a few minutes without saying anything and as Donna shifted in his arms, Harvey knew he didn't want to go back. He couldn't go back. Leaning back, he put a finger under her chin and pulled it gently up until her eyes met his. Gone were all his defenses, he didn't hide anything, letting her look right into his soul, his next words barely audible. "I love you, Donna."
When she didn't say anything right away he pulled her back, narrowing his eyes and he started to turn his head but Donna stopped him with her hand. "Don't, Harvey. Do not pull up your walls again."
"You don't leave me any other choice, Donna."
"It's not easy for me either." Donna replied softly.
"Is it just hard to say it or are you just not feeling the same way?" Harvey asked.
"What makes you think that I'm not feeling the same way?"
"You told me that you are not in love with me." Harvey said, stepping out of their embrace. "Maybe I should have remembered that before I kissed you."
"So now you have regrets?"
"If you don't feel … this was probably a bad idea." Harvey replied as he turned around and walked away.
"Harvey Specter, you are not walking out on me." Harvey stopped, his hand buried in the pockets of his pants but he didn't turn around to face her.
"Look at me!" Donna said urgently but when he didn't react she almost shouted. "Look at me!"
She didn't say another word. She waited patiently for him to turn around and it took a few more seconds until he lifted his head to look her in the eyes. A small sigh escaped her throat when she saw that he was not hiding anything from her. His eyes were showing her exactly that she was holding his heart in her hands and she would not hurt it. Taking in a deep breath, she took the two steps until she was standing directly in front of him, lifting her hand to press it directly over his heart. "I lied."
"Didn't sound like a lie to me." Harvey replied, his voice filled with hurt.
"Because I believed it myself when I said it." Donna tried to explain.
"Now I know it was a lie. I wanted to convince us both."
"So do you wanna hear the truth now?"
"Yeah, I would like to hear the truth."
"Harvey Specter, ..." Donna paused and smiled up at him, wrapping her hands around his neck. "I love you."
"Like a brother?"
"That would make this incest." Donna replied, smiling up at him but when he didn't return her smile she added softly. "No, not like a brother. I'm in love with you. Satisfied?"
"Almost." Harvey said, before he leaned down, engaging her in a toe-curling kiss.
When they needed to come up for air, Donna leaned her head against his neck and whispered hoarsely. "Since we got that out of the way, can we get to the good part?"
"The good part?"
"You. Me. A bed."
"What do you need a bed for?" Harvey asked and she could feel his smile against her forehead.
"We don't want you to throw your back out by trying to impress me."
"Oh, I can impress you just fine in bed." Harvey replied, pulling her head back to look into her face.
"Prove it." Donna said, giving him a mischievous grin.
When Harvey entered the kitchen the next morning, Donna was standing at his stove in one of his boxers shorts and one of his shirts, the sleeves rolled up so that they didn't get in her way. When she heard him move behind her she turned around and smiled at him.
"Good morning." Harvey replied.
"I already talked to Jessica. She gave us both a week off. Rachel said Mike's condition is the same than yesterday. We came up with a schedule so that he is never gonna be alone. Rachel is taking the first shift." Donna explained, stirring the eggs in the pan before she emptied the pan on two plates, putting them on the counter right next to Harvey.
When she looked up at him again, she registered his clothes for the first time. "You can go back and change. You are not going into the office today. Mike didn't need you to wear a suit when you are sitting by his bed side."
Harvey was speechless. As always she had everything under control, knowing exactly what he needed and his chest tightened when she poured him a cup of coffee, putting it into his hand. He closed his eyes when she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek.
"Do you need some bacon? I can make you ..."
"Move in with me." Harvey interrupted her, not knowing what had gotten into him. But the moment the words were out of his mouth he knew it was exactly what he wanted.
"Excuse me?" Donna had stopped on her way back to the stove and she turned around slowly, her eyes wide with surprise.
"Move in with me." Harvey repeated.
"Good joke, Harvey."
"We are already married for eight years." Harvey shot her a cocky smile before his face turned all serious. "It's about time we are sharing the same apartment."
"You are serious!" Donna stated surprised, seeing the truth in his eyes.
"Is it that bad to want you around me 24/7?" Harvey asked.
"We would kill each other."
"But the make-up sex would be fantastic."
"We haven't even talked about the whole thing."
"What is there to talk about?"
"Well, let me think." Donna tapped her finger against her mouth. "Hmmm, first you are my boss. Second, … you are my boss. And third ..."
"I am your boss." Harvey finished her sentence with a big grin on his face.
"Didn't stop you from having sex with me all night."
"Lapse of judgment." Donna retaliated.
"Yeah, sure." Harvey stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her waist, letting his lips trail along her neck, licking and sucking his way up to her chin. "You look so much better in my shirts than I."
"Are you trying to seduce me?" Donna asked breathlessly.
"Is it working?"
"We don't have time for another round."
Harvey pressed a last kiss against her neck before he stepped back. "I know."
Donna turned around and her heart hurt as she saw the worry in his eyes. For a few minutes he had forgotten about Mike's situation but it was all back now and he was worried sick that he wouldn't make it. "He is going to wake up. You know he will."
"Donna, I ..." Harvey trailed off, balling his hands into fists beside his body. "I need him to wake up."
"Then you will just tell him that when you see him, okay? You know people could hear you even if they are in a coma."
"Are you sure he wants to hear me?"
"Harvey, he adores you." Donna stepped closer, pulling his head towards her. "He loves you. Of course he wants to hear you."
"I just wished he would have any family left." Harvey said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
"He has family, Harvey." Donna said. "You are his family. I am his family. You don't have to be blood-related to be family. You of all people should know that."
"I know what it means to be alone."
"Harvey, since the day we've met you've never been alone. I hope you know that."
"The day we've met was the best day of my life." Harvey told her, his hands cupping her face.
"Mine too." Donna said, barely above a whisper.
"Can we see the kid now?" Harvey asked, his fingers brushing over her cheeks.
"Of course." Donna replied, giving him a brief kiss before she stepped out of his embrace. "Just eat up your breakfast and we can go."
"Oh, and Donna?" Harvey said as he grabbed the plate and a fork.
"Will you at least think about it?"
"About moving in with you?" When Harvey only nodded Donna smiled slightly before she replied. "I promise I will think about it."
I have a crazy work schedule lately and hardly find any time to write but my muse is already 'writing' the continuation for this story and I rarely have a chance against her because she can be very persistent. I can't promise when I'm gonna be able to continue it but please leave me a review and tell me what you think and I'll see what I can do. :-)